Constructive criticism and Positive Coaching: Don't be a dick

[Shadowcat]

Different personalities often show different ways of doing things. We see this every day in the work environment, as well as at home and in public. We all are at one time or another not going to like the way someone does something, the fact that they do it, to begin with, or even not at all.

Despite the state of the world and humanity everyone has an inherent good inside them, even if it sadly doesn't always show very well. Any decent person that is trying to do a good job, achieve success, or do right by someone, will have ways of doing this that can be different from someone else. There are certain subjective things that one person can perceive as kind and thoughtful, that another can perceive as controlling, annoying or rude.

When mistakes are made in the workplace or doing any other job you will certainly have slobs out there that do not give a damn. But most good people and especially us SS want to do right by others, be successful and excel in all we do. Needless to say, If someone makes a mistake in whatever it is logical to assume that this is not on purpose or meant out of intentional laziness. Sometimes people can get even so stressed out about wanting to do a job right, (especially with little resources) that the circumstances have it that things can just fuck up.

Because people can also be selfish, impatient, and lack empathy and understanding, belittlement of the person who makes a mistake instead of supportive feedback and constructive criticism will follow. This is the type of coworker or boss who will act like it's the end of the world because some perfectionistic ideal has not been met that can even be completely unrealistic and will be a complete butthole to you for not meeting it, and will never forget it on top of treating you like you have always failed. These people are always insecure about something inside so to make themselves feel better they have to tear others down.

As an SS, giving criticism is an art to be mastered, an important one because when done right you will encourage your fellow SS brothers and sisters to grow and keep advancing. To do this however needs to happen in a way that makes them receptive to your message.

How to give constructive criticism:

-In the workplace, it's called "coaching." This occurs when correction is needed to point out an error or to help someone improve either for themselves or to help correct something on their part for the work environment or production as a whole.

-Do not begin by assuming that the mistake or "transgression" was made on purpose or done out of "laziness." I am talking about minor to even moderate mistakes, especially for someone new to the place or environment. This will automatically put you in attack mode and them on the defense. I guarantee nothing you relay will be received well or even registered. They will most likely let it go from one ear and out of the other out of spite.

-You don't have to sugarcoat facts to the point of twisting the truth (this is also not desired under any circumstance), but there are also ways to express or state something without basically being an asshole. For those "alpha chads" out there who think this is "pussy shit" well have fun being an unrelatable prick who no one will be receptive to or be inspired by in any way. Humans are not robots and need to be approached with consideration and compassion.

"That was a bad job it's awful how could you do this how is this possible?!" Vs. There have been mistakes here and this does not meet expectations. Is there something you are struggling with? Can you tell me why this is? Both state the same thing as far as the factual situation but the approaches are stark contrasts. I am sure any normal person prefers the latter.

-Give ideas of what you think will help prevent the mistake from occurring next time. Don't do this in a way that comes off as childish one-upmanship because this just shows classlessness and trying to tear someone down. "well we had it perfect in every way doing this, maybe your team is just shit!" Vs. "This worked well for us I think this could help you for next time!"

-If someone thanks you for your Coaching this is a good sign. They are being receptive to your feedback.

-Be realistic and understanding. You cannot expect things or everyone to be perfect. Human error is not the end of the world and the ones that you make out to be I guarantee are made by many others. It's not on purpose and people are trying to learn from them!

Positive feedback and Coaching are crucial to the development and growth as well as the advancement of an SS. Doing this the right way will make someone receptive to your message and this will allow them to be helped by viable things you have for them to grow from which is the point of this community so do it right, as well as offline. Try to look up to the Gods and the way they Coach and teach us and the amazing amount of patience they have for humanity (that also is not to be taken advantage of...)Model after them. Be kind yet truthful and patient. Be respectful and mindful, especially of your SS brethren. We are Brothers and Sisters in arms, and all deserve respect.

 

[BlackOnyx8 [JG]]

Good post, I believe that a lot of people here have already developed a high level of professionalism and the ability to provide constructive criticism. On occasion, some may come across as cold or harsh, including myself, due to their astrological disposition, as you know. It is definitely worth mastering the art of conveying feedback in a clear and respectful manner, avoiding any tone that may be perceived as condescending.

It is equally essential to deliver it in a logical and impartial manner, rather than letting emotions cloud one's judgment as this allows for a clearer and more effective exchange of ideas and it fosters a professional and respectful environment that encourages growth and improvement.

 

[Shadowcat]

Good post, I believe that a lot of people here have already developed a high level of professionalism and the ability to provide constructive criticism. On occasion, some may come across as cold or harsh, including myself, due to their astrological disposition, as you know. It is definitely worth mastering the art of conveying feedback in a clear and respectful manner, avoiding any tone that may be perceived as condescending.

It is equally essential to deliver it in a logical and impartial manner, rather than letting emotions cloud one's judgment as this allows for a clearer and more effective exchange of ideas and it fosters a professional and respectful environment that encourages growth and improvement.

Yes exactly. Being objective is important for delivering accurate information. Combining this with consideration allows your information to be well absorbed and taken to heart. People on the receiving end also have to be open to criticism, as long as the aforementioned guidelines are followed at least, and be understanding that someone doing this is either looking out for them or just trying to contribute.

You have the types also that are too prideful to take criticism in any capacity and these are also often the types to be equally inconsiderate of someone's needs and wants and the environment around them, as well as having an inability to put themselves in someone else's shoes. I have known people to literally accuse me of hating them just for giving them any critique at all, which is just childish.

 

[MercuryWisdom]

Thank you Kitty. For sometime this has been bothering me.

In my personal life I can be quite impatient, terrible listener, and seriously abrasive and sometimes rude. It doesn't help that I have a very strong, expressive and loud voice.

It has been bothering me alot because I would usually do this out of love. I tend to be very honest and not in a kind and diplomatic way and it might sometimes feel cruel to the other person and I can lack empathy and be cruel with stating facts.

I feel seriously uncomfortable and immoral trying to sugarcoat anything.

Which have caused me problems with my friendships, work, relationships, etc.

I am trying to work on it. I also have serious anxiety and impatience that doesn't help either.

 

[Shadowcat]

Thank you Kitty. For sometime this has been bothering me.

In my personal life I can be quite impatient, terrible listener, and seriously abrasive and sometimes rude. It doesn't help that I have a very strong, expressive and loud voice.

It has been bothering me alot because I would usually do this out of love. I tend to be very honest and not in a kind and diplomatic way and it might sometimes feel cruel to the other person and I can lack empathy and be cruel with stating facts.

I feel seriously uncomfortable and immoral trying to sugarcoat anything.

Which have caused me problems with my friendships, work, relationships, etc.

I am trying to work on it. I also have serious anxiety and impatience that doesn't help either.

It's alright there's always room for improvement. Remember what I gave you with freeing the soul too. Becoming aware of what is wrong is the first step to improvement. Asking yourself why these things occur and finding the answer can help you resolve them. You can sublimate your criticism to bringing about the above with your attention to detail and nitpicking being used in good ways to point out even the smallest things that add up, things that can be of help instead.

 

[SSinHeartandSoul]

I am trying to work on it. I also have serious anxiety and impatience that doesn't help either.

I don't think that being direct and ''abrasive'' is a bad thing necessarily, in contrary it is something that i personally really appreciate. I'd rather people tell me the truth straight in my face compared to talking behind my back. There is no need to sugarcoat anything, but for appearances sake it would be smart to learn how to be somewhat tactful about how you bring your abrasive criticism. :lol:

For your anxiety you can of course work on your elements, but besides that i recommend making sure to relax your muscles, especially the muscles in the back of your throat.

 

[Shadowcat]

I am trying to work on it. I also have serious anxiety and impatience that doesn't help either.

I don't think that being direct and ''abrasive'' is a bad thing necessarily, in contrary it is something that i personally really appreciate. I'd rather people tell me the truth straight in my face compared to talking behind my back. There is no need to sugarcoat anything, but for appearances sake it would be smart to learn how to be somewhat tactful about how you bring your abrasive criticism. :lol:

For your anxiety you can of course work on your elements, but besides that i recommend making sure to relax your muscles, especially the muscles in the back of your throat.

You are talking about being direct not abrasive. Abrasiveness is being inconsiderate to the feelings of others in your words. You can tell the truth to someone just fine without this. Being direct on the other hand is just communicating information without beating around the bush.

 

[SapphireDragon]

Very good post! And a very good point. Advice and criticism can make or break a person. It's always good to keep in mind that people come from every background and have their own negative karma and sensitivity about them. It's always good to be kind in your dealings with others.

What might be said with helpful intentions to you may come off as too insensitive to someone else. It's always good to reflect and tone yourself down accordingly for each situation. Tough love is good in moderation but not a good idea for it to go overboard, as it can shut someone off from wanting help if they feel like they are being attacked, or whipped over it.

It costs us nothing to be good to someone who needs help. We want to give the kind of help to others that will not only help them, but be emulated by them when one day they too help somebody in return.

 

[ΑΡΗΣ_666]

The best criticism i feel like is on a personal and emotional level, that's when you reach someone, because you really care.
And it should be sincere, like the parents with their child for example, or family/friends in general.
Cold and distanced/detached criticism like a teacher in school hardly reaches anyone or makes one remember.

 

[MercuryWisdom]

I am trying to work on it. I also have serious anxiety and impatience that doesn't help either.

I don't think that being direct and ''abrasive'' is a bad thing necessarily, in contrary it is something that i personally really appreciate. I'd rather people tell me the truth straight in my face compared to talking behind my back. There is no need to sugarcoat anything, but for appearances sake it would be smart to learn how to be somewhat tactful about how you bring your abrasive criticism. :lol:

For your anxiety you can of course work on your elements, but besides that i recommend making sure to relax your muscles, especially the muscles in the back of your throat.

You are talking about being direct not abrasive. Abrasiveness is being inconsiderate to the feelings of others in your words. You can tell the truth to someone just fine without this. Being direct on the other hand is just communicating information without beating around the bush.

Yes, that's what I meant. You don't have to be rude to be honest. You can say the truth in a more professional way and people would actually love to follow it. They will also respect and love you for it.

Being abrasive and honest IS saying the truth or honest criticism but it just makes people react to it in a bad way, shy away from following it because it hits their ego, and makes you just hated. Especially so, if you're saying the truth and they know it internally.

 

[Wotanwarrior]

I have always had the same problem as you describe of being too direct and incendiary, especially when I get angry, that made me lose many friendships and even some family members distanced themselves from me, especially when I was younger.

 

[Shadowcat]

I don't think that being direct and ''abrasive'' is a bad thing necessarily, in contrary it is something that i personally really appreciate. I'd rather people tell me the truth straight in my face compared to talking behind my back. There is no need to sugarcoat anything, but for appearances sake it would be smart to learn how to be somewhat tactful about how you bring your abrasive criticism. :lol:

For your anxiety you can of course work on your elements, but besides that i recommend making sure to relax your muscles, especially the muscles in the back of your throat.

You are talking about being direct not abrasive. Abrasiveness is being inconsiderate to the feelings of others in your words. You can tell the truth to someone just fine without this. Being direct on the other hand is just communicating information without beating around the bush.

Yes, that's what I meant. You don't have to be rude to be honest. You can say the truth in a more professional way and people would actually love to follow it. They will also respect and love you for it.

Being abrasive and honest IS saying the truth or honest criticism but it just makes people react to it in a bad way, shy away from following it because it hits their ego, and makes you just hated. Especially so, if you're saying the truth and they know it internally.

It still doesn't give an excuse to be a dick. Don't be abrasive be assertive and constructive. Both examples I gave were honest criticism in the op where as the latter examples were kinder and more relatable.

Being abrasive makes people react to it badly because the tone of things is also important to people and plays a big role in communication and relaying information. It's important to develop a compassion and patience for this or no one is going to be inspired by another's words.

 

[hailourtruegod]

Great post. I used to be so bad at giving criticism because of 1. I hate stupidity to a fault but 2. Which made it worse was being bullied by family members and being made to feel like shit that I starting becoming like them and projecting it onto others.

Thanks to SS I have gone a long way in the past few years to fix this problem thru introspective meditation and healing trauma.

Definitely good advice to read Shadowcat. Thank you.

 

[serpentwalker666]

Thank you so much for this post. I really needed to hear this as this is something I struggle greatly with.

I am particularly brutal in how I approach myself.

This is definitely a post I will have to contemplate and meditate on to improve how I approach my own mistakes and the mistakes of others.

 

[Shadowcat]

Thank you so much for this post. I really needed to hear this as this is something I struggle greatly with.

I am particularly brutal in how I approach myself.

This is definitely a post I will have to contemplate and meditate on to improve how I approach my own mistakes and the mistakes of others.

Yes, this is definitely something to also apply to oneself as far as being our own critic. Glad to have helped.