My Story...

[Herainette]

Im just gonna start the story when i tried to kms. It's worse if you hear the before. So all of this happend this year btw, April 16 2024 night i tried to kms with 15+ random pills. While i was waiting to die(actually i was going to jump after it but i was so scared) i fall asleep. And when i woke up u run to toilet and vomit blood. İt's turn out that i had stomach bleed. One of my aunties realized i had take pills so i had to tell them i did it(they aren't a big role in this nvm). So anyways 4 days later to be exact, i met this boy online, lets call him orange moon. He is a witch and spirituel satanist. I asked him to do a spell for me to like yk to get my life back on track and a specific thing but thats way embarassing. He said that he will do it but for that specific thing he said; if he do that i will die on that path. So basicly i said ok but i wanna be a traditional witch can we be friends ? He said yes and i met this girl lets call her M so M and i talk i talked about my life and my story basicly and i really thought she was caring about it. Ok from now on i will summarize after i talk about this major event. I met with orange moon at April 20 and like 10 days later at 3 May this happend. I was talking with him in my room about spells and stuff and playing a game. My dad came in and suddenly asked for my phone to check(lil info about him: he is a disgusting muslim and basicly hates me) and in my phone there is this man i did sexting with(...) so i can't give my phone. i slightly pulled my phone back and the sec i did this he started screaming and sayin; you follow gay ppl on social media are you gay ?! (im transfem actually) And started spiting on my face and slaping me i was in shock so i just stood there. And he tooked my phone and go saying ''i will open this shit'' and then things started to kick in me. I started like panicing screaming crying and i just went outside, crying with my muslim cousing (thats all i have) i didn't know what to do and i was about to do a mistake... I called everyone i can like my aunties and ect. and i called my uncle who is very muslim and a piece of shit. I did that thinking he will tought that i have some private messages withs some girls(ew) and will help me. But it didnt go like that he comed to our house after like 5 mins and you know what first thing he said ? He told me to cut my nails... So i had to and did it. When i come he said you are cutting your hair this monday(in this fcking family you can't say no). So i said ''you'll take my phone right ?'' He said ''yes but it will stay with me for a long time'' i was realized what i did with calling him and just stood there(thats all i can do). So he did take my phone and like 5 days later my father wants me outside and like my cousin says like ''he will give your phone'' and i really did thought he will or we'll just have a chat, instead of that he forced me to come with him to see a cow that we will sacrifice for this fucking islamic thing. Also he says he will do that for me, bc of this allah will help me and just make me straight. After this shit we sit at a cafe and at that time he started basicly everything. He said that (basicly) ''you will be my slave and when someone asks you will say i would eat my fathers poop'' and ''i didn't open your phone but i will not give it back and also you can't use internet and you will only study math till you understand'' i was crying inside. Anyways he tooked me home and shit started happening there. My twin brother said come to my room and when i go he said ''actually he opened your phone and see a man you talk with but you did sexting with him?'' i was shocked and didn't know what should i do. But my brother also said ''he said that he will kill you with our uncle they will either kill you on a mountain with a gun or will pour vitroil to your face'' after i heard those things i started panicing and i was scared so much thinking too many scenario like i said to myself ''you just went with him he could kill you''. Basicly even this day its just that. They want to kill me and its been 4 months since i don't have my phone and they know everything about me. Lets get back to our two persons. She is a bad and miserable person who hates me and only want orange moon for herself. And they talk behind my back it turns out he hates me too bc they see me as stupid miserable ugly person. But eventually she backstabs him and its only me and him now. We talk everynight but he is fooling me. I really believed that he loved me as a friend, as a lover(yea i thought he liked me). The best thing he done to me is he opened my eyes to spirituel satanizm and im initate since Fourth of July... I didn't know about this holiday until that day. I want to do like meditations but i can't read or learn bc i don't have a phone and i can't use computer freely (im writing on a computer rn). And im feeling very bad about it... It's like killing me beacuse i don't know what to do/i can't do anything. Anyways lets get back to orange moon. So he is sick of me cause there is this boy that i have crush on since months and he is homophobic and basicly a ''boy''. I just wanna be loved my a masculen man i think thats why i love him. So i finally after months asked if he can do a spell so we can be together. He said yes but he was not wanting it idk why. After he said yes he started saying this; I will not do it bc this is what will happen: he will think you cheated so he will kill you or you will have to marry him and live the islamic hell on this world. He was lying and he suddenly blocked me.(btw these things are fresh and recent things) Few days passed i writed him again and asked to fix my dad with spell you know why? bc he will take this computer a week later and he is forcing me to cut my hair again... For past 4-3 years i always cut my hair by being forced. Anyways he didn't do a spell or anything and at this sec i don't know what to do... Everything aside im just feeling like drowning bc i can't improve myself can't make happy my god and other gods. Im at a dead end and just sitting there. I just wanna live just wanna be me just wanna be a person worthy for Father Satan. (more info about me: i go to a disgusting islamic school and i don't have contact with my mom they break up years ago she is just worse as he is im 15 and as i said im trangender, i got way more stories worse than this situation/just like this. My whole life went like this. Orange moon is disgusting shit but also best thing happend to me bc he oppend my eyes. Eventhough i did find my path i can't walk on it... I will try my best but i just don't know... i really need help im just so miserable and alone) TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF thank you so much for reading it i hope i really hope you will never struggle with anything and just can be yourself.

 

[Helledunkelheit (Travis)]

Instead of leaving this life, it is better to leave your relatives.

you should temporarily leave thoughts about love, sex etc. I don't know what country you are from, but if you are in a civilized secular country, then it's good. You can sue your father. Also, I don't know how old you are, in any case, there are different ways to become independent from parents, as well as different kinds of help.

You should find a job and leave your father. Also, one of the options is to go to study in another city or country.

Another thing I can advise is to obey, and pretend that you are a really good, lawful Muslim, and thus gain the trust of your relatives. Then most likely they will give you the phone, and then you will have to act extremely carefully.

Well, if everything is terribly difficult, then just leave home. Yes, you may have to spend the night on the street under a bridge or somewhere else. Or if you try, you can find a job where you will be provided with housing and food (some factory, for example, or perhaps some hotel)

 

[Imhotep]

If I have understood you correctly, you are only 15 years old. So of course you can't leave home. So for the time being, you should do as you are told at home, even if you find it difficult. You should avoid confrontation. Once you are at JoS, you should choose a few exercises and do them wherever you can. If it is not possible, you can also simply speak to your Creator. Only when you are 18 years old can you leave your parental home, if you still want to. In any case, you should not throw your life away so easily. Life is the most precious thing you have been given. Without a life, nothing is possible for you. Sometimes there are hard phases in life that everyone has to go through. If you are really 15 years old, you only have 3 years until you come of age. Then all doors will be open to you. Stay brave!

 

[AsraArdwulfLeberecht]

Hello, Herainette. There is a series of things you can do to shift your situation for the better.

First, do the Dedication Ritual, to put yourself under the protection of the Gods.

Second, if you're forced to practice Islamic rites, do so if it means staying safe. They Gods aren't mad or disappointed that you're not improving in the way you'd like, as they understand your circumstances. Nothing renders killing yourself, as that is against all teachings about life they've given us. For your own safety, though, clean your Chakras and do the Aura of Protection daily. If you're not doing that yet, you should follow the 40 day programme written by High Priest. I suggest you also meditate a bit every day. You can do that lying down with your eyes closed at night, so your relatives will think you're sleeping, or in the shower, when they won't look for you. Make sure you won't be seen.

Another advice is that you should cut off toxic friendships that drag you down, like the 2 people you talked about, and be less apparent with who you're texting on your phone (aka, use a password, or delete messages every day, etc) Social media and sexting random men is not good for yourself regardless. Generally obey your father and pretend to follow his religion, if it will make him trust you, because you'll need your phone to keep in touch with the Forums. Don't open up to anyone about your affiliation here. Also, don't trust that boy doing spells for you. He's most likely clueless and a show off. Ask Satan for help instead.

Lastly, I am sorry you had to see a cow being slaughtered. This is abuse, same as the death threats that were issued to you. These should be illegal but are unfortunately permitted in states following these disgusting religions. Although there's little you can do about that if you live in an Islamic state, you can move out as soon as possible, for example when you start college. I'm telling you this so you never ever question, at one point, whether this is normal.

 

[Herainette]

Instead of leaving this life, it is better to leave your relatives.

you should temporarily leave thoughts about love, sex etc. I don't know what country you are from, but if you are in a civilized secular country, then it's good. You can sue your father. Also, I don't know how old you are, in any case, there are different ways to become independent from parents, as well as different kinds of help.

You should find a job and leave your father. Also, one of the options is to go to study in another city or country.

Another thing I can advise is to obey, and pretend that you are a really good, lawful Muslim, and thus gain the trust of your relatives. Then most likely they will give you the phone, and then you will have to act extremely carefully.

Well, if everything is terribly difficult, then just leave home. Yes, you may have to spend the night on the street under a bridge or somewhere else. Or if you try, you can find a job where you will be provided with housing and food (some factory, for example, or perhaps some hotel)

actually im not into sex or stuff the sexting that i did with that disgstng man was just used me and he knowed that i had daddy issues at home and he was nothing special just gaved me attention and for that guy ''orange moon'' i thought he would me my mentor my guide and all of this i learned that i just wanted to feel loved and taken care of which is the old times after i really really find my path i realized so much things so dw about me im so fine and taking care of myself my whole problem is my family and things that haunting me from my past memories i will be fine i hope thanks for your thoughts! <3

 

[Lightning_Puma]

Transgengerims is a degeneracy of the soul.

Bind your father with a binding spell, not seek to turn him into a slave.

Binding spell: https://joyofsatan.org/Banishing.html

In case you do not have the means to aquire the materials listed above: https://ancient-forums.com/threads/...d-without-a-personal-item.292046/post-1089097

 

[Herainette]

Transgengerims is a degeneracy of the soul.

Bind your father with a binding spell, not seek to turn him into a slave.

Binding spell: https://joyofsatan.org/Banishing.html

In case you do not have the means to aquire the materials listed above: https://ancient-forums.com/threads/can-the-ritual-of-binding-be-performed-without-a-personal-item.292046/pos

Im healing slowly. And realizing few things now. My transexsuality was months ago which after i found my path i realized that im born as a male and if i try to change this it will never be the same as the opposite gender and i will be not a female nor male. Im better now. About my thought that me wanting to turn my father my ''slave'' is just my anger to him. He is ruining my life since i ever born. But now thanks to you i will try to bind him eternally. Any suggestions ? Also how i can make a poppit ?

 

[Lightning_Puma]

Im healing slowly. And realizing few things now. My transexsuality was months ago which after i found my path i realized that im born as a male and if i try to change this it will never be the same as the opposite gender and i will be not a female nor male. Im better now. About my thought that me wanting to turn my father my ''slave'' is just my anger to him. He is ruining my life since i ever born. But now thanks to you i will try to bind him eternally. Any suggestions ? Also how i can make a poppit ?

You can read more about transgengerims here: https://ancient-forums.com/threads/...e-alternative-to-marriage.290279/post-1077670

---

Then bind him.

You don't necessary need a popppit, but if you insist:

What I did is take a bunch of hair from the person I wanted to bind and then some cloth and a sowing needle and I cut out a shape I wanted and then got to sowing it, before closing it up I stuffed it with that person's hair.

Make sure to have a small photo of them on the poppit or have a damn good visualisation.

After it is done (the ritual I mean), clean your aura and chakras THROUGHLY and FORGET about the working, otherwise your own thoughts are going to interfere with the workings out come.

 

[Herainette]

You can read more about transgengerims here: https://ancient-forums.com/threads/...e-alternative-to-marriage.290279/post-1077670

---

Then bind him.

You don't necessary need a popppit, but if you insist:

What I did is take a bunch of hair from the person I wanted to bind and then some cloth and a sowing needle and I cut out a shape I wanted and then got to sowing it, before closing it up I stuffed it with that person's hair.

Make sure to have a small photo of them on the poppit or have a damn good visualisation.

After it is done (the ritual I mean), clean your aura and chakras THROUGHLY and FORGET about the working, otherwise your own thoughts are going to interfere with the workings out come.

Will it be ok if i just do what the page says ? beacuse when i enter the page it will open a few more pages and i don't have much time. Like enjecting elements to herbs. Also will it enough for me to do it only for 1 time ?

 

[Lightning_Puma]

Will it be ok if i just do what the page says ? beacuse when i enter the page it will open a few more pages and i don't have much time. Like enjecting elements to herbs. Also will it enough for me to do it only for 1 time ?

Just follow instructions on the site.

Read more here: https://ancient-forums.com/threads/...d-without-a-personal-item.292046/post-1089097

 

[NoahLast]

Vou começar a história de quando tentei fazer kms. É pior se você ouvir o antes. Então, tudo isso aconteceu este ano, a propósito, na noite de 16 de abril de 2024, tentei fazer kms com mais de 15 pílulas aleatórias. Enquanto eu esperava para morrer (na verdade, eu ia pular atrás dela, mas estava com tanto medo), adormeci. E quando acordei, corri para o banheiro e vomitei sangue. Acontece que tive sangramento estomacal. Uma das minhas tias percebeu que eu tinha tomado pílulas, então tive que contar a elas que fiz isso (elas não são um grande papel neste nvm). Então, de qualquer forma, 4 dias depois, para ser exato, conheci esse garoto online, vamos chamá-lo de Orange Moon. Ele é um bruxo e satanista espiritual. Pedi a ele para fazer um feitiço para mim, como você, para colocar minha vida de volta nos trilhos e uma coisa específica, mas isso é muito embaraçoso. Ele disse que faria isso, mas para aquela coisa específica, ele disse; se ele fizer isso eu vou morrer nesse caminho. Então basicamente eu disse ok mas eu quero ser uma bruxa tradicional podemos ser amigos? Ele disse sim e eu conheci essa garota vamos chamá-la de M então M e eu conversamos eu falei sobre minha vida e minha história basicamente e eu realmente pensei que ela estava se importando com isso. Ok de agora em diante eu vou resumir depois que eu falar sobre esse grande evento. Eu me encontrei com a lua laranja em 20 de abril e tipo 10 dias depois em 3 de maio isso aconteceu. Eu estava falando com ele no meu quarto sobre feitiços e coisas e jogando um jogo. Meu pai entrou e de repente pediu meu telefone para verificar (pequena informação sobre ele: ele é um muçulmano nojento e basicamente me odeia) e no meu telefone tem esse homem com quem eu fiz sexting (...) então eu não posso dar meu telefone. Eu puxei meu telefone um pouco para trás e no segundo que eu fiz isso ele começou a gritar e dizer; você segue pessoas gays nas redes sociais você é gay?! (na verdade sou transfem) E começou a cuspir no meu rosto e me dar tapas, fiquei em choque, então fiquei ali parada. E ele pegou meu telefone e disse ''vou abrir essa merda'' e então as coisas começaram a acontecer em mim. Comecei a entrar em pânico, gritando e chorando e simplesmente saí, chorando com meu primo muçulmano (é tudo o que tenho), não sabia o que fazer e estava prestes a cometer um erro... Liguei para todo mundo que pude, como minhas tias e etc. e liguei para meu tio, que é muito muçulmano e um pedaço de merda. Fiz isso pensando que ele pensaria que eu tinha algumas mensagens privadas com algumas garotas (eca) e que me ajudaria. Mas não foi assim que ele veio à nossa casa depois de 5 minutos e sabe qual foi a primeira coisa que ele disse? Ele me disse para cortar minhas unhas... Então eu tive que cortar e fiz. Quando cheguei, ele disse que você vai cortar o cabelo nesta segunda-feira (nesta porra de família você não pode dizer não). Então eu disse ''você vai pegar meu telefone, certo?'' Ele disse ''sim, mas ele vai ficar comigo por um longo tempo'' eu percebi o que fiz ao ligar para ele e fiquei ali parada (é tudo o que posso fazer). Então ele pegou meu telefone e tipo 5 dias depois meu pai me quis lá fora e tipo meu primo disse tipo ''ele vai dar seu telefone'' e eu realmente pensei que ele faria ou que nós apenas teríamos uma conversa,em vez disso, ele me forçou a ir com ele para ver uma vaca que sacrificaremos por essa porra de coisa islâmica. Ele também disse que fará isso por mim, por causa disso, Alá me ajudará e me deixará em paz. Depois dessa merda, sentamos em um café e naquela hora ele começou basicamente tudo. Ele disse que (basicamente) ''você será minha escrava e quando alguém perguntar, você dirá que comeria o cocô do meu pai'' e ''eu não abri seu telefone, mas não vou devolvê-lo e também você não pode usar a internet e só vai estudar matemática até entender'' eu estava chorando por dentro. De qualquer forma, ele me levou para casa e a merda começou a acontecer lá. Meu irmão gêmeo disse para vir ao meu quarto e quando eu fui, ele disse ''na verdade, ele abriu seu telefone e viu um homem com quem você fala, mas você fez sexting com ele?'' fiquei chocada e não sabia o que fazer. Mas meu irmão também disse ''ele disse que vai te matar com nosso tio, eles vão te matar em uma montanha com uma arma ou vão derramar vitroil no seu rosto'' depois que ouvi essas coisas, comecei a entrar em pânico e fiquei com tanto medo pensando em muitos cenários como eu disse a mim mesmo ''você simplesmente foi com ele, ele pode te matar''. Basicamente, até hoje é só isso. Eles querem me matar e já faz 4 meses que não tenho meu telefone e eles sabem tudo sobre mim. Vamos voltar para nossas duas pessoas. Ela é uma pessoa má e miserável que me odeia e só quer a lua laranja para si mesma. E eles falam pelas minhas costas, acontece que ele também me odeia porque me veem como uma pessoa estúpida, miserável e feia. Mas eventualmente ela o apunhala pelas costas e somos só eu e ele agora. Nós conversamos todas as noites, mas ele está me enganando. Eu realmente acreditava que ele me amava como amiga, como amante (sim, eu pensei que ele gostava de mim). A melhor coisa que ele fez para mim foi que ele abriu meus olhos para o satanismo espiritual e eu sou iniciado desde o 4 de julho... Eu não sabia sobre esse feriado até aquele dia. Eu quero fazer meditações, mas não consigo ler ou aprender porque não tenho um telefone e não consigo usar o computador livremente (estou escrevendo em um computador agora). E estou me sentindo muito mal sobre isso... É como me matar porque eu não sei o que fazer/não consigo fazer nada. De qualquer forma, vamos voltar para a lua laranja. Então ele está cansado de mim porque tem um garoto por quem eu tenho uma queda há meses e ele é homofóbico e basicamente um ''garoto''. Eu só quero ser amada por um homem másculo, acho que é por isso que o amo. Então, finalmente, depois de meses, perguntei se ele poderia fazer um feitiço para que pudéssemos ficar juntos. Ele disse que sim, mas não queria, não sei por quê. Depois que ele disse sim, ele começou a dizer isso; Eu não farei isso porque é isso que vai acontecer: ele vai pensar que você traiu, então ele vai te matar ou você vai ter que se casar com ele e viver o inferno islâmico neste mundo. Ele estava mentindo e de repente me bloqueou.(aliás, essas coisas são coisas novas e recentes) Poucos dias se passaram, escrevi para ele novamente e pedi para consertar meu pai com feitiço, sabe por quê? Porque ele vai pegar este computador uma semana depois e está me forçando a cortar meu cabelo novamente... Nos últimos 4-3 anos, sempre cortei meu cabelo sendo forçada. De qualquer forma, ele não fez um feitiço ou algo assim e neste momento não sei o que fazer... Deixando tudo de lado, estou me sentindo como se estivesse me afogando porque não consigo melhorar, não consigo fazer meu deus e outros deuses felizes. Estou em um beco sem saída e apenas sentado lá. Eu só quero viver, só quero ser eu, só quero ser uma pessoa digna do Pai Satanás. (mais informações sobre mim: eu estudo em uma escola islâmica nojenta e não tenho contato com minha mãe, eles terminaram há anos, ela é pior do que ele, eu tenho 15 anos e, como eu disse, sou transgênero, já ouvi histórias muito piores do que essa situação/assim como essa. Minha vida inteira foi assim. Lua laranja é uma merda nojenta, mas também a melhor coisa que aconteceu comigo porque ele abriu meus olhos. Mesmo que eu tenha encontrado meu caminho, não consigo segui-lo... Vou tentar o meu melhor, mas simplesmente não sei... eu realmente preciso de ajuda, estou tão miserável e sozinho) CUIDE DE VOCÊ MESMO, muito obrigado por ler, espero, realmente espero que você nunca tenha dificuldades com nada e possa ser você mesmo.

E I'm sorry you had to go through this kind of situation, I'm a psychoanalysis student and I'm Brazilian, so forgive me if my English isn't the best. From what I've analyzed from your story The relationship with your Muslim family is extremely violent. Have you ever considered resorting to the law in these matters? Or to a relative who is less violent? Unfortunately, if there isn't, the best option is to pretend, to pretend to follow your family's dogmas until you achieve independence so you can be free. You seem like a great person, so don't give up on your life; I've had a history of suicide and today I can say that because I'm in Satanism I'm the happiest person I've been in years. So my advice is: Don't be shaken by others, see the light within yourself and go after it. Your potential is admirable and you are very strong, look for happiness within yourself. And about gender, I understand, I'm a trans guy from a Christian family, and I can say that I'm only alive today thanks to my psychological studies, I believe that looking for something to hold on to Getting what you really want is a very smart strategy. Stay well

 

[Herainette]

E I'm sorry you had to go through this kind of situation, I'm a psychoanalysis student and I'm Brazilian, so forgive me if my English isn't the best. From what I've analyzed from your story The relationship with your Muslim family is extremely violent. Have you ever considered resorting to the law in these matters? Or to a relative who is less violent? Unfortunately, if there isn't, the best option is to pretend, to pretend to follow your family's dogmas until you achieve independence so you can be free. You seem like a great person, so don't give up on your life; I've had a history of suicide and today I can say that because I'm in Satanism I'm the happiest person I've been in years. So my advice is: Don't be shaken by others, see the light within yourself and go after it. Your potential is admirable and you are very strong, look for happiness within yourself. And about gender, I understand, I'm a trans guy from a Christian family, and I can say that I'm only alive today thanks to my psychological studies, I believe that looking for something to hold on to Getting what you really want is a very smart strategy. Stay well

Hello.

Thank you so much for this cute writing. About restoring to the law will be not good for me beacuse i need things i have as financial beacuse of my father. The law only will set me free but still not free beacuse of the poorness. And i don't have a relative who is rich or less violent. I am so angry at my self for trying to kill my self but it was before i was Spiritual Satanist. I love myself so much now also about transgenderism it was the old me and transgenderism is not a okay thing for me beacuse im born as a male and if i try to change this it will be not same as natural womans also i will be not a man person at all. This thought of myself was just beacuse i love being feminine it feels home and it feels my true self. But still i can't change the fact that im biological male and i will be male for this entire life only feminine. Just don't worry about me at all and thank you so much again for worrying about me. I will be ask Satan and other gods for help. They will be with me they always been. And i did/will do some spells to fix this cursed brain and soul ( My dad ) if i don't fix it he will be only fixed for me.

Im so good so okay so happy and free as birds. THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAİNN <3