Re: "Sexual Energy, Celibacy, ..." and personal issues.

[retrograde]

For the sake of not de railing the thread or offending anyone I've decided to make my own thread instead of replying to the other one. This was my response:

I have a problem where I'm so attracted to women that it makes me angry and even have homicidal thoughts at times. I've had luck with girls before but not since I've been out of jail. When I look at some women it drives me mad because I almost feel like it's something I could never have and even if I could it wouldn't last. Sexual dysfunction does actually seem to be driving me crazy. I never have seen much of a future for myself and the eventual outcome I imagine for myself is very ugly. These are things I wouldn't tell anybody and don't even feel comfortable admitting from behind a proxy.

It's not just women it's a lot of other issues too that contribute to my unwell-ness. I've been dealing with memories of having been ritually abused as a child and essentially human trafficked that I alternate between a certainly of the authenticity of, and complete denial. I want to kill these people and people like them if I can't find them. I'm pretty sure I have serious personality problems as a result of what happened. There are days when I can have difficulty communicating or feeling calm and even something like making eye contact with people can deeply unsettle and disturb me. These are issues I've been masking with drug use for years and I can function, as far as I can tell, what appears from the outside ( and what feels like to me at times) completely normally. As hard as that might be to believe. The stories a lot bigger than this and I've been studying the things that I believe happened to me for the past several years. It's almost the only focus of my mind when I'm not distracted. It's led me to walk around endlessly trying to re explore locations from my childhood and bring back more memory. The drugs I've used have helped me to recall more and more memory and I'm obsessed with recovering my memory. I'm very aware of the notion of false memory syndrome and all that nonsense and I while I know some of the things I remember aren't entirely accurate, I know that a lot of it is. There are things like scars on my body and the fact that I know the interiors of buildings and other places I was taken to that I have no other way of knowing details about. This story is a lot bigger than this and it's a big struggle for me to calmly go through it and organize details in order to communicate coherently about it. Another big problem is the amount of knowledge I'm amassed and the fact that most other people are going to be eons away from my understanding of these things. Another issue is that obviously nobody wants a blog post. Most of the time I myself can't stand to read about other people's problems and even though I try to understand people and help them when I can, I think that my problems will always be my own to deal with. That doesn't bother me very much.

I don't even feel comfortable being totally honest and blunt about my feelings and expectations of the future. This experience though has convinced me that a lot of murders and some mass shootings and terrorist attacks were carried about by people that went through similar abuse and through mind control have a view of life and reality that allowed them to be comfortable about and motivated to carry out these acts. I can't tell you exactly what they were thinking or feeling though, obviously.

And for fear of seeming like some asshole that is looking for attention and sympathy I probably wont ever manage to get complete closure about any of this. It's a fantastical sounding story. I've considered trying to reach out for help - the only outlets I've found have actually been christian sects that acknowledge that this and mind control are a real thing and they briefly allude to or mention knowing how to deprogram people.

When I was early on in this journey and didn't really understand what the hell was going on inside of my head - when the picture was not clear at all, I found myself one day inside of a church and had people trying to annoint me and telling me I had demons in me or something. I was having de ja vu (that occurred daily on and off for periods of weeks at a time) and mentioned to them that someone had showed me before that I was going to be here having this experience, one of them asked me if I was a warlock. I never went back to see these people again (they coerced me into their church when I was nearby outside, I didn't voluntarily engage them.)

Some of this abuse occurred inside of the basement of a church and a catholic day care center.
Another thing is that these people that did this to me actually have been in and out of my dreams having conversations with me and had me afraid for a long period of time that one day I was going to get pulled off the street, locked in a metal box for a long time to "get closer to god" and then killed in a snuff film.

I could write about this forever. I can't really say what I expect to gain from posting this but I feel very ugly some times, on the inside. Sometimes I feel like the only thing that can fix this is for me to clean up this mess with violence and then die and start a new life because all of the great blessings I was born with and that I can assume my life would have been filled with were intentionally taken away from me and can never be re gained.

Again I could write about this forever and maybe one day I will have written a understandable coherent story about all of this that I can share anonymously somewhere.. I know that it's hard to believe that someone could really feel comfortable chasing the end of their own life. It took a lot of adjusting and I don't think it's a cool thing at all, believe me.

I have dated before and am trying now since being out of jail to find another girlfriend. I haven't tried that hard but it's another obsession I have because aside from being in a relationship I don't want anything but to kill these evil people I've mentioned and start from a clean slate.

There are so many things that I want and feel like I can never have that I don't have any other strong desires in my life besides violence and, if I can get one, a deep connection to another person.

I know that I still have a good life because I'm not blind or deaf and I can walk and I have a high IQ and things like that.. and sometimes when my personality and my head are in the right place I see a miserable world around me full of suppressed people that I feel a desire to change the circumstances of and set free. Even so, the "issues" I have often overpower this and leave me feeling extremely angry and resentful and hostile.


So here it is - I've said all of this, and I'll check back and whatever is said will be said.

Be well JoS.

 

[Blitzkreig [JG]]

Wow, sorry you had to undergo such abuse. You are a strong person for coming thus far with such baggage.

I don't know if you considering this or not, however your details about your vague recollection and memory of the abuse and locations makes me think you did suffer abuse (I couldn't tell if you were saying you actually thought it happened or not) and your mind basically shoved it away into a corner of your psyche and locked it, due to the trauma associated with it.

What happens with MK-ultra style abuse is that the trauma from the abuse induces the mind to fragment into pieces, basically like alternate personalities. They then program each personality without the primary personality being aware of this. I don't know if this last step happened to you or not, but I do think you have a partially fragmented mind of which you are slowly regaining access to. This would explain how the memories seem authentic one day, then perhaps alien the next. In addition, it would also explain the memories of the buildings that you have without conscious explanation. I am assuming you read stuff like this already, so hopefully it would help to have some outside confirmation.

I don't think you need me to tell you that the problems afflicting your pysche, such as the sexuality issues, communication problems, and general feelings of anger and stress seem to be outward manifestations of what the abuse did to you. All this can be healed with the effort, so I would try not to stress about what are otherwise symptoms of the problem, and you should take solace that you will be made normal again, although certainly not overnight.

Like you said, it is true that those who commit mass shootings and other false flags also underwent similar mental abuse/conditioning. I think your hypothesis is pretty spot on. That being said, I also think your awareness of that fact is what will prevent you from being a victim to it, as your spirit is still strong and battling the abuse.

All the church stuff you describe afterwards is nuts, and constitutes abuse itself. That is crazy you had to endure that, and is another testament to your character. At least you now know what the enemy has in store for you. I do not think even well-intentioned Christian sects could do much anyway, as any actual power they would possess is neutered by being Christian.

Reading through your concluding paragraphs: You mention frequently that you don't expect much or don't want to be an asshole, but man you are probably the most deserving for assistance, and also in need of it. That is very thoughtful of you to not wish to burden others, but at the same time, be willing to accept the help you need, because you do need it and you certainly aren't wasting anyone's time.

Additionally, you sound like a very intelligent, thoughtful person, so you cannot let this injustice done to you gett the better of you. I say this because you express that you wish to restart your life, but such an alternative would prevent you from doing the proper healing to your spirit and would cause additional stress and regret later. You have to solve this properly, not by acting on the corrupted thoughts themselves, if that makes sense.

What drugs were you using? While it sounds like the overall experience was positive for you, be aware that drugs will only cloud your judgement and make you susceptible to external influence. I would cease taking them going forward if you think you can manage. There isn't much to be gained, in my opinion.

I don't know your current mental state, but I beg you to stay calm and push on. I would hate to see your life get worse, as you seem like a good person. If you haven't done this already, void meditation would allow you some temporary peace in your mind, done so through emotional regulation. This would also strengthen your spirit and consciousness - that of the true you, not what others tried to make you.

As far as specific workings that you should undertake to heal you, I will have to defer to more senior members here. I am a novice, so I cannot prescribe to you the exact sort of "prescription" that you should undertake. I imagine it will involve working with runes, mantras, meditation to slowly heal the damage, but what is best suited for your situation is what I am unknowledgeable about.

Anyway, thanks for reading, and the best of luck to you, truely. I personally wish to see you overcome this.

 

[Blitzkreig [JG]]

After posting the first post, I read through the posts on your account to get some more background. Let me reiterate to you that I am very impressed by your method of expression. I can tell from your writing that you operate with high intelligence, and the content itself expressed a high degree of empathy and care for others. All of that is indicative of a high quality human. It is therefore necessary for you to know that you are a valuable target for the enemy, and hopefully that motivates you to not give up.

How is your psychiatric program going? I am assuming you understand that you have to complete it, as prison would flush your chances of actually healing down the toilet. Do everything you can to get the legal monkey off your back so you can get some real work done. For dealing with the staff and probation officers, you will basically have to suck up to them and improve relations anyway possible. For navigating the program itself, do the best you can to avoid any of the negatives, such as the drugs, but try and make use of any positives you identify - likely the conversations with others or whatever has yet to be corrupted. Unfortunately, if they realize you are trying to stall or avoid certain protocols they may bite down hard. If you cannot safely avoid something, you will have to bite the bullet and endure.

 

[retrograde]

Wow, sorry you had to undergo such abuse. You are a strong person for coming thus far with such baggage.

I don't know if you considering this or not, however your details about your vague recollection and memory of the abuse and locations makes me think you did suffer abuse (I couldn't tell if you were saying you actually thought it happened or not) and your mind basically shoved it away into a corner of your psyche and locked it, due to the trauma associated with it.

What happens with MK-ultra style abuse is that the trauma from the abuse induces the mind to fragment into pieces, basically like alternate personalities. They then program each personality without the primary personality being aware of this. I don't know if this last step happened to you or not, but I do think you have a partially fragmented mind of which you are slowly regaining access to. This would explain how the memories seem authentic one day, then perhaps alien the next. In addition, it would also explain the memories of the buildings that you have without conscious explanation. I am assuming you read stuff like this already, so hopefully it would help to have some outside confirmation.

I don't think you need me to tell you that the problems afflicting your pysche, such as the sexuality issues, communication problems, and general feelings of anger and stress seem to be outward manifestations of what the abuse did to you. All this can be healed with the effort, so I would try not to stress about what are otherwise symptoms of the problem, and you should take solace that you will be made normal again, although certainly not overnight.

Like you said, it is true that those who commit mass shootings and other false flags also underwent similar mental abuse/conditioning. I think your hypothesis is pretty spot on. That being said, I also think your awareness of that fact is what will prevent you from being a victim to it, as your spirit is still strong and battling the abuse.

All the church stuff you describe afterwards is nuts, and constitutes abuse itself. That is crazy you had to endure that, and is another testament to your character. At least you now know what the enemy has in store for you. I do not think even well-intentioned Christian sects could do much anyway, as any actual power they would possess is neutered by being Christian.

Reading through your concluding paragraphs: You mention frequently that you don't expect much or don't want to be an asshole, but man you are probably the most deserving for assistance, and also in need of it. That is very thoughtful of you to not wish to burden others, but at the same time, be willing to accept the help you need, because you do need it and you certainly aren't wasting anyone's time.

Additionally, you sound like a very intelligent, thoughtful person, so you cannot let this injustice done to you gett the better of you. I say this because you express that you wish to restart your life, but such an alternative would prevent you from doing the proper healing to your spirit and would cause additional stress and regret later. You have to solve this properly, not by acting on the corrupted thoughts themselves, if that makes sense.

What drugs were you using? While it sounds like the overall experience was positive for you, be aware that drugs will only cloud your judgement and make you susceptible to external influence. I would cease taking them going forward if you think you can manage. There isn't much to be gained, in my opinion.

I don't know your current mental state, but I beg you to stay calm and push on. I would hate to see your life get worse, as you seem like a good person. If you haven't done this already, void meditation would allow you some temporary peace in your mind, done so through emotional regulation. This would also strengthen your spirit and consciousness - that of the true you, not what others tried to make you.

As far as specific workings that you should undertake to heal you, I will have to defer to more senior members here. I am a novice, so I cannot prescribe to you the exact sort of "prescription" that you should undertake. I imagine it will involve working with runes, mantras, meditation to slowly heal the damage, but what is best suited for your situation is what I am unknowledgeable about.

Anyway, thanks for reading, and the best of luck to you, truely. I personally wish to see you overcome this.

I know it happened and I've been studying this type of thing for years and probably have absorbed almost everything a person could find online about actual mind control and still-existing slavery. There's so much of a story here that I don't think I could ever get it all out. I can remember being threatened into signing contracts at a young age and being told by someone that they were going to ruin my life. I can remember being in child pornography and adults having sex with me starting at a young age. One of the first things that was done to me was having a vein somewhere on my penis get cut by what I've always thought were something like dog toenail clippers. I started using drugs at 13 and my major habits have been smoking weed from 14 till 20 and a half, at a built up rate of about an ounce a week, six bowls a day, high all day. I stopped when the first memories started to surface because everytime I'd smoke it would become so real and I would be terrified and have to lay down until the high went away. I started using dextromethorphan a few months later and it made me unable to feel fear most of the time. I don't ever feel good unless I'm high and I don't see myself quitting any time soon even though I'm facing prison time if I fail one of the drug tests I have to take as part of my probation. I feel like I've been robbed of so much of my life and that these people owe me and I've been convinced now for a long time that if I could kill some of them this would all go away. I've even thought that this might even potentially be sort of like my destiny. I've been meditating and praying and casting spells to try and force this eventual outcome of my life. I think I'm meant to eliminate large amounts of evil from the world, and I don't necessarily think that murder is inherently an evil thing. I think we're conditioned to think that it is because it removes power from us.

I don't think I'm a high quality person. I've wished terrible things including death upon undeserving people and was rotten and miserable for most of my life until I started smoking weed heavily and was able to start becoming aware of my own behavior.

I'm doing my best to thwart any psychiatric treatment. None of these issues are really evident to anyone and I can see how my psychiatrist is trying to manipulate and probe into me and we kind of play games back and forth where I resist this, but not in an actually defiant way I could get in trouble for. I go and talk to this person but the court can't force me to reveal anything to her that I don't want to.

Honestly when I went to jail, I think that these people were trying to get me to kill myself. I woke up with a phrase stuck in my head that I could then remember having heard a bunch of people say to me throughout my life - and I don't think they actually said it, this just somehow got injected into my memories. Throughout the day things got weirder and weirder until I was holding a knife, developed a speech impediment and a stiff body, and was walking around convinced that I had woken up to large-scale mind control that most people were under from exposure to media throughout their lives and whatever else, and radio waves coming into our heads, and I had this epiphany that programmers were all around us but most people just can't notice them. Like they were just of sight most of the time, or even in plain sight sometimes but people under mind control just couldn't notice them for some reason, the same way that this phrase I mentioned had been said to me something like a dozen times that I could remember but for some reason my brain couldn't process it so it was like I never heard it when it was said to me. So I was holding a knife walking around looking for programmers to stab. I eventually had a cluster of police aiming guns at me, I was drenched in mace and beaten but could hardly feel the pain and managed to keep my eyes open and breathe normally.

I had these epiphanies that the mind could manipulate reality and that there we all had eternal life already but weren't aware. I let them arrest me because I thought I could fast forward through it like it didn't happen and just go back to my normal free life. Another idea that set in was an awareness that no human being has right to possess authority over others. I had no regard for the police and they were just fools wearing costumes that served the oppressive state.

I could write about this endlessly. I have observed radical shifts in my personality. I started to notice them when I was about 16. I would make decisions and have interactions with people and think thoughts that would then mortify me the next day or at a later time and I would regret them. I was actually nervous to even check back at this thread. I exist in a state of sickness and agitation all day. That's why I started using drugs again a few weeks after I got out of jail. I don't really want anything in life besides to kill these people. Sometimes at night my personality changes and I find myself thinking about how I love them and wish I still had their attention. It's mainly two people I'm referring to - one was a woman and one was a man.

Right now I don't know if there's a point to me saying any of this. I have only come up with one fix for this situation. These people are actually the reason that I am a Satanist. They started indoctrinating me about how Satan was the good guy and how everyone is slightly psychic and things like that. I didn't re-discover Satanism until after my memory started to come back. Sometimes they talk to me in my dreams but I usually don't remember more than a couple of words or a sentence or two when I wake up. Sometimes I just remember that they were there again and nothing else. I haven't seen them in a while, not that I can remember.

I don't know what I'm hoping to gain from this. I like women and I haven't had a girlfriend since I went to jail. I do want to have another partner but I think it wont satisfy me for very long and it wont deter me from what I actually hope will be the climax of my life.

Some of this is quite ugly and I know now that they tricked me and I would never allow myself to act on any sudden changes to my understanding of reality again. Thanks for your time and your kind words. Know that there are endless details missing from everything I've written here. Details that I possess but it would take too long and too much thought power for me to incorporate. I know I'm not the center of the universe.

I'm getting tested again soon and I don't think I stopped using soon enough. Either I'll pass, I wont pass and they'll just warn me and start testing me more frequently and randomly which will decrease the quality of my life because I wont be able to get high hardly ever, or since the judge said one more bad report and I'm going to prison - I'll end up there. I've passed every test so far so they're kind of lenient with me and trusting.

Be well dude.

 

[Shael]

...

There is one single factor here that decides whether or not it will really be "impossible" for you to regain those talents and gifts you speak of, together with a pleasant and nice life.

This factor, is whether or not you are willing to accept the truth in full, and act upon it accordingly.
If you are not ready for this, then chances are that your remaining life will indeed be wasted away uselessly like you predict.

However, if you are ready for it, then read the entirety of the JoS website. You need to first accept and understand that meditation and working with energy is a completely real thing that can easily be proven. After this, you must study how to do it, which can easily be done on https://joyofsatan.org.
Then, you can start your first working to free yourself from past hangups, and to heal your traumas. Considering what you shared, you likely have many months of cleaning ahead of you in order to heal all of this. It could even take years. But if you sincerely work at this and are ready to accept the truth, then your situation will keep getting better and better this way. If you work on yourself like this every day, then in perhaps 1 year from now, or 2 years from now, you can look back and see how your life turned around for the better, completely.

I will leave it at this for now. If you are willing to go down this path, then feel free to post however many questions you would like. I will do my best to answer all of them.

 

[Karnonnos [JG]]

The website has stuff about MK Ultra, hypnosis and mass programming. HP Cobra I believe shared something before about children in Quebec sold by the church into MK Ultra psychological torture trials. This was a scandal in Canada but barely reported anywhere else.

The accursed church has trafficked children since its inception, Peter Damian as I said in the original thread admitted this openly, so this is really no surprise. Several Popes were rapists, murderers and prolific pedophiles. Again, by their own admission, but this is not even widely known by enemies of the church.

The enemy attempts to invert this by blaming Satan, hence the numerous ridiculous Satanic panics of the 1980s and miring everything in dark imagery when they want to sell cheap crap and to blaspheme. Xians do not understand what is being conveyed when celebrities flash mudras and so on. They also don't question why the Pope flashes these signs, why the Nazarene, the baptist, virgin excrement and sain'ts do so in depictions as far back as 700AD, or why politicians and high level businesspeople do so, they simply focus on celebrities... who are on a low level of the pigfarm, overall. Certainly though, depraved and vile things involving mind control and drugging exist in these industries. The former supermodel K*ren M*lder is a great example of this...

Stay away from stuff like NoFap and these xians promising to 'reprogram' you. Stay away from guilt with these issues and work on trying to eliminate the problem. Sorting your real memories from the fake is a high priority. A spiritual foundation and meditation will help. Revenge is also best sought through spiritual means like curses.

Suicide will put you back at square one. Negative energies are manifested into the next life.

 

[Blitzkreig [JG]]

I've even thought that this might even potentially be sort of like my destiny. I've been meditating and praying and casting spells to try and force this eventual outcome of my life. I think I'm meant to eliminate large amounts of evil from the world, and I don't necessarily think that murder is inherently an evil thing. I think we're conditioned to think that it is because it removes power from us.

What you thought is likely correct, and probably why you were tortured at a young age. Likely identified and targeted. As for murder, the term itself implies immorality, however, in my opinion, self defense can include offensive actions and still be considered moral.

I don't think I'm a high quality person. I've wished terrible things including death upon undeserving people and was rotten and miserable for most of my life until I started smoking weed heavily and was able to start becoming aware of my own behavior.

You were also abused during the most vulnerable part of your current mortal existence. I don't think it is fair to you to compare yourself to those who did not experience such crimes.

Honestly when I went to jail, I think that these people were trying to get me to kill myself. I woke up with a phrase stuck in my head that I could then remember having heard a bunch of people say to me throughout my life - and I don't think they actually said it, this just somehow got injected into my memories. Throughout the day things got weirder and weirder until I was holding a knife, developed a speech impediment and a stiff body, and was walking around convinced that I had woken up to large-scale mind control that most people were under from exposure to media throughout their lives and whatever else, and radio waves coming into our heads, and I had this epiphany that programmers were all around us but most people just can't notice them. Like they were just of sight most of the time, or even in plain sight sometimes but people under mind control just couldn't notice them for some reason, the same way that this phrase I mentioned had been said to me something like a dozen times that I could remember but for some reason my brain couldn't process it so it was like I never heard it when it was said to me. So I was holding a knife walking around looking for programmers to stab. I eventually had a cluster of police aiming guns at me, I was drenched in mace and beaten but could hardly feel the pain and managed to keep my eyes open and breathe normally.

You are saying the event started in jail then continued as you left it? I am confused of the exact timeline, but regardless, that sounds like some sort of psychotic episode, perhaps purposely induced. Sounds like they triggered a code phrase, embedded in your psyche, to get you to snap. What you say is generally true, in that thoughts can be implanted and people are being unknowingly influenced, but the reaction to that was not wise. It reminds me of an LSD trip where you get bits and pieces of knowledge, but your emotions are so crazy and passionate that you don't really act reasonably. One of your priorities should be removing such trigger phrase(s) from your psyche to prevent a similar episode.

I had these epiphanies that the mind could manipulate reality and that there we all had eternal life already but weren't aware. I let them arrest me because I thought I could fast forward through it like it didn't happen and just go back to my normal free life. Another idea that set in was an awareness that no human being has right to possess authority over others. I had no regard for the police and they were just fools wearing costumes that served the oppressive state.

I don't know whether to thank luck or some other power that you did not get violent, perhaps it was your own self. Again, what you say is true, too bad it came to you during bad events.

I could write about this endlessly. I have observed radical shifts in my personality. I started to notice them when I was about 16. I would make decisions and have interactions with people and think thoughts that would then mortify me the next day or at a later time and I would regret them. I was actually nervous to even check back at this thread. I exist in a state of sickness and agitation all day. That's why I started using drugs again a few weeks after I got out of jail. I don't really want anything in life besides to kill these people. Sometimes at night my personality changes and I find myself thinking about how I love them and wish I still had their attention. It's mainly two people I'm referring to - one was a woman and one was a man.

Yeah, that sounds like typical emotions/conditioning that an abused individual would manifest. One point of the abuse was to basically wreck your psyche by implanting such awful thoughts. Know they are not of your own, regardless of how real.

The nervousness/agitation comes from the fear from the torture itself, of course your body is having trouble relaxing.

The perception changes related to the individuals involves your normal self wishing to seek justice, while your conditioned psyche resists and wishes to retain the master/slave relation. That was ingrained in you from the start, in an attempt to keep you obedient.

I am not trying to make you sound stupid, I was just trying to clarify what was happening to you in an attempt to empower you. The emotions will certainly feel real, but they are not actual manifestations of your own spirit. You should draw strength from this fact.

Right now I don't know if there's a point to me saying any of this. I have only come up with one fix for this situation. These people are actually the reason that I am a Satanist. They started indoctrinating me about how Satan was the good guy and how everyone is slightly psychic and things like that. I didn't re-discover Satanism until after my memory started to come back. Sometimes they talk to me in my dreams but I usually don't remember more than a couple of words or a sentence or two when I wake up. Sometimes I just remember that they were there again and nothing else. I haven't seen them in a while, not that I can remember.

I cannot immediately judge the reasoning behind them doing that. You can draw strength form Satan, so that part is true, but I do not know if their intentions for informing you were good or not. Hard for me to say with any certainty. I suppose it is good that you see less of them, but I the conditioning still remains, so still be wary of their influence.

I don't know what I'm hoping to gain from this. I like women and I haven't had a girlfriend since I went to jail. I do want to have another partner but I think it wont satisfy me for very long and it wont deter me from what I actually hope will be the climax of my life.

What to gain from this? You should immediately begin attempting to reverse the damage done to you. Your priority should start in attempting to stabilize your mood, and from there you should try to remove the master/slave conditioning, especially any code phrases. The former will likely be easier than the later, as most people are not familiar with that.

Let me ask you: Have you considered performing a dedication ritual to Satan? I think that would be one of the best things you can do immediately, as you will need all the help you can get. Satan would be able to protect you and allow you the space to heal. You are certainly special in some regard, and that is likely while you were abused in the beginning.

I do not wish to upset you, but I do not think it would be wise to pursue a girlfriend in the near future, as you need to first stabilize your own situation. That does not mean it would never be a reality, but I think delaying the search for a partner would be wise while you focus on other priorities.

I'm getting tested again soon and I don't think I stopped using soon enough. Either I'll pass, I wont pass and they'll just warn me and start testing me more frequently and randomly which will decrease the quality of my life because I wont be able to get high hardly ever, or since the judge said one more bad report and I'm going to prison - I'll end up there. I've passed every test so far so they're kind of lenient with me and trusting.

Bro, you can't go to prison. You have to muster up everything to pass these tests. You think your quality of life will be bad not smoking for a bit, but surely you realize that prison will be the same. You might be able to smoke a little, but not nearly enough, and the environment itself is the worst for actually getting help. The added stress would hurt an already delicate situation.

What are the details of the test? You were clean prior, so the weed probably would only stay in the system for 1-1.5 weeks at the most. How much did you consume and when is the test date? The metabolites of the consumption are fat-soluble - you should immediately being exercising and sweating. You can also apply cold thermogenesis tactics to force your mitochondria to offput more heat from fat. Additionally, fasting would force your body to use fat stores as energy, I would certainly try intermittent fasting and not eat before bed.

Additionally, there are certain detox mixtures available that involve you timing their consumption, relative to the drug test, and it should produce a clean result. I would seriously consider investing in such option.

Consider the threat of prison, and therefore these drug tests, as your most immediate danger to your long term goals. Think you will be getting a girlfriend or having a good time there? You need to remember that every time the urge to smoke comes. It is imperative you pass these tests and get off probation.

Thanks for reading. I am curious what you are currently working on or planning. I am hoping someone will post some runes or mantras you can immediately start using for some emotional relief.

 

[Shael]

I am hoping someone will post some runes or mantras you can immediately start using for some emotional relief.

Wunjo and Nauthiz.

For cleaning, Surya(e), Munka, or Visuddhi.