I have more than a decade of drug use history.
I did most of the things, coke, MDMA, weed ...
rivers of cocaine. I remember once at a party being in a flat with maybe 8-9 men, not regular people anyhow, and sniffing 2-3 days in a row like permanently and can't remember the rest but just chatting with each for hours. Me, being the only women there, I loved the men universe...I have been raised by men, a male brain is totally different wired than a woman's. The price was to do drugs to benefit from their company? - fair enough.
It's not about drugs is about atmosphere and people surrounding yourself with, all the rest of the elements, it can't be about drugs alone...
What can I recall about those times?
First of all, all the money wasted on this I could had bought a penthouse or 2 on in a central area/western city. While the kikes are buying all the proprieties, I stayed in their flats paying rent, bought drugs from them, make them even richer. Should I be ashamed of myself? of course! But well, I WAS WITHOUT.
When you are without and life is meaningless what's the point of anything, anything at all?
My life philosophy was inspired by the jew solomon ''everything is meaningless''.
Vanity of vanities all is vanity
I know this quote is resembling their own tribe existence but I adopted for years and lived by it.
This nihilistic mindset plus my 'go crazy style' sent me many times to limitless situation, some experienced people told me plenty of times that they can't believe I am alive and untouched what so ever. Literally untouched. The point is not to create a victim profile out of yourself, either!! another story. One guy told me years ago that he can't understand and that I am lucky and I replied, 'well, I am smart enough to collect people like you around.'' In times of need, a lot of people owe me a big deal or whatever. I regret not being born a man, I am honestly more man than most men in all aspects but I deviated,
Drugs had no value in isolation or just for the sake of doing drugs, I was paying people in drugs to have sex and watch them live performing - if you were my friend I had to see you having sex, there was no escape from this. period. Not me participating just watching, I have a voyeuristic fetish. I laugh when I think about it but was it about drugs entirely? Your brain creates links: sex - drugs - alcohol - ...
the same with cigarettes - coffee - break - social shit - clubbin' - alcohol
so a lot of shit is interconnected and the brain perceives it like this in associating with other substances or activities. I used to do tennis after smoking weed now I can't because instantly I associated with it more like a pavlov thing.
the truth is hitting one day if you are lucky and you need to recreate or rebuild yourself, clean yourself. DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF FOR THE PAST, TAKE THE FUN PART OUT OF IT, THE LESSONS, AND SO ON AND MOVE ON TO ANOTHER LEVEL...
Don't get me wrong I always had like at least 2,3 faces to live by but after meeting Satan, I got rid of everything and everybody, IT WAS LIKE OK, NOW I NEED TO TAKE LIFE ENTIRELY SERIOUS! Got a boring existence now which at times is hard to bare but is very rewarding and I am happy. I am still working on it patiently, each day trying to convince myself that I need this sort of normality, peace and quiet but as I said it is very rewarding and I am happy.
Going back to drugs, at first, I tried meditation after smoking some weed and guess what, it doesn't work! YOUR MIND IS JUMPING THEREFORE IS IMPOSSIBLE TO FOCUS. I tried sports or drawing/painting on different types of drugs and didn't work entirely, at least it doesn't go for the medium or long term if you ask me. I tried, I repeat, I had the same stupid concept with creativity so I had to test it. I guarantee it doesn't work!!!
You think you are brilliant until the next day when you wake up and see the results of your so-called artistic endeavours
Maybe sex, I would say it increase your sexual appetite so people might opt using it for this reason.
drugs cant be entirely bad otherwise people would not pay for them, isn't it? The thing is that the so-called 'good reasons' are not good at all for the long run. After half a year of every day coke, my immune system was so down that I got sick and hospitalized... the fact that I was jogging or having a good diet did not help at all. You simply collapse one day and it happens especially when you feel invincible.
I used weed to increase my appetite as I had eating disorders and then coke to lose weight asap for modelling work and after I needed to sleep then smoke some more weed to cut it off. Then meet my friends got MDMA and got topless in the backyard with a lot of exhibitionism fuck it, I want to forget it...YOU DON'T RECOGNISE YOURSELF ANYMORE, one day, on my way to Prague, I vomited in the airport so bad AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN, while people would stare at me, got so humiliated, was only 23. I must admit, I am the queen of the whores.
the sad story is that a girlfriend tried to kill me with some ecstasy pills, really I know for a fact 100% as she tried to kill me with spiritual means recently, as well,(she is some sort of independent witch) but years back she convinces me almost force me to take something and what happened is that after agonizing all night long, A DAY WAS MISSING FROM MY CALENDAR - went to bed woke up in 2 days, I was like dead, seriously. One reason not to take drugs ever is that you never know what exactly you are taking. I knew people growing weed, you do this in a basement you use artificial lights and all sorts of poisons mixed. wtf you think you are inhaling? is that disgusting!!! The same with cocaine or crack whatever is mixed with a lot of other substances in order to make more profit, it is really fucked up. Ecstasy is very dangerous those days IT CAN REALLY KILL YOU I KNOW PEOPLE AT RAVE PARTIES COLLAPSING FOR GOOD. if you are really that desperate, go to Columbia get a gram with 5 dollars, pure shit, enjoy yourself blow your mind off but at least in a more honest and clean manner.
Another point is that once you get in your 30s if you are not a loser or something you NATURALLY get over this stupid enthusiasm with drugs. you are building a career, family, etc. And you need to still look gorgeous if you respect yourself, therefore, drugs are a NO-NO for skin, teeth, hair, etc. I am lucky to be really vane with the way I look therefore quitting was easier for me and for my preservation.
Indeed I do have 'friends' in their 50s doing drugs but they are damaged no matter how successful they might be otherwise. Another dear one of mine died recently of cancer at 46 after living his life mostly in drugs and depravation.
My opinion is that this kind of things if they are to be done they only work for a very short time if you are to build a life for yourself. Indeed artists and singers designers etc for most of them doing cocaine is normal, so if you want to hang out you need to participate but fuck them, you know, fuck them and main your own existence...for a young person those guys seem really glamorous but eventually you will regret this lifestyle. and once somebody discovers meditations has zero excuses!!!! You have zero excuses because you don't have reasons anymore TO RUN AWAY FROM REALITY!
Unfortunately is not a matter of having no options, I had all the options in the world doing all sorts of other activities, is just IGNORANCE and lack of the true life meaning. Also, people doing drugs/alcohol/cigarettes they are not feeling loved, I NEVER FELT LOVED, I have been worshipped in every way a woman can dream of, and I mean it, but I was never loved, this created a crater in my soul.
Imagine I searched for my Creator my entire life and after not finding Him nothing mattered to me anymore, Eventually about 4 years ago Satan came in my life, and represents my entire universe ever since then.
People need a purpose, not a personal one, I mean a bloody explanation about what the fuck is going on. at least this is what happened to me.
Again, in your 20s those things and people are attractive, you feel cool, etc.... somehow I think is up to an individual personality as well,
for example, both my brothers won't try alcohol drugs not now not 10 years ago, and I insisted have this and that, NO NO NO. the older one hated me for years for this lifestyle wouldn't speak to me, as I said, I DON'T REALLY THINK YOU CAN REALLY INFLUENCE PEOPLE TO DO IT OR NOT TO DO IT.
I stopped myself for the fact that I found the truth and I want to become a god, but without this purpose, what's in it for people to be convinced? If you think you are going to die anyway and life is meaningless for some people carpe diem works just fine. Which lead me to the conclusion that we need to bring truth to as many people as possible and do as many many RTRs as possible.
People need SATAN!