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feeling deadlocked

Aarti

Active member
Joined
Jan 4, 2018
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574
feeling completely deadlocked and cornered.
sometimes there are such situations that my brain really stops. i cannot even think. even when someone says "excuse me, can I pass?" i just stare blankly.
sometimes the walls seem to be closing in on me. if i go outside, its the same. the effects of my meditations and rtrs seem to be short-lived on my soul. cuz when i put my head on my pillow, everything is back to square one.
i get tears in my eyes even when i look at a random glass or an unknown baby for no reason. if i start crying it takes hours to stop.
last week when i did Hps Maxine's ritual for the first time, i had to stop the ritual halfway through because of crying.
years ago when i was a new SS i used to feel so strong that i could destroy the whole universe and rebuild it. now i find it difficult to even move a leaf. i feel weak and lonely. during my last ritual, i asked Satan why i cannot hug you physically? (it wasnt a question)
i need someone to tell me step by step what to do and what not to do. because i feel like somethings that , cannot notice nor control is killing me day by day
 
Try to train your reflexes, and try to express yourself more in any kind of conversation. Word complete and longer sentences even if it isn't so fitting. Speak to people in public.
Go outside sit down and be aware of your surrounding, Try to feel the environment. As if you become the environment. "open yourself" and relax. Expand.
This is a good grounding meditation.
Start working out to build tolerance.
The effects of the rituals aren't short lived, in fact, it's more like that the effect haven't manifested yet. The same with meditations.

cuz when i put my head on my pillow, everything is back to square one.

It really isn't.
 
This could be due to a deep purification process taking place in your soul. What can help in this period is to intensify purification, and protect yourself. Even purification alone, when performed with mantras or for prolonged sessions, can significantly amplify your bioelectricity. Which leads to clearer thinking, elevated from depression. Yoga could help a lot.
Remember that all you need to do is continue to meditate, purify yourself, as this represents your affirmation of freedom from whatever is pulling you down.
Know that every single step you take, in Spiritual Satanism, is permanent in your soul. And every step helps you rise. Whatever might make you think otherwise, know that it doesn't change reality. Your efforts have an impact you can't yet imagine.
Moments of suffering, and loneliness, are transitory and often necessary to free us from the depths of our biggest problems.

sometimes there are such situations that my brain really stops. i cannot even think. even when someone says "excuse me, can I pass?" i just stare blankly.

This will be resolved with meditations and yoga, over time. However, remember to spend time outdoors, in nature, and engage in physical exercise. Take your time.
 
We all have bad days, it's not wrong to look for a sense of security and awareness that we can feel in life. Maybe in our family, maybe in our environment.

Crying is natural and healthy. I have seen people who, even after very bad times, come out of them stronger than they were before.

You are fine; keep feeling and "living" your emotions.

There are good days ahead and I live in the dream of it.
 
i need someone to tell me step by step what to do and what not to do. because i feel like somethings that , cannot notice nor control is killing me day by day
just hold on there, it's a rock bottom stage
but remember that whatever goes down must eventually goes up. "it's a natural law"
don't let the dark thoughts and feelings consume you, rather see them as clouds blocking the beauty of sky. clouds are temporary!
with enough advancing you will even learn to enjoy those clouds! but leave that to another day it can be confusing.
i get tears in my eyes even when i look at a random glass or an unknown baby for no reason. if i start crying it takes hours to stop.
it's okay and even healthy to cry.
there was a time i was in similar position and decided that tears won't find their way again to my eyes but that hurt much more than it helped.
i relate how the pain can be evoked when it comes to babies and kids. it might have something to do with the feeling of you being weird and can't have a normal life
but i assure you what you THINK is normal is not normal at all! and at this era we're living whatever power leading people to live and reproduction right now is seeing them no more than cattle, even cattle have a better treatment if you ask me.
so next time you see a baby don't be sad, try to bless him and wish him a happy life that's a good karma to planting
 
when performed with mantras
i used 111 wunjo for 111 days

Know that every single step you take, in Spiritual Satanism, is permanent in your soul.
yea ofc ive never had a doubt about it.
Moments of suffering, and loneliness, are transitory and often necessary to free us from the depths of our biggest problems.
i hope its like you said. im thinking who can survive with such pain? i know people are losing their family, they lose their arms, legs. there are bigger pains than mine. but still i feel like its something more than i can carry. i just wanna scream ENOUGH

This will be resolved with meditations and yoga, over time. However, remember to spend time outdoors, in nature, and engage in physical exercise
today is 42°C, yesterday was 43°C. i cannot go out unfortunately. but still thank you so so so big much for your advices ilyyy🫶🏻
 
it's a natural law"
don't let the dark thoughts
i keep saying that myself, for days even weeks. but im afraid of give up saying that one day.
even cattle have a better treatment if you ask me.
exactlyyyy!!!!!!!
thank you so muchh so much. i love y'alllll
♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️
 
its full of hijabi muslim girls or pervert muslim guys ☹️☹️☹️
still i will try of course.

Do this on a private property if you have it. I mean, in the garden or something, but definitely not among people.

how come? am i overreacting?

You are judging too early. Maybe you haven't seen much results so far (or probably you just forgot them), but what you do every day still isn't nullified and you will see it's fruit one day.
It's okay to be concerned but you must also not jump to conclusion so fast. And again, if you have been here for 2018 than maybe it's time for a freeing working that will make you advance faster.
 
feeling completely deadlocked and cornered.
sometimes there are such situations that my brain really stops. i cannot even think. even when someone says "excuse me, can I pass?" i just stare blankly.
I am sorry for your hard times, suffering and feeling overwhelmed for no apparent reason, is really destabilization of the self to say the least. You seem like an exhausted muscle that will soon grow stronger (like in weight lifting). You are probably lifting a big weight out of your mind/soul and this requires big effort.

last week when i did Hps Maxine's ritual for the first time, i had to stop the ritual halfway through because of crying.
In my experience, this may be due to repressed sadness. If you have repressed for years this feeling, it may come out (also with meditation as a trigger) and manifest. During void meditation, try to ask yourself : why am I crying so much? Why ae YOU crying so much? And listen. You might be surprised.

years ago when i was a new SS i used to feel so strong that i could destroy the whole universe and rebuild it. now i find it difficult to even move a leaf. i feel weak and lonely. during my last ritual, i asked Satan why i cannot hug you physically? (it wasnt a question)
Many new SS are like young boys, full of energy and expectations, and still "light" because they did not yet start to struggle against their own problems, karma, programming... etc. This is good, a phase, rich of energies for the good start.
When you grow an "adult" SS, you will have many things on which you are working, to better your Soul, fix problems, etc. This can be a burden and weight, that sometimes weakens you, in the moments where you are climbing big steps up. A sort of responsibility you carry on.
This can also happen for excess of spiritual duties, I mean if you are working on too many things all together, you may feel exhausted. Slow slightly down, if this is a case, and recover some energies. This happened to me, I was doing Munka, one Square, deep cleaning, detaching and many other meditations all together. Too much stuff, better select some tasks only.
Last but not least. The more you grow, the more you will be at odds with your surrounding society, as you live in a Islamic country, you will distance from this "mass-mind" more and more, so the idiocy, negativity, and programming of common people will be more annoying to your increased sensitivity and increased sense of internal "highness". Depending on how you cope with your environment, this can be heavy in some cases. Try to let this be external, do not feel overwhelmed or in perpetual hate of the idiots hanging around. You are SS, they are NPC. Leave them in their "pot", think to yourself, not to them. Let the mind "stay on yourself" instead of constantly worrying about the shit around (this worked for me).

i need someone to tell me step by step what to do and what not to do. because i feel like somethings that , cannot notice nor control is killing me day by day
This is a difficult answer as you only know yourself and what you can and cannot do.
What I think of you, as you apparently live in a highly enemy infested area, you may experience some repressed feelings or memories that are coming out due to some kind of negativity you suffered in your past. This creates and internal struggle as the conscious mind does not want to let emerge "bad" problems, so it uses many energies to keep the Pandora's pot closed. This is only a possibility. But you are not crying for no reason, right?

What I would to is, lift from yourself some weights (if you have too many things to do, or too many people putting pressure on you i.e. at work, etc.) try to reduce those external problems.
Ask your mind why you are so sad. And elaborate on replies you get, if any.
Let emerge your sadness to understand where it comes from, so you can heal this.



What is NOT to do, never, is : do not blame yourself for anything you may have suffered or for past mistakes. Not your fault, if you are crying for this.
Also, do NOT think you are alone or lost. Nobody is lost with Satan. Otherwise you won't be still here.
Also, do NOT

Hope this helps.
 
Sorry I missed a sentence
Also, do NOT give up, I know it's hard, as if you are close to overcome a step, you would fall back to do this climb again,
 
You are probably lifting a big weight out of your mind/soul and this requires big effort.
definitely exactly yes! i cannot even lifting.
During void meditation, try to ask yourself : why am I crying so much? Why ae YOU crying so much? And listen. You might be surprised
sounds very interesting. i will try for sure!!
Also, do NOT give up, I know it's hard, as if you are close to overcome a step, you would fall back to do this climb agabeing
i will try for you at least ahhahs. lets see what can i do max
Slow slightly down, if this is a case, and recover some energies.
i wishh.... but its not on my own control. and i was being happy when i was busy old times. i never be a girl who is lazy and sleep all day.
one Square
which one if you dont mind?
, I was doing Munka
it triggers traumas... i did a few times in past. very useful but needs a strong mental healthy
your increased sensitivity and increased sense of internal "highness
i guess i solved it becayse i was alone for a while and coming back after these times, made me understand about managing and controlling difficult situations
do not feel overwhelmed or in perpetual hate of the idiots
yea exactly thats how i solved!! are you my paralel soul or what??????
What is NOT to do, never, is : do not blame yourself for anything you may have suffered or for past mistakes. Not your fault, if you are crying for this.
Also, do NOT think you are alone or lost. Nobody is lost with Satan. Otherwise you won't be still here.
omg i wasnt feeling that much happy for a long time. thank you for every and everythinghg i will read and read and read again them all
 
You are judging too early
me just compare them with my old feelingssss
it's time for a freeing working that will make you advance faster.
LİKE WHAAATTTT???? ME GET EXCİTEDDDDDD
maybe my medicine is just dating out with a SS European white guy or what ahahahah
 
which one if you dont mind?
I think it was Mars Square
omg i wasnt feeling that much happy for a long time. thank you for every and everythinghg i will read and read and read again them all
This is a clear sign you have repressed traumas and felt guilty. I had the very same feeling when I understood, it was NOT my fault! A deep joy and relief, as never felt before. I am happy for you as you reach this point; in my own experience, this is the starting point for healing. As you found your traumatized and wounded "part" that needs to be cared and understood. Just like a kid.
Sounds odd, but the mind works this way, when under heavy traumas as a form of defense and preservation of the self to keep living.

Yoy say you are overactive and you rarely stay idle. This is again normal, as if you stay idle, the wounds and negative feelings would emerge. There's a "part" of you keeping the engine at full throttle to do not let the wounds and suffering come to the surface, the conscious mind.
Do not fear your inner wounds. Many people have some. You need to let them come out, to heal them.
In view of this, I think the extreme fatigue and exhaustion is caused by your internal struggle, trying to repress what is coming out. You cannot repress anymore you will need to slowly face any trauma you suffered.
In this phase it's paramount being guided by your GD or any Demon for this, as they will help to take things slowly - at least they did that for me.

I am still in the process of healing, it's a long path. But the "joy" we talked about before, I found a couple of years ago - or so.
I am still here, I am better, I know myself better, it's not easy but is possible.
And remember, whatever may have happened to you, as a victim, if are WORTHY for the Gods as they helped me, while I thought I was not.
 
Sounds like Qi Stagnation.
I often read in the forum about Qi but I haven't been able to understand much, for lack of time and also low mental ability to focus on new facts, my fault unfortunately,
Can you please help to understand in easy words how this is related to extreme fatigue and how to fix ? Thanks!
 
I often read in the forum about Qi but I haven't been able to understand much, for lack of time and also low mental ability to focus on new facts, my fault unfortunately,
Can you please help to understand in easy words how this is related to extreme fatigue and how to fix ? Thanks!
There are countless articles about this in the internet and in books.
 
feeling completely deadlocked and cornered.
sometimes there are such situations that my brain really stops. i cannot even think. even when someone says "excuse me, can I pass?" i just stare blankly.
sometimes the walls seem to be closing in on me. if i go outside, its the same. the effects of my meditations and rtrs seem to be short-lived on my soul. cuz when i put my head on my pillow, everything is back to square one.
i get tears in my eyes even when i look at a random glass or an unknown baby for no reason. if i start crying it takes hours to stop.
last week when i did Hps Maxine's ritual for the first time, i had to stop the ritual halfway through because of crying.
years ago when i was a new SS i used to feel so strong that i could destroy the whole universe and rebuild it. now i find it difficult to even move a leaf. i feel weak and lonely. during my last ritual, i asked Satan why i cannot hug you physically? (it wasnt a question)
i need someone to tell me step by step what to do and what not to do. because i feel like somethings that , cannot notice nor control is killing me day by day
I completely understand what you feel.
As soon as I dedicated myself, I started meditating. Everything I vibrated touched traumas that had become normal attitudes for me.
I have the immense fortune of having met my soulmate shortly after his dedication and shortly before mine (he is also ss and a member of jos). By meditating together I was able to metabolise every weakness, block or limit I had.

It is never easy to deal with pain and for everyone, their own pain can be enormous. You don't have to lose a part of your body to feel real pain. Growing up without love, growing up in an hostile environment with their impositions and still feeling different, can cause pain.

You are with Father Satan, and nothing bad can happen to you.
Your sensitivity towards children is identical to mine, I have much more for animals, but as they told you, try to do the reverse: bless them and wish them a life full of joy and that they too can return to your arms. of Father Satan.

I felt his embrace very clearly in a dream, but I feel his presence very often when I'm down... you just need to pay attention to it.

Fight and don't give up. We are with you and with every brother/sister who is fighting their limits.💪🏻

Reconnect with nature and you will see that everything will slowly fall into place.🌸
 
me just compare them with my old feelingssss

LİKE WHAAATTTT???? ME GET EXCİTEDDDDDD
maybe my medicine is just dating out with a SS European white guy or what ahahahah
But are you really white? If not, that would be a mistake, and the most appropriate would be to find another SS of your same country and with the same racial composition as you.
 
You need to meditate on the source of your problems and what makes you feel this way.
Whether it's a long-standing problem or a recent one, you need to review your steps and analyze what you thought or did when everything was "normal".
Look back and study your new behavior and find out what it's made of, past hurts, traumas, unresolved problems and so on.

Make a Moon square and use a water mantra so that it puts your feelings in order. This is for introspection, which will make you understand your feelings more deeply and the origin of all of them. If it's something atrological you'll be guided to it.

Train yourself to hold the energy of your meditation, don't let your concentration wander because this will help you maintain the same feeling for several minutes.
 
it was Mars Square
oh i started it too even 2 times but failed lol cuz i had guests at home. i couldnt find time to complete my square
Fight and don't give up. We are with you and with every brother/sister who is fighting their limits.💪🏻

Reconnect with nature and you will see that everything will slowly fall into place.🌸
omggg you made me cryyyyyyyyyy im happy to be with you all. years ago, i had to stay away from my SS friends for a long time. and today i noticed life is being harder alone.
Seeing you with your soulmate made me happier. because its not easy something.
thank you for all good sentences
i love yall

But are you really white? If not, that would be a mistake, and the most appropriate would be to find another SS of your same country and with the same racial composition as you.
tbh i dont know what am i. but my skin is pure white. like milk. but my hair is soooo black. even some people asked me that did i dye my hair before? and then i changed my hair colour with kinesis (i forgot which one). my family has been living in same city since 1700 (government keeps some documents about it, thats how we know). so i dont think there will be a problem with an european guy, or will be?
 
Have a look when you feel you are ready. There is no rush.
hey i got jealous of your badges 🤨🤨😠😠
i want starry astrology one
(with my 0 contribution to jos astro page 🤧)
 
tbh i dont know what am i. but my skin is pure white. like milk. but my hair is soooo black. even some people asked me that did i dye my hair before? and then i changed my hair colour with kinesis (i forgot which one). my family has been living in same city since 1700 (government keeps some documents about it, thats how we know). so i dont think there will be a problem with an european guy, or will be?
There are many mixed Asians who have white skin but that does not mean that they are.A good example is the singer Bjork although she was born in Iceland has some Eskimo ancestry and in her features it shows that she is not white.If you know your genealogical tree and you have old photos of relatives such as grandparents and great -grandparents you can see where your ancestors come from.You should also ask for guidance to your GD and the gods.

The difference between a white/asian mixed woman that is not white:
bjork.jpg


And a western white woman with dark hair and dark eyes.
inma cuesta.jpg
 
hey i got jealous of your badges 🤨🤨😠😠
i want starry astrology one
(with my 0 contribution to jos astro page 🤧)
Badges are not for show only, but to indicate contributions to the community. If you really want to get recognized as an astrologer then I suggest you start from proper writing as your current level is not acceptable in professional setting, and practice reading charts for a few years after you have read theory about the topic extensively.
 
Badges are not for show only, but to indicate contributions to the community. If you really want to get recognized as an astrologer then I suggest you start from proper writing as your current level is not acceptable in professional setting, and practice reading charts for a few years after you have read theory about the topic extensively.
i know reading astro chart very well, but im not a serious person who can text properly. i dont prefer. i love acting how am i. thanks for clarifying
 
feeling completely deadlocked and cornered.
sometimes there are such situations that my brain really stops. i cannot even think. even when someone says "excuse me, can I pass?" i just stare blankly.
sometimes the walls seem to be closing in on me. if i go outside, its the same. the effects of my meditations and rtrs seem to be short-lived on my soul. cuz when i put my head on my pillow, everything is back to square one.
i get tears in my eyes even when i look at a random glass or an unknown baby for no reason. if i start crying it takes hours to stop.
last week when i did Hps Maxine's ritual for the first time, i had to stop the ritual halfway through because of crying.
years ago when i was a new SS i used to feel so strong that i could destroy the whole universe and rebuild it. now i find it difficult to even move a leaf. i feel weak and lonely. during my last ritual, i asked Satan why i cannot hug you physically? (it wasnt a question)
i need someone to tell me step by step what to do and what not to do. because i feel like somethings that , cannot notice nor control is killing me day by day
It is possible that you are exhausted by magical work, as you do a lot of things, sometimes you need to rest to restore energy.

It may be one day a week when you may not be doing some magical work to restore your energy and vitality, as a large amount of energy at a time can severely overload your nervous system.

Remember, it is also important to be able to rest and recover.

Common sense should be present in everything.
 
It is possible that you are exhausted by magical work, as you do a lot of things, sometimes you need to rest to restore energy.
that makes sense. becase i was doing 7 RTR for my 7 chakra per a day (when i posted this thread). i will take rest 🫶🏻 thank you
 
years ago, i had to stay away from my SS friends for a long time. and today i noticed life is being harder alone.
Seeing you with your soulmate made me happier. because its not easy something.
I just would like to add, as you seem a very emotional person, that - if you suffered any kind of trauma that is emerging, you will need to talk about this to someone. I have been in therapy for months and it was helpful, so I'd think about this in the future. Good luck with your recovery and rest... it seems this thread managed to found some good advices!
 
that makes sense. becase i was doing 7 RTR for my 7 chakra per a day (when i posted this thread). i will take rest 🫶🏻 thank yo

I know how hard it can be to have to do a lot of RTRs to remove curses in your soul, always remember to do the deep cleansing afterwards in your chakras.

 
I know how hard it can be to have to do a lot of RTRs to remove curses in your soul, always remember to do the deep cleansing afterwards in your chakras.
yesyes i didd, my new challenge will be
111 rtr in 9 days,
how sounds?
 
yesyes i didd, my new challenge will be
111 rtr in 9 days,
how sounds?
Totally excessive and unnecessary, unless it is for force majeure for having to remove very heavy curses on your soul.

Otherwise it is enough to do 1 or 2 RTRs per day, do not burnout.
 
Totally excessive and unnecessary, unless it is for force majeure for having to remove very heavy curses on your soul.

Otherwise it is enough to do 1 or 2 RTRs per day, do not burnout.
oh nooo 😭😭 i was getting ready to do ittt
cannot i forward them to my family for remove curses?
 
feeling completely deadlocked and cornered.
sometimes there are such situations that my brain really stops. i cannot even think. even when someone says "excuse me, can I pass?" i just stare blankly.
sometimes the walls seem to be closing in on me. if i go outside, its the same. the effects of my meditations and rtrs seem to be short-lived on my soul. cuz when i put my head on my pillow, everything is back to square one.
i get tears in my eyes even when i look at a random glass or an unknown baby for no reason. if i start crying it takes hours to stop.
last week when i did Hps Maxine's ritual for the first time, i had to stop the ritual halfway through because of crying.
years ago when i was a new SS i used to feel so strong that i could destroy the whole universe and rebuild it. now i find it difficult to even move a leaf. i feel weak and lonely. during my last ritual, i asked Satan why i cannot hug you physically? (it wasnt a question)
i need someone to tell me step by step what to do and what not to do. because i feel like somethings that , cannot notice nor control is killing me day by day
The effects of your meditations are not short-lived necessarily because you feel this. If you are upset beforehand, then this is your mood influencing how you view the success of your actions.

You say you are crying for "no reason", but that is not true. Our emotions are all coming from somewhere, even if we have to think deep down why. For example, what is troubling you about the baby? Do you view it as hungry or alone? Do you wish to be its mother? What action do you dream about, if at all, regarding the baby? This likely comes from your past life. The answers to these questions point towards the emotional resolution.

Once this can be identified and processed emotionally, then your soul will have an easier time calming down and not having outbursts. As an example, maybe the result of a working for emotions will make your soul "feel" that this baby in your mind is now safe, which therefore doesn't trigger an emotional reaction anymore.

Not knowing what to do can be a symptom of not perceiving value correctly, such as assuming your actions are meaningless. The fact that you did the ritual of HPS Maxine and cried means your spiritual actions produced a result of likely emotional purging. This is a solar problem, and runes like Raidho deal specifically with intuiting and guiding the best course of action for our growth.

Similarly, general feelings of lack of power and happiness are solar as well. If you hate yourself, this is derived from our solar energies, or lack of them. Similarly, because solar energy fuels our whole soul, a lack of it can feel like you are running out of energy to prevent the walls from closing in, metaphorically.

Runes like Berkano, or a Moon Square, help with emotional processing. A Sun Square or Sowilo and Raidho help with gaining inner confidence and direction. Deep breathing and journalism also help emotional processing and insight. The breath of fire pranayama is a quick way to recharge one's power and energy.

Lastly, our path is called the depressing path because of its relationship to unraveling and then solving our pain. This was from an old sermon by the Clergy. The fact this is happening now, as opposed your first year as an SS, can show a maturation process, like the soul is opening up for problems to be worked on, or past karma is advancing and your awareness is growing of it. It can also be caused from transits which also bring our karma into the forefront of our lives.
 
what is troubling you about the baby?
i guess he reminds me of my nephews... but what about a random glass? crying while walking randomly. i cannot think about them deeply because its like my brain stopped, my neurons cannot reach the cortex of my brain. they just receive the sensation and wait.
This is a solar problem, and runes like Raidho deal specifically with intuiting and guiding the best course of action for our growth.
i will work on it for sure. so:
  • i will work with raidho berkano and sowilo
  • adding sun square to my to my schedule
  • breathe of fire (more often than before)
advancing and your awareness is growing of it.
not gonna lie, that made me happy, maybe it shows that my works' results?
from transits which also bring our karma into the forefront of our lives.
i should check my natal chart again and again

ok Sir all is noted one by one. thank you a lot. im grateful💖💖💞💞💞💖💞💖✨✨✨✨✨✨
 

Al Jilwah: Chapter IV

"It is my desire that all my followers unite in a bond of unity, lest those who are without prevail against them." - Satan

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