Hello again! I see you're struggling with something I am all too familiar with...
The issue for you is "lack of grounding" as I said in an earlier post of yours. If you work on this aspect, you should find solid ground and thus a lot of turbulent Qi (energy) in your body will subside and you will gain clarity once more.
Though, I have a question: "Why are you here on JoS?" Obviously for spiritual enlightenment and progression. Why are you struggling to "find" a place in the human-hive, as I call it, when such a path is verboten(forbidden by society)? One would say that being on the spiritual path does not coincide with mainstream "living standards" such as a full-time job, social events, anything considered to be "normal" by "normal people" standards (which is a shame, really). The struggle is real and I have had real heartache for years with such but I have come to the conclusion that the hive is NOT for people spiritually inclined. PERIOD. But this is My conclusion as it applies to only me and for my level of "talent", I guess, so it can be more manageable for others.
During the one's 20's and 30's, you are trying to figure out where in life you "fit". What is your calling? Sometimes you know right away, other times you don't. Sometimes there are people who pull you to one side while you feel like you could go to the other. And even still, you might see the possibilities of all the options out in front of you are now you feel like you can't choose any. It's a real struggle for people with higher IQs (and low IQs too as society isn't set up to accommodate Both, contrary to popular opinion) My calling was to be self sufficient and never have to rely on someone else to pay for my meal or provide that meal for me.
Another possibility for such disturbances in your struggle is: "Who surrounds you?" Do you feel pressure to do what other people "think" you should be doing or is your perception of reality "kiked" as in you believe that "you have to do xy and z if you want to be successful/rich/happy!!1!"? All of these things can cause confusion if you don't work it out within you.
I know you've struggled for a while, but there is a way out and it's simple. Complication is what the kikes want you to think. All we really need is shelter, food and company. Your spirit is strong, look to the future, what is your ideal scenario? Then go from there.
All in all, everything passes. Just like with the planets in the sky, sometimes it's better to go into a holding pattern until the storm has subsided.