Blitzkreig [JG said:" post_id=363135 time=1654592596 user_id=21286]
xTaurus said:Yesterday, around midnight, I tried to dedicate my soul to Satan. Everything was set, I felt ready, I lit all of the candles, but I just couldn't prick my finger, I was too afraid. I spent 40 minutes (and I'm not exaggerating, my phone was next to me,) sitting in front of the burning candles, trying to get some blood out, but couldn't out of fear. In the end, I blew out the candles and put them back in their place, and sadness took over my mind.
I feel like I'm just so weak and pathetic, I can't even cause myself a small "wound" to get some blood out. I'm trying to dedicate my soul to Satan, I want to fight along with everyone else too. I want to fight. But I feel weak, I couln't even prick my finger just a tiny bit.
Does anyone know a way to overcome this?
(I think it's worth noting that I am 15 years old and in the past I've cut myself many times.)
You made mental progress, even if you have to finish it next time. Beyond that, your heart is in the right place and therefore you should not feel sad or anything.
Is it possible you are relating this to past self-harm? Or, if you feel depressed and weak, then you should work on improving your fire energies. For instance, with the Breath of Fire Pranayama.
There is also a strong possibility that the enemy is involved, creating or amplifying fears to prevent you from linking your blood to your God. They want you cut off from him, and the dedication ritual makes it much harder for them to do so. What fears, in particular, are you having?
If you are having fears about the prick itself, then I would suggest using a diabetic lancet device, found in the pharmacy section of most stores. That is much easier than using a knife or something.
Yes, past self-harm. It wasn't a lot, but I used to cause myself pain (cut the top of my fingers), I thought pain isn't so bad, I kind of liked it.
Soon realized this isn't the right thing to do, so I stopped.
After I stopped, I had many accidental cuts that year. They occured almost every other week (which honestly felt quite unrealistic, even at the time).
One or two years passed, about 3 months ago, I felt like cutting myself just a little bit. So I grabbed a knife, and wanted to cut my finger the same way just a tiny bit to feel that pain again. My heart started beating fast; I was nervous and somewhat in a panicked state. I was telling myself to do it, it's not that hard, I was able to do it in the past, why can't I now? It felt like I was afraid of cutting myself again. I just told myself I'm weak and put the knife away.
It is only the self-harm I am afraid of (I realized later when I almost broke my leg).
And perhaps the enemy really is involved. I have a classmate who is very religious, his sentences almost always contain something chris-... You know.
Yes, after I failed the dedication that night, I was thinking about buying a lancing device as well.
Thank you for your response, I am very grateful.