I'll never be able to forgive that disgusting piece of shit that siatris calls his friend if it's really who I think he means, even if he might already be dead. If I'm allowed to, then I will explain why.
Last year I was struggling very much in my relationship with my partner. The void inside felt ever deeper the more spiritually aware I became, and we didn't know how to have sex astrally yet, so I didn't know any way to fill it up. That's when I happened to get in contact with the owner of some Discord server "for Spiritual Satanists" (which I know now is extremely shady and should be avoided, but that's how I got introduced to JoS, so I didn't know any better and thought he was trustworthy). We both had a rather similar secret: we wanted to be something we're not, and liked to pretend that we already were. My secret was that I wanted to become female, and his secret was that he wanted to become a Gentile. We were definitely on the same wavelength in a sense, which was immediately apparent as we could effortlessly read each other's innermost feelings and even occasionally hear each other's conscious thoughts, even though we were merely chatting over the internet. As we talked to each other even in our dreams, we ended up convincing each other that we were fated to be together, broke up with our partners, and started dating each other instead. He actually lived rather close too.
I noticed right away that he was struggling with very deeply rooted self-esteem issues, and I had been doing some experiments with ripping energy out of others at the time (I don't do that stuff anymore as it seriously messes with my sense of self, but I was interested in it at the time since I wondered if that could fill the hole inside of me), so I would "eat" his doubts and fears in an attempt to help him. As he became fearless, reckless and overconfident, he began to get delusions of grandeur beyond any scale I ever saw before, and since I saw and felt the contents of his mind directly myself as well through our connection, I was deeply impressed and wanted to help and support him even more, so that he could become the emperor that he felt he was supposed to be all along. Meanwhile, I became unable to clean my aura anymore as I was too infested with vile jewish filth from spending every day ripping out and absorbing the negative energies that I felt were holding him back (it was painful for me each time, but I felt like I should bear with it for his sake), so I began to rip positive energies out of his enemies in order to compensate and make me feel relatively good and healthy despite the filth, although this eroded my sense of self even further and I started to hear intrusive voices in my head. For some reason, my spine was also searing hot around that time to the point of it feeling physically painful, and I figured that had something to do with my Serpent, so like the naive fool I was, I tried to force it up, as I wanted more power immediately so that I could be more useful to him. That made everything much worse.
He would see "goddesses" in his mind that would tell him all sorts of crazy stories about who he is really meant to be and encourage him further into insanity, and I could see and hear them as well, although in hindsight it's blatantly obvious now that they were enemy entities. But at the time, what this meant is that we would both always receive the exact same delusions astrally, to the point that we were both able to confirm that we got the same message, even a hundred times in a row. I realise now that this likely happened because I was rather deeply connected to him at that point and thus sensing the same things as him, but at the time, we instead thought this was a sign that these things were actually all real; I mean, if it's not real, how could we always hear the same things with such accuracy? But despite the "accuracy", all of it was, in fact, false.
At some point, he decided to create a cult consisting of me, him, and 7 SS from the now infamous Turkish SS Discord server. He felt like HP Hoodedcobra was failing to see important truths, and therefore he wanted to create his own "Satanic" religion instead; with him at the top as the true heir of the universe, although only he and I knew about that last little detail. My mind was so full of foreign voices at that point that I could hardly think for myself anymore, and simply followed instructions from him as well as the voices, which involved me creating thoughtforms and getting others to vibrate their names in an attempt to link their minds together to encourage social cohesion in the cult. He would tell people with great emotion about their "tragic backstories" from their past lives to gaslight them and get them invested more deeply and instil a sense of unity, and I would participate in that as well to further encourage people to believe those things. I believed anything he said or thought anyway (as did he believe anything I said), so I didn't realise at the time how wrong and false it all was.
I'm not sure what triggered it, but one day when I was draining the negative energy out of him like usual so that he wouldn't get distracted by negative thoughts, I suddenly noticed that it seemed as thought his entire being was made up of filthy, disgusting, enemy filth beneath the surface. I didn't make the connection mentally at the time that that was because of his jewish genes, and thought it was some horrible attack against him and that I had to save him. Even as the voices in my head were screaming at me to stop, I painstakingly ripped all of it out of him, absorbing it directly into my own being even as I nearly passed out from the excruciating pain, since it was too much for me to dispose of it safely. Later that evening, he told me he suddenly realised everything we believed was false and that the Gods hated him and wanted him dead for being a jew, and he disbanded the cult while blaming everything that happened on me, as if he was just an innocent Gentile man that was tricked into all of this.
I couldn't sleep from the nightmares as the voices wouldn't stop, and that's when I reached out to Father Satan. Focusing on Him intensely made my mind calm down, and the voices gradually stopped. My body was still in immense pain from my horrible abuse of psychic abilities and all the jewish filth I absorbed, and I hardly even remembered who I even was, but my partner reached out to me, and thanks to him I was able to remember who I was, and realised how much I hated that jewish scumbag. That's when I began to return all of the energy I drained over the course of months back to him, programmed as a death curse, which simultaneously helped me as my own energy became cleaner again. He disappeared from the internet back then, and I suspect he might be dead by now as I can no longer sense his existence, although I have no actual confirmation of that. But even if he really is dead, it's not enough for me. I realise now that the problem wasn't him as an individual, but the very essence of what he really was despite his attempts to pretend. Unless that disgusting, filthy, despicable jewish essence is erased from this entire world, I will never truly be able to rest at peace. That's why I fight.
I feel too ashamed to even assume that the Gods might forgive my mistakes. But for saving my life, I hail Satan. I considered taking my own life to atone, but if I do that then I can't get my vengeance against the disgusting filth that still haunts this world. Therefore, I've decided that I will still trudge onwards until I can't anymore. I feel that I can never atone for my mistakes, but I can at least inform people about the wonders of Satanism in a safe way, and fight back against the filth I hate so much. That's enough for me.