Ignisalas
Member
- Joined
- Nov 4, 2017
- Messages
- 288
Hello, I've been a member of JoS for over 5 years now, but I've never posted on the yahoo groups or forums before, but recently I've had a lot of problems and negative thoughts come to mind.
I didn't come to Satanism like most of you here. Years ago I only thought that Satan and the demons where evil beings because of Christian programming. I was always attracted to witchcraft and things like that, and I had heard all the stories over the years of how people would 'sell their soul' for money, fame and power, etc. I didn't know any better back then, so I actually tried this.
I didn't have a peaceful childhood I guess you could say.
Ive been studying astrology a lot and I can say that I've learned a thing or two about astrology from the Azazel's astrology page, and reading the posts of you guys here.
I have a natal retrograde pluto in my 4th house and I also have Saturn in my 8th house.
I never had a fun or happy childhood growing up. I lived in extreme poverty and I still do, but im working to fix that issue. And there was also total chaos in my home thanks to my pluto. Its really did some damage to my overall personality and how I view the world around me.
Because of the Saturn in my chart, I never had sex and ive never been with a woman, and I eventually gave up completely on trying. Its caused a lot of stress on me and a lot of inner conflicts and negativity over the years by not having a proper sexual outlet that I cant get out of my mind. Atleast I know that im not the only one like this and theres people in this world that's in far worse shape than I am.
When I was about 16 I tried the whole, 'soul selling' thing and I thought that I would be fine after then, but I didn't know that the whole sell your soul thing was false. I just wanted to escape the horrible life that I had. Back then I didn't know about JoS and I only believed in the 'Christian version'
of Satan, so you can imagine the horrible things I was going through in life if I literally thought I would 'burn for eternity' for 'selling my soul' and was actually pushed far enough to try it. I got deep into Satanism shorty after that because I thought if Satan owns my soul, I guess I should start studying Satanism.
I came across a youtube video and I cant remember the name of it but I remember people where arguing in the comments section about Satan and Demons not being evil and things like that. I said outloud while trying my best to talk to Satan, asking him to show me the truth of all of this. A while after that I found JoS and ive been a member ever since then.
Its been fun over the years studying about Satan and being a member here, but ive also had a lot of doubts and worries.
I've tried my best to open my chakras and stuff, but I just cant have any luck at it. I cant focus good enough on them, and I cant 'feel' them at all. My mind trails off and before I know it im thinking about other things than the meditation im doing at the time. I think I don't put enough effort into it, or Im just not taking it serious enough. Ive had a lot of positive feelings though. Ive felt my third eye a lot. I think its open but my overall astral senses aren't strong enough to pick up on the astral yet.
One of the biggest problems im having is I don't really think that Satan actually accepts me, and my attempts to contact and talk with demons in every way ive tried have failed. I don't know why I was led to JoS only to be left alone and ignored like this. I know that Satan and the Demons are busy and things, but after 5 years of no contact, it feels like they don't really care.
I wonder who my guardian demon is. Im not sure, but ive narrowed it down to Beelzebub, Amon Ra, and Bune. I don't know why, but I feel attracted to these three more than the others.
If any of these three tell any of you something while reading this, please let me know, it'll really ease the stress im going through. I know theres a lot of you guys that have very strong astral senses.
I see a lot of people on the groups and forums that go through a lot of problems and a lot of pain, and I want to help them, but im stuck in a position where I cant even help myself.
The years feel like there passing by so fast, and I cant escape the poverty ive lived in, and ive put so much power into attracting money to myself, but it seems to not work at all. I need help in the worst way. Before you guys say anything about the dedication ritual on the site, ive already done it years ago. As a matter of fact ive did it twice, because I told Satan one day that I wanted to start over and try to do things right. I don't know why I feel so left out and Ignored. Ive never asked the gods for money or anything like that. Ive always tried to do money meditations and things myself, but I just wish they would show me the way out of this negative life. Ive tried my best at the meditations but I feel like im not getting anywhere with them. I still live in an intense and chaotic home, and I want to get out of here in the fastest way possible.
I hate the jews for sucking all the money out of the world and forcing me to live this way.
These fucking retards are just tools and they don't understand that the lizards they worship hate their guts just as much as they hate gentiles.
I told Satan a long time ago that I wanted to be a soldier and fight for him, but recently ive really had a lot of doubts and worries and ive been slacking off the final RTR because of it. A lot of times I wonder if this is actually real or is it just all a joke. I just want to have a happy life and not be so lonely and depressed, and to finally escape this negative mindset that ive had all my life.
"Those who suffer for my sake, I will surely reward in one of the worlds" I sure hope this is true. because suffering through the years while trying to fight for Satan is all ive done.
I didn't come to Satanism like most of you here. Years ago I only thought that Satan and the demons where evil beings because of Christian programming. I was always attracted to witchcraft and things like that, and I had heard all the stories over the years of how people would 'sell their soul' for money, fame and power, etc. I didn't know any better back then, so I actually tried this.
I didn't have a peaceful childhood I guess you could say.
Ive been studying astrology a lot and I can say that I've learned a thing or two about astrology from the Azazel's astrology page, and reading the posts of you guys here.
I have a natal retrograde pluto in my 4th house and I also have Saturn in my 8th house.
I never had a fun or happy childhood growing up. I lived in extreme poverty and I still do, but im working to fix that issue. And there was also total chaos in my home thanks to my pluto. Its really did some damage to my overall personality and how I view the world around me.
Because of the Saturn in my chart, I never had sex and ive never been with a woman, and I eventually gave up completely on trying. Its caused a lot of stress on me and a lot of inner conflicts and negativity over the years by not having a proper sexual outlet that I cant get out of my mind. Atleast I know that im not the only one like this and theres people in this world that's in far worse shape than I am.
When I was about 16 I tried the whole, 'soul selling' thing and I thought that I would be fine after then, but I didn't know that the whole sell your soul thing was false. I just wanted to escape the horrible life that I had. Back then I didn't know about JoS and I only believed in the 'Christian version'
of Satan, so you can imagine the horrible things I was going through in life if I literally thought I would 'burn for eternity' for 'selling my soul' and was actually pushed far enough to try it. I got deep into Satanism shorty after that because I thought if Satan owns my soul, I guess I should start studying Satanism.
I came across a youtube video and I cant remember the name of it but I remember people where arguing in the comments section about Satan and Demons not being evil and things like that. I said outloud while trying my best to talk to Satan, asking him to show me the truth of all of this. A while after that I found JoS and ive been a member ever since then.
Its been fun over the years studying about Satan and being a member here, but ive also had a lot of doubts and worries.
I've tried my best to open my chakras and stuff, but I just cant have any luck at it. I cant focus good enough on them, and I cant 'feel' them at all. My mind trails off and before I know it im thinking about other things than the meditation im doing at the time. I think I don't put enough effort into it, or Im just not taking it serious enough. Ive had a lot of positive feelings though. Ive felt my third eye a lot. I think its open but my overall astral senses aren't strong enough to pick up on the astral yet.
One of the biggest problems im having is I don't really think that Satan actually accepts me, and my attempts to contact and talk with demons in every way ive tried have failed. I don't know why I was led to JoS only to be left alone and ignored like this. I know that Satan and the Demons are busy and things, but after 5 years of no contact, it feels like they don't really care.
I wonder who my guardian demon is. Im not sure, but ive narrowed it down to Beelzebub, Amon Ra, and Bune. I don't know why, but I feel attracted to these three more than the others.
If any of these three tell any of you something while reading this, please let me know, it'll really ease the stress im going through. I know theres a lot of you guys that have very strong astral senses.
I see a lot of people on the groups and forums that go through a lot of problems and a lot of pain, and I want to help them, but im stuck in a position where I cant even help myself.
The years feel like there passing by so fast, and I cant escape the poverty ive lived in, and ive put so much power into attracting money to myself, but it seems to not work at all. I need help in the worst way. Before you guys say anything about the dedication ritual on the site, ive already done it years ago. As a matter of fact ive did it twice, because I told Satan one day that I wanted to start over and try to do things right. I don't know why I feel so left out and Ignored. Ive never asked the gods for money or anything like that. Ive always tried to do money meditations and things myself, but I just wish they would show me the way out of this negative life. Ive tried my best at the meditations but I feel like im not getting anywhere with them. I still live in an intense and chaotic home, and I want to get out of here in the fastest way possible.
I hate the jews for sucking all the money out of the world and forcing me to live this way.
These fucking retards are just tools and they don't understand that the lizards they worship hate their guts just as much as they hate gentiles.
I told Satan a long time ago that I wanted to be a soldier and fight for him, but recently ive really had a lot of doubts and worries and ive been slacking off the final RTR because of it. A lot of times I wonder if this is actually real or is it just all a joke. I just want to have a happy life and not be so lonely and depressed, and to finally escape this negative mindset that ive had all my life.
"Those who suffer for my sake, I will surely reward in one of the worlds" I sure hope this is true. because suffering through the years while trying to fight for Satan is all ive done.