I used to also feel this way when I was new to this path.
TBH I dedicated when I was 16. I meditated for a good while and I felt this divine connection to our Gods. I did some amazing art, got into exercising everyday and I had this innocent view of the world, that reality is what you make of it and that it was beautiful.
During this time I also struggled with some serious repressed depression and isolation. It was tough at times because I had these other problems about myself (health, special ed, etc) and I felt inadequate to everyone around me all the time everyday. I got into self harm for a period, got put on-and-off medication and such things on and off throughout high school. I would hang out with the goth kids and I liked everything macabre; music, media, fashion, art and so on. To this day I still have that love for such things though not to the same extreme.
It was a strange balance to struggle with... feeling better than most people in many ways, yet (from my birth) inferior in others.
After graduating I went to working full-time, partying, smoking pot and going to college. I gave up on meditating yet I still did pretty well in everything I did other than budgeting of course.
After this 4 year period I started working less and figured out how to manage with less money. I was still in-and-out of drinking, smoking pot and eating bad foods all the time plus my sleep was terrible.
Around 25 or so that's when I started to wake up and I really saw that we live in this corrupt society, world, etc. It gave me new inspiration and meaning but in my subconscious mind it created stress and I was using more cannabis, constantly falling into rabbit holes and losing sleep albeit I was eating much better foods.
When I started to really see the truth about WW2, about the (((kosher))) influence in history and society today and all that I began to come back here with a new view. I went through hell and it took a long time for me to face this and be okay with myself.
Trust xlnt in his words! He speaks truth! Nietzsche one said that "the only way out of nihilism is through it". Embrace all your pain/isolation and make it into something else. Always be proactive! You can do it and we all are here for you no matter how tough things get. If you keep meditating every day/night, get plenty of sleep and take care of your health you will see improvements that you never thought were possible. I even thought it was all exaggerated here for a while TBH, that "mindset" and "action" are all you need to create a better life. It sounded like something from a self-help book coupled with spiritual ideas.
However, they are all true! The Gods love us and they want us to create a better life for ourselves and from that a better world in our actions and meditations. Try to see the good in everything. In nature, animals, people and life in general. It's there all the time! Meditation and connecting to our Gods shows you this and it helps you to remember what you came here to do; to connect with those things and to raise your vibration to become closer to them and understand them better. It takes hard work and it can feel draining, I know, but overtime you will feel better. It's much like working out. You face the pain, overcome it and become better equipped and adapted to face it over again.
One good analogy regarding this path is that it's like a bicycle. At first you may require immense exertion and force just to move a little bit forward. During this time of starting out you may even fall down. However, after you push past this stage and keep going you will build momentum and it will become easier and easier. The key here is to stay on the path so that you don't fall down again. The only difference here is if you stop meditating and start again you will generally continue at the same level where you left off. It is
PERMANENT. You'll always be a better person after you get to that point so don't worry too much about where you are now and instead look to where you want to be. The best way is through the 40-day meditation, daily exercise (push-ups, sit-ups, stretches, yoga, etc) and a good whole-food diet.
Nothing is easy at the beginning however it becomes easy over time. Life can be short so my advice is don't allow yourself to have wasted years because people around you choose to waste away. Look past this and remember that you're never alone - you have a whole family of like-minded people that know exactly how you feel and what these frustrations can feel like. If you ever have problems just reach out and I'm sure people will listen to you without judgement and instead with open minds and hearts. There is no judgement here because many of us on this path have gone through hardships and made poor choices. It's up to you what your next choices are, how you plan to execute them and your resolve in following through with your actions. It's a simple pattern just like all things in life (patterns, waves, etc). Try it out for a month and I promise you won't be disappointed. In spite of all the crap in the world there is a lot of beauty also. You see it much more when you meditate and broaden your consciousness.
Stay strong and hail Satan!
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