Jack said:
Maybe you misunderstood what I was trying to say. I don't believe I understand it at all at the moment.
I just hope to someday. I try to understand most things, because I like understanding things. This is no exception either.
I like mathematics so I have a particular way of looking at the world. I'm sorry if that means I'm being ridiculous.
As for the kike, I had only been meditating for about half a year when it happened, and he went completely unnoticed and was respected by dozens of other Satanists for years before I got here, one of which had been around for more than a decade.
Everyone I looked up to told me he was a great person, so I overlooked the things that seemed off. It's not fair.
Even so, I have found what I was looking for in this path, and now I cannot live without it, so I will continue to keep walking it, at my own pace.
How many years it takes me doesn't matter to me. I've already received more than that kike took away from me. Things that have changed my life for the better, permanently. If I end up getting stuck, then I'll do whatever I need to when I'm ready.
I already made up my mind a long time ago. That even if I have to leave a part of myself behind, I'll do it if that's what it takes to accomplish my dream. But for now, I'll hold onto this feeble stability and cherish it. At least until I sort some other things out so I can eventually continue uninterrupted.