Daemonica
Active member
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2024
- Messages
- 592
Greetings.
The question in the title is clear, but I would like to open it up a bit more and ask for your advice on how I should proceed with an incident I have experienced. What I would like to ask is this; we have people we love in our lives, of course not everyone is perfect, and people we love can also hurt us 'really unintentionally'. I personally believe that most unintentional behavior should be forgiven, but this raises a few questions in my mind. These are as follows:
I have a childhood friend whom I've known since I was very young; we've been there for each other almost all the time, even though we've had our differences at times (like studying at different schools, but I don't think we've ever had a serious fight). But in the past year, we've both had some unpleasant events happen to us; I received a death threat for a few months, and my friend lost a loved one and still hasn't recovered. Anyway, I'm not trying to get into a pissing contest about the pain we've been through, because even though the events and reactions we both experienced and reacted to were different, I can definitely say that we were both affected incredibly badly. Throughout this process, we didn't hesitate to support each other both financially and emotionally, and when you know a person for so many years and grow up together, you have a bond like a brotherhood.
But for the last 1.5 months, I feel that things have been bad between me and him. At first we had a small argument, and when he said something like “I need to be alone for a while, let's not talk for a while”, I asked him “Are we okay?”; but when he heard this, he said a lot, and about a week later he apologized saying that we were fine and that he exploded at me because of what he had experienced. But after that, every 2-3 conversations I had with him started to turn into arguments, and every time I warned him that I didn't start the arguments, I was just trying to get support and give support, he apologized. Finally, I exploded at him and he said that he didn't mean to upset me; he just said that what he went through really affected him badly and he didn't know what to do, etc. We haven't spoken to him for a while.
Now here's the situation, before the summer came, I used to take him out from time to time and buy him drinks-dinner etc.; although there is no problem between us when we come together like this, whenever he calls me on the phone, the conversation escalates and evolves into an argument. As I said, I warned him a lot, I took his word to pull himself together and not to explode at me, but I believe that if I talk to him again, we can argue again. He also has this ridiculous habit, if we don't talk for a month, he thinks that something bad has happened to me and calls me on the phone at night; I tell him that he doesn't need to do this, that we can talk at normal times because we need to return to normal now, but he doesn't seem to care much about it. For example, the night of the day I wrote this, he might call me on the phone around 2-3 am and say something like “I hope you didn't hurt yourself?” (I have never physically harmed myself in my life and never will). I tell him that we don't need to talk only on bad days, and he might say something like “What I'm going through is very heavy, show me a little more understanding” and start arguing again in the middle of the night. It's starting to bother me that he starts arguments like that, and that he wakes me up in the middle of the night, convinced that I'm going to hurt myself.
I am - unfortunately - very experienced in cutting people out of my life and even if it's a childhood friend, I can cut ties, etc. and cut my friend out of my life without batting an eye. But as I said, I see him as my brother, I try to support him in what he is going through (because he is trying to support me) and I believe I am being very understanding, but I am getting very tired of finding myself in constant arguments.
I have my red lines, and as I said, I could cut him out of my life because I'm tired of being upset all the time on a consistent basis, even though I would be quite upset once in a while as a result. But if there is a possibility that I can somehow get him out of this situation, I can use this possibility to the fullest. So I have opened this giant article to ask you if there is such a possibility.
Please tell me, how can I get my friend and myself out of this situation?
The question in the title is clear, but I would like to open it up a bit more and ask for your advice on how I should proceed with an incident I have experienced. What I would like to ask is this; we have people we love in our lives, of course not everyone is perfect, and people we love can also hurt us 'really unintentionally'. I personally believe that most unintentional behavior should be forgiven, but this raises a few questions in my mind. These are as follows:
- The other person has unintentionally harmed us, and we have warned him, but he is not making any effort to correct himself and continues to harm us unintentionally from time to time. Should we continue to warn him or should we draw a red line and distance ourselves?
- Let me add to the scenario I described in the first question, we should not remove this person from our lives because he/she is someone who opens every door for us; how can we effectively warn the other party in this scenario? Or what kind of work can we do to influence the other party? (It would be very nice if you can give examples of work such as runes, and I wonder if Binding Spell can be done in such a scenario).
- I am not sure where to draw the red line on this issue. I can be infinitely forgiving if the behavior, which I believe to be unintentional, is done to me at long intervals, but if I am exposed to the same thing once, twice, twice or 5-6 times in a short period of time, it seems necessary to draw a red line. I would still like to know your opinion.
I have a childhood friend whom I've known since I was very young; we've been there for each other almost all the time, even though we've had our differences at times (like studying at different schools, but I don't think we've ever had a serious fight). But in the past year, we've both had some unpleasant events happen to us; I received a death threat for a few months, and my friend lost a loved one and still hasn't recovered. Anyway, I'm not trying to get into a pissing contest about the pain we've been through, because even though the events and reactions we both experienced and reacted to were different, I can definitely say that we were both affected incredibly badly. Throughout this process, we didn't hesitate to support each other both financially and emotionally, and when you know a person for so many years and grow up together, you have a bond like a brotherhood.
But for the last 1.5 months, I feel that things have been bad between me and him. At first we had a small argument, and when he said something like “I need to be alone for a while, let's not talk for a while”, I asked him “Are we okay?”; but when he heard this, he said a lot, and about a week later he apologized saying that we were fine and that he exploded at me because of what he had experienced. But after that, every 2-3 conversations I had with him started to turn into arguments, and every time I warned him that I didn't start the arguments, I was just trying to get support and give support, he apologized. Finally, I exploded at him and he said that he didn't mean to upset me; he just said that what he went through really affected him badly and he didn't know what to do, etc. We haven't spoken to him for a while.
Now here's the situation, before the summer came, I used to take him out from time to time and buy him drinks-dinner etc.; although there is no problem between us when we come together like this, whenever he calls me on the phone, the conversation escalates and evolves into an argument. As I said, I warned him a lot, I took his word to pull himself together and not to explode at me, but I believe that if I talk to him again, we can argue again. He also has this ridiculous habit, if we don't talk for a month, he thinks that something bad has happened to me and calls me on the phone at night; I tell him that he doesn't need to do this, that we can talk at normal times because we need to return to normal now, but he doesn't seem to care much about it. For example, the night of the day I wrote this, he might call me on the phone around 2-3 am and say something like “I hope you didn't hurt yourself?” (I have never physically harmed myself in my life and never will). I tell him that we don't need to talk only on bad days, and he might say something like “What I'm going through is very heavy, show me a little more understanding” and start arguing again in the middle of the night. It's starting to bother me that he starts arguments like that, and that he wakes me up in the middle of the night, convinced that I'm going to hurt myself.
I am - unfortunately - very experienced in cutting people out of my life and even if it's a childhood friend, I can cut ties, etc. and cut my friend out of my life without batting an eye. But as I said, I see him as my brother, I try to support him in what he is going through (because he is trying to support me) and I believe I am being very understanding, but I am getting very tired of finding myself in constant arguments.
I have my red lines, and as I said, I could cut him out of my life because I'm tired of being upset all the time on a consistent basis, even though I would be quite upset once in a while as a result. But if there is a possibility that I can somehow get him out of this situation, I can use this possibility to the fullest. So I have opened this giant article to ask you if there is such a possibility.
Please tell me, how can I get my friend and myself out of this situation?
