New to the platform and hoping for advice

[Jojo*Leo]

Hi all
This is my first time to post on this platform even though I have been dedicated for a years now.

I seem to be feeling misplaced in life and I want to change that. Let me tell you my story.

When I dedicated I used to feel energy regularly and always felt my aura of protection strongly every second of each day but ever since my first ex-boyfriend turned violent and started abusing me I felt lost and broken. Since then I broke up with him, moved on and tried to meditate again but I could no longer get to that point where I felt light and love in my body whenever I meditated. It’s as if I couldn’t feel my soul energy anymore.

I thought ok, let me allow someone new and different to love me and so I got into another relationship which lasted for a year and a half. One day I caught him cheating on me and when I confronted him about it he snapped in anger and chose to attack me. He begged for forgiveness and I forgave him but of cause that wasn’t the best choice to make since he still ended up cheating on me again. So I left him. During this time I was so emotionally distressed, had no self-esteem, depressed and was always exhausted so I didn’t meditate enough. I kept blaming myself for everything I went though, cause lets be real I was the one that made the choice to be with them and so I just hated myself and thought I’m not even worth the gods time and effort.

1 year of being alone surrounded by family passed and I got my motivation to work on myself, meditated every day, gained peace of mind and peace in my heart. Even though I still felt scarred I know I was not depressed and I kind of felt hope for the future. I was even excited to wake up every day and see what it had instore for me, sure enough it did. I then got into another relationship but this time I chose not to stop meditating and never to let myself in another situation like my last two relationships and it was truly great. The difference I noticed was I was more in-tune with my emotions, mind and body, my intuition was clear and strong. However, we eventually we moved in together, my meditations became inconsistent and then the problems started to pop up (he started cheating) . Thankfully he was not physically abusive but he was manipulative and a lier. We broke up, I got my life together and am now fully happy with being alone.

The saddest thing is that I never once cheated on these guys and but they all felt like it was okey to hurt me and destroy my ability to love. I don’t get why I had to go through that or what I may have done in my past life to deserve just painful experiences. I want to be whole again and this is why I’m finally opening up on this platform.

Sometimes when I perform the absolution rituals for the gods and the RTRs I feel like I’m on cloud nine and I feel the light and energy in me that I once had but it always lasts for a few hours. Then I find myself feeling drained and anxious.

I suspect I’m still affected by the serious abuse I got in my first relationship and that it has left some lingering energy but how do need to get rid of it and heal my insecurities, doubt and start feeling connected to my soul again.

Does anyone have any advice?

Sincerely

A fellow member in need.

 

[Ælberiigor]

Does anyone have any advice?

You must study your astrological chart to understand why you meet cheating and eventually violent boyfriends.

Your boyfriend standard must be represented by Mars, the way you feel them by Venus, the disillusion can be the cause of Neptune...

 

[AFODO]

...

Greetings Sister,

I advise to detach yourself from all of your exes.
See here

With this, if you are doing your cleaning next to it, you'll banish their influence on you, that they left.
If you'll feel depressed again, you can start an emotional healing working.

Another thing would worth to look on is your Natal Chart.
https://www.jos-astro.com/#/natal-chart

If you can't read charts: I advise to read what the houses rules (by clicking on them) and then you can see what planets are in those houses by looking at the picture of the natal chart. There you can click on the planets to read their in formations. You are obviously interested in the houses that rules over love/relationships, which is as I know is the 7th and 8th.
Now if there is no planets in these houses, or even if there are, there are also planets whom rules over relationships and love so you can also look for that.

You can obliterate these aspects by freeing the soul working.

Another advise would be to be a bit more picky with your partners. Choose someone who aren't just funny and handsome and you get along with, but also someone who isn't a fuckboy and wants a lasting relationship.

You can also attract a perfect partner, by vibrating the appropriate rune(s), use an affirmation (with "in the most beneficial way for me" at the end), and than you can visualize how you met, make a family, have sex, make things together...
Important: you should think about what is the most ideal partner for you. Make a note. The most ideal partner for me; The things I really need my partner to be; The things I would like, but not necessary; The things I would really don't want my partner to be; The things my partner can be, but preferably not; etc.

You can do this working on your aura, or create a thoughtform.