FuerstDerFinsternis
New member
- Joined
- Jan 26, 2025
- Messages
- 2
The feeling is becoming clearer—like dirt in a river that is being cleansed, leaving only one truth behind: the curse. The dirt symbolizes hope and thoughts, but in the end, it is nothing more than an illusion.
It all began in my childhood, and I feel like I have always been a victim of the evil eye—helplessly exposed to envious or hostile glances, likely from the most ordinary people. How can these people curse me, whether consciously or unconsciously? They are just ordinary people. If they can harm me with nothing but their gaze or their thoughts—how weak must I be? Or am I just imagining all of this?
All my life, whenever I felt too comfortable in a friendship, it would shatter—as if demons were watching and just waiting for the moment. It has happened a thousand times over, until eventually, I became completely aromantic. I feel no love anymore. I will never have a relationship, because I simply cannot.
I am caught somewhere between what once was the truth and deception—between good and evil, between heaven and hell. There is no place for me; nowhere feels like home anymore.
All my life, I have felt that others could end a friendship or cut off contact with me without regret or guilt, while I was always left with sorrow. I was always the one to come back, trying to mend the relationship—only to fail. Like vampires, they have drained my energy for as long as I can remember, until now, when I feel nothing—no love at all. When my family visits, I just want to be alone, I scream at them, and I am defenseless against the demons. It feels like a curse—but isn’t a curse supposed to have some kind of hidden core, some silver lining? But this curse… I see nothing good in it.
I still cannot believe it. Everything I believed in as a child and everything my heroes told me to believe in yourself and to fight for your dreams so you will achieve them. There was one thing I worked hard for but never was successful with. When my heroes told me that they forgot that their fate is not my fate. My fate is the curse...
It doesn’t help… Imagine a bright light circling you… It doesn’t help… The urge to end it is getting worse every day, but I can’t do it because of my family—even though I barely see them. But I can’t do it because of them. And even if they were gone, I would probably be too scared to end it.
I don’t want anyone to feel hopeless. When I was a child, crying actually made me feel better. But now it doesn’t… It truly shows how dead I am inside.
And everything in this world is so wrong and its too much that is wrong. I cannot handle it anymore, it cannot be saved anymore. The evil is getting praised, the cold people win. The evil wins... My heroes of my childhood fought the evil but I think the good ones were always the bad ones... Now it makes sense.
I think the angels have given me up. I now have to take the hands of the evil because that is all that's left. Time to embrace evil even though my chest screams of pain. I TRIED FOR TOO LONG TO EMBRACE THE GOOD BUT I ALWAYS GOT PUNCHED BACK IN THE FACE I CANT STAND IT ANYMORE WHEN I TRY TO BE GOOD TO PEOPLE THEY ALWAYS SHOW NO INTEREST WHEN IM TOXIC PEOPLE GIVE ME ATTENTION WHEN IM GOOD THEY ENVER DO IM SICK AND TIRED OF IT I WANNA [CENSORED]
It all began in my childhood, and I feel like I have always been a victim of the evil eye—helplessly exposed to envious or hostile glances, likely from the most ordinary people. How can these people curse me, whether consciously or unconsciously? They are just ordinary people. If they can harm me with nothing but their gaze or their thoughts—how weak must I be? Or am I just imagining all of this?
All my life, whenever I felt too comfortable in a friendship, it would shatter—as if demons were watching and just waiting for the moment. It has happened a thousand times over, until eventually, I became completely aromantic. I feel no love anymore. I will never have a relationship, because I simply cannot.
I am caught somewhere between what once was the truth and deception—between good and evil, between heaven and hell. There is no place for me; nowhere feels like home anymore.
All my life, I have felt that others could end a friendship or cut off contact with me without regret or guilt, while I was always left with sorrow. I was always the one to come back, trying to mend the relationship—only to fail. Like vampires, they have drained my energy for as long as I can remember, until now, when I feel nothing—no love at all. When my family visits, I just want to be alone, I scream at them, and I am defenseless against the demons. It feels like a curse—but isn’t a curse supposed to have some kind of hidden core, some silver lining? But this curse… I see nothing good in it.
I still cannot believe it. Everything I believed in as a child and everything my heroes told me to believe in yourself and to fight for your dreams so you will achieve them. There was one thing I worked hard for but never was successful with. When my heroes told me that they forgot that their fate is not my fate. My fate is the curse...
It doesn’t help… Imagine a bright light circling you… It doesn’t help… The urge to end it is getting worse every day, but I can’t do it because of my family—even though I barely see them. But I can’t do it because of them. And even if they were gone, I would probably be too scared to end it.
I don’t want anyone to feel hopeless. When I was a child, crying actually made me feel better. But now it doesn’t… It truly shows how dead I am inside.
And everything in this world is so wrong and its too much that is wrong. I cannot handle it anymore, it cannot be saved anymore. The evil is getting praised, the cold people win. The evil wins... My heroes of my childhood fought the evil but I think the good ones were always the bad ones... Now it makes sense.
I think the angels have given me up. I now have to take the hands of the evil because that is all that's left. Time to embrace evil even though my chest screams of pain. I TRIED FOR TOO LONG TO EMBRACE THE GOOD BUT I ALWAYS GOT PUNCHED BACK IN THE FACE I CANT STAND IT ANYMORE WHEN I TRY TO BE GOOD TO PEOPLE THEY ALWAYS SHOW NO INTEREST WHEN IM TOXIC PEOPLE GIVE ME ATTENTION WHEN IM GOOD THEY ENVER DO IM SICK AND TIRED OF IT I WANNA [CENSORED]
Last edited by a moderator:
