EveronK
New member
- Joined
- Jul 23, 2024
- Messages
- 8
Please stay, it will be brief and precise.
Since the beginning of the year I have been in a tailspin. Everything has gone wrong for me, since I had a treatment to eliminate a dangerous bacteria and from there I began to have more problems; stomach especially, I have stopped eating many foods for fear of feeling pain, to the point that it affected me mentally which I am suffering a lot at this moment. I no longer feel the desire to live, to exist. WHAT I HATE. I never felt like this. I want to live. I want to be here. Basic meditation no longer relaxes me. Anxiety eats me, depression kills me. I've been in bed for 8 months, I feel so useless that I tried to talk to my parents about it. Still, I don't feel relieved. I feel very bad every day, I write this crying.
I think this started since I participated in a war/ritual 2 years ago, at that time I was a beginner and that same night an elongated figure dressed in black appeared to me, something that scared me a lot, I asked Father Satan for help and I felt very relaxed that day and fell asleep instantly. But naively, being a teenager scared me so much that I slowly started to stop meditating. I made a mistake. A very serious one. From there I continued with the basics, making mistakes.
I don't know what to do, I'm trying to figure it out by reading the site again, trying meditations and yoga. It's still there, an overwhelming sensation that kills me, takes away my desire for everything. That's why I came here, swallowing my pride, to ask for help. BECAUSE I WANT TO LIVE.
I want to help, I want to be strong again. But I need help, my pillar collapsed and I know that there are many who pass by and focus more on themselves, because it is difficult to repair someone other than themselves.
I know some of you will tell me that I have to make an effort. Believe me, every day for me is an effort to want to live.
I'm sorry and thank you very much for reading. I will be attentive to any advice.
Since the beginning of the year I have been in a tailspin. Everything has gone wrong for me, since I had a treatment to eliminate a dangerous bacteria and from there I began to have more problems; stomach especially, I have stopped eating many foods for fear of feeling pain, to the point that it affected me mentally which I am suffering a lot at this moment. I no longer feel the desire to live, to exist. WHAT I HATE. I never felt like this. I want to live. I want to be here. Basic meditation no longer relaxes me. Anxiety eats me, depression kills me. I've been in bed for 8 months, I feel so useless that I tried to talk to my parents about it. Still, I don't feel relieved. I feel very bad every day, I write this crying.
I think this started since I participated in a war/ritual 2 years ago, at that time I was a beginner and that same night an elongated figure dressed in black appeared to me, something that scared me a lot, I asked Father Satan for help and I felt very relaxed that day and fell asleep instantly. But naively, being a teenager scared me so much that I slowly started to stop meditating. I made a mistake. A very serious one. From there I continued with the basics, making mistakes.
I don't know what to do, I'm trying to figure it out by reading the site again, trying meditations and yoga. It's still there, an overwhelming sensation that kills me, takes away my desire for everything. That's why I came here, swallowing my pride, to ask for help. BECAUSE I WANT TO LIVE.
I want to help, I want to be strong again. But I need help, my pillar collapsed and I know that there are many who pass by and focus more on themselves, because it is difficult to repair someone other than themselves.
I know some of you will tell me that I have to make an effort. Believe me, every day for me is an effort to want to live.
I'm sorry and thank you very much for reading. I will be attentive to any advice.