Let's say I have mental illness does that mean I'm not worthy of Satan?
I mean I did wanted to kill myself.
Isn't the afterlife more beautiful than earth?Have you ever been in the afterlife?
No matter how hard we struggle, Lord Satan has a place in his mind for all of us, but especially if we try our earnest to solve our problems. While there is an astral plane, when we die we wait for the moment to reincarnate, and we do so until we fix all of the problems that plague our souls. If you suicide, the act of suicide can have very negative consequences for your soul, and when you reincarnate you may have it even worse than now. And, as far as I know, no one here has visited the afterlife, though it would be cool to hear legit stories about that.
First I'm not christian and I never wanted to become one. I hated my parents and my childhood because while others were playing in the yard I had no smartphone and I had no physical strenght to draw a circle or other things.I was skinny and my hands and legs were like the legs of a tarantula.
My own father never allowed me to go to the gym and I had a lot of thoughts on how to kill myself.
I didn't know were to go.I didn't know where to ask for help and I tried christianity for a few days and it made me cut my veins(and I did that).I felt like that guy from the anime FIST of the North Star Kaioh.
If it is of any consolation to you, I also had a rough childhood. I didn't have smartphones until I was like 13 and I was really weak as well, for which I was bullied heavily in elementary. This then spiraled into a pretty serious depression until I was like 19, among other problems I faced at the time, including parental ones. This isn't to make fun of your suffering or give myself credit or anything, but just to paint a picture that some of us suffer quite a bit for no much reason, and that life can be a bitch, and will be if you let her. What I'm about to suggest comes from a limited picture that you paint. I am not you, nor know what you can and can't do, but I recommend starting with the little things: if you have friends, talk to me them a bit, or message a relative, if you don't have access to the gym, clear some space next to your bed and make a very simple exercise routine for yourself like push ups and squats, or do some yoga. Before you can fix your traumas and the bigger issues you need to fix, try to get a foothold. Small victories can pile up. Try meditating even if it is just a little bit. If you lack motivation, set yourself a timer for 2 minutes, and during those 2 minutes and those 2 minutes only, try to clean your aura as best as you can. Every little step will get you out of the rut and you will begin to see some light. That is probably what I would do if I were you, but, as I said, I can't put myself in your shoes fully, I am not you. Best of luck.
Above all you need to be serious. Ask yourself: if you had zero problems and your life was going smoothly, would you still be interested in Satan or Satanism? If not, you are probably not serious and you need to change your mind if you still considering on becoming a Spiritual Satanist.
While I do agree with you, this is a hefty demand for a lot of people, and especially people that are more skeptical such as myself. I can't expect anything from Satanism, since this is new to me, so I can't really say that I'd do it for any other reason other than curiosity to see how spirituality influences my life. However, experimentation and an open mind are opening me up to the benefits, and meditations are coming to me more naturally. Gradually, the need to talk to Gods becomes stronger even if I don't understand how or why yet. It's very rare that someone will just jump into this and immediately become a fervent believer. And I honesty think it's best to come at it cautiously and realize how good it is later on that to jump at it right away, since that can lure gullible people into new age stuff or xianity. I don't think markus can really be asked with this level of commitment for now, he has bigger monsters to deal with, in my opinion. The rest of the post is great, though.