Hi
Since early childhood, I have been fascinated by mystical teachings and have been trying to practice. It so happened that my life path ran through alcoholism and for about 10 years I drank very heavily and no treatment helped me. I came out of this period with the help of the 12 Steps program of Alcoholics Anonymous, which involved giving up my own vision of my life, goals and results. For more than 10 years, I have not consumed alcohol. I manage to feel the Presence of a Higher Power nearby, to be filled with the spirit of God, not bound by dogmas. I spent many years on pilgrimages and spiritual searches and found demonolatry, spiritual Satanism. My concept of Power has changed, which I believed in, which I can now define as Infinite Freedom, which is a personality and it is favorable to me. I have tried a lot to learn from different people who practice contacts with Daimons, but each time I came to the conclusion that ritual actions are given priority. While for me, as before, the main thing is contact with the Force, feeling it next to me, serving this Force. In no case do I want to devalue ritual actions, because this is also a service for me, but spiritual, internal actions are more important to me. It also involves giving up personal ambitions, goals taken from one's ego and life plans in general. I'm talking about total trust in my life and will to take care of this Force. In practice, I have found that I only limit myself to these goals and my own vision of my life. I have experience that as soon as I give up my own idea of how my life and my spiritual quest should go, wonderful things can happen, changes where the best comes to me, much better than I could have planned on my own. At this point, I disagreed with many teachers practicing demonolatry and following the Left-hand Path, who argued that this was a Christian approach and I should abandon this approach and devote more time to practices that involve burning candles, waving a knife and other mechanical actions. I am also told that I should, on the contrary, promote my vision for life, that is, pursue personal goals, and I come to devastating results as a result of attacks by the Christian egregor. But I don't believe in a Christian God. I can also hear the dead in the cemetery very well. I do not know the definition of the Power that I feel next to me, but I know for sure that the nature of daimons, darkness, along with high and noble ideals, is close to her. I see profanity in putting ritual actions more important than spiritual actions. It's obvious to me that even if I don't have any of the ritual items, I can freely contact the Force. I am asking you for a comment about "delegating" the management of my life to the Free Force that I feel. Because as soon as I start "doing what my ego wants", then destruction in life, loss of meaning and despair come. And as soon as I let this Power take care of my tomorrow, I feel peace and joy. Thus, it turns out that I have nothing to ask from the Daimons, but I can only offer them my service, totally trusting my life to the Power that is in the Daimons, which unites and generalizes absolutely everything in itself. As for goals, when I think about them, I come to the conclusion that I cornyly want wealth, sex.. but I realize that following the path of obsessive pursuit of pleasure is ruining my life. And my ideals are completely different. I tend to believe that by giving the future to the Force, giving it control over "what is good for me and what is bad", it will give me everything I need. But I can't give up demonolatry and spiritual Satanism either, because I feel the nature of Lucifer, Azazel, Belial and other daimons in my Power, as I wrote above. Unfortunately, I can't find like-minded people, I tried to contact and talk to many practitioners, but every time I come across the fact that they want money from me for a conversation, and from the position of the omniscient, to whom the newcomer turned. And I dream of a brotherhood where there is mutual help for seekers, communication, meetings. I apologize for the mistakes, I am writing through a translator.
Since early childhood, I have been fascinated by mystical teachings and have been trying to practice. It so happened that my life path ran through alcoholism and for about 10 years I drank very heavily and no treatment helped me. I came out of this period with the help of the 12 Steps program of Alcoholics Anonymous, which involved giving up my own vision of my life, goals and results. For more than 10 years, I have not consumed alcohol. I manage to feel the Presence of a Higher Power nearby, to be filled with the spirit of God, not bound by dogmas. I spent many years on pilgrimages and spiritual searches and found demonolatry, spiritual Satanism. My concept of Power has changed, which I believed in, which I can now define as Infinite Freedom, which is a personality and it is favorable to me. I have tried a lot to learn from different people who practice contacts with Daimons, but each time I came to the conclusion that ritual actions are given priority. While for me, as before, the main thing is contact with the Force, feeling it next to me, serving this Force. In no case do I want to devalue ritual actions, because this is also a service for me, but spiritual, internal actions are more important to me. It also involves giving up personal ambitions, goals taken from one's ego and life plans in general. I'm talking about total trust in my life and will to take care of this Force. In practice, I have found that I only limit myself to these goals and my own vision of my life. I have experience that as soon as I give up my own idea of how my life and my spiritual quest should go, wonderful things can happen, changes where the best comes to me, much better than I could have planned on my own. At this point, I disagreed with many teachers practicing demonolatry and following the Left-hand Path, who argued that this was a Christian approach and I should abandon this approach and devote more time to practices that involve burning candles, waving a knife and other mechanical actions. I am also told that I should, on the contrary, promote my vision for life, that is, pursue personal goals, and I come to devastating results as a result of attacks by the Christian egregor. But I don't believe in a Christian God. I can also hear the dead in the cemetery very well. I do not know the definition of the Power that I feel next to me, but I know for sure that the nature of daimons, darkness, along with high and noble ideals, is close to her. I see profanity in putting ritual actions more important than spiritual actions. It's obvious to me that even if I don't have any of the ritual items, I can freely contact the Force. I am asking you for a comment about "delegating" the management of my life to the Free Force that I feel. Because as soon as I start "doing what my ego wants", then destruction in life, loss of meaning and despair come. And as soon as I let this Power take care of my tomorrow, I feel peace and joy. Thus, it turns out that I have nothing to ask from the Daimons, but I can only offer them my service, totally trusting my life to the Power that is in the Daimons, which unites and generalizes absolutely everything in itself. As for goals, when I think about them, I come to the conclusion that I cornyly want wealth, sex.. but I realize that following the path of obsessive pursuit of pleasure is ruining my life. And my ideals are completely different. I tend to believe that by giving the future to the Force, giving it control over "what is good for me and what is bad", it will give me everything I need. But I can't give up demonolatry and spiritual Satanism either, because I feel the nature of Lucifer, Azazel, Belial and other daimons in my Power, as I wrote above. Unfortunately, I can't find like-minded people, I tried to contact and talk to many practitioners, but every time I come across the fact that they want money from me for a conversation, and from the position of the omniscient, to whom the newcomer turned. And I dream of a brotherhood where there is mutual help for seekers, communication, meetings. I apologize for the mistakes, I am writing through a translator.
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