luvpuppy_uk
New member
- Joined
- Feb 18, 2010
- Messages
- 5
Dear Friends
Not so long ago I found the joyofsatan website and did away with all my fear and embraced father. It was a sigh of great relief for me. But all this is in secret for I am like a prisoner in a house full of roman catholic religion. No I'm not a schoolkid but a 43 year old gay man.
I used to live in the UK where I had met my partner and I used to by fairly happy back then (this is going back about 4-5 years). I believed in what my parents said to me and I came out to Portugal and introduced my partner to my family. Then the nightmare began.
To cut a long story short my partner abandoned me here with debts I am having difficulty paying. I have no friends, no life, no anything. Totally cut off from having a normal life like everyone takes for granted. I have prayed to Father and Lucifuge daily, many times a day begging assistance of some kind, some kind of response, but my mind is tortured by loss, grief and despair. Indeed I have suffered this now for at least 8 months.
Dear friends please try to see this for exactly what I am saying. I'm not exaggerating. It's a lot worse than what I can put into words. When my partner abandoned me here I had no choice but to come and live with my parents and they will NEVER help me to escape and rebuild my life. You will say that we always have a choice but no I had no choice. You will perhaps analyse and look at my situation based on the quality of life you yourselves are experiencing, in a country where there are helps we dont have here and an infrustructure we dont have here in the area where I am. It would take me many pages of writing to explain in detail everything and make you all understand just how screwed I really am. It is my hope to write it all down someday when I manage to escape from here. As for my parents, well they do everything imaginable to make sure I never leave. My partner knew this is what would happen to me if he abandoned me here and the cruelty of it destroys me inside. Indeed he planned it all so perfectly, waited until I was the most vulnerable and then he destroyed me and left me with nothing. Perhaps I deserved it.
I earn less in a month than what most of you earn in a week and it will take me years to save up enough money to escape from here from the measly pittance I make. I will be so old and haggard nobody is ever going to look at me again. I play the lottery weekly and cry and pray for assistance but nothing happens. I've tried to make contact with Father and/or Lucifuge through prayer and pendulums but my heart is tortured and broken and I'm unable to do so. I can't trust the responses I receive. I'm sure I imagine most of it and this house with all its religious shit is driving me crazy. They even have a chapel in this fucking house!!! Oh fuck I can't express it to you. There are no words.
Yes i'm a broken man even though after embracing father on one level I feel relief and love towards him. The joyofsatan website showed me its ok to be the way I am. Organised religion can kiss my ass!!! But even so I feel like a caged animal and I'm so full of intense hatred for my ex partner and my family. It consumes me daily. On all levels its destroying my mind, heart and soul and I howl with tears some nights when I know everyone is asleep and can't hear me.
So what I'm asking you dear friends is if one of you or any of you who can actually make contact with Father and/or Lucifuge and do receive responses, would you do me the great kindness of asking about me and if they are going to help me and when I can expect to escape from this nightmare. This kind of life is destroying my mental and physical health and I have very little hope left to me. I'm so numb and hollow inside. I hope one of you can help me.
I want to escape from here. Return to the UK and find someone, make a friend with someone, like some of the wonderful people on here and learn about father and come into my own power and make up for all the wasted years of my life. I cannot express to any of you the anguish inside. There are no words.
I've written enough. I don't know what else to say. If any of you or just one of you can connect to my soul and feel the anguish then oh please do me the kindness of contacting Father/Lucifuge and relaying the responses or whatever it is I need to do for them to help me. I have no hope left but Father. He is my only hope.
Blessings to you all
Paul
Not so long ago I found the joyofsatan website and did away with all my fear and embraced father. It was a sigh of great relief for me. But all this is in secret for I am like a prisoner in a house full of roman catholic religion. No I'm not a schoolkid but a 43 year old gay man.
I used to live in the UK where I had met my partner and I used to by fairly happy back then (this is going back about 4-5 years). I believed in what my parents said to me and I came out to Portugal and introduced my partner to my family. Then the nightmare began.
To cut a long story short my partner abandoned me here with debts I am having difficulty paying. I have no friends, no life, no anything. Totally cut off from having a normal life like everyone takes for granted. I have prayed to Father and Lucifuge daily, many times a day begging assistance of some kind, some kind of response, but my mind is tortured by loss, grief and despair. Indeed I have suffered this now for at least 8 months.
Dear friends please try to see this for exactly what I am saying. I'm not exaggerating. It's a lot worse than what I can put into words. When my partner abandoned me here I had no choice but to come and live with my parents and they will NEVER help me to escape and rebuild my life. You will say that we always have a choice but no I had no choice. You will perhaps analyse and look at my situation based on the quality of life you yourselves are experiencing, in a country where there are helps we dont have here and an infrustructure we dont have here in the area where I am. It would take me many pages of writing to explain in detail everything and make you all understand just how screwed I really am. It is my hope to write it all down someday when I manage to escape from here. As for my parents, well they do everything imaginable to make sure I never leave. My partner knew this is what would happen to me if he abandoned me here and the cruelty of it destroys me inside. Indeed he planned it all so perfectly, waited until I was the most vulnerable and then he destroyed me and left me with nothing. Perhaps I deserved it.
I earn less in a month than what most of you earn in a week and it will take me years to save up enough money to escape from here from the measly pittance I make. I will be so old and haggard nobody is ever going to look at me again. I play the lottery weekly and cry and pray for assistance but nothing happens. I've tried to make contact with Father and/or Lucifuge through prayer and pendulums but my heart is tortured and broken and I'm unable to do so. I can't trust the responses I receive. I'm sure I imagine most of it and this house with all its religious shit is driving me crazy. They even have a chapel in this fucking house!!! Oh fuck I can't express it to you. There are no words.
Yes i'm a broken man even though after embracing father on one level I feel relief and love towards him. The joyofsatan website showed me its ok to be the way I am. Organised religion can kiss my ass!!! But even so I feel like a caged animal and I'm so full of intense hatred for my ex partner and my family. It consumes me daily. On all levels its destroying my mind, heart and soul and I howl with tears some nights when I know everyone is asleep and can't hear me.
So what I'm asking you dear friends is if one of you or any of you who can actually make contact with Father and/or Lucifuge and do receive responses, would you do me the great kindness of asking about me and if they are going to help me and when I can expect to escape from this nightmare. This kind of life is destroying my mental and physical health and I have very little hope left to me. I'm so numb and hollow inside. I hope one of you can help me.
I want to escape from here. Return to the UK and find someone, make a friend with someone, like some of the wonderful people on here and learn about father and come into my own power and make up for all the wasted years of my life. I cannot express to any of you the anguish inside. There are no words.
I've written enough. I don't know what else to say. If any of you or just one of you can connect to my soul and feel the anguish then oh please do me the kindness of contacting Father/Lucifuge and relaying the responses or whatever it is I need to do for them to help me. I have no hope left but Father. He is my only hope.
Blessings to you all
Paul