~I am also celebrating 13 years of dedication.
I was new to the e-groups around the time yahoo groups was shut down under the email name Enlightened_Serpent, aka Lady Bellatrix, Satan's Warrior...for those of you who remember me. For those of you who do not, I can reintroduce myself here...
I have been a practicing Satanist all of my life, and a follower of the Joy of Satan since the early beginning years of it being open to the public sometime between late 2003- 2004 of April/May. It has been a wonderful 13 years, and even though I was not active in conversation in the groups, when I joined in the last recent years it was up and running, I always participated in the rtr when I asked what I could do to devote more time to Father Satan and Satanism. I still visit the forums daily, and keep up to date with the rtr ritual schedules on a regular basis, and put whatever free time I do have into them. If there is any other way/s I could be more devoted, please share your answers. I would like to be more involved for Father Satan.
The beginning part of my life I have always felt close to Father Satan, I have always found the Joy of Satan to be more truthful and informative of any Satanic website, book or e-groups that I have come across over the years. I have read and understood what I could every day, and still do to this day. Upon joining the e-groups the last couple years ago, someone there told me something, though I can't remember your name, you told me that Father had, and will soon show things in my life for me that is to come for him, and they indeed have. I think your name was Shannon, though I can not recall, either way thank you for your message. At the time I joined the groups I was in one of the darkest times in my life, to the point juts before joining a few weeks beforehand, I was driven to attempt suicide! I don't even know how I survived but I did. I took narcotic medications that should have indeed killed me as I took more than enough to do the job. With what happened in my life, at the time, just before joining the e-groups, I felt it was too late for me to keep going, It was as if every time that I turned around, more bad luck and horrible things in my life would happen. This was how it was for over the past 4 years(2 years before and 2 years after the attempt to take my life) in a continuing endless cycle and the bad luck got worse and worse to the point I felt I couldn't take much more of it. After this situation, when I recovered from this,(it took me over a month to recover from it physically) I decided to join the e-groups, once I was in a better place in life. So I did just that. I knew I had survived for a reason, but didn't understand why at the time. Then recently, I remembered what you,(shannon) had said, and thought back to before the time I joined, during my suicidal situation, including my survival. Now, I think, that I survived because I was meant to survive, not only for myself, but for Father Satan, as we all are meant to survive for him. Father Satan breathed his creation of life into us, and to take it away, the way I did, I didn't realize was dishonoring him, if not disrespecting the gift of life he bestowed, because he wants us to live, not just to live, but to be all we can be for ourselves and for him!
with power meditation and Satanic Healing done daily, I was able to get through these situations in my life, even the ones I that I am still dealing with. I have always used the healing and power meditations throughout my life with very much success. I also realized upon doing these meditations and the hard work that HPS Maxine and other clergy members have worked to correct the meditations over the years, these are here for a reason as well, to help us heal ourselves with them, from all the negativity and abuse the enemy's energies and what not that follow it, and what these vile religious toxic programs have done to humanity and to us as individuals. These meditations and the Joy of Satan I firmly believe through my own experience in working with them, are the true cure for the human soul!
I am also a healthier, happier, individual, and no longer on any of my medications for anxiety or sleep aids I was taking on a daily basis, with the help of my doctor of course who helped to get me off of them. I still do consistent healing/power meditations, and still working to changing my life through the meditations. All along the way more and more things still happen in my life from time to time, as if something is still continually trying to keep me down, making me think to do drugs, drinking, suicidal thoughts, but I ignore all of this, and continue to live my life for Satan, soon those negative thoughts go away, and I am more focused.
After joining the e-groups I read how most people here come from broken lives, even confused, or feel scared, suicidal, drug addictions, you name it. The point is, is, I have been where you are, too that I was not alone. And after what I have been through what I thought was the weakest, darkest, and loneliest part of my life, it turned out I believe to be what Father Satan was showing me, it was my strongest, and that I could do things on my own as well. because during this time,...as well as other dark times in my life, Father always, ALWAYS, put me right back into line, with what I needed to do to help myself, heal myself, and take care of myself, and where I need to be in my life, however this time, I was made to see I had to do these steps on my own, without his help this time, because I already had the strength and knowledge on how to do it myself even, when I believed I needed him the most. But even then, he was still there, showing me I already knew what to do to help myself, all along, because I already had this knowledge.
Even now I still go through the anxiety and stress from all the negative situations that have happened to me too soon, too quickly and too often at once, but I just remember my life is more important, than giving in, and giving up. There are other ways to relieve stress and anxiety than relying on medications. No I am not telling you to stop taking medications if you are on them, please never just stop taking your medications, it can be dangerous and even deadly. If you feel you are healthy enough, talk to your doctor.
For those of you who are new here, and may be in a similar situation, (this shannon I believe is what Father was trying to tell you what he wanted me to see in my life for him, to share the advice I have here, because of what I have learned from this dark part of my life)...my advice is not to give up on yourself, even if you feel you are at your darkest most weakest, isolated part of your life, or you feel you have no way out, use this time instead to find yourself, and your strengths in this area of your life, and use it to empower yourself and get through it! Please also understand that your new journey into coming to Father Satan takes time, and effort, it doesn't happen overnight, nor on its own. You have to be willing to work for it, and towards it every day, not just for a short time or not at all and expect it to come knocking on your door. What you put into your power meditations is what you get out of it, and more. What you do for Father and the Gods and Goddess of Hell, the more you will get in return, And then in time, you will realize you are truly free, and happy. Just be patient and keep working hard, they do work. Devoting your life to Father may even be difficult for some of you, who are dealing with xian family members that you may be living with, or even xian neighbors harassing you like I myself go through on a daily basis where I live), just keep doing what you know works for you considering your power meditations, ask for guardian demons to help, if you know who yours is. Always remember, Father looks out for his own, you are never alone. I hope my story helps someone else here. May the best of Father Satan's dark blessings, protection, and gifts be with all of us here within the Joy of Satan Family.
Lady Bellatrix
Satanic Warrior
Hail Satan/Lucifer!
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You are amazing!! 
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