Northern Light
New member
- Joined
- Oct 4, 2017
- Messages
- 6
Hi. I need advice, please. I don't know how to break up with my boyfriend but need to. I knew this for a long time. Reading the synastry chart confirmed it and then some. It was also scary to me. That is down towards the end if youd like to skip the details.
I guess Im venting too, but any advice is appreciated, astrology wise or just in general.
I have been in the relationship for 2 and a half years now. It has been toxic nearly the whole time.
I have felt trapped in it for various reasons, such as pitying them, obligation, and guilt.
Doing a proper synastry chart showed how this relationship is trapping, and that scared me badly. Can i get out? Do i need to ride it out? I have been going through a pluto transit. How does that learning Karma thing work? If i leave, is this crap going to repeat? I feel i get it now!
I cant seem to tell him goodbye because i dont want to hurt his feelings. We live together, it makes it harder than say, not picking up the phone anymore. Im being a complete wuss about this and i know it! I also know its not kind or fair to him even tho it may appear that way for him for me to stay. It's wrong for every one!
Every time we fight, which is multiple times a week, he cries. I try to be nice, too. I dont like being mean. No matter how much he seems to dislike me or how nasty things get, he will cry and say he loves me and wants to be with me.
I dont love him anymore. I dont want him to love me! I want him to let me go!
I say i love him back and reply yes when he asks if i still want to be with him (he constantly seeks reassurance) and i am lying through my teeth every single time. I dont have the balls.
As far as ghosting him, i feel that is hurtful. I did it once and it was painful. We live together. That makes it all the more difficult.
During this pandemic, he has been laid off of work since early March. He is a home body with few hobbies, and has almost never left the house since. He has no car.
A few days ago, it was just a fluke that his friend invited him on a walk. So I had time to haul most of my things to a family member's home. I only took what he wouldnt notice. Everything i truly need/is important and all of my favorite clothes are there now. The household stuff, i dont even care about. My art and decor, it kinds sucks, but oh well. I dont even care about the expenisve appliances I purchased. I just want out.
The boyfriend is emotionally abusive. He is very manipulative. He is possesive and jealous and controlling. This relationship is plutonian! There are 8 aspects, with alot of squares too. Two of them are apparently me as pluto too! I do find myself trying to emotionally control him because i want peace. Were not good for each other!
He has a location app on my cell phone and monitors where i go. If i shut it off, i get questioned. Im sick of the emotional fall out and silent treatment and negative vibes, so i comply.
I walk on eggshells all the time. I can set him off without trying, and often with trying to keep the peace! He has even sensed this and said, "You walking on eggshells makes me want to to yell at you."
He has not hit me so far. I have been shoved once, a while back. He semi threw something at me two weeks ago, but not hard. I wasnt injured. That was for a perceived tone he didnt like and which i didnt give. It was a neutral statement, a reply of what im doing for the rest of the evening.
He has punched the walls a few times, but never to be menacing or threatening.
I have hit him once back in Feburary, and it wasnt a concious descison. He was verbally berating me and didnt care that i was bawling (silent treatment is extremely prevalent!) asking if i was a piece of shit, if he cared about my feelings (for that i got a reply, it was "i guess i dont). I was so frustrated, i started punching the bed around me, he was laying down, his legs took a few punches. It could have been somewhat purposeful, it's kind of a blur. I did stop myself and apologize immediately.
The next day I went over to my ex husband's house where my dog whom the new boyfriend wont let me see was. I just wanted to hug her. I was so sad. I felt defiant enough to defy his wishes and see my dog i lost in the divorce. No, i didnt do anything with my ex!! He was there, and i broke down. He told me i was being abused and started crying himself. He was angry. This is a man who almost never cries. Since that day, ive fully wanted out. That was Feburary 2nd! 4 months now and everyday waiting for the right blow out to have an excuse to leave! In agony! No balls!
Three weeks ago he screamed at me to piss off because he did not like the way i looked at him.
He cannot take even the slighest perceived criticism. He will project it, withdraw, and be nasty towards me.
I feel like hes Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. Ive seen him treat others nice and when they leave, be mean to me. But then he will be nice! It goes in cycles! He isnt constantly mean. The next day, he will act as though nothing happened, be nice as pie, and not understand my emotional withdrawal and sadness.
Yes it could be a lot worse, but its bad enough for my taste. Even without that, we have almost nothing in common! We can talk about philosophical and spiritual subjects ( tho he doesnt practice) and synastry comfirms that is what we have in common and that alone. The relationship started long distance so the talking was a big part. He lied to me about interests he had incommon with me, and other things.
That lack of commonality would be enough, honestly.
He is a home body and an introvert.
I am not. Ive spent my whole life being very outdoorsy. I love mosh pits and heavy metal concerts, he like big band era and the beatles (i love Beatles too, but theyre very different from metal) and wont go. Ive spent most weekends throughout life at my cabin camping, swimming, boating, fishing, shooting, atvs, dirtbikes etc. They are some of my very favorite things in life. He has never even once did any of those activities with me. He is afraid of bugs and says all of that is boring. On the phone, he said he loved camping and had rode four wheelers. Come to find out, it was once around someone's yard and he was very bored.
Each time ive gone to the cabin, he has called and texted me the whole time, pissed off, demanding i come home. My trips were always cut short.
The location tracking app on my phone doesnt work in the woods. He doesn't like that or believe that im camping. He is resentlful when he has had to work. When he has been off work and invited, he wont go.
He is mad when i have fun without him and jealous, starts fights. Very needy in all ways and hurt, cant handle when i leave him alone and have my own life even for a few hours. My family has been saddened by my absence. My friends, myself. I just didnt want the emotional fallout. That was so painful for me that i sacrificed doing this things i love.
I also love to ride motorcycles and he is 31 and refuses to learn to drive a car, adamantly. I rode my bike twice last year. He lied to me and said he was practicing driving for hours every day with a friend. He has failed to start my car multiple times, twice for 20 minutes at a time! He asked me which one each pedal was! Then refused to show me how he tried to starg the car.
He has emotionally blackmailed me into getting up at 4 am to drive him to work everyday like his mother. If i dont, he would lose his job, is the line, and it would be my fault. Forget getting his own car. His grandpa just got a huge settlement from the catholic church because he was raped as a child. Grandpa offered to buy him any car he wanted. He refused
. He asks me to pick him up too. He has said he has no sympathy for me when ive complained. He called me a "little bitch." I have never gotten used to getting up early or going to bed early. Im a natural night owl. My schooling has been effected very negatively because of physical and mental fatigue. I never used to know what a headache felt like til i got with him. Migraines. Panic attacks have become more common. I feel tired all the time. My eyes have aged 10 years. I have been a dedicated Satanist for 11 years and until the last 2 years, never ever failed to do quality mediations twice daily , never ever missed a group ritual, in addition to daily yoga and a hard exercise regime. All of that is gone. I do meditation once daily, and it is considerably shorter. That's all that has remained. Other relationships have suffered. Finances have suffered immensely. I couldnt work much when driving him at 4 am. Morning shifts are out and so are second shifts because i cant stay up that late. If i dont gi to bed with him, he is angry. He wont allow me to work nights because he doesnt trust me. I can no longer fully pay my share of the bills. He holds it over me and i detest it. Now im driving him to get my bills paid! Ha.
If i defy him, he will find a way to punish me. I work, am a pre med student, am told that im expected to do all the chores, cooking, and errands and taxi him around. Im drained in so many ways. With the cooking, it is almost always 2 separate meals. He's a picky eater to the extreme with a very limited diet. That or I suffer, because he will never compromise or even try a bite of anything different from his limited menu.
We got together in a peculiar way. It wasnt right. I told him to f off three times, and he somewhow convinced me back in to talking to him. I knew him from my old best friend. His ex! She ran away from him and is now off doing meth hiding in the country with some other guy. I was devasted when she left, he was too, we talked to eachother on the phone. That was 7 years ago. 2 and a half years ago, i met him in person. I had seen him before and used to think he was ugly. Suddenly i felt so drawn to him and attracted. How foolish!
I was going through a divorce and got with him immediately. In two weeks i packed up my life and moved in with him 2000 miles away. Looking back, my behavior and decisons shock and scare me.
Two months in he started to show his true colors. The love bombing and honeymoon ended. I realised my drastic move was a mistake. I missed my family and felt i wronged them too. There were no woods in the big city far away. I packed my car while he was working and ghosted him. I was a few hundred miles towards home and he called me screaming and crying and begging. I came back. He cried and wailed for hours " you fucking left me!" I felt so bad. I stayed but was firm in my decision to move home. He followed me a few months later. He has resented me ever since. I feel like i owe him because he gave up what he thought was a beautiful new life out west/down south to come back to a cold,po dunk northern town. And he is a city person, he doesnt like it here. But when we were there, as now, we never went on dates or did fun things. He is a home body! He is a major pot user and i refuse to take a hit. He is very very mean when sober. He is only interested in games and anime. I have zero interest or time.
I truly believe he is a covert narcissist.
I am empath with a chart which i believe supports this. The houses 12, 8, 4 have planets. My chart ruler supports this too. Ive been told an empath is a perfect victim for an emotional vampire. I do feel drained. And care too much to hurt him. Sometimes I wish i could shut it off. How did I attract this to myself? How can i prevent it? What a fool!
Here we go with synastry! I'm the one on the left. I dont look totally innocent here either and I dont want to hurt anyone! Thats part of why it needs to end.
What really scared me was how accurate all of the descriptions were for the placements. Like someone read my mind
The ones that really scared me was all the pluto. Espcially the squares and some of the aspects to each others ascendants, Saturn included.
8 pluto placements. It's scorpio for both of us.
Sun square pluto
Ascendant trine pluto
Pluto square venus
Mars sextile pluto
Pluto square mars
Mars square pluto
Pluto trine sun
Jupiter sextile pluto
Saturn square pluto
Saturn aspects other than the above:
Saturn square ascendant
Ascendant sextile saturn
Mars conjuct Saturn
Jupiter trine saturn
Uranus conjuct saturn
Every thing else.. of course not everything is bad. But, here is it:
Ascendant sextile ascendant
Sun square ascendant
Sun opposition sun
Moon sextile mars
Venus sextile moon
Mars trine ascendant
Venus trine venus
Moon square sun
Sun opposition mercury
Moon trine jupiter
Mercury opposition sun
Jupiter trine ascendant
Uranis trine ascendant
Ascendant sextile neptune
Venus conjuct uranus
Venus opposition jupiter
Mars conjuct neptune
Jupiter trine neptune
Uranus conjuct neptune
I guess Im venting too, but any advice is appreciated, astrology wise or just in general.
I have been in the relationship for 2 and a half years now. It has been toxic nearly the whole time.
I have felt trapped in it for various reasons, such as pitying them, obligation, and guilt.
Doing a proper synastry chart showed how this relationship is trapping, and that scared me badly. Can i get out? Do i need to ride it out? I have been going through a pluto transit. How does that learning Karma thing work? If i leave, is this crap going to repeat? I feel i get it now!
I cant seem to tell him goodbye because i dont want to hurt his feelings. We live together, it makes it harder than say, not picking up the phone anymore. Im being a complete wuss about this and i know it! I also know its not kind or fair to him even tho it may appear that way for him for me to stay. It's wrong for every one!
Every time we fight, which is multiple times a week, he cries. I try to be nice, too. I dont like being mean. No matter how much he seems to dislike me or how nasty things get, he will cry and say he loves me and wants to be with me.
I dont love him anymore. I dont want him to love me! I want him to let me go!
I say i love him back and reply yes when he asks if i still want to be with him (he constantly seeks reassurance) and i am lying through my teeth every single time. I dont have the balls.
As far as ghosting him, i feel that is hurtful. I did it once and it was painful. We live together. That makes it all the more difficult.
During this pandemic, he has been laid off of work since early March. He is a home body with few hobbies, and has almost never left the house since. He has no car.
A few days ago, it was just a fluke that his friend invited him on a walk. So I had time to haul most of my things to a family member's home. I only took what he wouldnt notice. Everything i truly need/is important and all of my favorite clothes are there now. The household stuff, i dont even care about. My art and decor, it kinds sucks, but oh well. I dont even care about the expenisve appliances I purchased. I just want out.
The boyfriend is emotionally abusive. He is very manipulative. He is possesive and jealous and controlling. This relationship is plutonian! There are 8 aspects, with alot of squares too. Two of them are apparently me as pluto too! I do find myself trying to emotionally control him because i want peace. Were not good for each other!
He has a location app on my cell phone and monitors where i go. If i shut it off, i get questioned. Im sick of the emotional fall out and silent treatment and negative vibes, so i comply.
I walk on eggshells all the time. I can set him off without trying, and often with trying to keep the peace! He has even sensed this and said, "You walking on eggshells makes me want to to yell at you."
He has not hit me so far. I have been shoved once, a while back. He semi threw something at me two weeks ago, but not hard. I wasnt injured. That was for a perceived tone he didnt like and which i didnt give. It was a neutral statement, a reply of what im doing for the rest of the evening.
He has punched the walls a few times, but never to be menacing or threatening.
I have hit him once back in Feburary, and it wasnt a concious descison. He was verbally berating me and didnt care that i was bawling (silent treatment is extremely prevalent!) asking if i was a piece of shit, if he cared about my feelings (for that i got a reply, it was "i guess i dont). I was so frustrated, i started punching the bed around me, he was laying down, his legs took a few punches. It could have been somewhat purposeful, it's kind of a blur. I did stop myself and apologize immediately.
The next day I went over to my ex husband's house where my dog whom the new boyfriend wont let me see was. I just wanted to hug her. I was so sad. I felt defiant enough to defy his wishes and see my dog i lost in the divorce. No, i didnt do anything with my ex!! He was there, and i broke down. He told me i was being abused and started crying himself. He was angry. This is a man who almost never cries. Since that day, ive fully wanted out. That was Feburary 2nd! 4 months now and everyday waiting for the right blow out to have an excuse to leave! In agony! No balls!
Three weeks ago he screamed at me to piss off because he did not like the way i looked at him.
He cannot take even the slighest perceived criticism. He will project it, withdraw, and be nasty towards me.
I feel like hes Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. Ive seen him treat others nice and when they leave, be mean to me. But then he will be nice! It goes in cycles! He isnt constantly mean. The next day, he will act as though nothing happened, be nice as pie, and not understand my emotional withdrawal and sadness.
Yes it could be a lot worse, but its bad enough for my taste. Even without that, we have almost nothing in common! We can talk about philosophical and spiritual subjects ( tho he doesnt practice) and synastry comfirms that is what we have in common and that alone. The relationship started long distance so the talking was a big part. He lied to me about interests he had incommon with me, and other things.
That lack of commonality would be enough, honestly.
He is a home body and an introvert.
I am not. Ive spent my whole life being very outdoorsy. I love mosh pits and heavy metal concerts, he like big band era and the beatles (i love Beatles too, but theyre very different from metal) and wont go. Ive spent most weekends throughout life at my cabin camping, swimming, boating, fishing, shooting, atvs, dirtbikes etc. They are some of my very favorite things in life. He has never even once did any of those activities with me. He is afraid of bugs and says all of that is boring. On the phone, he said he loved camping and had rode four wheelers. Come to find out, it was once around someone's yard and he was very bored.
Each time ive gone to the cabin, he has called and texted me the whole time, pissed off, demanding i come home. My trips were always cut short.
The location tracking app on my phone doesnt work in the woods. He doesn't like that or believe that im camping. He is resentlful when he has had to work. When he has been off work and invited, he wont go.
He is mad when i have fun without him and jealous, starts fights. Very needy in all ways and hurt, cant handle when i leave him alone and have my own life even for a few hours. My family has been saddened by my absence. My friends, myself. I just didnt want the emotional fallout. That was so painful for me that i sacrificed doing this things i love.
I also love to ride motorcycles and he is 31 and refuses to learn to drive a car, adamantly. I rode my bike twice last year. He lied to me and said he was practicing driving for hours every day with a friend. He has failed to start my car multiple times, twice for 20 minutes at a time! He asked me which one each pedal was! Then refused to show me how he tried to starg the car.
He has emotionally blackmailed me into getting up at 4 am to drive him to work everyday like his mother. If i dont, he would lose his job, is the line, and it would be my fault. Forget getting his own car. His grandpa just got a huge settlement from the catholic church because he was raped as a child. Grandpa offered to buy him any car he wanted. He refused
. He asks me to pick him up too. He has said he has no sympathy for me when ive complained. He called me a "little bitch." I have never gotten used to getting up early or going to bed early. Im a natural night owl. My schooling has been effected very negatively because of physical and mental fatigue. I never used to know what a headache felt like til i got with him. Migraines. Panic attacks have become more common. I feel tired all the time. My eyes have aged 10 years. I have been a dedicated Satanist for 11 years and until the last 2 years, never ever failed to do quality mediations twice daily , never ever missed a group ritual, in addition to daily yoga and a hard exercise regime. All of that is gone. I do meditation once daily, and it is considerably shorter. That's all that has remained. Other relationships have suffered. Finances have suffered immensely. I couldnt work much when driving him at 4 am. Morning shifts are out and so are second shifts because i cant stay up that late. If i dont gi to bed with him, he is angry. He wont allow me to work nights because he doesnt trust me. I can no longer fully pay my share of the bills. He holds it over me and i detest it. Now im driving him to get my bills paid! Ha.
If i defy him, he will find a way to punish me. I work, am a pre med student, am told that im expected to do all the chores, cooking, and errands and taxi him around. Im drained in so many ways. With the cooking, it is almost always 2 separate meals. He's a picky eater to the extreme with a very limited diet. That or I suffer, because he will never compromise or even try a bite of anything different from his limited menu.
We got together in a peculiar way. It wasnt right. I told him to f off three times, and he somewhow convinced me back in to talking to him. I knew him from my old best friend. His ex! She ran away from him and is now off doing meth hiding in the country with some other guy. I was devasted when she left, he was too, we talked to eachother on the phone. That was 7 years ago. 2 and a half years ago, i met him in person. I had seen him before and used to think he was ugly. Suddenly i felt so drawn to him and attracted. How foolish!
I was going through a divorce and got with him immediately. In two weeks i packed up my life and moved in with him 2000 miles away. Looking back, my behavior and decisons shock and scare me.
Two months in he started to show his true colors. The love bombing and honeymoon ended. I realised my drastic move was a mistake. I missed my family and felt i wronged them too. There were no woods in the big city far away. I packed my car while he was working and ghosted him. I was a few hundred miles towards home and he called me screaming and crying and begging. I came back. He cried and wailed for hours " you fucking left me!" I felt so bad. I stayed but was firm in my decision to move home. He followed me a few months later. He has resented me ever since. I feel like i owe him because he gave up what he thought was a beautiful new life out west/down south to come back to a cold,po dunk northern town. And he is a city person, he doesnt like it here. But when we were there, as now, we never went on dates or did fun things. He is a home body! He is a major pot user and i refuse to take a hit. He is very very mean when sober. He is only interested in games and anime. I have zero interest or time.
I truly believe he is a covert narcissist.
I am empath with a chart which i believe supports this. The houses 12, 8, 4 have planets. My chart ruler supports this too. Ive been told an empath is a perfect victim for an emotional vampire. I do feel drained. And care too much to hurt him. Sometimes I wish i could shut it off. How did I attract this to myself? How can i prevent it? What a fool!
Here we go with synastry! I'm the one on the left. I dont look totally innocent here either and I dont want to hurt anyone! Thats part of why it needs to end.
What really scared me was how accurate all of the descriptions were for the placements. Like someone read my mind
The ones that really scared me was all the pluto. Espcially the squares and some of the aspects to each others ascendants, Saturn included.
8 pluto placements. It's scorpio for both of us.
Sun square pluto
Ascendant trine pluto
Pluto square venus
Mars sextile pluto
Pluto square mars
Mars square pluto
Pluto trine sun
Jupiter sextile pluto
Saturn square pluto
Saturn aspects other than the above:
Saturn square ascendant
Ascendant sextile saturn
Mars conjuct Saturn
Jupiter trine saturn
Uranus conjuct saturn
Every thing else.. of course not everything is bad. But, here is it:
Ascendant sextile ascendant
Sun square ascendant
Sun opposition sun
Moon sextile mars
Venus sextile moon
Mars trine ascendant
Venus trine venus
Moon square sun
Sun opposition mercury
Moon trine jupiter
Mercury opposition sun
Jupiter trine ascendant
Uranis trine ascendant
Ascendant sextile neptune
Venus conjuct uranus
Venus opposition jupiter
Mars conjuct neptune
Jupiter trine neptune
Uranus conjuct neptune
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