Dissapointing the gods.

[BlueDragon]

Hello
I did the dedication ritual 7-8 years ago. when i was not even a teen yet. I have many times had a good power meditation program and i have felt advancment many times spiritually. but i never got far as i could not keep myself consistent. time and time again i have felt so stupid and embaressed for disrespecting the gods like this never consistently meditating for more than half a year.
I started developing what i felt as schizophrenia ( feeling watched, spiritually attacked, seeing ugly creepy faces in my mind, laughing and trying to scare me) , because of suddenly stopping powermeditation, and doing too strong meditation while not being advanced enough. this made me hesitate starting again. because alltohough seeing scary faces, feeling watched etc etc sounds very stupid it felt very real.

Last year i made a decision. Ive had enough. 7 years of satanism and nothing to show for it. how many people wish they could have a early start like me. its time to make a change in my life because i was tired of feeling emberassed, i was tired of schizophrenia, and i was tired of disrespecting satan and the gods. I did the dedication ritual again to show the gods i wanted to change, and that i was serious. i was ready for spiritual attacks, schizohprenia symptoms depression burn out.. EVERYTHING. being scared is not a part of satanism. guess what. i only lasted a month .

This is so incredibly embarissing to write. i have hesitated to make a post like this, for years. but i know im not the only one who has had this problem of ont being able to stay consistent. I have felt the love of Satan, and satanism has never left my heart since the day i dedicated. but still its so gut wrenching to disapoint the gods like this

The reason i am making this post is i know im not the only one that has had this problem. and i know many are struggling with this right now. i have seen many people write they have had trouble staying consistent. And i want to ask to those who had troubles like me, and got out:
How did you progress? how did you get out of this vortex sucking you back into negative energy? what is your advice?

And one more thing. how do i apologise to satan and the gods formally? i can guess they probaly just want to see me advance, but i feel i still owe and apology

Thanks in advance to all answers, and sorry for the sob story

 

[Kitsunebi]

Hi Bluedragon

I made mistakes like you did and there's nothing to be ashamed off if you know that you are at fault for skipping out meditations or over exerting yourself, if you're willing to improve and better yourself then you're good. What you can do is make yourself a power meditation schedule that sits just as right as HPHC's 40 day power meditation schedule. Fear is just a reflex of the mind that something has to be avoided and it is sad that the enemy used it against the world to make it compliant to its programs of slavery.

What I have learned from my spiritual journey with this problem is that it's sometimes not inspiration or consistency lacking, it has to do with habits and rewiring your brain to associate meditation with the need to feed your soul. And yes, you can simply say it in your head that you're sorry and you have to for real, mean what you say.

This here is a video on game developing but this has good advice on how one can get himself to do the habit trick successfully:

If there are any problems, feel free to report back here. Don't disregard the help of your spiritual fam, our goal is to uplift one soul at a time from the lies of abrahamism.

 

[Satyanik]

It doesn’t matter if you “fall off the horse” so to speak 10,000 times. The gods won’t be disappointed in you so long as you get back on it and keep trying

Sitting around and stewing over the past isn’t going to help you. Just get out of your head and actually get up and do the meditations and yoga.

You likely have a tendency to sit around and think about doing things while procrastinating and those things never actually happen, so you kick yourself and think the gods are so disappointed in you.

Don’t think about doing these things and just do them

You can also look around the forums on how to do some grounding workings or breathe in earth for discipline if you're able, but I believe the above advice will help just as much

 

[Symmachos-ZEUS/SHAITAN]

This is so incredibly embarissing to write. i have hesitated to make a post like this, for years. but i know im not the only one who has had this problem of ont being able to stay consistent.

Hello!

I understand that you have all good intentions toward the Gods, and seeing that things don't go exactly as we planned makes us feel wrong or even "guilty." But we are not guilty of anything. Simply hoping that everything would have gone exactly as we intended is unrealistic.

That you had good intentions shows that you are a good person before the Gods and that is certain. But you cannot expect from yourself a total change toward an (obviously unattainable) ideal of perfection; because perfection belongs only to our Gods and not to us humans, so you do not deserve to feel hindered by misguided feelings because you are not at a level that of course cannot belong to you for now. And no one will hold you to a bad account for that. Especially the Gods.

Now, since the problem here seems to be constancy, let's do one thing
You said it lasts a month, 30 days or so that is, and the soul records progress every 40 days, so if you could be consistent in a program 40 days in a row, that would be very good progress. And after 40 days you could lighten up your program and then start a new set of 40 days. You say you would be fine doing this for the time being?

The only one thing I ask you to please keep in mind are these, and if you will please keep them in mind:

In the program you decide to run for 40 days, don't make it excessive. Make a program that you know you will surely be able to carry it on for 40 days. Even if it is only 15 minutes of meditation or so, it is important that you do something that you will undoubtedly carry through, rather than forcing yourself on something that is not for us.

Please, whatever you do from now on, keep in mind that you are not an imaginary ideal of someone who has to be forced to go a certain way.

You are a real person, an individual who really cares about Satan/Zeus, and that truly is why he deserves to be supported and not because he is a "robotic dummy who never bugs out."

I suggest you check during these 40 days your progress every 6 days. Six days is a subgoal because 6 days is a specific time called "Exis," and after 6 days the habit of being consistent for all 40 days gets stronger and stronger, and if you find it useful you can also keep a personal note of how this journey is progressing from your point of view.

If privacy is a danger and you cannot have a personal physical diary, even cell phone notes are fine. If you think this will help you, open your mind. As soon as you have time during the day and your privacy is respected, don't hesitate to use that time for this meditation.

And if there really is going to be a day when you feel unmotivated to continue, think of your Guardian, even without knowing who he is, and ask for his help in prayer. You can do that, Herr Anubis who was (is) my Guardian once explained to me that he was willing to help me be constant when I first really tried to be constant without waiting for Anubis to "pull my strings as if I were a puppet." If you are trying hard to do one thing right for yourself, be assured that your Guardian is there to support you.

 

[BlueDragon]

Hello!

I understand that you have all good intentions toward the Gods, and seeing that things don't go exactly as we planned makes us feel wrong or even "guilty." But we are not guilty of anything. Simply hoping that everything would have gone exactly as we intended is unrealistic.

That you had good intentions shows that you are a good person before the Gods and that is certain. But you cannot expect from yourself a total change toward an (obviously unattainable) ideal of perfection; because perfection belongs only to our Gods and not to us humans, so you do not deserve to feel hindered by misguided feelings because you are not at a level that of course cannot belong to you for now. And no one will hold you to a bad account for that. Especially the Gods.

Now, since the problem here seems to be constancy, let's do one thing
You said it lasts a month, 30 days or so that is, and the soul records progress every 40 days, so if you could be consistent in a program 40 days in a row, that would be very good progress. And after 40 days you could lighten up your program and then start a new set of 40 days. You say you would be fine doing this for the time being?

The only one thing I ask you to please keep in mind are these, and if you will please keep them in mind:

In the program you decide to run for 40 days, don't make it excessive. Make a program that you know you will surely be able to carry it on for 40 days. Even if it is only 15 minutes of meditation or so, it is important that you do something that you will undoubtedly carry through, rather than forcing yourself on something that is not for us.

Please, whatever you do from now on, keep in mind that you are not an imaginary ideal of someone who has to be forced to go a certain way.

You are a real person, an individual who really cares about Satan/Zeus, and that truly is why he deserves to be supported and not because he is a "robotic dummy who never bugs out."

I suggest you check during these 40 days your progress every 6 days. Six days is a subgoal because 6 days is a specific time called "Exis," and after 6 days the habit of being consistent for all 40 days gets stronger and stronger, and if you find it useful you can also keep a personal note of how this journey is progressing from your point of view.

If privacy is a danger and you cannot have a personal physical diary, even cell phone notes are fine. If you think this will help you, open your mind. As soon as you have time during the day and your privacy is respected, don't hesitate to use that time for this meditation.

And if there really is going to be a day when you feel unmotivated to continue, think of your Guardian, even without knowing who he is, and ask for his help in prayer. You can do that, Herr Anubis who was (is) my Guardian once explained to me that he was willing to help me be constant when I first really tried to be constant without waiting for Anubis to "pull my strings as if I were a puppet." If you are trying hard to do one thing right for yourself, be assured that your Guardian is there to support you.

Thank you for the reply, I will try again with only the bare essentials. And thank you for the information on 40 day soul progress. does this mean that after 40 days of power meditation/ Yoga that the soul has taken another step forwards so to say?

 

[BlueDragon]

It doesn’t matter if you “fall off the horse” so to speak 10,000 times. The gods won’t be disappointed in you so long as you get back on it and keep trying

Simple words yet these sentences hit me, I think i will forever remember these words whenever i am experiencing hardships not only spiritually but in all of life, Thank you for the reply.

 

[BlueDragon]

Hi Bluedragon

I made mistakes like you did and there's nothing to be ashamed off if you know that you are at fault for skipping out meditations or over exerting yourself, if you're willing to improve and better yourself then you're good. What you can do is make yourself a power meditation schedule that sits just as right as HPHC's 40 day power meditation schedule. Fear is just a reflex of the mind that something has to be avoided and it is sad that the enemy used it against the world to make it compliant to its programs of slavery.

What I have learned from my spiritual journey with this problem is that it's sometimes not inspiration or consistency lacking, it has to do with habits and rewiring your brain to associate meditation with the need to feed your soul. And yes, you can simply say it in your head that you're sorry and you have to for real, mean what you say.

This here is a video on game developing but this has good advice on how one can get himself to do the habit trick successfully:

If there are any problems, feel free to report back here. Don't disregard the help of your spiritual fam, our goal is to uplift one soul at a time from the lies of abrahamism.

I’m grateful for the support from this family, i just watched the video now as well. Thank you for the answer i will try again with a 40 day program

 

[WoadWarrior]

Your story is in no way atypical, the important part is that your back.

The easiest way to apologise to the Gods would be to simply do so, however keep in mind two things.
1. Nothing you did suprised the Gods at all, they expected it if not outright knew it would happen due to their powers of foresight as such they understand why you did what you did and likewise are highly sympathetic.
2. Apologies but be better, the Gods do not expect people to endlessly ask forgiveness for their mistakes, instead they want us to learn from those mistakes and do better, you will fail at this from time to time like we all do, but the important thing is to keep trying and always trying to better than the person you were before, this is how you redeem yourself more than anything else.

As for your symptoms, you really need to focus on doing void meditation above all other forms of meditation as well as hatha yoga in order to ground yourself, furthermore I would suggest a very cardio intensive activity like running or BJJ to help settle your mind, you will not progress if your own mind is fighting you.

More power is not what you need, what you need is control and calm, in essence learn to meditate before you learn to power meditate.

Also Aum as a mantra is very balancing and calming, its also very newb friendly and I can see no problem with suggesting it.

 

[Symmachos-ZEUS/SHAITAN]

does this mean that after 40 days of power meditation/ Yoga that the soul has taken another step forwards so to say?

Yes. After 40 days of perseverance you make progress.

only the bare essentials

You don't have to do only the essentials, but don't do beyond what you know you can actually do. At least in the beginning give yourself time to settle in. Don't overdo it.

When you will be a little more advanced:

How To Advance Faster: Example of Cleaning The Soul

There are three categories of SS: Those who do nothing (Must avoid), those who do too much and can burn themselves (Must avoid) and those who do what is good in accordance to expanding their limits, those in the balance (One must seek to be in this category). In other posts there is a tendency...

ancient-forums.com

 

[Impetigo]

Simple words yet these sentences hit me, I think i will forever remember these words whenever i am experiencing hardships not only spiritually but in all of life, Thank you for the reply.

It's the truth. Things are always shifting in the universe.. there are cycles and waves to things. If you have lost your energy to continue doing something then probably the best thing for you is to not give up hope because the time will come again where you can do what you want.

 

[BlueDragon]

Your story is in no way atypical, the important part is that your back.

The easiest way to apologise to the Gods would be to simply do so, however keep in mind two things.
1. Nothing you did suprised the Gods at all, they expected it if not outright knew it would happen due to their powers of foresight as such they understand why you did what you did and likewise are highly sympathetic.
2. Apologies but be better, the Gods do not expect people to endlessly ask forgiveness for their mistakes, instead they want us to learn from those mistakes and do better, you will fail at this from time to time like we all do, but the important thing is to keep trying and always trying to better than the person you were before, this is how you redeem yourself more than anything else.

As for your symptoms, you really need to focus on doing void meditation above all other forms of meditation as well as hatha yoga in order to ground yourself, furthermore I would suggest a very cardio intensive activity like running or BJJ to help settle your mind, you will not progress if your own mind is fighting you.

More power is not what you need, what you need is control and calm, in essence learn to meditate before you learn to power meditate.

Also Aum as a mantra is very balancing and calming, its also very newb friendly and I can see no problem with suggesting it.

Thank you for the answer and sorry for the late reply. I very much appreciate point 1 and 2 as i sadly don’t have much experience with the gods and this gives me more insight.

 

[BlueDragon]

Yes. After 40 days of perseverance you make progress.



You don't have to do only the essentials, but don't do beyond what you know you can actually do. At least in the beginning give yourself time to settle in. Don't overdo it.

When you will be a little more advanced:

How To Advance Faster: Example of Cleaning The Soul

There are three categories of SS: Those who do nothing (Must avoid), those who do too much and can burn themselves (Must avoid) and those who do what is good in accordance to expanding their limits, those in the balance (One must seek to be in this category). In other posts there is a tendency...

ancient-forums.com

Thank you for the reply sun will rise and i will try again, and since i’m still here it means i have failed before so i will just keep going

 

[AFODO]

Hi Bluedragon

I made mistakes like you did and there's nothing to be ashamed off if you know that you are at fault for skipping out meditations or over exerting yourself, if you're willing to improve and better yourself then you're good. What you can do is make yourself a power meditation schedule that sits just as right as HPHC's 40 day power meditation schedule. Fear is just a reflex of the mind that something has to be avoided and it is sad that the enemy used it against the world to make it compliant to its programs of slavery.

What I have learned from my spiritual journey with this problem is that it's sometimes not inspiration or consistency lacking, it has to do with habits and rewiring your brain to associate meditation with the need to feed your soul. And yes, you can simply say it in your head that you're sorry and you have to for real, mean what you say.

This here is a video on game developing but this has good advice on how one can get himself to do the habit trick successfully:

If there are any problems, feel free to report back here. Don't disregard the help of your spiritual fam, our goal is to uplift one soul at a time from the lies of abrahamism.

Very useful, thanks!