Otherwise I become extremely evil, and it doesn't even matter anymore because if I cannot be the best, have what I want and be happy, then I am just a worthless being who does not deserve to live.
I am serious and hard on myself.
If I can never be happy and fulfilled in my life, I will go to an accomplished person and [Censored: Violent Acts]
This post is more about inferiority complexes than racial purification.
I know I tend to "overfind" traumatized people, but you heavily sounds like one and I found many red flags in your words.
Your acnestors come from heavily xianized countries, where race is white and pure in its origin, but they have been infested more than Iceland with xian shit. This leads to a severely sick childhood handling by parents, who often abuse (physically, psychically or emotionally) of kids simply to "keep traditional ways going". This leads to unconscious self-hate, non acceptance of yourself, and severe emotional problems later in life.
If you seek for Iceland, you are probably seeking a less xianized place (that is) to escape internal suffering. When you mean "racial purification" you truly mean "purify yourself" as traumatized people in childhood, perceive themselves as dirty and wrong. That is NOT the case, that is not your fault, ever and never.
This emotional turmoil you are facing MAY be something buried coming to the surface, with the help of meditations, that is part of growing process.
I know what I mean as I also tried to escape when I was younger to live in a different place, because I did not accept myself and my past (but I did not consciously knw yet). I moved far from my family but not in a different country, and this helped to build my own life, without intermingling with different subraces anyway.
This is how I perceive your situation, I may be wrong. But I think I spotted a pattern and I am very sorry for you if you had early life traumas, this shit may also come from previous lives.
There is a way out, it takes time and patience but there's no need to fly oerseas with the perfect partner to better yourself and forget the fake "bad image" you have of yourself. Otherwise all the world would live ammassed in Iceland and similar places with extremely violent acts of competition between people to get the best out there.
It happened I have been lucky enough to travel around in life, even if with limited resources, but I love to see and understand how people live in different countries, and I also have seen some shitholes places. Heavily xianized countries like Italy, Greece, Romania may not be the best place to live - at the mental emotional level - they have more problems rather than Germany, Iceland, Sweden, etc. due to almost total xianization of those places. I have seen them and perceived their mass-mind. But anyway, think about the rest of the world like shitholes muslim or communist countries like China, Oman, Pakistan... worst life if you were there. So basically where you live is not that bad, even if it's very upsetting how people live at the emotional and personal level. Spirituality seems really gone in there.
But if Satan and the Gods have hopes for those places and humanity, I will want to have hope too.
And there is hope also for abuse survivors, too, for the same reasons. Getting out of shit that came from the enemy.