Kindness
New member
- Joined
- May 27, 2022
- Messages
- 13
Before I start, I really want to apologize for my bad English because English is not my native language, but it's important.
Anyway, hello everyone, I hope you're everyone doing well.
I have a few questions, and I'm really scared of talking about it, but I don't know how to go through this without help.
A little bit about me, before I ask:
- I'm a very disease person:
I have a mentally ill - depression;
A few years I suffer from fatigue (doctors still can't find a biological reason why I'm feeling like that) and thoughts about cancerophobia (I'm afraid that I ill-of cancer) + recently I have headaches, depersonalization and derealization. Every meditation/reading for me is a huge job, because I don`t have enough physical and psychological powers doing them regularly and doing pauses, but I want to be with Gods, even If I lose mind control and have doubts about my way or bad, disgusting thoughts about Gods. (I'm really sorry, because I don't want all of this doubts and thoughts..)
Questions:
1) Two days ago I for the first time made a Final RTR + Killing Tetragrammaton RTR +
Shattering jewish Soul Protection RTR. After all of this my headache was so terrifying, then I tried ritual after this day (I took a pill from headache before ritual) and nothing change. I don't know what to do with that experience, is it because I'm ill or because I have a something jew in my soul?
2) I'm need to stop doing RTR? I want, but I felt shame, afraid to feel pain again, and crying so long after ritual and now. If I'm really a jew, maybe I'm better to die? I don't want to be a jew or have something common with them, but if I'm really are..better to die.
Thank you for attention, and sorry again for my English..
And if you don`t understand my words, please ask about it.
Anyway, hello everyone, I hope you're everyone doing well.
I have a few questions, and I'm really scared of talking about it, but I don't know how to go through this without help.
A little bit about me, before I ask:
- I'm a very disease person:
I have a mentally ill - depression;
A few years I suffer from fatigue (doctors still can't find a biological reason why I'm feeling like that) and thoughts about cancerophobia (I'm afraid that I ill-of cancer) + recently I have headaches, depersonalization and derealization. Every meditation/reading for me is a huge job, because I don`t have enough physical and psychological powers doing them regularly and doing pauses, but I want to be with Gods, even If I lose mind control and have doubts about my way or bad, disgusting thoughts about Gods. (I'm really sorry, because I don't want all of this doubts and thoughts..)
Questions:
1) Two days ago I for the first time made a Final RTR + Killing Tetragrammaton RTR +
Shattering jewish Soul Protection RTR. After all of this my headache was so terrifying, then I tried ritual after this day (I took a pill from headache before ritual) and nothing change. I don't know what to do with that experience, is it because I'm ill or because I have a something jew in my soul?
2) I'm need to stop doing RTR? I want, but I felt shame, afraid to feel pain again, and crying so long after ritual and now. If I'm really a jew, maybe I'm better to die? I don't want to be a jew or have something common with them, but if I'm really are..better to die.
Thank you for attention, and sorry again for my English..
And if you don`t understand my words, please ask about it.