SeekerOfTruth666
Member
Greetings everyone. im not sure anyone even remembers me now. its been quite some time since i've been active on the forum.
i would like to share here with everyone my current situation in life and wish to ask for anyone's advice or opinion.
I really don't know how to share my story. i cannot possibly share everything but anyway here it goes..
i dedicated myself to Father Satan in 2019, with my wife. we both were muslims before and we did the dedication ritual together. it was a wonderful time. we both were fully committed to Satanism and advancing ourselves spiritually since we dedicated. although my wife stopped doing meditations and almost everything to do with Satanism after just about 2-3 months. it was like she suddenly lost interest. i didn't understand it back then and even now because to this day my faith in Satan and the Gods has been getting stronger and stronger. it was completely different for her. my wife was never on the forums either, but i was quite active for a while.
Around the end of 2022, i got myself a good job and it took a lot of my time and i was able to give less and less time for meditations. before i knew it, i also had stopped meditating regularly and participating in spiritual warfare at all. i tried to make time and get back in to where i was, but i couldnt until recently. i didnt realize it for a very long time, and i couldnt figure out what was going on with me. well, i didnt even realize there was anything wrong happening.
Before i got married to my wife, i was mostly surrounded by my family and friends who genuinely loves me and cares for me. i live in the capital city of my country but im from another city originally. my wife is from the capital city and after we got married i moved in with my wife into one of the apartments in her family's apartment building. so basically i moved into her house in her city as an outsider myself. anyway, it took a long time to realize it but slowly and gradually i didnt have my friends and family around me, it was only my wife with me everyday, all the time. many things happened, but basically, i was not allowed to see anyone or spend time with anyone without my wife, anyone including my own mother and father. even when my best friend whos also a dedicated Satanist visits me, shes always there with us.
She has always been a very jeolous girl, but her jeoulousy kept on getting stronger by day. we are constantly fighting, almost everyday, alwasy about some girl. i told her that, i am a very loyal and dedicated Satanist and i would never cheat on her, escpecially since shes also a Satanist. and i explained to her many times that i want to represent what Satanism is about and that means i will uphold the Satanic way of life. i wont cheat on my loved ones or hurt anyone who doesnt deserve it. i explained to her that i dont want to be weak infront of the Gods and that its always my mission to make the Gods proud. anyhow, nothing changed, kept getting worse until one day she punched my face. i didnt take it so seriously that day, but i never thought it would get to a point that i have to be afraid for my life. and thats what eventually happened. she kept on being physcially violent when we argue, she would punch, shove, scratch, bite. and everytime she would make be believe that it was all my fault, and for a long time i actually believed that she was being violent with me because of what i did or said.
i have been completely isolated, my family and friends who i see almost everyday, i was seeing them maybe once or twice in 6 months. that also with my wife. and to make things worse, i have caught her texting or calling different guys and there has been many times that i was 99% sure that something has happened and she had cheated on me. i cant say its a 100% because i didnt see it happen with my own eyes. either way, i cant ignore whats right infront of me or i cant deny facts. she would apologize for such incidents with other guys at the beginning of the marriage, she would promise everytime that she wont do any such things. kept on happening and she eventually even stopped apologizing and started to eventually blame me for her unfaithful actions.
with all these things, i also eventually lost it and started yelling at her when we argue, i was expecially loud when she starts being physically violent. and eventually i started putting out my anger on furniture and stuff aroud the room. i know that i should have tried harder to control my anger, but i couldnt. but no matter how angry i got, i never laid a hand on her, even when she was being violent i never hit her or punch her or anything. the most i did was hold her arms and tried to make her stop. no matter what, i was able to control myself. i never hit a woman, and i never intend to.
im not very good with telling stories, and im not even sure what i have written so far makes complete sense, because this is an extremely simplified and shortened version of the whole story. ill keep going..
im sure everyone would be asking, why i still havent left her. well, i have 16 cats with me. most of them were born infront of me and ive been taking care of all of them for about 3 years now. they have been my family and friends, witnessing and going though all this with me, feeling all the negative energies. whenever i think of ending the marriage and leaving my wife, i think about what to do with my cats. i cannot take all of them to my parent's place or any other place. i cant even rent out an apartment and take them there because they will eventually destroy furniture and stuff, cats being cats. so thats where that though alwasy stoppped, i didnt know what to do with them. i just never had it in me to let them go out on the roads, they most probably wont survive for too long out there. so i was trapped. this most probably would sound very stupid, for me to stay in an abusive relationship because of my cats. maybe subconciously i was using the cats as an excuse to stay where i am, for some reason. i really dont know.
ill try not to make this too long. just several days ago, things got too bad and i was at a breaking point and i got desperate to get out of this. so i prayed to Satan. for the first time i asked Satan directly for help with this and to get me out of this and be free. that night, i slept and just about an hour after i slept, i woke up a little and at first i felt like my wife was hugging or cuddling with me, and i was hearing her talking, but i was still half asleep so i didnt realize what was happening. after few moments, i was awake fully and i realized that my wife was yelling at me, not talking and that she was strangling me, not cuddling or hugging me. i struggled to get up, because she had both her hands around my neck and pushing down. when i finally managed to overpower her and get up from the bed, she went crazy and started punching me, pushing me to the wall, to the cupboards, cabinets, when i tried to protect myself with my arms, she would start biting and scratching. i begged her to stop, i told her i was gonna call the police, she wouldnt. she finally stopped after about 2hrs. i aws exhausted, i couldnt even breathe properly. i was dianosed with epilepsy when i was a teenager and i had a few dangerous seizure episodes thourghout my life. my wife obviously knows that and i told her even during the fight, that my brain will be especially senstitive when im wokrn up from sleep and i might get a seizure. she responded my saying she has adhd because of me. didnt give a damn about my condition. she just self diagnosed her with adhd. anyway, that night she told me to get out of her house, she even called my mother and told her to get me out of her house.
because of this night, finally i was able to open up to my family and friends about everything, how my life has really been going in the last 4-5 years. i thank Father Satan for giving the push that was needed to finally begin to end this marriage. no matter what i had to endure that night, i was very relieved that finally i was able to open up and actually take actions to get out of this, with the help of my family and friends, finally. the situation with the cats remain, but my family and friends are actively trying to find people who would adopt them, and in case they are not adopted, i have decided to keep about 3or 4 cats with me and take the rest of them to a kind of a cat shelter.not really a shelter, just an area where vounteers go and feed the cats there and built small huts for cats to protect them from the rain. this is one thing i would like advice about from my fellow SS. am i doing the right things with my cats?
as for my wife, i am secretly looking for an apartment i can move into. because i know that if she knows that im leaving her, she would make it extremely difficult and to be honest, im afraid that she might do something worse like stab me while im sleeping. since she tried to strangle me, i told her that i need space for now and that i cant sleep in the same room as her, and i told her that if she actually wants to work on being together, she should give me time and space for now. thankfully she has been sleeping in another room since then. i have been trying to avoid fighting with her and i making her believe that im trying to still be with me and im planning on moving out while she isnt home, just to be safe and keep everything calm. is this right? getting out of this my tricking or fooling her?
i would like to ask from my fellow SS sisters and brothers, should i do a banishing ritual for her after the divorce? since she did the dedication ritual before, ive been hesitant to do any working or even direct any energy towards her that would curse her. i really dont know what to think of this. did she actually genuienly dedicate herself in the first place? i just cant understand why things turned out the way it did.
im almost at the end of this long chapter of my life. ill be very happy and finally feel safe once i get to move out into any other place. Please share your thoughts..
i would like to share here with everyone my current situation in life and wish to ask for anyone's advice or opinion.
I really don't know how to share my story. i cannot possibly share everything but anyway here it goes..
i dedicated myself to Father Satan in 2019, with my wife. we both were muslims before and we did the dedication ritual together. it was a wonderful time. we both were fully committed to Satanism and advancing ourselves spiritually since we dedicated. although my wife stopped doing meditations and almost everything to do with Satanism after just about 2-3 months. it was like she suddenly lost interest. i didn't understand it back then and even now because to this day my faith in Satan and the Gods has been getting stronger and stronger. it was completely different for her. my wife was never on the forums either, but i was quite active for a while.
Around the end of 2022, i got myself a good job and it took a lot of my time and i was able to give less and less time for meditations. before i knew it, i also had stopped meditating regularly and participating in spiritual warfare at all. i tried to make time and get back in to where i was, but i couldnt until recently. i didnt realize it for a very long time, and i couldnt figure out what was going on with me. well, i didnt even realize there was anything wrong happening.
Before i got married to my wife, i was mostly surrounded by my family and friends who genuinely loves me and cares for me. i live in the capital city of my country but im from another city originally. my wife is from the capital city and after we got married i moved in with my wife into one of the apartments in her family's apartment building. so basically i moved into her house in her city as an outsider myself. anyway, it took a long time to realize it but slowly and gradually i didnt have my friends and family around me, it was only my wife with me everyday, all the time. many things happened, but basically, i was not allowed to see anyone or spend time with anyone without my wife, anyone including my own mother and father. even when my best friend whos also a dedicated Satanist visits me, shes always there with us.
She has always been a very jeolous girl, but her jeoulousy kept on getting stronger by day. we are constantly fighting, almost everyday, alwasy about some girl. i told her that, i am a very loyal and dedicated Satanist and i would never cheat on her, escpecially since shes also a Satanist. and i explained to her many times that i want to represent what Satanism is about and that means i will uphold the Satanic way of life. i wont cheat on my loved ones or hurt anyone who doesnt deserve it. i explained to her that i dont want to be weak infront of the Gods and that its always my mission to make the Gods proud. anyhow, nothing changed, kept getting worse until one day she punched my face. i didnt take it so seriously that day, but i never thought it would get to a point that i have to be afraid for my life. and thats what eventually happened. she kept on being physcially violent when we argue, she would punch, shove, scratch, bite. and everytime she would make be believe that it was all my fault, and for a long time i actually believed that she was being violent with me because of what i did or said.
i have been completely isolated, my family and friends who i see almost everyday, i was seeing them maybe once or twice in 6 months. that also with my wife. and to make things worse, i have caught her texting or calling different guys and there has been many times that i was 99% sure that something has happened and she had cheated on me. i cant say its a 100% because i didnt see it happen with my own eyes. either way, i cant ignore whats right infront of me or i cant deny facts. she would apologize for such incidents with other guys at the beginning of the marriage, she would promise everytime that she wont do any such things. kept on happening and she eventually even stopped apologizing and started to eventually blame me for her unfaithful actions.
with all these things, i also eventually lost it and started yelling at her when we argue, i was expecially loud when she starts being physically violent. and eventually i started putting out my anger on furniture and stuff aroud the room. i know that i should have tried harder to control my anger, but i couldnt. but no matter how angry i got, i never laid a hand on her, even when she was being violent i never hit her or punch her or anything. the most i did was hold her arms and tried to make her stop. no matter what, i was able to control myself. i never hit a woman, and i never intend to.
im not very good with telling stories, and im not even sure what i have written so far makes complete sense, because this is an extremely simplified and shortened version of the whole story. ill keep going..
im sure everyone would be asking, why i still havent left her. well, i have 16 cats with me. most of them were born infront of me and ive been taking care of all of them for about 3 years now. they have been my family and friends, witnessing and going though all this with me, feeling all the negative energies. whenever i think of ending the marriage and leaving my wife, i think about what to do with my cats. i cannot take all of them to my parent's place or any other place. i cant even rent out an apartment and take them there because they will eventually destroy furniture and stuff, cats being cats. so thats where that though alwasy stoppped, i didnt know what to do with them. i just never had it in me to let them go out on the roads, they most probably wont survive for too long out there. so i was trapped. this most probably would sound very stupid, for me to stay in an abusive relationship because of my cats. maybe subconciously i was using the cats as an excuse to stay where i am, for some reason. i really dont know.
ill try not to make this too long. just several days ago, things got too bad and i was at a breaking point and i got desperate to get out of this. so i prayed to Satan. for the first time i asked Satan directly for help with this and to get me out of this and be free. that night, i slept and just about an hour after i slept, i woke up a little and at first i felt like my wife was hugging or cuddling with me, and i was hearing her talking, but i was still half asleep so i didnt realize what was happening. after few moments, i was awake fully and i realized that my wife was yelling at me, not talking and that she was strangling me, not cuddling or hugging me. i struggled to get up, because she had both her hands around my neck and pushing down. when i finally managed to overpower her and get up from the bed, she went crazy and started punching me, pushing me to the wall, to the cupboards, cabinets, when i tried to protect myself with my arms, she would start biting and scratching. i begged her to stop, i told her i was gonna call the police, she wouldnt. she finally stopped after about 2hrs. i aws exhausted, i couldnt even breathe properly. i was dianosed with epilepsy when i was a teenager and i had a few dangerous seizure episodes thourghout my life. my wife obviously knows that and i told her even during the fight, that my brain will be especially senstitive when im wokrn up from sleep and i might get a seizure. she responded my saying she has adhd because of me. didnt give a damn about my condition. she just self diagnosed her with adhd. anyway, that night she told me to get out of her house, she even called my mother and told her to get me out of her house.
because of this night, finally i was able to open up to my family and friends about everything, how my life has really been going in the last 4-5 years. i thank Father Satan for giving the push that was needed to finally begin to end this marriage. no matter what i had to endure that night, i was very relieved that finally i was able to open up and actually take actions to get out of this, with the help of my family and friends, finally. the situation with the cats remain, but my family and friends are actively trying to find people who would adopt them, and in case they are not adopted, i have decided to keep about 3or 4 cats with me and take the rest of them to a kind of a cat shelter.not really a shelter, just an area where vounteers go and feed the cats there and built small huts for cats to protect them from the rain. this is one thing i would like advice about from my fellow SS. am i doing the right things with my cats?
as for my wife, i am secretly looking for an apartment i can move into. because i know that if she knows that im leaving her, she would make it extremely difficult and to be honest, im afraid that she might do something worse like stab me while im sleeping. since she tried to strangle me, i told her that i need space for now and that i cant sleep in the same room as her, and i told her that if she actually wants to work on being together, she should give me time and space for now. thankfully she has been sleeping in another room since then. i have been trying to avoid fighting with her and i making her believe that im trying to still be with me and im planning on moving out while she isnt home, just to be safe and keep everything calm. is this right? getting out of this my tricking or fooling her?
i would like to ask from my fellow SS sisters and brothers, should i do a banishing ritual for her after the divorce? since she did the dedication ritual before, ive been hesitant to do any working or even direct any energy towards her that would curse her. i really dont know what to think of this. did she actually genuienly dedicate herself in the first place? i just cant understand why things turned out the way it did.
im almost at the end of this long chapter of my life. ill be very happy and finally feel safe once i get to move out into any other place. Please share your thoughts..