Relationships #77089 Is this love?

[AskSatanOperator]

Sometimes a storm rages inside me; on one hand, there's the deep connection I feel when I think of him, and on the other, the jealousy I feel when I see him interact with others. If I see him as a source of light, then seeing him talk to others, greeting them, or spending time with someone else creates an emptiness within me. Every moment I witness his attention directed towards others, it feels like something inside me is breaking. This feeling of jealousy stings like a wound, and sometimes my eyes well up with tears, and I just want to cry. But why? Because he is so valuable to me, so special, my mentor, the source of my wisdom, the light that nurtures me. He is the person I want to see in my life. It hurts to think of him as belonging to someone else. In that moment, maybe I lose myself, maybe it’s the desire to see him as something that belongs only to me.

But here’s the strange part: I don’t feel a physical attraction towards him. I don’t want to hug him, or touch him; I just want to share every moment with him, listen to what he says, witness his thoughts. I only want to be part of his wisdom, to understand him, to listen to his every word, to admire him. Just seeing him, feeling this, is enough for me. It’s not a physical bond, it’s a mental and emotional one.

And here lies the confusion: is this admiration, or is it love?

This is the first time I feel this way.

 

[Symmachos-ZEUS/SHAITAN]

is this admiration, or is it love?

I might consider a third option which is 3) obsession. Usually the answer can be understood by looking at your birth chart. I was obsessed 8 years with a very bad girl because I had obsessive characteristics in my birth chart in romance. I couldn't understand it from inside, but only after I got rid of it. In any case only you know your feelings. Does this superhero seek you out and take pleasure in being with you anyway? How does he treat you?

 

[Engineered Trasformation]

Sometimes a storm rages inside me; on one hand, there's the deep connection I feel when I think of him, and on the other, the jealousy I feel when I see him interact with others.
(...)
But here’s the strange part: I don’t feel a physical attraction towards him. I don’t want to hug him, or touch him; I just want to share every moment with him, listen to what he says, witness his thoughts. I only want to be part of his wisdom, to understand him, to listen to his every word, to admire him.

Well, I am not the one telling you "what is love" as others already attempted this with music here, with ... herm... few success maybe?
Jokes apart.
It may be subjective, different for anyone. For me - it happened when I genuinely felt a profound feeling of care-giving to a person, without the need to hold the person to me. Pure desire of her good, and a deep "I am floating" feeling each time I interacted with that person. I can describe it only this way.

The Planets may have a role in this, but I am convinced, each person has own feelings to express, in addition to planets, in a very personal way.
Your situation seems very Neptunian, as it's Neptune that gives pure spiritual love without anything physical. Probably, he has a very tight Neptune placement or aspect to one of your Planets, it may be your Neptune indeed, or Venus or your Chart Ruler, hard to say without details. Observe your sinastry if you are able to, otherwise you can ask here without exposing your personal birth date and details - just where Neptune and Venus, Mars are placed for you both.

Feeling so abandoned without him probably comes from your own insecurity, or lack of care you had in your childhood.
Was you father a strong and present figure, or did you grow with a lack of male figure in your life? This can lead to obsession with a male figure to constatntly take care of you, like you are still in a way a kid in your feelings. This is common, for many people. Again it can be in the Planets but.. most is in the mind

 

[Engineered Trasformation]

Re-rreading, I said "without the need to hold the person to me". Inaccurate, the desire was strongluy present, but was not the main scope of the feeling, indeed. Hard to explain... just relaty on the song lol.