Trying to understand

[Jojo*Leo]

Hi all

This is my first time to post on this platform even though I have been dedicated for a years now.

I seem to be feeling misplaced in life and I want to change that. Let me tell you my story.

When I dedicated I used to feel energy regularly and always felt my aura of protection strongly every second of each day but ever since my first ex-boyfriend turned violent and started abusing me I felt lost and broken. Since then I broke up with him, moved on and tried to meditate again but I could no longer get to that point where I felt light and love in my body whenever I meditated. It’s as if I couldn’t feel my soul energy anymore.

I thought ok, let me allow someone new and different to love me and so I got into another relationship which lasted for a year and a half. One day I caught him cheating on me and when I confronted him about it he snapped in anger and chose to attack me. He begged for forgiveness and I forgave him but of cause that wasn’t the best choice to make since he still ended up cheating on me again. So I left him. During this time I was so emotionally distressed, had no self-esteem, depressed and was always exhausted so I didn’t meditate enough. I kept blaming myself for everything I went though, cause lets be real I was the one that made the choice to be with them and so I just hated myself and thought I’m not even worth the gods time and effort.

1 year of being alone surrounded by family passed and I got my motivation to work on myself, meditated every day, gained peace of mind and peace in my heart. Even though I still felt scarred I know I was not depressed and I kind of felt hope for the future. I was even excited to wake up every day and see what it had instore for me, sure enough it did. I then got into another relationship but this time I chose not to stop meditating and never to let myself in another situation like my last two relationships and it was truly great. The difference I noticed was I was more in-tune with my emotions, mind and body, my intuition was clear and strong. However, we eventually we moved in together, my meditations became inconsistent and then the problems started to pop up (he started cheating) . Thankfully he was not physically abusive but he was manipulative and a lier. We broke up, I got my life together and am now fully happy with being alone.


The saddest thing is that I never once cheated on these guys and but they all felt like it was okey to hurt me and destroy my ability to love. I don’t get why I had to go through that or what I may have done in my past life to deserve just painful experiences. I want to be whole again and this is why I’m finally opening up on this platform.


Sometimes when I perform the absolution rituals for the gods and the RTRs I feel like I’m on cloud nine and I feel the light and energy in me that I once had but it always lasts for a few hours. Then I find myself feeling drained and anxious.


I suspect I’m still affected by the serious abuse I got in my first relationship and that it has left some lingering energy but how do need to get rid of it and heal my insecurities, doubt and start feeling connected to my soul again.


Does anyone have any advice?

Sincerely

A fellow member in need.

 

[GoldenxChild1]

You do not "deserve" any abuse mentally, emotionally, physically, or spiritually. At least not in the normal sense. However, I would look to your 7th natal house, which rules relationships, for your natal chart may show what you "deserve".

I would suggest you (1), stay out of any relationships until you can identify why you are attracting these types of men, and (2) begin to progress your soul.

Aside from the basic meditations that "should" be done on a daily basis, such as AOP, Void, Chakra Empowerment, and Cleaning, you can use runes like Berkano and Wunjo to heal psychological wounds, and you can use runes like Uruz and Ansuz to free yourself from attracting toxic men.

Obviously, there are other runes that can be utilized, but these are the most common in these scenarios.

Lastly, don't let a couple of losers determine your self worth. You ARE worth it.

 

[Blitzkreig [JG]]

Hi all

This is my first time to post on this platform even though I have been dedicated for a years now.

I seem to be feeling misplaced in life and I want to change that. Let me tell you my story.

When I dedicated I used to feel energy regularly and always felt my aura of protection strongly every second of each day but ever since my first ex-boyfriend turned violent and started abusing me I felt lost and broken. Since then I broke up with him, moved on and tried to meditate again but I could no longer get to that point where I felt light and love in my body whenever I meditated. It’s as if I couldn’t feel my soul energy anymore.

I thought ok, let me allow someone new and different to love me and so I got into another relationship which lasted for a year and a half. One day I caught him cheating on me and when I confronted him about it he snapped in anger and chose to attack me. He begged for forgiveness and I forgave him but of cause that wasn’t the best choice to make since he still ended up cheating on me again. So I left him. During this time I was so emotionally distressed, had no self-esteem, depressed and was always exhausted so I didn’t meditate enough. I kept blaming myself for everything I went though, cause lets be real I was the one that made the choice to be with them and so I just hated myself and thought I’m not even worth the gods time and effort.

1 year of being alone surrounded by family passed and I got my motivation to work on myself, meditated every day, gained peace of mind and peace in my heart. Even though I still felt scarred I know I was not depressed and I kind of felt hope for the future. I was even excited to wake up every day and see what it had instore for me, sure enough it did. I then got into another relationship but this time I chose not to stop meditating and never to let myself in another situation like my last two relationships and it was truly great. The difference I noticed was I was more in-tune with my emotions, mind and body, my intuition was clear and strong. However, we eventually we moved in together, my meditations became inconsistent and then the problems started to pop up (he started cheating) . Thankfully he was not physically abusive but he was manipulative and a lier. We broke up, I got my life together and am now fully happy with being alone.


The saddest thing is that I never once cheated on these guys and but they all felt like it was okey to hurt me and destroy my ability to love. I don’t get why I had to go through that or what I may have done in my past life to deserve just painful experiences. I want to be whole again and this is why I’m finally opening up on this platform.


Sometimes when I perform the absolution rituals for the gods and the RTRs I feel like I’m on cloud nine and I feel the light and energy in me that I once had but it always lasts for a few hours. Then I find myself feeling drained and anxious.


I suspect I’m still affected by the serious abuse I got in my first relationship and that it has left some lingering energy but how do need to get rid of it and heal my insecurities, doubt and start feeling connected to my soul again.


Does anyone have any advice?

Sincerely

A fellow member in need.

Following what GoldenxChild has said, you have to fix the patterns of abuse and empower your sense of self. While negative aspects to Venus can damage relationships, it is negative aspects to our solar energies which result in low energy and low self-esteem.

You are asking what you did to deserve this, but that is not how the universe operates. Negative situations can happen to us, and although it is possible for us to invite them through ignorance, we do not generally deserve negativity.

Look at your natal chart and you may discover some of the causes behind this. As you do workings and Gods' Rituals for these problems, among all your spiritual exercises, they will resolve in time.

 

[Jojo*Leo]

Following what GoldenxChild has said, you have to fix the patterns of abuse and empower your sense of self. While negative aspects to Venus can damage relationships, it is negative aspects to our solar energies which result in low energy and low self-esteem.

You are asking what you did to deserve this, but that is not how the universe operates. Negative situations can happen to us, and although it is possible for us to invite them through ignorance, we do not generally deserve negativity.

Look at your natal chart and you may discover some of the causes behind this. As you do workings and Gods' Rituals for these problems, among all your spiritual exercises, they will resolve in time.

Thank you so much. I really appreciate the advice.

 

[Jojo*Leo]

You do not "deserve" any abuse mentally, emotionally, physically, or spiritually. At least not in the normal sense. However, I would look to your 7th natal house, which rules relationships, for your natal chart may show what you "deserve".

I would suggest you (1), stay out of any relationships until you can identify why you are attracting these types of men, and (2) begin to progress your soul.

Aside from the basic meditations that "should" be done on a daily basis, such as AOP, Void, Chakra Empowerment, and Cleaning, you can use runes like Berkano and Wunjo to heal psychological wounds, and you can use .runes like Uruz and Ansuz to free yourself from attracting toxic men.

Obviously, there are other runes that can be utilized, but these are the most common in these scenarios.

Lastly, don't let a couple of losers determine your self worth. You ARE worth it.

This means the most to me. Thank you so very much.

 

[GoldenxChild1]

This means the most to me. Thank you so very much.

Thank you for sharing your story with us, for this why we exist as a community: to help one another.