Question #4198: should I kill myself?

[AskSatanOperator]

recently, every time I would begin to meditate, my heart would feel like it's in a vice and at other times through out the day it would be in a vice again.

I feel like I'm going to die, should I kill myself to trade one death for another?

this is urgent because I feel like I might not make it alive.

I'm not advanced enough to deal with it on my own but I dedicated over a year ago.

please hurry, my heart might go out.

 

[Blitzkreig [JG]]

recently, every time I would begin to meditate, my heart would feel like it's in a vice and at other times through out the day it would be in a vice again.

I feel like I'm going to die, should I kill myself to trade one death for another?

this is urgent because I feel like I might not make it alive.

I'm not advanced enough to deal with it on my own but I dedicated over a year ago.

please hurry, my heart might go out.

No, this is just a health problem. Although I understand your desire to avoid the pain, killing yourself won't fix it.

Instead, try holding the Heart 7 point and schedule an appointment with a doctor, such as Centralforce666.

Credit: Modern Reflexology on Pinterest

 

[HPS Lydia]

In addition to JG Blitzkreig's advice, are you able to visit a crystal store or purchase online? Rose Quartz is good for calming anxiety, and it helps with all issues relating to the heart. (There are other helpful crystals too, but rose quartz is easy to obtain and inexpensive.)

Also, don't kill yourself. You don't know that you're going to drop dead so there's no point in thinking you should kill yourself anyway. Even if you were to die, live with courage and do the best that you can. This is what the Gods want. They certainly do not want you to suicide just because you think you might die anyway.

Last tip: Clean your heart chakra. There could be some sort of enemy thoughtform attached to it that affects your physical heart. Some rounds of Surya, and do the sweeping light method. Ask for help from your Guardian Demon (even if you don't know who your Guardian is).

 

[Engineered Trasformation]

I have encountered similar experience, due to childhood traumas and highly embedded and ingrained xian programming.
Meditation was a sort of internal struggle between a programmed xian part (deriving from childhood) and a part of me striving to be a successful SS in meditation and other actions.
I am not able to describe better than "parts of yourself" those internal conflicting mind parts. I think they can be heavy thoughforms, vampiric influcences, also internal mind "parts" also. I am studying to find a better perspective on this.
This is highly draining in terms of energies, so you may feel low in energies, while you basically fight against a part of you that does NOT want to advance or meditate. And this conflict may bring to a feeling of "I want to die" because the part of the mind NOT willng to advance, would see death as the en of pain of this battle, or also, the end of your efforts to drag yourself into meditation and spritual elevation.

SO if you stop your life, you basically loose against a part (programmed by the enemy) wanting you to fail and bring you to square one, a programmed and somehow "easier" existence in the form on being ignorant and not striving towards the Gods.

I did want to die at 18 years old, if I did, I would never have found Satan and this wonderful and magick JoS community. I would have been reincarnated into another life of suffering and spiritual slavery as, through NOT killing me, I am slowly liberating myself from a spiritual cage and I am ging upwards towards the Gods. This gives meaning to life.

I know how this can be difficult.
This gave me some hearth pain too; this can be a medical problem you need to address, but also a heavy conflict at the level of the Hearth Chakra involving repressed emotions, etc. Strong pressure from energies seems physical ache, sometimes.

Reading the the Mein Kampf by Adolf Hitler, he related, he struggled for most of his youthness a mind battle with himself, and one day he finally reached the point to see the jews as they really are: the disgusting enemy. He overcome internal (and enemy) obstacles. What a big noble and e enormous effort he did after reaching this point !!! Imagine if he was dead before reaching this climax: a wasted life. Hitler lived a difficult life, before reaching the top. But he did not give up!

 

[Engineered Trasformation]

Last tip: Clean your heart chakra. There could be some sort of enemy thoughtform attached to it that affects your physical heart. Some rounds of Surya, and do the sweeping light method. Ask for help from your Guardian Demon (even if you don't know who your Guardian is).

Thanks for this enlightenment, I felt heart pain too and I was convinced this is due to sort of thought form. Now I am sure this is the case.
In my case this thoughform is so strong and intelligent this is basically a "part of me" that I built discarding emotions for most life. Have you ever found this occurrence?

 

[HPS Lydia]

Thanks for this enlightenment, I felt heart pain too and I was convinced this is due to sort of thought form. Now I am sure this is the case.
In my case this thoughform is so strong and intelligent this is basically a "part of me" that I built discarding emotions for most life. Have you ever found this occurrence?

Remove it, ask your GD or any Demon available to help you. Do not accept that it is a part of you. Start now, waning Moon in Aquarius, or after the VoC is fine too.

 

[Engineered Trasformation]

Remove it, ask your GD or any Demon available to help you. Do not accept that it is a part of you. Start now, waning Moon in Aquarius, or after the VoC is fine too.

Thank you for your precious advice. I am working on this as it's way more complicate than it seemed before.
I know I am a bit off-topic but, I need to clarify more on this. I asked help from the Gods and partially received, but I feel I need to clarify something by myself.

I learned a new "vampiric" ability, that is exploiting this thoughtform. As I created it, it is connected to my heart chakra, but it's free to wander the astral and I found that a vampire can "call upon" my thoughform and start feeding on it, thus draining me.
If I consciously refuse this thoughtform, it remains in the hands of the vampire. If I recall it (I learned how to), it seems like I free it from vampire and I feel more energized, with clearer thoughts, and I do not feel vampire's will (this happens when the thoughtform is trapped in his astral hands).
Basically, I am not able to destroy it with my powers, the Gods I consulted did not remove it (yet? maybe). I am slowly working to "accept myself" instead so I will not feed anymore this "part of me" that I project outside. So the thoughtform will slowly vanish.

Would this work in your opinion? I feel like I am stuck in a loop-