I need help, I made a terrible mistake

[Trisul666]

2years ago somewhat I start repress my feelings until its got unconscious, I start do things that I dont want, I fall in love but fant feel, I cant process anger, like a sponge or black hole just eveything going inside me, and I started pay attention my body, and inside my body, from outside to inside, somewhat inrepress everything and I start act not like myself, my emotions full my body toe to brain, got visual hallucinations, I rotate this things inside me, like my awareness going smaller until i dont see anything just that another what its repressed energy, I dont know how I can revers this I go hipnotherapy, and go pszichotherapy, complete lose sense of myself, and in me body this things moving but I dont know how make outside, its hurt, I dont feel my body, I forget things and hear thing, I dont want to live like this,I dont want kill myself but the toughts its here, like the I hate myself, I act like I feel, I act act.
I cant when im close my eye those things moving inide meg, and im afraid.
I regret that I dont do meditations after some traumatic incidents.
What can i do? Thank you for any advice u can give

 

[Stolas216]

Don't wait for a savior to save you, even the gods must take the initiative first.
Start changing your habits
Set a goal you want to reach.
Make a commitment and promise to yourself and to the gods.
I don't do this thing or think this way because it's negative.
and do this action and this thinking because it is positive.
Replace your negative habits with positive ones.
Start exercising and maintain your health. Focus on your physical health a lot , You can do acupuncture or Cupping. This is the first step that will reflect on your psyche and give you the push to practice meditation.
When you enter the stage of meditation and clarity of thought, you know what you want and what your goal and objectives are.
And welcome to the new page.
And you can start over.

 

[DarkPagan666]

It seems like you've been carrying a lot inside for a long time, and now it's all surfacing in a way that feels out of control. Fortunately, this can be controlled.

If emotions are trapped inside, find ways to let them out safely. This can be done through, for example, journaling. Write in a journal (even if it doesn’t make sense). This will help you express your thoughts and emotions in a controlled fashion.

Since closing your eyes can feel scary, try keeping a small light on and imagine yourself in a safe place, such as with your GD, Zeus, or a nature spot that feels comforting.

Right now, your brain and body are overwhelmed, but healing is possible. Try to remind yourself that this will not last forever and that you have the strength to overcome it.

Meditate upon 'Blue Light', as blue light brings relaxation and is therapeutic in nature. Void Meditation is essential for controlling unwanted thoughts and emotions. Also, consider doing Hatha Yoga, which encourages specific poses that enables a mind-body connection, while also opening blocked energetic pathways to support healing.

You could do a working by combining the runes Wunjo (for bliss) and Tiwaz (for stability) to clear away negative barriers and promote inner balance.

 

[Engineered Trasformation]

I support what DarkPagan666 said, it is most likely an outburst of very repressed emotions.

I would just add that it may be worth looking for the reason behind that.
Most often, people experience traumas in early life. When those traumas are too intense and unbearable for the mind, the brain starts to bury feelings and also memories of those events. Later in life, it may happen that what is buried, comes to the surface in odd ways.

By inner dialogue, while in trance, you can ask to your mind if and what happened to you, as a cause of this. In extreme cases you may find emotional selves stored into your subconscious, who are still trapped in such traumas. Freeing them by visualization worked for me, and helped to reach a better emotional stability. I am still far from being "healed" but I've been guided by my GD to this process, so I share, just in case.

 

[Trisul666]

Thank you for all, I cant really think, like my awareness going small, 2 years ago I got so much unwanted stimulus and somewhat remove my attention to what I hear, my feelings, what I do i dont know really and I start making stories in my mind, like if i do this and this and somebody say i not talk and im rellally, everything they say manifested, I cant think like talk but its very shit, like an imaginary mouth talk in my head and got sensations,in my brain? Thank your for all, I got tears

 

[Lucifigus]

2years ago somewhat I start repress my feelings until its got unconscious, I start do things that I dont want, I fall in love but fant feel, I cant process anger, like a sponge or black hole just eveything going inside me, and I started pay attention my body, and inside my body, from outside to inside, somewhat inrepress everything and I start act not like myself, my emotions full my body toe to brain, got visual hallucinations, I rotate this things inside me, like my awareness going smaller until i dont see anything just that another what its repressed energy, I dont know how I can revers this I go hipnotherapy, and go pszichotherapy, complete lose sense of myself, and in me body this things moving but I dont know how make outside, its hurt, I dont feel my body, I forget things and hear thing, I dont want to live like this,I dont want kill myself but the toughts its here, like the I hate myself, I act like I feel, I act act.
I cant when im close my eye those things moving inide meg, and im afraid.
I regret that I dont do meditations after some traumatic incidents.
What can i do? Thank you for any advice u can give

You have to tell someone your anger and hatred so it will go out from you. If you are dedicated Spiritual Satanist, i recommend you do ritual for Valefor: https://old.josrituals.org/Demons/Valefor_Power_Ritual.html

He will heal your illnesses.