BPD - Borderline personality disorder. I can’t escape myself??

[MercuryWisdom]

**: Please be compassionate I’m going through a lot and can’t handle anything.

Okay, guys now I really know I need help.
I will also try therapy but I need your advice and help.

I have BPD, I never usually tell anyone this but I’m in a very dire place that I really NEED HELP.

It just fucked up a major relationship of mine that meant a lot to me.

I don’t understand why I’m like this I think there’s something seriously wrong with me and I can’t help it. It’s a never ending cycle that hurts beyond imagination.

I was doing well then suddenly I was triggered by the other person’s actions, got extremely jealous, and angry, and afraid, and I ended up writing a long ass message for a small action that shouldn’t have ended up like this then I blocked the other person. I could have done so much better.

I was aware of what I was doing and that it had consequences that’s the scary part, but I was still in survival mode which pushed me to take this impulsive action, I was not thinking clearly. It was an episode, it is hard to explain.

Then I unblocked them a week later they were furious and hated me and I wish I just could undo it all. I don’t understand what I’ve done.

Now I can’t sleep, function, eat, or work because of the guilt that I ruined it all and that I lost this person who was the most important to me. I don’t understand why I did this, it was a mistake, I was just afraid, I was in panic mode and I’ve been hurting for way too long and I felt all alone, and I was fucking scared.

I had a cruel and weak father who was violent against me and hurt me then left us and I had been bullied by friends and all the people I cared about then they left me too, then I was manipulated in relationships then abandoned, and I FEEL EVERYTHING.

My emotions are so intense they scare me. I don’t feel happy, I become happiness.
I don’t feel sad, I become the sadness.
I don’t feel love, I merge with the person they become my whole life and it fucking hurts.

My body, soul, and mind are hurting and I don’t know how to escape myself I just feel like I want to die.

Why did I have to fall in love? Why did I have hope? It always ends this fucking way and I end up ruining everything.

Can you guys please help me? I don’t know how to escape myself or the pain. I ruined everything, the memories, the good parts, and all my efforts and love were just down the drain. I lost everything. I hate myself so fucking much and that’s another problem too why do I hate myself, I know that’s not good and it’s unhealthy but I don’t know how to stop hating myself.

I’m sorry for sounding so unstable but I’m really dying here..

@Voice of Enki [TG] @Centralforce666 @Blitzkreig [TG] @HPS Lydia @Hp. Hoodedcobra666 @april @Alexandros Iowno [TG]

 

[member]

**: Please be compassionate I’m going through a lot and can’t handle anything.

Okay, guys now I really know I need help.
I will also try therapy but I need your advice and help.

I have BPD, I never usually tell anyone this but I’m in a very dire place that I really NEED HELP.

It just fucked up a major relationship of mine that meant a lot to me.

I don’t understand why I’m like this I think there’s something seriously wrong with me and I can’t help it. It’s a never ending cycle that hurts beyond imagination.

I was doing well then suddenly I was triggered by the other person’s actions, got extremely jealous, and angry, and afraid, and I ended up writing a long ass message for a small action that shouldn’t have ended up like this then I blocked the other person. I could have done so much better.

I was aware of what I was doing and that it had consequences that’s the scary part, but I was still in survival mode which pushed me to take this impulsive action, I was not thinking clearly. It was an episode, it is hard to explain.

Then I unblocked them a week later they were furious and hated me and I wish I just could undo it all. I don’t understand what I’ve done.

Now I can’t sleep, function, eat, or work because of the guilt that I ruined it all and that I lost this person who was the most important to me. I don’t understand why I did this, it was a mistake, I was just afraid, I was in panic mode and I’ve been hurting for way too long and I felt all alone, and I was fucking scared.

I had a cruel and weak father who was violent against me and hurt me then left us and I had been bullied by friends and all the people I cared about then they left me too, then I was manipulated in relationships then abandoned, and I FEEL EVERYTHING.

My emotions are so intense they scare me. I don’t feel happy, I become happiness.
I don’t feel sad, I become the sadness.
I don’t feel love, I merge with the person they become my whole life and it fucking hurts.

My body, soul, and mind are hurting and I don’t know how to escape myself I just feel like I want to die.

Why did I have to fall in love? Why did I have hope? It always ends this fucking way and I end up ruining everything.

Can you guys please help me? I don’t know how to escape myself or the pain. I ruined everything, the memories, the good parts, and all my efforts and love were just down the drain. I lost everything. I hate myself so fucking much and that’s another problem too why do I hate myself, I know that’s not good and it’s unhealthy but I don’t know how to stop hating myself.

I’m sorry for sounding so unstable but I’m really dying here..

@Voice of Enki [TG] @Centralforce666 @Blitzkreig [TG] @HPS Lydia @Hp. Hoodedcobra666 @april @Alexandros Iowno [TG]

Therapy at this point bro,
I'd recommend trying it,
You have probably received any possible advice from your previous messages,

They might provide the closure you need,
Peace be upon you

 

[Epiphany]

I've lost people this way by overreacting to things and dropping them. Interpreting things in a negative way when they probably meant little or nothing. Letting things that bothered me unfold and snowball without bringing it to light.

You live and you learn. Sometimes to learn you have to make the mistake and face the music and that's what it takes to shed the dross.

What you said about not feeling the emotion but being the emotion is a trauma symptom and comes from how you were raised. Therapy, introspection, self study and conscious action is what helps with this.

This period will pass.

 

[MercuryWisdom]

I've lost people this way by overreacting to things and dropping them. Interpreting things in a negative way when they probably meant little or nothing. Letting things that bothered me unfold and snowball without bringing it to light.

You live and you learn. Sometimes to learn you have to make the mistake and face the music and that's what it takes to shed the dross.

What you said about not feeling the emotion but being the emotion is a trauma symptom and comes from how you were raised. Therapy, introspection, self study and conscious action is what helps with this.

This period will pass.

I just feel sad I ruined it specifically with this person, they meant too much to me..

If it was anyone else I wouldn’t care and would just try to heal and move on. This happened before with exes and they didn’t mean to me as much as this person.

So I don’t only feel sad, but also guilty, I wished I could be a better person for them and I really tried I swear I tried..

 

[MercuryWisdom]

I've lost people this way by overreacting to things and dropping them. Interpreting things in a negative way when they probably meant little or nothing. Letting things that bothered me unfold and snowball without bringing it to light.

You live and you learn. Sometimes to learn you have to make the mistake and face the music and that's what it takes to shed the dross.

What you said about not feeling the emotion but being the emotion is a trauma symptom and comes from how you were raised. Therapy, introspection, self study and conscious action is what helps with this.

This period will pass.

I didn’t believe it much when they said that if you met your perfect person but you haven’t healed yourself and built yourself then you’ll lose them just as easily.

But it turned out to be too true. I thought if its your person they will stay but life is not like this.

I’m so stressed I have a 1000 problems I need to work on and then build wealth and I don’t have energy anymore I’m so fucking tired and exhausted. I just wished something would work out for once.

I have been only losing for years, I need a miracle I need to be okay again. I can’t take life anymore, no one understands..

 

[AFODO]

I don't believe in these disorders, just ask yourself, why I did what I did, should I fix it, and how can I fix it.
Now if you have bad personality traits, do a freeing working for it.

 

[MT88]

Yeah I've burned bridges with people in a similar way before. If the damage is already done and they don't accept an apology there's no point to force the relationship. On the bright side it frees up your schedule and time for self improvement

 

[AFODO]

Oh and Venus is in retrograde so that can be the cause. https://ancient-forums.com/threads/venus-retrograde.299607/

 

[VanceViktori888]

Prayer to the Gods also helps, as does doing rituals to Gods with mastery of healing arts such as Thoth and Asclepius. Asclepius’ ritual is highly recommended for these things, as Asclepius is closer in the dimensions to us so results can be more expedient

 

[MercuryWisdom]

Oh and Venus is in retrograde so that can be the cause. https://ancient-forums.com/threads/venus-retrograde.299607/

Yeah Venus retrograde was a super cunt this year. Everything went to shit when it went retro

 

[Magmapoolsweet]

i only can giving suggest how about learning about stoikisme for u're life maybe this good and with Gods rituals like Ishtar or other so keep straight in the true path in u're life.

 

[MercuryWisdom]

Prayer to the Gods also helps, as does doing rituals to Gods with mastery of healing arts such as Thoth and Asclepius. Asclepius’ ritual is highly recommended for these things, as Asclepius is closer in the dimensions to us so results can be more expedient

I have been doing the God rituals and I really need the Gods but I can’t help but feel that they are distant from me.

I really need their help. I need reassurance from them, I need to be hugged, I feel so alone.

 

[serpentwalker666]

**: Please be compassionate I’m going through a lot and can’t handle anything.

Okay, guys now I really know I need help.
I will also try therapy but I need your advice and help.

I have BPD, I never usually tell anyone this but I’m in a very dire place that I really NEED HELP.

It just fucked up a major relationship of mine that meant a lot to me.

I don’t understand why I’m like this I think there’s something seriously wrong with me and I can’t help it. It’s a never ending cycle that hurts beyond imagination.

I was doing well then suddenly I was triggered by the other person’s actions, got extremely jealous, and angry, and afraid, and I ended up writing a long ass message for a small action that shouldn’t have ended up like this then I blocked the other person. I could have done so much better.

I was aware of what I was doing and that it had consequences that’s the scary part, but I was still in survival mode which pushed me to take this impulsive action, I was not thinking clearly. It was an episode, it is hard to explain.

Then I unblocked them a week later they were furious and hated me and I wish I just could undo it all. I don’t understand what I’ve done.

Now I can’t sleep, function, eat, or work because of the guilt that I ruined it all and that I lost this person who was the most important to me. I don’t understand why I did this, it was a mistake, I was just afraid, I was in panic mode and I’ve been hurting for way too long and I felt all alone, and I was fucking scared.

I had a cruel and weak father who was violent against me and hurt me then left us and I had been bullied by friends and all the people I cared about then they left me too, then I was manipulated in relationships then abandoned, and I FEEL EVERYTHING.

My emotions are so intense they scare me. I don’t feel happy, I become happiness.
I don’t feel sad, I become the sadness.
I don’t feel love, I merge with the person they become my whole life and it fucking hurts.

My body, soul, and mind are hurting and I don’t know how to escape myself I just feel like I want to die.

Why did I have to fall in love? Why did I have hope? It always ends this fucking way and I end up ruining everything.

Can you guys please help me? I don’t know how to escape myself or the pain. I ruined everything, the memories, the good parts, and all my efforts and love were just down the drain. I lost everything. I hate myself so fucking much and that’s another problem too why do I hate myself, I know that’s not good and it’s unhealthy but I don’t know how to stop hating myself.

I’m sorry for sounding so unstable but I’m really dying here..

@Voice of Enki [TG] @Centralforce666 @Blitzkreig [TG] @HPS Lydia @Hp. Hoodedcobra666 @april @Alexandros Iowno [TG]

Message me when you can, my wife has BPD and I have helped her both through violent and very destructive BPD episodes and suggested healing workings and stood by her side through everything for 5 years even when it was the worst. I'll do what I can to advise you on some steps you can take right now.

BPD is very hard to manage even with medication, therapy and workings, it will take some time. But you will be okay, I understand how it can be.

We love you and are here for you, it's going to be okay.

 

[serpentwalker666]

I have been doing the God rituals and I really need the Gods but I can’t help but feel that they are distant from me.

I really need their help. I need reassurance from them, I need to be hugged, I feel so alone.

They are here for you, as are we all, because of the nature of this disorder and how it affects the emotions and the mind, keep in mind it can cause one to be ungrounded and not feel what is there at times. You'll be okay, it is manageable and eventually curable.

 

[serpentwalker666]

I don't believe in these disorders, just ask yourself, why I did what I did, should I fix it, and how can I fix it.
Now if you have bad personality traits, do a freeing working for it.

Unfortunately these disorders like Borderline Personality Disorder do exist and they can be debilitating. My wife has struggled with this for years and has made great strides despite how intense and destabilizing it can be.

These can be very hard hurdles to overcome and can destroy lives, but it can be managed and eventually fixed.

 

[GoldenRatio]

I'm sorry for your distress.

You need to let go of your guilt- it feeds the emotional cycle that you're repeating. Your self-destructive tendencies have an emotional and survival element to them. You can't make forward progress if you feel guilty or hate yourself. The most effective thing to do right now is allow the pain to exist and find a way to utilize it. Develop a strategy for how you'll deal with it in the future.

I can relate to the feeling of 'not being able to escape myself.' Acceptance and taking responsibility for your emotional world is the only way forward. Obviously, that's easier said then done. I can't tell you how to do that except that it requires non-judgmental introspection and shadow work.

 

[Blitzkreig [TG]]

**: Please be compassionate I’m going through a lot and can’t handle anything.

Okay, guys now I really know I need help.
I will also try therapy but I need your advice and help.

I have BPD, I never usually tell anyone this but I’m in a very dire place that I really NEED HELP.

It just fucked up a major relationship of mine that meant a lot to me.

I don’t understand why I’m like this I think there’s something seriously wrong with me and I can’t help it. It’s a never ending cycle that hurts beyond imagination.

I was doing well then suddenly I was triggered by the other person’s actions, got extremely jealous, and angry, and afraid, and I ended up writing a long ass message for a small action that shouldn’t have ended up like this then I blocked the other person. I could have done so much better.

I was aware of what I was doing and that it had consequences that’s the scary part, but I was still in survival mode which pushed me to take this impulsive action, I was not thinking clearly. It was an episode, it is hard to explain.

Then I unblocked them a week later they were furious and hated me and I wish I just could undo it all. I don’t understand what I’ve done.

Now I can’t sleep, function, eat, or work because of the guilt that I ruined it all and that I lost this person who was the most important to me. I don’t understand why I did this, it was a mistake, I was just afraid, I was in panic mode and I’ve been hurting for way too long and I felt all alone, and I was fucking scared.

I had a cruel and weak father who was violent against me and hurt me then left us and I had been bullied by friends and all the people I cared about then they left me too, then I was manipulated in relationships then abandoned, and I FEEL EVERYTHING.

My emotions are so intense they scare me. I don’t feel happy, I become happiness.
I don’t feel sad, I become the sadness.
I don’t feel love, I merge with the person they become my whole life and it fucking hurts.

My body, soul, and mind are hurting and I don’t know how to escape myself I just feel like I want to die.

Why did I have to fall in love? Why did I have hope? It always ends this fucking way and I end up ruining everything.

Can you guys please help me? I don’t know how to escape myself or the pain. I ruined everything, the memories, the good parts, and all my efforts and love were just down the drain. I lost everything. I hate myself so fucking much and that’s another problem too why do I hate myself, I know that’s not good and it’s unhealthy but I don’t know how to stop hating myself.

I’m sorry for sounding so unstable but I’m really dying here..

@Voice of Enki [TG] @Centralforce666 @Blitzkreig [TG] @HPS Lydia @Hp. Hoodedcobra666 @april @Alexandros Iowno [TG]

One way to break this cycle is to catch and regulate your emotions before they explode. We cannot totally control other people, but we can control ourselves. Therefore, if someone does something that makes you jealous, you can catch yourself here and calm yourself.

The emotion of jealousy, in my opinion, stems from a perception of powerlessness, and powerlessness can arise when people forget their own strengths. For some reason, you felt like you could not handle what that person did, so you attempted to "destroy" them, but if you felt that you could handle it in some way, you would not have felt as threatened in the first place.

The situation of a weak father or other relational abuse can train us to think, subconsciously or otherwise, that these sort of aggressive and pre-emptive attacks and other controlling behaviors are needed and acceptable, but we have to push against this, because any bad behavior influences how people view and interact with us. It is like your "informal" level of authority as a person.

--------------------------

Although it may seem paradoxical, high levels of sensitivity can lead to control, because you already have the yin part of the "equation of materialization". If you are able to introduce some yang action or feelings to this situation, this combines to create magickal control over this situation, which then manifests in changes either to your own mood, or the situation at large.

It takes time and probably more masculine development on your end, but you can develop magickal confidence over these situations. An easy way to start is to tune into your emotions when you are upset. "Grasp" the strong feeling within you and see it like churning and angry waters.

Then, imagine and will that they are calming and releasing what you were afraid of. You may not even know exactly what made you upset, but know that it is normal for emotions to cycle, process, and release. This "function" exists in your soul naturally, but you can apply it at will to intentionally resolve negative feelings before they explode outward.

Because our inner state reflects outward, you can also know that once your inner state has calmed, the situation has calmed outside of you, too. That does not mean that the situation has disappeared, for example, but it is now "under control", just like how other smaller situations in your life are under control.

---------------------------

The above may seem too good to be true, but it does work and it will work better as you continue to practice it. Further, it is necessary because calming down is the first step in fixing a situation. If your emotions are screaming that the situation cannot be fixed, then other actions are much less likely to succeed. You have to first resolve the internal obstacle that prevents you from perceiving success as possible.

Conceptually, you can imagine this as like turning back the "spiral". Where you felt a multi-step worsening of the situation, now at that point where "everything is lost", is like the negative undoing or spiral out of control. However, you can reverse this by willful emotional control, which will then make you feel you feel more stable and able to succeed again.

Stage 5 Panic of "everything is over" now becomes Stage 4 "I made a big mistake, but I can at least eat"
Stage 4 Panic can then be calmed to "I made a mistake, but I can at least sleep and work"
Stage 3 can then become "I made a mistake, but I don't feel like such a bad person anymore"

At any point you feel a sense of fear, it is possible to resolve this and obtain what you think could not happen, or at least obtain what your soul was capable of doing previously. For example, you had maintained the relationship with this person before, and you had done work before, and so on, so it is all there, but you have to allow yourself to feel capable of achieving that again.

 

[Blitzkreig [TG]]

I have been doing the God rituals and I really need the Gods but I can’t help but feel that they are distant from me.

I really need their help. I need reassurance from them, I need to be hugged, I feel so alone.

This is self-imposed distance because it is very likely you have put up a barrier to them, too, under the same premise that they could hurt you somehow. Other people do this, too, by the way.

Knowing this, you can imagine their energy impacting you more strongly, because the limit is actually on your end and can therefore be consciously "opened" more than normal.

 

[Yurei]

From what I've seen, Borderline Personality Dosorder is caused by a dysfunctional Neptune

If you know of any mantras for taming Neptune, those could help, also anti depressant medication could serve you well

 

[MercuryWisdom]

Message me when you can, my wife has BPD and I have helped her both through violent and very destructive BPD episodes and suggested healing workings and stood by her side through everything for 5 years even when it was the worst. I'll do what I can to advise you on some steps you can take right now.

BPD is very hard to manage even with medication, therapy and workings, it will take some time. But you will be okay, I understand how it can be.

We love you and are here for you, it's going to be okay.

Thank you brother and thank you for understanding.

 

[MercuryWisdom]

One way to break this cycle is to catch and regulate your emotions before they explode. We cannot totally control other people, but we can control ourselves. Therefore, if someone does something that makes you jealous, you can catch yourself here and calm yourself.

The emotion of jealousy, in my opinion, stems from a perception of powerlessness, and powerlessness can arise when people forget their own strengths. For some reason, you felt like you could not handle what that person did, so you attempted to "destroy" them, but if you felt that you could handle it in some way, you would not have felt as threatened in the first place.

The situation of a weak father or other relational abuse can train us to think, subconsciously or otherwise, that these sort of aggressive and pre-emptive attacks and other controlling behaviors are needed and acceptable, but we have to push against this, because any bad behavior influences how people view and interact with us. It is like your "informal" level of authority as a person.

--------------------------

Although it may seem paradoxical, high levels of sensitivity can lead to control, because you already have the yin part of the "equation of materialization". If you are able to introduce some yang action or feelings to this situation, this combines to create magickal control over this situation, which then manifests in changes either to your own mood, or the situation at large.

It takes time and probably more masculine development on your end, but you can develop magickal confidence over these situations. An easy way to start is to tune into your emotions when you are upset. "Grasp" the strong feeling within you and see it like churning and angry waters.

Then, imagine and will that they are calming and releasing what you were afraid of. You may not even know exactly what made you upset, but know that it is normal for emotions to cycle, process, and release. This "function" exists in your soul naturally, but you can apply it at will to intentionally resolve negative feelings before they explode outward.

Because our inner state reflects outward, you can also know that once your inner state has calmed, the situation has calmed outside of you, too. That does not mean that the situation has disappeared, for example, but it is now "under control", just like how other smaller situations in your life are under control.

---------------------------

The above may seem too good to be true, but it does work and it will work better as you continue to practice it. Further, it is necessary because calming down is the first step in fixing a situation. If your emotions are screaming that the situation cannot be fixed, then other actions are much less likely to succeed. You have to first resolve the internal obstacle that prevents you from perceiving success as possible.

Conceptually, you can imagine this as like turning back the "spiral". Where you felt a multi-step worsening of the situation, now at that point where "everything is lost", is like the negative undoing or spiral out of control. However, you can reverse this by willful emotional control, which will then make you feel you feel more stable and able to succeed again.

Stage 5 Panic of "everything is over" now becomes Stage 4 "I made a big mistake, but I can at least eat"
Stage 4 Panic can then be calmed to "I made a mistake, but I can at least sleep and work"
Stage 3 can then become "I made a mistake, but I don't feel like such a bad person anymore"

At any point you feel a sense of fear, it is possible to resolve this and obtain what you think could not happen, or at least obtain what your soul was capable of doing previously. For example, you had maintained the relationship with this person before, and you had done work before, and so on, so it is all there, but you have to allow yourself to feel capable of achieving that again.

Thank you so much brother these words get to me and make a lot of sense. It could have saved me earlier. I will practice it now as well, to deal with the loss and eventually gain ground to be okay again and sail this ship.

 

[MercuryWisdom]

This is self-imposed distance because it is very likely you have put up a barrier to them, too, under the same premise that they could hurt you somehow. Other people do this, too, by the way.

Knowing this, you can imagine their energy impacting you more strongly, because the limit is actually on your end and can therefore be consciously "opened" more than normal.

I think I feel shame besides them and a weird feeling that I could never comprehend how vast they truly are and that scares me.

 

[MercuryWisdom]

Managing Borderline Personality Disorder

Hello, because of the struggles of my beloved wife, and those here who struggle from this as well, I will now detail how to manage Borderline Personality Disorder based on the tough love and steps I had to take to make sure those I love are cared for. My beloved wife struggles with this and had...

ancient-forums.com

Brother Serpentwalker created this post and I wanted to link it here if anyone might need help with this.

I just started the working and it’s very relieving and cathartic. I want to heal so I can be a better person to myself and so I don’t hurt the people I love and be a good mature person with them.

 

[serpentwalker666]

Managing Borderline Personality Disorder

Hello, because of the struggles of my beloved wife, and those here who struggle from this as well, I will now detail how to manage Borderline Personality Disorder based on the tough love and steps I had to take to make sure those I love are cared for. My beloved wife struggles with this and had...

ancient-forums.com

Brother Serpentwalker created this post and I wanted to link it here if anyone might need help with this.

I just started the working and it’s very relieving and cathartic. I want to heal so I can be a better person to myself and so I don’t hurt the people I love and be a good mature person with them.

Keep in mind this will ultimately take time, but as long as you are patient it will yield very good results. It can take some months, years even in some cases. This can be restarted at certain intervals and or done continuously for awhile. I am very happy and pleased this is helpful, this means a great deal to me as this is also a very personal matter for me regarding this specific disorder as I have relayed before.