Ghost in the Machine said:
Sorry to reply to you yet again, but the answer to this may be to make it real within yourself. I’ve often run into this when even though I am consciously accepting of it, there still some kind of emotional blockage or subconscious. I don’t know who that is, but if you’re confident it’s one of our Gods a higher level of contact can be cut with them due to inner doubt. The second thing that can cause this is a more macro scale psychic attack. There have been sudden breeches in communication at times that happen for not just me. Last night I was feeling great and had clear lines of communication. Attacks can also happen more at certain periods of advancement, doubts and sudden struggles and setbacks. These can also be very major and learning the hard way, at this point it’s best to do heavy RTR’s and pace yourself. I’ve experienced the most attacks when working on the crown and once that passed, the heart. If you’re working on these things right now, be patient and pace yourself.
One thing Asmodeus very clearly told me is that no matter what I do or where I go, or how closed off I ever may be, never to deny the Gods very real presence or my own souls existence and capability.
In the beginning phases of my working with Him, he appeared sad as well. 8 years ago. Since I’ve grown, the tone of things have changed drastically. This is also a reflection of our own beings state, which CAN fluctuate. Each time there was communication, I was very confused about the reason for the sadness and questioned how I could possibly make a God sad. This was more of a message and had a reason, in part I was too emotionally closed off with not enough reciprocation. I doubted my worthiness. The Gods get sad and they have very powerful and personal emotions but at the same time they do not take it too personally. He told me he didn’t mind at the same time, and didn’t mind taking time. We can block off the Gods from ourselves by our own openness and readiness. Try not to look into it too far, and try not to take it too personally as difficult as that sounds. Perhaps this God/Goddess was seeking an emotion from you.
When I’m too closed off, if a God/Goddess appears to me feelings of unworthiness can resurface and doubts. In the beginning phases of making a connection with one, more attacks are also present.
I was going through the list of Gods on JoS and paying each one mental respects and honors. It stopped at Raum and He came and he said he understood the reasons for what I desired to resolve. I suddenly blocked myself off by not wanting to ask for such a thing, and realized that what I was asking was a big deal. Instead of allowing him in and directly asking for what I wanted, I immediately jumped to ways I could ever repay it and stopped wanting to ask. Started finding ways to convince myself that I don’t actually want resolution and I should just let it be, and accept the sadness. I felt from him that what he would do would be out of love, and that I should allow that love through and feel that and whatever comes of that love and appreciation is the reciprocation. When I love and appreciate, naturally what follows is reciprocation. This stifling blocked off the communication and I couldn’t feel him anymore, and now I’ve got to wait for the right time again if it comes or do a proper ritual and just ask. I hate asking for things that deal in my personal physical world problems and I’m realizing that I have been expecting that when something is going on if I’m deserving of it the situation will just be magically fixed by either my own power or one of the Gods that would like to help. I’m starting to see this “if they want to help, they will, I don’t want to bother” is wrong. Sometimes I think I’ve got to stand up and take initiative in at least asking.
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