I'm telling my story asking for advice also

[Jaikzlecleo]

Okay
See coming from Christianity I act out of character. I had a strong yearning for Satan. I had all the wrong information but I still loved Satan very deeply. I got into drugz once killed a cat all in attempts to hail Satan but nothing....
Okay I discovered the Jos but did not understand a thing initially, it took me some time. Once I started meditation it was very easy for me the foundation was my favourite I did it 5 times a day cause I just love that feeling of power. Iwas on drugz and did not meditate daily. For a period I did yeh and felt Father strongly also noticed how he came through for me sometimes. But I started shifting between satanism and Christianity. I would get confused and this started right after performing my dedication I feel father's energy as I'm writing it's so nice I want to feel it all the time. So people would pray for resulting in a lot of negative outcomes for me. The last time this happened I could actually sence this destructive energy and with my mind I just void and refused to be led by any stimulation. I wa calm and that shaking and jumping stuff did not happen that time. When ever I got confused again I was telling myself someone is praying so I also pray and focus on the love of Satan instead. I was performing rtrs and got alot of desturbing dreams. One night my soul was leaving my body, or atleast it felt that way. I free-float around in my room struggling to get in my body and when I do I wake up scared to fall asleep again. I also experienced my body being unable to move, very unpleasant. So I stopped with the rtrs. I was so deep into drugz it hinder my progress of advancement. I had a deep conversation with Father Satan one day. That night I was dreaming Lilith Astarte and father came to me father was taking my telling me that instead of the negative I should focus on the positive. I did not grap it then but now I do .(Father's lessons are repeated until learnt.) I was doing the final rtr it made me feel very good and I was actually addicted. Perhaps because I have a strong aura of protection that negative thingz they just don't happen. I don't do the rtr now though I'm staying in a closenit room with four others they respect me now not when I was a known satanist. I promised father when I get a job and my own place I'll continue with warfare in many ways possible. I already had a interview which I passed and it was because father came through for me cause I have no experience what so ever in regards to the job none the less I got it instead of those who have

 

[Henu the Great]

Interesting story. What a ride, huh?

As a side note, you can do rtr while music or basically any sound is playing out loud enough that you can vibrate below that sound so no people around you know that you do rtr. You can also do rtr mentally, but it is less potent that way. Better than no rtr though!

 

[Ol argedco luciftias]

Same thing that happened to that cat, deserves to happen to you. You discusting Rat.

 

[Jaikzlecleo]

Yeh I actually do occasionally rtrs but not the final rtr just a few I have on a pdf my job starts tomorrow and I hope all goes well, and that I get enough a salary to afford my own place. I'll do warfare non stop. In my mind all things are possible because I have, thoughts (atleast positive now)
Thoughts have power and becoming more powerful by the day as we reach closer to our common goal- that of the God head.

I'm still very confuse in regards to my sexuality. As a teenager I was attracted to men and women equally. So I had sex with both sides but occasionally I tried to obstain from boys as it is so stigmatized. For some time now I'm addicted to gay porn especially BDSM. I sometimes kiss girls but I cannot get so far as actually having sex. With boys on the other hand
Look I sometimes perform lovespellS and getting the affectionate love from boys feels very good but when it comes to intimacy I just can't when I masterbate it's nicer to focus on boys instead of girl but with orgasm I feel repulsive it's not my nature. This is such a mess how am I gonna gain clearance eish and I desire to have alot of Kidz of my own to guide on a satanic path

 

[Jaikzlecleo]

Same thing that happened to that cat, deserves to happen to you. You discusting Rat.

I'm a satanist "NOW_DEDICATED." WE ALL DO STUPID THINGS ONCE OR MORE IN OUR LIFES( ESPECIALLY UNDER XANITY BUT THAT'S DUE TO MY MISCONCEPTIONS. I HAD A HARD TIME DOING IT!!
AND I WAS GOY...
I actually love animals and I show them extreme care. Here where I am now I had a beautiful white cat friend. He would come into the kitchen and I'd give him food and play with him. He got so comfortable he'd always come. This other guy Wich i revolt endlessly kicked the cat to death, and even brag about it. I was extremely sad, I revolt him and cursed him endlessly, He is indeed cursed because we both go to an interview I got the job instead of him, despite the fact that he has experience. He won't get any job I made sure of it. I DEDICATED hence I renounced my past self. SATAN has forgiven me and I'm now a worthy satanist. Part of my character is being brutally honest. So forgive me for that. I can understand though why you feel that way, but hey cut me some slack we are after all brothers in Satan

 

[Ol argedco luciftias]

I don't have to like you, I don't have to trust you, and I don't have to think that you are not evil and disgusting.


If you try to make yourself a better person, that is your own business. That is between you and the gods, if the gods might decide to think that you are going in a better direction. I am not going to try to guess what the gods might think about you. But I know what I think, and you are not going to change that.

 

[Henu the Great]

Yeh I actually do occasionally rtrs but not the final rtr just a few I have on a pdf my job starts tomorrow and I hope all goes well, and that I get enough a salary to afford my own place. I'll do warfare non stop. In my mind all things are possible because I have, thoughts (atleast positive now)
Thoughts have power and becoming more powerful by the day as we reach closer to our common goal- that of the God head.

I'm still very confuse in regards to my sexuality. As a teenager I was attracted to men and women equally. So I had sex with both sides but occasionally I tried to obstain from boys as it is so stigmatized. For some time now I'm addicted to gay porn especially BDSM. I sometimes kiss girls but I cannot get so far as actually having sex. With boys on the other hand
Look I sometimes perform lovespellS and getting the affectionate love from boys feels very good but when it comes to intimacy I just can't when I masterbate it's nicer to focus on boys instead of girl but with orgasm I feel repulsive it's not my nature. This is such a mess how am I gonna gain clearance eish and I desire to have alot of Kidz of my own to guide on a satanic path

Only valid rtr currently is the FINAL rtr. As the name says, it is final and we rock it till we drop it (the jew). Consistency is key here. Applying 15 minutes every day is not much to be done for our cause, our planet, our people to get rid of jewish menace once and for all.

I suggest you to do a working to get rid of porn. Porn is not healthy no matter what you preference is. As you progress and clean yourself you will get into a position where your sexuality will not confuse you as it does now.