AskSatanOperator
Well-known member
It has been nearly a year after I have dedicated myself but lately I have been having doubt of myself being a Gentile. These thoughts, even though I do not want it keep appearing again and again even when meditating for some reason i do not know. I suspect that is because I have not developed any kind of psychic abilities or experience any significant effects (this is the consequence of me not taking it seriously until May of this year) but then I have been doing gods rituals and FRTR (about 1+1/day) near consecutively for 2 months now without going mad or adverse effects, reading the forums about this topic made me even more paranoid in regard to whether or not i am a Jew (especially I read that crypto-Jew can unconsciously destroyed Gentile without knowing why). With this I examined my past and I freaked out because there are behaviors in my past that resembled Crypto-Jew's albeit I was still in xianity back then. Because of this I have decided to do a deep cleaning with Satanama on a 7-days cycle twice to hopefully remove this issue. It helped to stabilize myself though the thoughts keep coming back but weaker, irritating at best but every time this happen, I have to banish this irrationality out of my mind with reasoning. If I do not do this then the though will just haunt me throughout the whole day because it always started with the questions Maybe (this, that,... ex : Maybe I can not hear the Gods is because I am a Jew,...). At the moment the only thing I trust with is the statement I made for myself with evidences and actions that I am a Gentile and I do not really know for certain anymore due to certain "Members" of the Forums (You know who I am talking about : AF, HML). The only thing I found maybe having anything to do with this is the Sun-Neptune hard aspects and even then i am not sure. So I want to ask if what are the causes for this ? I really want to get to the end of the barrel here. Thank you.