aimeecollins19
New member
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2003
- Messages
- 0
Hi everyone,
I performed my dedication ritual when I was 17. I'm 19 now. I just haven't been very active on this message group.
I'm sorry that I'm bursting in with a question right away, instead of getting to meet people before that, but I just need an answer. Right now, I have a best friend. I can't imagine not having him in my life, from the minute that I met him. I have romantic feelings for him that have passed a crush long ago. I guess I'm in love with someone that doesn't even have romantic feelings for me. No iea in the world how you can go from a crush to love for someone that doesn't return the feelings.
I guess I shouldn't have kept so much contact with him (we sit next to each other at every class we have, we hang out and study a lot, he gives me massages sometimes, he said that he feels physically attracted to me), but what can I do? Break off contact with everyone that I get a crush on? I don't want to force myself to do that. I don't want to have to do that. I don't want a crush, or even love, to unable me to do anything, or to hold me back. I wanted to "teach" myself to keep contact with someone, despite no feelings being returned.
Now he's had a date with someone that's not me. I hate the "You should be mine, don't you see that?!" feeling that he awakens in me. Looking at the big picture, this shouldn't stop me from being friends with him. But it hurts so much, that I just want to protect myself and remove myself from this... situation. I've regularly wondered if the pain was/is worth it. Sometimes the answer is no, sometimes the answer is yes.
Bottom line is: my feelings for him are going to make me break off contact with him, while I don't want to lose him. Since there's no way to make him fall in love with me (I do not want to use magic, or manipulate his aura, I feel like this would be unfair to him), I'd rather have my romantic feelings for me to go away.
Is there any way to accomplish this, to make it permament? Is there any way to avoid falling in love with someone any way? I'm already hanging out with a lot of other friends, I exercise a lot as a hobby, including group exercises, I do a lot of stuff on my own, so I'm already getting a lot of distraction. I don't fantasize about "what if" and such anymore (which takes a lot of willpower and strength - apparently I'm stronger than I thought). But the feelings don't go away. I just don't want to condemn myself to breaking off contact with everyone that I get feelings for. I don't want to be forced to letting go of people my entire life.
(I can and I do discuss this with my best friend. He feels sorry that I feel this way, and has assured me that I won't lose him, that he'll make sure of that. And even though that's very kind and reassuring, it also makes me wonder "how can you say that, how can you feel attracted to me, how can you not want to lose me, without having romantic feelings for me?")
I'm aware that I'm only 19, and that crushes and feelings should pass. It's just that my crushes and romantic feelings don't pass on their own, they pass when I meet "the next person" so to say. Even breaking off contact doesn't help, it just hurts a lot and destroys something for no reason at all. I'm done with breaking things where breaking things is pointless, and shouldn't have to be necessary.
So please, some help or some ideas on how to fix this?
I performed my dedication ritual when I was 17. I'm 19 now. I just haven't been very active on this message group.
I'm sorry that I'm bursting in with a question right away, instead of getting to meet people before that, but I just need an answer. Right now, I have a best friend. I can't imagine not having him in my life, from the minute that I met him. I have romantic feelings for him that have passed a crush long ago. I guess I'm in love with someone that doesn't even have romantic feelings for me. No iea in the world how you can go from a crush to love for someone that doesn't return the feelings.
I guess I shouldn't have kept so much contact with him (we sit next to each other at every class we have, we hang out and study a lot, he gives me massages sometimes, he said that he feels physically attracted to me), but what can I do? Break off contact with everyone that I get a crush on? I don't want to force myself to do that. I don't want to have to do that. I don't want a crush, or even love, to unable me to do anything, or to hold me back. I wanted to "teach" myself to keep contact with someone, despite no feelings being returned.
Now he's had a date with someone that's not me. I hate the "You should be mine, don't you see that?!" feeling that he awakens in me. Looking at the big picture, this shouldn't stop me from being friends with him. But it hurts so much, that I just want to protect myself and remove myself from this... situation. I've regularly wondered if the pain was/is worth it. Sometimes the answer is no, sometimes the answer is yes.
Bottom line is: my feelings for him are going to make me break off contact with him, while I don't want to lose him. Since there's no way to make him fall in love with me (I do not want to use magic, or manipulate his aura, I feel like this would be unfair to him), I'd rather have my romantic feelings for me to go away.
Is there any way to accomplish this, to make it permament? Is there any way to avoid falling in love with someone any way? I'm already hanging out with a lot of other friends, I exercise a lot as a hobby, including group exercises, I do a lot of stuff on my own, so I'm already getting a lot of distraction. I don't fantasize about "what if" and such anymore (which takes a lot of willpower and strength - apparently I'm stronger than I thought). But the feelings don't go away. I just don't want to condemn myself to breaking off contact with everyone that I get feelings for. I don't want to be forced to letting go of people my entire life.
(I can and I do discuss this with my best friend. He feels sorry that I feel this way, and has assured me that I won't lose him, that he'll make sure of that. And even though that's very kind and reassuring, it also makes me wonder "how can you say that, how can you feel attracted to me, how can you not want to lose me, without having romantic feelings for me?")
I'm aware that I'm only 19, and that crushes and feelings should pass. It's just that my crushes and romantic feelings don't pass on their own, they pass when I meet "the next person" so to say. Even breaking off contact doesn't help, it just hurts a lot and destroys something for no reason at all. I'm done with breaking things where breaking things is pointless, and shouldn't have to be necessary.
So please, some help or some ideas on how to fix this?