I feel like i need to apologize

[Ruby]

Gonna repost it with new title since no one helped me on my last question

When I started to worship Satan, everything worked well, before making commitment, ive done the ritual, this was a mistake to do it before commitment but anyways it was ok, even my anorexia got healed a lot. but in my commitment, I forgot to say hail Satan in the end, it was completely an accidental mistake, and also after that, I started to do s.h. again. All the sign, all the energy, everything was gone. I had the feeling of writing and writing apologies. I couldn't stop. I wrote over than 15 pages of apology for lord satan. I wrote pages and pages of prayers. I understood the issue, and I fixed it I guess, I promised I will never do self harm again, but still that feeling, and even some my prayers turned opposite... and also ive been skipping power meditations because of my super busy schedule. Everything is messed up. I just want to cry and apologize. What should I do? Power meditation? Ritual? Commitment again? I feel so bad. I feel like I was deprived of the grace of the father and he turned his wise gaze away from me. What should I do. I am even crying right now.

And also, there are many power meditations in the beginner level, I like energy meditation and void meditation and breath practice (I was a swimmer, they are so easy for me)

Please help me, since it's the most important thing I need now.

 

[Power of Justice [JG]]

All the sign, all the energy, everything was gone.

It's not gone, you just shut it all out with your guilt. You didn't do this intentionally, that's obvious to the Gods and they won't be mad at you for something like that. Your commitment is valid, never doubt this. Welcome to the family of the Gods and this gathering!

 

[logicalmind]

Our Gods are understanding, empathic beyond measure, so your mistakes probably did not even trigger Their dissatisfaction towards you. So the best way for you to "apologize" is this way. Be better than yesterday. Tomorrow, be better than today. And so on. And you will achieve this by meditations and spiritual practices. Since you seem to be new, you can start with this 40 day program by the HPHC666: https://satanslibrary.org/hp_hooded_cobra_40_day_meditation_program.pdf . Also, if you feel you need to create connection with Father Satan, you might want to perform His ritual: https://josrituals.org/ritual/demon/satan-absolution-ritual.html . And for the last, Gods in lots cases have more faith in us than we ourselves do in ourselves.

 

[Ruby]

How can I be forgiven? I'm so sad. Everytime I think about it, my eyes get teary. I am feel guilty. I messed up in the beginning, will I ever be forgiven and loved?

 

[Power of Justice [JG]]

How can I be forgiven? I'm so sad. Everytime I think about it, my eyes get teary. I am feel guilty. I messed up in the beginning, will I ever be forgiven and loved?

There is nothing to forgive because you didn't do anything wrong. You didn't mean to not say "Hail Satan", that does not invalidate your desire to join the Gods or to be here. There is literally no benefit to kicking yourself over this and wallowing in guilt and depression. Even if you had done something wrong, wallowing in guilt doesn't somehow fix things.

You are okay, just start with the meditations and clear this from your mind. If you do not do this and keep on like this for months or years on end you will literally ruin yourself. All this is self-afflicted. Nobody is mad at you.