My Backstory(Not neccesary to read):
I had a pretty shitty childhood, full of sexual and physical abuse. My abuse lasted for many years. The only reason the abuse ended after so many years is because my abuser killed themselves. I heard the gunshot and tried to investigate but thankfully my mother was there holding the door shit, refusing to let me out, I can't imagine how horrible that was for her.
For a long time I was extremely depressed, I felt waves of numbness and desires of self mutilation and suicide. Part of my self-hatred was caused by what I suspect was the psychological effects my sexual abuse had on me. I had... Let's say... Disgusting, vile, and horrid thoughts which I had no control over. I hated myself for having such thoughts but I was too scared to seek help. My suffering didn't end after my abusers suicide though. Due to the effects of the abuse I was a pretty fucked up kid. I had a lot of issues and was bullied severely at school for it. I live in the states so we have 12 grades. My abuse started before I was in school. I was bullied from kindergarden all the way to 9th grade. The only reason it stopped at 9th grade is because I attempted suicide and was out of school in a coma. Obviously a fucked up kid isn't going to be able to function properly, it's not like anyone knew about the abuse during that time though.
One day, while watching a TV show, a large amount of repressed memories came to the surface and drove me over the edge. I had attempted suicide by combining multiple bottles of prescription and OTC medication with alcohol and wound up in a coma at the hospital. After waking up from the coma I went into a temperary care facility to get a psychological diagnosis. Obviously being fucked in the head I thought it was a good idea to tell the doctors that "IF I really wanted to kill myself" I would do x, y, and z. I tried to make my suicide attempt about "meeting gawd" and lied that it worked and how I was saved and other bullshit. I didn't mention but I was indoctrinated with christianity at this time, my abuser was very fond on making me go to church and shoving their beliefs down my throat. In case it doesn't make sense how my abuser had so much access to me. They were my step father, my mother worked a very busy job and I would be alone with them every day after school before my mother got home hours later.
I was a very renouned speaker at my local church who was "destined" to preach to stadiums of thousands of people, or so everyone believed, in reality it was likely that I was more intelligent than them. I remember everytime I went to that church there would be a voice screaming in my head "IT'S BULLSHIT!" "IT'S LIES!" "DON'T BELIEVE!" and other things. Our church was one Where we sat around talking in tongues all day. The day before my suicide all of the members gathered around and held their hands on me while speaking tongues on me, thinking back that was the most vile and disgusting energy I have ever felt.
When I got home from the care facility I was planning to kill myself and not fail this time. Instead I wound up in another temporary care facility and was held there for a month while they tried to transfer me to a residential treatment facility. Eventually, after that long 30 days, I was placed in a residential treatment facility. In this residential treatment facility I began to re-discover my spark and desire for the spiritual side of things that I discovered in middle school. There was a Pagan boy there who would talk with me about grimoires and black books and other things. He was rather deluded and I didn't actually believe anything he said but I played along with his delusions, telling him not to release beings from the black book and such. There was also another boy there who become amazing friends with me and he told me stories about his grandpa who was a government agent and had seen all kinds of crazy shit. Like some shit straight out of SCP. I do not know if he was being truthful or not but the most likely scenario is that he wasn't. During my stay at this facility I got a couple of spiritual books I requested from my mother. Astral Dynamics was one of them and boy was that intruiging. I felt bio-electricity and ALMOST left my body(some staff member interrupted me to ask why I was sitting in a legs cross position at 11
m during shift changed an knocked me out of my trance though). One of the staff members who was there was a mormon of some kind who believed he would control 7 universes when he died or some crazy shit. We talked a lot about spiritual stuff. Astral projection, clairvoyance, remote viewing, and other things. There were also "Satanists" in this facility but one was a Jewess trying to spread Devil Worship and the other had some kind of learning disability and wasn't a Satanist at all.
After being at this facility for about 7 months with no real help I was sent to another facility that had doctors who specalized in the issues I was experiencing due to my abuse. It was in this place that I discovered Satanism. While staying in this facility I continued to study various spiritual topics. The cool thing about this facility is that they would allow you to get things from amazon as rewards for behaving, I always chose to get books. One day after being there for a while I met a boy named John. Now John and I clicked immediately. We got along extremely well and were each others only friends in the facility. The rest of the people in the facility I just couldn't connect with in any real meaninful way(I would later come to realize that they were just NPCs).
This boy John told me he followed a religion called lucifarianism and that the book he believed in was a book called "The book of the law". Some of you may know this book very well, considering it was written by Aleister Crowley. John told me all kinds of stories of rituals with demons and told me about blood sacrifice and all of this other vile shit. If you can guess where this is going, it turns out John was a jew and was trying to suck me into the world of animal and human sacrifice. Oh, I should also mention that John was a cannabal who got meat from a funeral home employee who was local to the area he lived in. Anyways, in an offhand comment John mention something about "an angelfire site about demons by Maxine". John mostly spoke to me about the lemegeton and other vile disrespect to our Gods. However, while only once he mentioned JoyOfSatan.
I don't know what it was but I was drawn to JoyOfSatan more than any of these other "Satanic" sources of information and began reading. After my newfound discovery I tried to show John what I learned and teach him the truth. Obviously being a kike he wouldn't hear of it and tried to re-inforce the vile bullshit jews practice. During my study of JoS I was actually possessed and John almost killed me by choking me as a way to restrain me. I have a feeling that he played a vital role in me being possessed and my trying to kill staff members. Just his way to try to drive me away from JoS and bring me to the jewish filth. It didn't work obviously, after spending every minute I was able to studying JoS I knew very well that Satan and his Gods did not possess people.
During my time in this facility I met another person there who I brought to Satanism. This person had experienced many spiritual phenomina at a young age. Really horrifying shit. Honestly, when I first met him I thought we would never get along, yet after talking to him about this shit we came to common ground and dedicated our souls to Satan together. Unfortunately, years after we were released from the facility he went insane. He deluded himself into thinking that by entering the enemies energy vortex he could "destroy them from the inside". All this did was drive him to insanity though. I accept blame for what happened to him in part. While self acountability has to be present and, ultimately his actions alone were the cause of his downfall, I could have been a better family member to him. I was very deluded when I was new. I had a god complex issue and he took after me. I was able to snap out of it eventually but my delusions played a part on his beliefs. Even when I encouraged him to study from JoS directly and reject everything I've every told him he was too far gone.
My Testimonial:
I have gone through a really rough journey in my life. From the abuse to the delusions to so much more. I want to thank the following God's for what they have done for me and for what they mean to me.
Father Satan: Thank you, for everything. There is so much I wish to thank you for. I could write a post 5x as long as this but I wouldn't even scratch the surface. Thank you for everything. Through your guidance I was able to remove all of the issues which plauged me through out my life. Even though I was a disrespectful idiot you have been here since day one, nudging me along andmaking sure I stayed alive through it all. Without you, I wouldn't exist, I wouldn't even be able to thank you, I wouldn't know the joy of life, I wouldn't know what it means to be happy, I wouldn't know what existing even is. If you hadn't created humanity and fought for us so long ago, if you hadn't suffered for us.. We wouldn't be here. Truly, Thank you.
Nanshe: Thank you, my Guardian Demon Nanshe. When I first met you I was a disrespectful fool who mistook you for something you were not. Even though I was foolish you stood beside me and watched me grow. You gave me advice when I needed it. You pushed me to do things which I needed to do to heal. You have truly been something so amazing I cannot even describe in words. I sat there trying to find some way to end "You have truly been" yet the feelings I have cannot be described with words. Thank you. Truly.
Eligos: Thank you for saving me from ruining my life. When I was in the last facility there was the boy who made my life there torture. Beating me every day until I was unable to handle it anymore. I shoved my fingers into his eyes and ended up covered in blood and had an attempted murder charge on me. You helped me get the charges against me dropped from attempted murder, to battery, to community service. Truly, if you had not helped me I never would have been able to learn the beauty that is Satanism. Thank you for saving me from ruining my life. Thank you for making sure I didn't go to prison. If I had, I never would have been able to experience life as I have. Truly, Thank you.
Asmodeus: Thank you for being there when I was new. Even though I was a foolish fuck who wasn't even dedicated. You were there, you were my friend. You were there for me and my previous brother when we had no idea what we were doing. Rolling dice to try and talk to the God's. Boy were we foolish haha. Even though I was disrespectful, not dedication, and had no idea what I was doing there. You were my best friend. You were there and you talked to us. You appeared in the smoke of incense and spoke to me through the ouija board. I haven't talked to you in a long time, not out of shame but out of the fact that I do not feel like I should waste anymore of your time than I already have. When I was new we sat around for hours talking to you and you sat there and talked to us. Thank you for being my best friend. I promise you that one day, once I am at a level where I know I won't waste your time, I will call to you. When I call on that day, I truly hope we can be best friends again. Thank you. Truly.
To my brothers and sisters:
During my time on this path I have hit many many pitfalls and have made many errors. Through my journey in Satanism I went from a deluded, depressed, self hating, worthless creatine of society to an informed, happy, self loving, contributing member of society. Without the knowledge from JoyOfSatan. Without Spiritual Satanism. I would probably be dead, in prison, or worse. Instead of that happening I have found my place. I have cured myself from the psychological issues which plauged me for so many years. I had once advaced to the point of being able to seeing the immediate future with near perfect accuracy(I knew what would happen before it happened and knew everything someone would say before they said it. About 10 or so seconds in the future).
Through Spiritual Satanism I have completely changed my life. Instead of letting my destiny control me, I control my destiny. I am truly honored to be apart of Satans family, let alone being gifted the knowledge of the TRUTH. There is so much to be honored for. I think the think I am honored most about is the fact I am Satans creation. The most almighty, ineffable, magnamous, and truly perfect being in existense created me. Nothing is greater than that knowledge.
HAIL SATAN FOREVER!!!!
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