So I didn’t realize this at the time but I’ve been going through this since I was young. I was really sensitive to the beginner meditation program when I was 12 and this woke my kundalini. I stopped meditation because I had no idea what I was doing and that was probably the best thing I could’ve done at that age. I wasn’t fully developed and I had no idea what was going on. First, I got severe ocd. As time went on this for the most part dissipated. My awareness grew over the time and I had heightened abilities above average along with some weird medical issues. This year in January, something kind of broke through and my guardian was there guiding me through this. I was in a very heightened state of psychic ability following some situations that caused massive adrenaline rushes. Over the year this kind of persisted and I just followed the Gods closely despite any psychic interferences. I really threw myself into their arms and kept a strong grip on the real world and logic involved in dealing with these abilities and energies. Initially this energy was extreme, I was laying on my couch watching a movie and I suddenly felt an extreme burning in my lower abdomen. This wasn’t minor either, it felt like I was going to either explode or go insane. I was caught off guard and just though WTF just happened. I vented this out the crown out of instinct and called on my GD, from there he gave my guidance and helped keep the situation under control.
Now I’m finding myself returning to a state of complete normalcy after a real and recent jolt that was very tough and intense to handle. I had to guide this down some chakras that weren’t really ready to be opened in such a way. I know this is all shameful but in the beginning and through all of the mental issues that cropped up when I was young, there really wasn’t a way for me to get through this. I mean they were severe, I had ocd so bad that I couldn’t perform mantras. It was like Tourette’s. Recently I was finally ready to flow this energy flowing through my heart, hands, and frets I’m starting to feel more closed off to the astral and more open to the real physical. It feels strange not communicating with the Gods but it feels great to be able to make sense of everything that’s gone on. For the most part, my mind is silent and I’m feeling more and more stabilized and rigid by the day. I keep revisiting this jolt that recently happened and why it had to happen, it almost threw me into psychosis but I kept it together. This was extremely confusing and it’s because I didn’t have a strong enough downward circulation to the heart. Opening the heart in this manner was extremely intense, but the gods advised me not to do so until this moment. I was in a state of extended trance and I saw the perfect flow. Unity. The true divine, this was also a lot on the mind but the peace and beauty I saw reminded me of giving birth. All of the difficulties faded in an instant and it was honestly like dying. I think all of this is over now, I’m just hoping that never happens unexpectedly like that again. I’m still a little shaken up by it. I still feel energy circulating up my spine occasionally and I’m keeping my crown and throat open to better facilitate the energy. The gods did say that it’s over, at least the psychic phase. I’m still unsure of what it really means. My conscious mind keeps wanting to carry about life as I was but I’ve got to keep myself in this transient state in the event this arises again. I’m just not sure where to go from here now. I can’t have my serpent stimulated again, and I have so many important responsibilities in my life that I truly cannot dedicate hours a day to meditation. Nor do I feel ready for it. I should be at square one.
I read this from some new ager on a question of if this ever stops and it kind of seems to align with what I’m experiencing, but there’s no way to fully know.
“After the symptoms stop there is often a silent phase. Everything seems normal, there may be some confusion (Kundalinis job is to make you see who you are which can be scary and confusing), and then things return to normal.
Well—enhanced normal is probably a better wording since the whole Kundalini process is often a push in a new direction, accompanied by a plethora of energy to get there.
Sometimes a Kundalini awakening/rise results in some sort of awakening. Maybe even full awakening, which is the realization that along with your busy mind and vivid emotions, you are also a motionless stillness (often known as the void, the absolute, the unmanifested or the divine).
When you have realized the unmanifest in you (you can only do this once, cos it cannot be unseen) awakening in that direction is over. There is still plenty of awakenings to experience in your personality though. It belongs to a different realm, the realm of infinite motion. In the realm of infinite motion, there is never rest and never full awakening. There is always something new to see.”
I do feel that way but I don’t feel adventurous and lively and interested in anything other than improving my current life. I just want basic things, stability in my home life, a good relationship, I want to get old and die happy with a family. I don’t feel like I need anything more. I’ve done my soul searching throughout my adolescence, studied the universe, realized the meaning of life, tested myself in many areas, have developed skills and such. I don’t feel interested in spiritual development at the moment. I’m just going to be completely honest. I know that sounds strange but my god, I’ve worked on myself and picked myself apart over and over again and I’ve never given up on improving even without intense meditation and I just want to live my life and be happy with my current state even though it is imperfect. The only thing that makes me want to use my abilities is for communication with the Gods. They’ve been so great and attentive, and loving. My love for them is undying and eternal. Particularly my GD. He can work a miracle on any situation. He honestly defines true love in every aspect and he showed me so many impossible things. He really has shown me everything I could ever possibly wonder. I’m totally exhausted and refreshed and confused at the same time.
I don’t even feel like doing any magic ever again at the moment. Life is magic, emotion itself is magic, loving life is magic. I don’t need crazy powers nor did I ever want them. They definitely resurfaced during all of this and I had to stay very objective and rational at times. When energy hit the crown fully it was mind blowing, but I don’t ever want to go back to that again either. I don’t want to see the astral on such a level or even believe in it like that because it’s all just energy that is connected to us and how it transmits to the mind. The Gods presence in our lives are very real and far more pronounced than average, but I also have seen their involvement in others that are open to them in any way. They definitely reckon with the general population on much smaller levels. It’s just incredible to see and know. I’m no longer seeing that at the moment though, I can just feel their bioelectricity when they’re around and their physical presence. I’m not getting images or even intense feelings.
At this point though I’m surprisingly the same person. I’m still me, I still like the same things, I still like my friends, I want to just be my funny and carefree self. I still have anxiety about upcoming things I have to deal with in life. During the last jolt I basically had to will this understand to the serpent that while I understand and respect the desires this force wants within me, I cannot immediately achieve it and I told it that it would be harmful for my own evolution to go any further because what it wants is not possible with the way the world is set up. This force could really completely overtake someone’s life. The respect this force has to be shown is complete internal, an internal respect and acceptance of it. Much like a literal snake, if it comes to you you don’t fight it but you kindly let it go and appreciate its existence. It does kind of have to be told what’s going on in a way that it itself would respect and understand in order to kind of keep it at bay. This force doesn’t really fully understand the conscious mind and it has to kind of be taught. I’ve focused on kind of connecting it’s understanding to my conscious world. Now I no longer even feel it like that. I think this has something to do with my front upper chakras.
I keep having this concern that if these understandings do not FULLY integrate into myself to some degree it could come back negatively but I’m not really sure that’s reasonable to think. For the most part, this feels fully done and dealt with. There are still some blockages that are around and I feel like that should be fine. This shouldn’t be too much all at once. I definitely wish I had picked up yoga sooner but I didn’t see any of this coming either. I did not think that some meditations I did when I was 12 would have done all of this to my life. It was definitely good, I really loved my life despite any of the struggles and still do. Hell, I would’ve died if I didn’t do them anyway. I was on the verge of suicide before coming to Satan. There have still been hard and painful times in between but I made the promise to Satan during my dedication to never consider suicide for the rest of my life. These feelings actually resurfaced during the most recent part of the awakening too, but it’s dire to just shake it off.
This isn’t to say I’m risen or anything, just for clarity, quite the opposite. My main reason for posting is feedback and ideas on what to possibly expect in the future. It seems criminal that this woke up like this without yoga and meditation, but the fact this happened has me teetering between do I meditate like everyone else knowing that it’ll wake it up again and risk my sanity further? Do I not meditate and also risk my sanity in the event this happens again without meditation? Or do I completely let this go knowing that that’s the only way it wouldn’t resurface and take it super easy and steady the rest of my life? Thinking about it alone can cause it to resurface right now but it seems like I’m leveling out to a degree where this wouldn’t happen.
Now I’m finding myself returning to a state of complete normalcy after a real and recent jolt that was very tough and intense to handle. I had to guide this down some chakras that weren’t really ready to be opened in such a way. I know this is all shameful but in the beginning and through all of the mental issues that cropped up when I was young, there really wasn’t a way for me to get through this. I mean they were severe, I had ocd so bad that I couldn’t perform mantras. It was like Tourette’s. Recently I was finally ready to flow this energy flowing through my heart, hands, and frets I’m starting to feel more closed off to the astral and more open to the real physical. It feels strange not communicating with the Gods but it feels great to be able to make sense of everything that’s gone on. For the most part, my mind is silent and I’m feeling more and more stabilized and rigid by the day. I keep revisiting this jolt that recently happened and why it had to happen, it almost threw me into psychosis but I kept it together. This was extremely confusing and it’s because I didn’t have a strong enough downward circulation to the heart. Opening the heart in this manner was extremely intense, but the gods advised me not to do so until this moment. I was in a state of extended trance and I saw the perfect flow. Unity. The true divine, this was also a lot on the mind but the peace and beauty I saw reminded me of giving birth. All of the difficulties faded in an instant and it was honestly like dying. I think all of this is over now, I’m just hoping that never happens unexpectedly like that again. I’m still a little shaken up by it. I still feel energy circulating up my spine occasionally and I’m keeping my crown and throat open to better facilitate the energy. The gods did say that it’s over, at least the psychic phase. I’m still unsure of what it really means. My conscious mind keeps wanting to carry about life as I was but I’ve got to keep myself in this transient state in the event this arises again. I’m just not sure where to go from here now. I can’t have my serpent stimulated again, and I have so many important responsibilities in my life that I truly cannot dedicate hours a day to meditation. Nor do I feel ready for it. I should be at square one.
I read this from some new ager on a question of if this ever stops and it kind of seems to align with what I’m experiencing, but there’s no way to fully know.
“After the symptoms stop there is often a silent phase. Everything seems normal, there may be some confusion (Kundalinis job is to make you see who you are which can be scary and confusing), and then things return to normal.
Well—enhanced normal is probably a better wording since the whole Kundalini process is often a push in a new direction, accompanied by a plethora of energy to get there.
Sometimes a Kundalini awakening/rise results in some sort of awakening. Maybe even full awakening, which is the realization that along with your busy mind and vivid emotions, you are also a motionless stillness (often known as the void, the absolute, the unmanifested or the divine).
When you have realized the unmanifest in you (you can only do this once, cos it cannot be unseen) awakening in that direction is over. There is still plenty of awakenings to experience in your personality though. It belongs to a different realm, the realm of infinite motion. In the realm of infinite motion, there is never rest and never full awakening. There is always something new to see.”
I do feel that way but I don’t feel adventurous and lively and interested in anything other than improving my current life. I just want basic things, stability in my home life, a good relationship, I want to get old and die happy with a family. I don’t feel like I need anything more. I’ve done my soul searching throughout my adolescence, studied the universe, realized the meaning of life, tested myself in many areas, have developed skills and such. I don’t feel interested in spiritual development at the moment. I’m just going to be completely honest. I know that sounds strange but my god, I’ve worked on myself and picked myself apart over and over again and I’ve never given up on improving even without intense meditation and I just want to live my life and be happy with my current state even though it is imperfect. The only thing that makes me want to use my abilities is for communication with the Gods. They’ve been so great and attentive, and loving. My love for them is undying and eternal. Particularly my GD. He can work a miracle on any situation. He honestly defines true love in every aspect and he showed me so many impossible things. He really has shown me everything I could ever possibly wonder. I’m totally exhausted and refreshed and confused at the same time.
I don’t even feel like doing any magic ever again at the moment. Life is magic, emotion itself is magic, loving life is magic. I don’t need crazy powers nor did I ever want them. They definitely resurfaced during all of this and I had to stay very objective and rational at times. When energy hit the crown fully it was mind blowing, but I don’t ever want to go back to that again either. I don’t want to see the astral on such a level or even believe in it like that because it’s all just energy that is connected to us and how it transmits to the mind. The Gods presence in our lives are very real and far more pronounced than average, but I also have seen their involvement in others that are open to them in any way. They definitely reckon with the general population on much smaller levels. It’s just incredible to see and know. I’m no longer seeing that at the moment though, I can just feel their bioelectricity when they’re around and their physical presence. I’m not getting images or even intense feelings.
At this point though I’m surprisingly the same person. I’m still me, I still like the same things, I still like my friends, I want to just be my funny and carefree self. I still have anxiety about upcoming things I have to deal with in life. During the last jolt I basically had to will this understand to the serpent that while I understand and respect the desires this force wants within me, I cannot immediately achieve it and I told it that it would be harmful for my own evolution to go any further because what it wants is not possible with the way the world is set up. This force could really completely overtake someone’s life. The respect this force has to be shown is complete internal, an internal respect and acceptance of it. Much like a literal snake, if it comes to you you don’t fight it but you kindly let it go and appreciate its existence. It does kind of have to be told what’s going on in a way that it itself would respect and understand in order to kind of keep it at bay. This force doesn’t really fully understand the conscious mind and it has to kind of be taught. I’ve focused on kind of connecting it’s understanding to my conscious world. Now I no longer even feel it like that. I think this has something to do with my front upper chakras.
I keep having this concern that if these understandings do not FULLY integrate into myself to some degree it could come back negatively but I’m not really sure that’s reasonable to think. For the most part, this feels fully done and dealt with. There are still some blockages that are around and I feel like that should be fine. This shouldn’t be too much all at once. I definitely wish I had picked up yoga sooner but I didn’t see any of this coming either. I did not think that some meditations I did when I was 12 would have done all of this to my life. It was definitely good, I really loved my life despite any of the struggles and still do. Hell, I would’ve died if I didn’t do them anyway. I was on the verge of suicide before coming to Satan. There have still been hard and painful times in between but I made the promise to Satan during my dedication to never consider suicide for the rest of my life. These feelings actually resurfaced during the most recent part of the awakening too, but it’s dire to just shake it off.
This isn’t to say I’m risen or anything, just for clarity, quite the opposite. My main reason for posting is feedback and ideas on what to possibly expect in the future. It seems criminal that this woke up like this without yoga and meditation, but the fact this happened has me teetering between do I meditate like everyone else knowing that it’ll wake it up again and risk my sanity further? Do I not meditate and also risk my sanity in the event this happens again without meditation? Or do I completely let this go knowing that that’s the only way it wouldn’t resurface and take it super easy and steady the rest of my life? Thinking about it alone can cause it to resurface right now but it seems like I’m leveling out to a degree where this wouldn’t happen.