Why am I not the best version of myself?

[Epiphany]

Thank you!

Yeah I wondered if I have so much Earth, I should be a master in discipline and routine. But I’m actually very lost and haven’t been disciplined as I should be for quite a while. Making routines then failing, no energy, purpose or drive. Just bursts of this every now and then.

This is interesting what you mentioned thanks.

Earth is associated with fat and oil in some respects and this is how you can think of it. It's a lubricant, a friction reducer, so you can roll along a trajectory. But you still need fire to burn fuel to generate power and move. Just like with that engine. It won't run long without oil but it won't run at all without the ignition of fuel.

 

[Noxvera]

This is different for everybody, as you can read he said he could not be consistent and didn't put effort into meditating.

Alright my friend, if that's the case... he shouldn't feel guilty, he did what he could (I advise him to try more). I think he gained wisdom and experience from this situation that will benefit him in his life, and perhaps the awareness he gained will help him a lot in his next life...

 

[Noxvera]

No that’s not it I have been having troubles with consistency ever since I was young and had no privacy, so I have not been meditating for 8 years at all. That’s what I’m venting about, why am I not able to be consistent, not just with meditations, career too. Even if I know what’s right or wrong, and I no longer have any excuses.
I feel stuck or blocked.

Never back down, you must not give up, don't convince yourself otherwise. Bruce Lee once said that the worst thing you can do is speak negatively about yourself, even if you're joking! My friend, you need to understand the reason behind your problem and work on solving it. You need to commit to your career, you need to realize how important this is. If you can deeply understand and realize this, you won't face any problems, because you will align yourself with your conviction. You may think you know what's right and wrong, but if your inner self is not convinced of what is right, that’s something you need to change – convince it! If you need help, I'm here, we are brothers. (By the way, how old are you?)

 

[serpentwalker666]

Thank you brother.

Sometimes I just feel like I’m wasted potential and this feeling hurts.

I was speaking with a friend of mine recently talking about how fast the time passed.

I remember when I was 16 and was doing some freelance marketing work, it was unheard of in my country at the time and especially my age as I was doing great money, that grown CEO men at 40 in my country would dream of.

I had big dreams and ambitions, and I told all my friends that in my 20s I would buy my dream home, would scale my work and turn it into a business that makes $10k/month instead of the $2k/month I was doing at the time, and I personally thought that I would be advanced spiritually since I was actually more consistent in my yoga practice and meditations back then.

Now I look at myself now, and I would be ashamed to speak to my younger self, I would be ashamed to tell him that he was actually my prime, when he had such high hopes for me and felt he wasn’t good enough.

I don’t even make nearly the same amount I was making at 16, don’t have my own home wouldn’t even dream of buying one atm, and even if I tried to get a full-time job I would make a measly $200/month, and I haven’t been as consistent or successful with meditations for years.

Sad thing is, I can do stuff now..
I have privacy now, I didn’t when I was younger.
My family situation is better.
I have an SS girlfriend that loves me.
I have nice and loyal friends. (Both SS and normies)
I really have no excuse.

But I’m tired, I’m withered, I don’t have the same fire I had when I was younger. That unstoppable, relentless fire feels unreachable and it hurts.

I feel humiliated that I feel that I don’t amount to anything.

I feel powerless that I’m not rich enough to go buy a house and get married and support the love of my life with all I have.

I feel powerless that I’m not rich enough to retire my mom if she wants to and buy gifts for my brothers and sisters and family and friends.

Back then when I was 16 I would feel all this and go destroy everything that would stop me and I was a go getter.
It was also because of pain, pain and lack of control motivated me back then. Now I’m stuck?

Now I don’t know if I can, I know I have it in me somewhere and I still try again.

I know I can, I really do, but I don’t know. I keep trying again.

Just keep doing your best and moving forward. As long as you keep doing your meditations, god rituals, schedules and make as much material progress as you can realistically you'll be fine.

Trust me when I can say I know exactly how you feel here, as I feel I have no made the progress I was after either in many ways by this point in time. However, we must be fair to ourselves and not dwell on this so that we can overcome these obstacles.

As long as we are doing what is necessary for this, it comes along sooner or later as a result of our actions.