Well...what now?

[Kieith666]

I really hope this gets approved, as this is gonna be a bit of a rant and kinda long..but I gotta come clean and I have no where else to turn.

Recently I think I might have made Satan so angry with me that he might have left me.

I had a misunderstanding with another God who said something along the lines of "you're not a soldier" (I think I misheard it??) recently and I freaked out because I have done so much warfare the past year...not even joking. My emotional reactions are intense btw. I cry, my brain goes a 10 miles a second and I have trouble calming down. When I did calm down and ask for clarification, it felt like they didn't want to answer me after that freak out. So I panicked more. I want to say that I HAVE been working on this with void meditation and runes..etc, so I've been trying to make an effort to change my emotional reactions and outburst

I've also been working on my clairaudience points for a year and they are kinda opening. So obviously I can't hear everything (my own fault). I went somewhere with a friend that day and did online warfare almost the whole time on my phone. Practically begging Satan internally to not leave me. This has happened a few times already regrettably. I misunderstand, I panic, it feels like he left, I cry and beg, things are ok for a while....then another misunderstanding happens...repeat.

This time though, I swore I wouldn't be bothersome. I broke that promise and bothered Satan almost the whole day in a panic..begging him not to leave me and that I could still change. I want to mention most of the promises I've made to Satan/Gods I write down as I have shit memory. I even had a working to fix that planned soon...) but I broke all of them in the heat of the moment. They were things like "don't complain", "no pitty parties"...etc things like that.

Then things were ok for a day or two (as I WAS doing something to keep control of my emotions) then.. I focus on Satan's sigil before bed, and I find out he hasnt forgiven me.

I had a somewhat broken conversation with a couple of Gods (I think?) and I won't go into detail but I could tell these were Satanic beings, as Satan's sigil was right there and I tend to see blue dots when I talk to the Gods, or when theyre around. It turns out I've been really disrespectful and rude to him by doing this and the promise thing, and that he's left me(?), even though I never wanted to, or felt like I've left him (I still refuse to leave him...) but when I say things like "I've never left him" I hear things like "I didn't ask" or "enough" or "this is embarrassing" (I...agree, it is )
not to mention I feel an angry/annoyed pushback when i focus on his sigil.

I promised them a while back that I would never commit suicide because I wanted to repay them for everything they've done for me. The enemy has been trying their hardest to get me to do that AND has been putting some nasty invasive thoughts in my head. But now I don't know what to do..

I KNOW the consequences of suicide. Which is why I WON'T be doing that. I heard a God say "you shouldn't" and "you'll regret it" when I was contemplating it a while back. And yeah... I agree.
But I'm more worried about my AOPs not doing shit against a more powerful enemy attack (especially when I'm asleep) And I'm worried where my soul will go should something happen.

Not to be dramatic, but Satanism is my everything. How could I live without the truth??? The enemy can take EVERYTHING away from me if I do RTRs, or even meditate maybe.

I was thinking about staying alive just to spite the enemy...but I know myself well enough that I'll end up doing an RTR or 2 or 8 and then the enemy would take notice... i don't want the enemy to harm me or any Gentile... I heard something along the lines of "they'll blind you" and "they'll reveal you/are looking for you" which makes me want to panic. Not to mention I've been seeing 6 and 66 EVERYWHERE for the past few weeks!

I still refuse to leave Satan... and I still refuse to turn my back on him and the Gods...(I just heard "I'm sorry" as I typed this) I won't ever leave him, but I don't think he really sees any value in me anymore.. I have had some SERIOUSLY fucked up thoughts that come into my head about Satan that I WOULD NEVER EVER SAY TO HIM!!!

According to another God (the same God I had the panic over I think), I have to wait until Friday with this uncertainty and pain... I don't know if I should trust this, or if it's the enemy (I suspect so) cause "taking a break from Satanism" is suspicious to me. But the God who told me to do this I felt was the real deal.. but then why would a God tell me "this is a good thing for you" and tell me to wait until Friday and to not do RTRs (they've tried to stop me)....they said something about wisdom and I didn't clearly hear the rest. Is this supposed to be a lesson or is this the enemy? I'm so scared he doesn't accept me anymore... my day has been full of panic and I really fear for my life.

I do spiritual/online warfare, I contribute to the online groups/forum, I meditate and was starting to make healthy changes... why is this happening? The Gods are never wrong and they act just. So obviously I'm doing something wrong.

I know some answers may be like "ignore it it's the enemy!" And i really wish this was the case, so I COULD ignore it and continue to do RTRs, (especially on Halloween!!!!), meditate and advance myself.


I'm looking for honest advice here... I really fear for my loved ones lives and mine. And I don't want my path to end here. I keep hearing "this is/was a mistake" and "[you're]? horrible" and such..

Honestly... if I didnt care for the path, there is NO WAY I would be worrying about it THIS much... I really am desperate to stay..

 

[FancyMancy]

Wasn't there another thread like this a bit ago? Are you the same person?

You might want to go on another crying spree before reading my reply; I am going to be blunt.

Would a God tell you you are not helping if you have done a lot of work? You need to clear your Mind and Clairaudience Points and be certain they were a God of Satan.

Having such a reaction of overly-emotiveness is nice for the enemy to steal those energies. Now they know your weakness and will not stop exploiting that.

Satan and the Gods are not jewish. There is no begging and pleading. The more you say, the less-than-zero it sounds like Satan and any of Our Gods. Stop communicating Astrally, and open your Clairaudience points properly. You have learnt to be so emotional and you have learnt to over-react so much. I'm going to be blunt - shut the fuck up and calm down. I repeat - you have learnt to do these things. Un-learn them. "How?" By not doing them. You have a brain, have you not, which can make decisions, can it not?

Other than my dedication ritual, I have not yet once said "I promise to..." or "I swear that I will...". This is my personal decision and I will change that whenever I am ready. You are a masochist, and you want to be beaten and whipped into a petrified non-you (read my recent reply to the thread https://ancient-forums.com/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=780).

I'm not going to read anymore. Just shut up and get a hold of yourself.

I just noticed,

I know some answers may be like "ignore it it's the enemy!"

Saying that won't stop us from saying it. You can "argue" whatever you want, putting up blocks to try and cut us off from going down that avenue of advice for you, or you can shut up and stop crying. Don't bother asking how, or giving any reasons and excuses. Just shut up and do it.

Go deprogramme yourself. When uprooting the weeds of your Soul, all the shit comes up with it, and your Garden is a mess. It takes time to remove all the rotted roots and bits of roots that snap off, and it takes time to fill in the hole nicely and plant nice flowers and have a beautiful flowerbed again. You don't like work. Fine. Be sad and cry all your life. Alternatively, shut up and sort your garden out. We can't - and won't - do it for you.

 

[Kieith666]

Wasn't there another thread like this a bit ago? Are you the same person?

You might want to go on another crying spree before reading my reply; I am going to be blunt.

Would a God tell you you are not helping if you have done a lot of work? You need to clear your Mind and Clairaudience Points and be certain they were a God of Satan.

Having such a reaction of overly-emotiveness is nice for the enemy to steal those energies. Now they know your weakness and will not stop exploiting that.

Satan and the Gods are not jewish. There is no begging and pleading. The more you say, the less-than-zero it sounds like Satan and any of Our Gods. Stop communicating Astrally, and open your Clairaudience points properly. You have learnt to be so emotional and you have learnt to over-react so much. I'm going to be blunt - shut the fuck up and calm down. I repeat - you have learnt to do these things. Un-learn them. "How?" By not doing them. You have a brain, have you not, which can make decisions, can it not?

Other than my dedication ritual, I have not yet once said "I promise to..." or "I swear that I will...". This is my personal decision and I will change that whenever I am ready. You are a masochist, and you want to be beaten and whipped into a petrified non-you (read my recent reply to the thread https://ancient-forums.com/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=780).

I'm not going to read anymore. Just shut up and get a hold of yourself.

I just noticed,

I know some answers may be like "ignore it it's the enemy!"

Saying that won't stop us from saying it. You can "argue" whatever you want, putting up blocks to try and cut us off from going down that avenue of advice for you, or you can shut up and stop crying. Don't bother asking how, or giving any reasons and excuses. Just shut up and do it.

Go deprogramme yourself. When uprooting the weeds of your Soul, all the shit comes up with it, and your Garden is a mess. It takes time to remove all the rotted roots and bits of roots that snap off, and it takes time to fill in the hole nicely and plant nice flowers and have a beautiful flowerbed again. You don't like work. Fine. Be sad and cry all your life. Alternatively, shut up and sort your garden out. We can't - and won't - do it for you.

Nah, I always like reading your very to-the-point replies, no worries.

I'm quite aware I have to stop the bullshit. I just started getting into that "though" mentality you described just recently. I'm just stating how I got into the mess in the first place and where this weakness got me now. But you are right, I don't disagree with anything you've said.

I've been doing deprograming workings, yes. I know it's a processs. I've actually made some (not quite there yet) progress with controlling my emotional outbursts and thoughts by adopting the mentality that your reply emanates.

It just throws me off how when I meditate now, I'm constantly dogpilled by enemy entities/energies where as before, I didn't have this problem at all.

I will be tough about it no doubt. I can't cry or be scared if I'm focused and in control. im just worried my best won't be enough. Suraye x216, affirmation x40 AUM suraye x20 and these things are back at it full force a few minutes later.

 

[Dahaarkan]

This is a waste of time for everyone involved including yourself. Perform your duties as a Satanist and continue to work on your soul. I recommend you simply stop pestering Satan or any of his demons with this, and IGNORE everything that is told to you by any entities, until you can understand clearly what is being told to you and who is speaking.

I did this for the first year or so of being a Satanist and it has quite literally saved me from delusion and insanity. You are absolutely hysterical over nothing, really. Satan is highly unlikely to waste time with such petty matters.

You're doing alright Kieith, and you're not the first to experience this kind of thing. Just focus and keep going.

 

[FancyMancy]

I've actually made some (not quite there yet) progress

Boom. Fail. Every time you negate a positive thought or thing you just said, you fail. I also mentioned recently to say positive things about yourself. "I can do this", or better yet "I am doing this". Never negate it - "...(I'm not there yet)..." - because that undoes the positivity. Then it makes it harder.

A lot of the time, it's just a seed in your mind and you grow that weed in your garden. The enemy entities are incessant, and waste as little time and energy as possible - they plant the seed knowing you will nurse and grow it.

It just throws me off...

No, it doesn't throw you off, does it? Does it? On the Yahoo! Groups, I said to someone that I take perverse pleasure in having power over them - and I don't know them, other than a bit of text online! I could just ignore them, which is sound advice - and extremely important advice for ignoring entities pestering you - but I like to feed intenet trolls. They might not be a troll, per se, but I can turn them into such! :twisted: (Yes, that makes me a troll, as well. whistles nonchallantly) It proves a subtle point that I am not about to reveal.

I will be tough about it

When? The mind and magick doesn't know nor understand "will". I am tough about it, OK?!

im just worried

Nooo... You're not. You're not worried. Why not? Why are you not worried?

Can you handle that many vibrations/repetitions? The enemy entities steal energies. You might be feeding them more than you are protecting and defending yourself.

IGNORE everything that is told to you by any entities

Exactly as Dahaarkan says, ignore them. You are feeding these entities, and they love you (well, you know) for it. It's not a mere analogy that the jew is a parasite, and these thoughtforms and other things are also literal parasites.

After having been drained of your energies, which you are feeding these entities, you have to go to someone, or come here, and regain your lost/stolen/freely-given energies. That is turning you into a vampire, and people might decide to 'cut you off' as your lifeline. Spiritual Satanism is for the strong. I haven't put a lot of thought into this, but I might say that persistence is a lower form of strength. It could be a weakness, depending on the context. Persisting to parasitise and be a vampire to regain your energies is weak... Persisting in the face of adversity - for the right reasons - is strong. How you go about it makes a difference.

 

[Waric_Lyco]

Sermon from HPS Maxine, copied from Joy of Satan sermons 2010 pdf in Satan's Library.


Does Satan Ever Leave His Disciples?

Does Satan ever leave is disciples? Sometimes I feel like he has left me.
Reply: Be strong and keep up on your meditations and try to do kundalini and hatha
yoga every day. Satan and his Demons are and have been extremely busy.
There are times I don't hear from them for days or more. I understand because I
know they are busy. There is a lot at stake here and what is going on in this
world right now.
The Eve of Beltane will more than likely be exceptionally busy for the Powers of
Hell this year. Try to work on empowering yourself and join in the fight to destroy
our enemies. Christianity is falling fast. We need more and more people to work
relentlessly to completely destroy this hideous and most odious monster.
Hell's Army E-Group
There have been many times I have not heard from Satan or any Demons for
days, but they are responsible and always on top of things. There was a near
extremely serious and potentially disastrous situation, which would have been
catastrophic for a loved one. I called upon Satan urgently and again, experienced
another one of his miracles. Nothing happened to my shock and amazement.
The loved one was shocked as well, and will always remember this, and knows
Satan is real. This was very personal, but I can't say enough of how thankful I
was to Satan [again and hundreds of times over], and how Satan handled this
situation, which was nothing short of a total miracle. I have experienced many of
his miracles.
Satan doesn't leave us."

 

[IA13]

The solution to your problem is pragmatism, one has to know demons and the father of all demons, and the Aryans with his atavism returning to becoming demigods themselves, perhaps lesser gods, would be intelligent enough, for there to be no misunderstandings.

If he knows your not open yet, and everything you hear is coming through garbled buried things in your mind, your own subconscious, and idea about self image not to mention social conditioning, even beyond any enemy masquerading in your own voice, he wont hold it against you.

If a message is positive and or constructive, it could be from him or demon family. If a manifestation ends badly, through weird impulses, unlike whats in your deepest heart its likely a deception, a true demon would not be deceived.

Demons are masters of the mind, humans in a delusional state closed off to the gods live in a perpetual state of delusion and self deception to maintain and prop up a false concept of self image.

This is a sickness,collectively enforced in the context. Satan and all the powers of hell are the cure.. If it is useful it is potentially true. Demons will never be Anti-you or confuse or punish you for not hearing properly at first or ever give up on you.

Renumber your are not that sickness, even if it speaks in your voice, you are just so afflicted. Just concentrate on getting better and consult the doctors of hell. Oh and spiritual fight, no grimly but euphoric pleasure, this will build your will.

 

[HPS Lydia]

First of all, the Gods are not petty children! They won't get angry at you for such minor (in the grand scheme of things) stuff.

Secondly, the gods usually do not give actual dates. I've noticed nearly every time someone says a Gods told them something would happen on a certain date, it turns out to be inaccurate.

It seems like you are going through what many people have gone through... I have had many email conversations with people sounding just like this. You are beginning to lose grip on reality.

Here's what you do: Chill, and stop trying to communicate with the Gods, because you aren't communicating with them. You are communicating with your mind and/or the enemy. This is clear as day. Just chill, focus on doing meditations, do your AoP and know that it is working and will get stronger by the day, take time to do random stuff like listen to music or watch some funny cat videos on youtube. I'm not kidding, we are only human and we need to let our brains relax.

After some time of this, you will realize you have gotten through the worst of this and you can try communicating with the Gods again.

This isn't to say that we should not ask for guidance etc from the Gods, but it's when people are so desperate for answers and constantly trying to communicate with the Gods,, that they end up not communicating with the actual Gods.

Also, check your transits. Neptune can cause problems like this, or make it easier for the enemy to trick you etc.

I recommend you simply stop pestering Satan or any of his demons with this, and IGNORE everything that is told to you by any entities, until you can understand clearly what is being told to you and who is speaking.
I did this for the first year or so of being a Satanist and it has quite literally saved me from delusion and insanity.

I did this as well, and it also saved my from delusion and insanity.

 

[Kieith666]

Thank you everyone, your replies are very very helpful

@FanyMancy and @Dahaarkan are absolutely right. The energy vampire stuff is especially something I should keep an eye out for, Thanks. I still completed all my duties yesterday, despite the panicky tone in my OP. I'm not letting this happen agin.

@ Lydia you're right, i just don't want to be disrespectful or anything in case it IS them. But i guess thats how it happened in the first place. Sometimes i know 100% it's them, other times i don't. Your advice is heavily appreciated.

They haven't stopped me from meditating or anything like that, but they have expressed concern that my meditation sessions usually aren't good enough. (which may or may not be of the enemy) which again makes me uneasy, since i do feel like i put in real effort. (maybe not enough?) then that leaves me to believe that my best isn't enough so i try harder and harder and it just causes more stress. But i've never heard anything about them discouraging me from mediating, even recently.

As for the thing with the dates, i don't usually hear whats going to happen. but something usually does. Nothing major though, just good days or bad days with meditation. It might not even be them telling me those things though. I know we have 2 spirits in our house, so for all i know they could be saying things to me too.

I really am sorry to have wasted people's time here, i didn't realize. lesson learned. But all of this advice has been very helpful. I hope everyone has a good Samhain!

 

[HPS Lydia]

@Kieith: You'll be fine And I don't think it was a waste of anyone's time to write your OP, as I'm sure there are other SS who are experiencing the same thing and can benefit from this thread.

 

[FancyMancy]

...

I realise that it helps to type things or write things, but remember that we don't need updates on your progress and things. Please don't feel (!) obligated to do so.

If you don't have one, get a diary/journal. It's also recommended by some to get your own black book and record your meditations, workings, and spiritual progress in that. Reviewing it could help in some ways or others. It's a most excellent recommendation - and more so, action - to communicate these things with LORD Satan. Give Him your emotional outbursts, and offer politely that He uses those energies for whatever He wishes. Don't reveal to me/on here what sign you are and your Astrology, but maybe (More than likely!) you have a lot of emotional influences. Satan can handle these - but remember that Satan isn't a jew-on-a-stick; there is no need to beg and plead with Him.

Start soon to be more objective, and don't neither suppress your emotions nor let them get out-of-hand. Focus upon Satan's sigil/s and meditate on them. Sooner or later, though, you'll have to move on and then become stronger and advance yourself; you don't want to be sat in front of Satan's sigils crying forever, until you're old and then die. That's a waste. Just start small with a couple of things - and do AoP, Aura Cleaning, and Chakra Cleaning, as well as Void meditation - then go on from there.

 

[13th_Wolf]

...

you don't want to be sat in front of Satan's sigils crying forever

:lol: :lol: :lol: I'm sorry but I couldn't help myself. 'twas a funny picture that ended my mind when I read that XD.

 

[FancyMancy]

...

you don't want to be sat in front of Satan's sigils crying forever

:lol: :lol: :lol: I'm sorry but I couldn't help myself. 'twas a funny picture that ended my mind when I read that XD.

Hehe. I like to toss in a bit of humour, be it subtle or obvious. ;-)

 

[AncientShadow666]

well kieith, everything has been said :lol: ive been through the same thing, those are really just enemies or you are playing jokes with your own mind, just gotta do the "shut the fuck up and do it" as fancy mancy said, i mean you said you wanted to kill yourself in the past, so that was the first priority enemy tried to do it with you, but once YOU REALIZED the truth behind it all, by that i mean that there is definitely NO FUCKING REASON TO DO IT, enemy knows that this will not work anymore, soooo they try to find other weak spots, and ofcourse people who are emotional, unstable maybe or have unstable psyche, they will definitely tried to be manipulated by the enemy ( im talking out of experience), but the main point is YOUR REALISATION OF THIS SITUATIONS, which means YOU HAVE TO KNOW it is the enemy, and you also have to know that gods are not some stupid kids who will get angry over nothing.... these are extremely intelligent beings, remember that.... sure, once you get over all this and put yourself together, enemy will always try to find weak spots or try to see what is working and where you will be triggered.... the important key is the realisation and understand of it all so there will be no reason of fear and panic and stupid decisions after you do that

 

[Lasollor]

, my brain goes a 10 miles a second and I have trouble calming down..

Tip: Vibrating (white energy) AUM to the brain will really help still the raging rivers of the mind.

Hail Satan

 

[Aquarius]

, my brain goes a 10 miles a second and I have trouble calming down..

Tip: Vibrating (white energy) AUM to the brain will really help still the raging rivers of the mind.

Hail Satan

This is from 2 years ago