jrvan said:
Meteor said:
You're lying about me. How did you come to assume that I am or was transgender? I'm not, and I never was. I have always presented in society as my true biological gender which is male. Nor did I come even close to becoming transsexual. Where did you get all of this from? It's not true at all. Tabby doesn't have insecurity over me doing that or anything like that. This is pure fantasy and never happened.
It wasn't my intention to lie; I just misunderstood what you meant when you said a while ago that you struggled really hard with transgender confusion and desires while growing up. Because of what you wrote, combined with the strong opinions you voiced about it later, I thought maybe it scared you that even a normal guy like you could feel that way due to the problems in society, and that that might be the reason why you want it to be impossible for people to do these things. Here's the post that got me confused:
jrvan said:
I struggled with transgender confusion and desires really hard growing up. I'm pretty sure part of it was energetic influence from the jewish filth I had for a friend at one point, and he was also wanting to be a female so that would certainly make sense. I think the reason I was so prone to the influence was because I wasn't allowed to be a male. Every time I tried being myself and exhibiting my masculine traits in the home, I'd get shut down and receive disapproval from all the females. I was the only male in the family unit at that point so I didn't have a father figure, no male support, and I didn't know how to make friends or socialize. Nobody taught me anything, and I was heavily medicated from a young age until i became an adult and took myself off of it. Thank you by the way for speaking on that, it feels very vindicating and justifying to hear echoed what I have thought all along that ADHD was just a brand placed on kids to essentially mark them as kids (high energy). They used all kinds of those branding irons on me. First I was schizophrenic at age 5, then PPD-NOS. Then I was an aspie, then autistic. Psychiatrist crooks didn't know what they were talking about, but they got paid to fuck up my life. I could have been learning life skills, making friends, growing a functioning brain, but instead I was zombified by doses of medications that aren't even appropriate for children.
I really appreciate this post. You nailed all of it perfectly.
Thank you for clarifying what you meant, I understand now.
After bringing up eugenics, Jack stated the following:
Jack said:
The intersex ,hermaphrodite and other genetically disordered people can simply be aborted after looking at the fetus, making sure those kinds of people aren't even born in this world period.
The above actually has nothing to do with eugenics, but it is what he wrote regardless. He doubled down when I asked him about it, saying I could just reincarnate in a female body instead then; which seemed good to me at first, but then I realised that might not work for me after all, since I would lack some of the things that make me who I am. I realised that what he was saying, really was equivalent to eradicating me in the future for no reason.
Later in this thread, you said you were in support of eugenics. So am I. But I assumed you mentioned it because Jack brought it up, making it seem as though you agreed with Jack. If you agreed with Jack, then that would mean that you also wanted to eradicate me in the future for no reason. When I asked about it, you said that no one wants to eradicate me, but you didn't clarify what you actually meant by eugenics in this context, or if you disagreed with Jack's false definition of it.
I hope you know what it really means to make someone your enemy. It's not a passive thing. It means you'll be fighting against me and seeking my destruction. If you make me your enemy then you will have the Gods to answer to. That's not wise, and I don't suggest that course of action.
I believe in seeking the destruction of those who seek to destroy me; hence why I fight our common enemies. And likewise, if you succeeded in destroying me, you would also have the Gods to answer to; but by then it might already be too late for me. As I said, I don't want you to be my enemy, and I know I would be at a disadvantage; but I can't concede my existence without putting up a fight. That would go against what I believe in. That's why I wanted you to state clearly that you didn't mean the same things Jack did, in other words, to say that you don't seek my destruction after all; meaning that seeking yours too, isn't the only logical conclusion.
You're correct that you would still be my brother even if I disliked you, although I don't dislike you. In fact, I still like you. I said "liked" in the past tense regarding you, because I believe out of principle I shouldn't like my enemies (a.k.a. those who seek my destruction). Until this matter was cleared up, I couldn't have forgiven myself if I admitted that I actually like you. I wanted you to understand the implications of agreeing with Jack, but the correct answer is indeed that you can agree with eugenics without agreeing with Jack's "let's abort intersex fetuses" brand of "eugenics". But that raises the question: why did you bring it up in this context?
As you said, I could've just thought about it more, and realised that wasn't really what you meant, and been more polite to you rather than saying such cold and needlessly gruesome things. However, I have a tendency to mirror people. As such, it only made sense to me to unintentionally say something that would make you feel like I seek your destruction, and like you can't trust me anymore.
Is it wrong to do so just because you didn't really mean it, just like I didn't really mean it either? Rather than waiting for my emotions to subside so that I can be all buddy buddy with you without ever letting you know how I felt, isn't it better if we understand how the other person feels? I wanted you to feel it... but now I regret hurting your feelings. Why do I keep doing this? I'm sorry.
You're saying that you can't even scream to save your own soul if your situation is that desperate? You're just going to wait around and hope that the trannies do it for you? That's called helplessness.
Of course I was helpless. I had been ever since the church showed up.
Because puberty affects me differently from most people, I inevitably caused sexual confusion for the people around me. Some people thought this was a valid reason to do horrible things to me. And because of xian hypocrisy, this was then blamed on me.
When a person's entire community turns on them, they are helpless. It happened more than once. Of course I screamed and struggled. Do you think that invites mercy in these... monsters? No, clearly I must be possessed, or the spawn of the "devil", right?
Is it wrong to show this insecurity to you? I've really come a long way in healing from it, but things like this remind me how sensitive I still am. For once, to find out there are other people who want the same things I do (even if many of them are more than a bit weird), and that I can have the things I always wanted if I seek help... how could I not appreciate that?
No one deserves to be saved; but I'm glad that I was. I think it was fine for me to depend on others for once. Who can live completely on their own, without relying on his or her environment? I believe it's okay for people to rely on each other if they need to.
A study showed that only about 1 in 10 people with gender dysphoria have an unusual amount of chromosomes. Assuming about another 1 in 10 has some other intersex mutation which isn't visible in the number of chromosomes, that would imply 80% are doing these things for other reasons, such as psychological ones. The notion that only about 20% of them is legitimate in some way seemed ridiculous to me, which is why I thought I should stand up for the remaining 80% as well. Their very existence gave me hope when I felt lost and beaten down by my karma, and I wanted to return that favour.
However, now that I think about it... Could that be the reason why about 80% of transsexuals seem so delusional to me even if their physical appearance looks convincing, why their energy feels like their birth sex, and why many don't actually want to have surgery, suggesting they're doing it mainly for social reasons, rather than that their body genuinely feels so wrong that it's almost unbearable?
There are actually different types of surgery available. A type which allows for sex, which is what I want, and a type which is purely cosmetic (without any depth). I never really stopped to think about it, but if there are people who go with the latter type and say they "don't regret it"... aren't they fucking insane, destroying their own sexuality and not even regretting it at all? That's actually sickening...
Perhaps if people who are very spiritually adept help with the screening process like you suggested, or if brain scans become advanced and detailed enough to tell the difference, that would finally put an end to all this confusion and insanity.
Bring awareness on your own instead of piggybacking off those people. Goodness...
That's part of the reason why I opened up about all of this. It sounded as thought you and Tabby didn't realise there was anyone at all who benefited from these treatments. Isn't it clearer now that I've shared my perspective, though?
Be realistic. You're the one being cruel here by ramming your head against eugenics as if it's such an evil. Why don't you want humanity to advance and be healthier?
I don't think eugenics is evil at all. I want everyone to make themselves useful to society in some way; if they can't because of their severe genetic disadvantages, and don't have any relatives who are willing to look after them, then the logical conclusion is that they starve to death. This is inhumane, so euthanasia is a far more sensible option.
People sometimes try to make it sound like the Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei was evil for engaging in this for a few years when resources were scarce during the war. However, it was actually the parents and orphanages themselves that
requested euthanasia for their children. Considering the alternative was to leave them to starve so that the parents could survive, this was only a kind way to let them go.
I think when it comes down to it, it's only the mentally ill and those with a saviour complex that would even consider having children with someone who is severely deformed or retarded. Downbreeding will likely disappear on its own as people in society become mentally healthier and make better decisions. Just like in NS Germany, the parents should be the ones to decide whether or not they want to carry the burden of a child that will never amount to anything. I wouldn't blame them if they would rather not.
I'm still your brother because we're all blood bonded together. That won't change, and you can't just conveniently decide that I'm not your brother anymore because you don't like me. Anymore than I can decide that Jack and SWG aren't my brothers anymore because of how much they pissed me off. They're still my brothers, and we're still fighting this war together regardless of what I think of them.
Technically you're right that siblings can seek each other's destruction as well, but I thought it was unhealthy to think about it that way. But I'm glad that's not the case here. It seems that you didn't agree with Jack in the first place, and it's also possible that Jack just has a very bad wording problem, and didn't actually mean what he said.
Your insecurity is consuming you. How much more proof do you need to experience before you can relax and know that you're accepted here? Even Jack and SWG responded in a supportive way about your condition. What does that tell you? You're the only one not allowing yourself to feel welcome at this point. You're the one blowing this up out of proportion, and making tiny things into big things.
...
You're talking about discarding friendship with me over this because of misunderstandings, and pointlessly projecting yourself on transsexuals. You're not them, and you and other intersex individuals have nothing to do with transsexuals. How many times do I have to say it? You don't belong in their camp. But now you've acted as a big protective fortress in front of them so I'm sure the enemy subverters who are trying to gain a foothold really love you right now. You're turning on your own, and even threatening to make me your enemy. Stop with this foolishness.
Friendship with you? You consider me a friend, rather than just a stranger on the internet? That's rather friendly of you. I wondered if it was just me that felt that way, but maybe it's actually normal to feel that way.
I already explained to you why I said all these things and lashed out. I wanted to figure out whether or not the people here truly are my own. Since you've clarified that you don't seek my destruction, even after I explained my situation fully, I can believe you now. As I said, I needed some things to be said clearly and eloquently in order to feel safe and welcome here, and now I do.
I bottled my worries and insecurities up for over a year, from the moment I joined the forums. I understand that it's bothersome if I let them out all of a sudden after they've become so loaded. But I this wasn't something I could overcome in any other way. Because I was too afraid to confront anyone about anything, I received no clarity about anyone's opinions on the matters that concerned me. When Jack said he wants to use eugenics as a guise to systematically kill intersex people, the little container I had been stuffing those feelings into cracked, fell apart and spilled its contents. I could no longer calm down or think rationally, as I was overwhelmed.
It felt good to let it out, but I want to apologise for spilling it all over you when it wasn't your fault.
Regarding the subverters, I'll destroy their foothold as well. You see, I'm actually an extreme centrist, so I'll gladly argue with everyone indiscriminately. And as I said in another thread, I want this disgusting, subversive freak banned from the forums again for some of the things he said on his previous accounts. I blame him immensely for making my existence look bad to others with his insufferable behaviour and habits, and for making the issues I'm dealing with look like a fucking joke, saying it's "cute" and telling others to do the same. Since I have no say in moderation, all I can do is make him feel unwelcome here and hope that he leaves on his own. Considering all of you were already trying to do so, I should really be thanking you. I hope he finally got the message this time.
It's unfortunate that it was a bit of a sensitive topic for me. Deep down I already knew that it wasn't about me, since none of the things that were said sounded anything like what's the case for me at all. But when Jack called the mass destruction of intersex fetuses "eugenics", and you seemed to agree with him (a misunderstanding, since you meant
actual eugenics), that sent me over the edge.
I felt like I would rather let it all out and possibly turn everyone against me, than leave the forums while keeping quiet about it, only coming around anymore to check for schedules and new meditations. I decided to finally confront these things rather than running away. But if no one is going to turn against me... well, I guess I just got to vent then. It felt great to make such a big scene out of it, but I promise I'll behave again from now on. I just really needed to, since I had waited for far too long.
I said I was going to take a break from the forums, but there might not be a point after all. I peeking and noticed I misunderstood your past, and couldn't help but clarify what caused the misunderstanding. And then I ended up writing the rest of this reply as well.
I don't regret stating the issue I have with Jack wanting to eradicate intersex people. It's
literally impossible for me to coexist on the long term with someone who is actually serious about that, SS or not. But I'm sorry for misrepresenting you. That wasn't my intention.