Bipolar or personal choices

[EnkiUK]

Hi my fellow people, had a bad few months there end up on bender/binge/episode.

managed to smash my car into a central reservation fell asleep at wheel,thanks to Satan im here,
caught being cheating , heavy betrayed my wife.

End up taking things that get u addicted asked Father and the gods and goddeses for help so hope i can stay off this tomorrow, as for car write off, marriage iam gutted.

Hope i can sort this

Take care x

 

[JoS Forum Contributions]

What triggers these episodes?

 

[EnkiUK]

HP I can't pinpoint them, I was running about my place of origin wiith that wild head on thinking im 18 again.

35 bro got responsibilities family man i nearly wrecked it all there :evil: :evil: Im trying to soldier on now and get back on straight and narrow.

Always get inspiration reading insightful posts here etc but basicaly HP i have made a right mess of last 3months.

Few positives, never died in car crash, not in jail, still got my wife and kid.


I enjoy a routine gym work etc neglected the gym neglected everything.

Thanks for reply brother

 

[JoS Forum Contributions]

It might be something in your chart you might want to check into this and workings for it. Also maintain an Aura of protection. Clean your aura daily as well and do the Final RTR.

Also stay sober and away from alcohol and any drugs this takes away peoples ability to not give into impulsiveness. Ask your GD and the Gods for help with what you need to change in your life with all this.

 

[EnkiUK]

I Will HP. Doesn't take long to do the AOP.

I need to step my game up bro.

Thanks again hope you all good mate

 

[JoS Forum Contributions]

You are the example and role model for your child, mien bro please think of that when it comes to staying on the path of right living. Your child needs you in this world doing excellent. Your a good man and I know you will be fine.

 

[curio]

Remember to practice void meditation everyday, even if it's only 5 minutes. The gains are massive in proportion to the amount of time and effort that it takes to get them, but you lose them just as quickly if you stop meditating.

Mindfulness(AKA void) meditation has been found to improve bloodflow and connectivity with the area of the brain known as the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for willpower, self control and decision making. It also mellows out the part of the brain that's responsible for stress, fear and anxiety; the amygdala.

 

[EnkiUK]

Thanks for that HP i, really appreciate the advice from yourself as a person i respect and look up to on here.

Yes bro I have been a complete tit/idiot.

Have a chance to make ammends with the wife and obviously step my game up as a Daddy as well.

I will give you a we update on Monday let you know if i have made it out the other side.

Top man HP

 

[EnkiUK]

Thanks for input Curio, I said that to the wife.

Stop slacking do the AOP and voids every day especially with the amount of people out there that would love us to fuck up.

Protectect oneself and send all the negative/curses right back to the senders.

Application is what I need fed up starting, stopping laziness actually.

I miss my structured routine family life,doing my SS etc, as for jumping about like a young boy again, well thats just as it sounds...daft

 

[EnkiUK]

Hi guys,

I have made it to Monday.

Still in family home (still need time for wife to forgive the me n the hooker part)

Got new car so can go gym take my daughter out etc

Started doing the things HP said, so all good and thanks to HP for his guidance.

X

 

[EnkiUK]

Update:

Everything seemed okay all week, until a barrage of abuse directed at me plus an influx of tears at the same time.

Wife going mad, adultery... yes

How do you redeem yourself from this betrayal?

Struggling for this part, one mistake, one off.

 

[JoS Forum Contributions]

Your going to have to gain her trust back that is how things go.

 

[Centralforce666]

Update:

Everything seemed okay all week, until a barrage of abuse directed at me plus an influx of tears at the same time.

Wife going mad, adultery... yes

How do you redeem yourself from this betrayal?

Struggling for this part, one mistake, one off.

You would also do well to acknowledge how she feels as being legitimate.. Do not try to make her feel as though you just did something small wrong and that she is expected to get over it easily..

Taking responsibility is part of being a man and if you fail to do so, then you will fail your marriage in the long run.

 

[HPS Lydia]

As well as what HP Mageson mentioned about trust, there's something else about cheating. The person who was cheated on (your wife in this case), often feel that you cheated because you are no longer attracted to her. It's often a blow to the self esteem, thinking that they are no longer desirable. Let her know how sexy and attractive she is (even if she isn't). Make it clear that you only cheated due to a stupid mistake, and not because you wanted someone else (even if this isn't the case, sometimes it's necessary to lie a bit to protect someone's feelings).

 

[EnkiUK]

Your going to have to gain her trust back that is how things go.

True bro, im trying my best sometimes I think she is dragging it on and tell her to forget about it is prob not the best way.

Im staying in not even going out so surely that gain trust back HP thanks mate.

 

[EnkiUK]

Update:

Everything seemed okay all week, until a barrage of abuse directed at me plus an influx of tears at the same time.

Wife going mad, adultery... yes

How do you redeem yourself from this betrayal?

Struggling for this part, one mistake, one off.

You would also do well to acknowledge how she feels as being legitimate.. Do not try to make her feel as though you just did something small wrong and that she is expected to get over it easily..

Taking responsibility is part of being a man and if you fail to do so, then you will fail your marriage in the long run.

Much appreciated CentralForce, I have to acknowledge all that you say.

I do try make it seem oh its okay it wasn't an Ex girlfriend it only a hooker but thats not right sounding :| :|

She on my case 24/7 but im going try sort it after all you are correct, Marriage is important to me same as being a Father.

 

[EnkiUK]

As well as what HP Mageson mentioned about trust, there's something else about cheating. The person who was cheated on (your wife in this case), often feel that you cheated because you are no longer attracted to her. It's often a blow to the self esteem, thinking that they are no longer desirable. Let her know how sexy and attractive she is (even if she isn't). Make it clear that you only cheated due to a stupid mistake, and not because you wanted someone else (even if this isn't the case, sometimes it's necessary to lie a bit to protect someone's feelings).

Hiya Lydia hope you are well pal x

Yes she mentioned all that too me the attractiveness stuff and it did feel bad, why of course she is attractive wouldnt have married her otherwise :lol: :lol: its not just that Lydia she is very loyal, stood by me whilst I was in Prison and went on the run with me prior to that.

Her morals were/are loyalty
You are right also, Im not just raging that i got caught with the hooker im raging i breached the loyalty part.

Im gutted Lydia but I need to soldier on keep the family going financially etc

Heres hoping x

 

[EnkiUK]

Update:

The hooker in question turned up at our door on Thurs, wife went mental and we managed to chase her in the car to drive her out. Like something animals do in the wild to protect their nest :lol: :lol:

Cant believe she turn up at my door that has been 2month with no contact

Wife going mad again (no wonder)

I relapsed after many weeks of freshness

Raging guys :evil: :evil:

 

[Aquarius]

Update:

The hooker in question turned up at our door on Thurs, wife went mental and we managed to chase her in the car to drive her out. Like something animals do in the wild to protect their nest :lol: :lol:

Cant believe she turn up at my door that has been 2month with no contact

Wife going mad again (no wonder)

I relapsed after many weeks of freshness

Raging guys :evil: :evil:

What exactly did you relapse on?

 

[EnkiUK]

Banned Drugs ,prescribed ones and just bad choices still doing it right now.

Help me my fellow troops

 

[Aquarius]

It might be something in your chart you might want to check into this and workings for it. Also maintain an Aura of protection. Clean your aura daily as well and do the Final RTR.

Also stay sober and away from alcohol and any drugs this takes away peoples ability to not give into impulsiveness. Ask your GD and the Gods for help with what you need to change in your life with all this.

Banned Drugs ,prescribed ones and just bad choices still doing it right now.

Help me my fellow troops

 

[EnkiUK]

Has to be me making bad choices, instead of sticking to, well going back to the gym. Clean living and all said advice from HP and others.

I feel the same as when i was 23 years old spiraling out of control.

I will do it i know it and thanks for the faith in me HP and others who gave input

 

[Aquarius]

Has to be me making bad choices, instead of sticking to, well going back to the gym. Clean living and all said advice from HP and others.

I feel the same as when i was 23 years old spiraling out of control.

I will do it i know it and thanks for the faith in me HP and others who gave input

Gym is not that healthy, I suggest you take yoga and for the times you feel like like stressing ur muscles out do some calisthenics, cut the fast food or processed food and eat more vegetables and meat on the side.

 

[curio]

Has to be me making bad choices, instead of sticking to, well going back to the gym. Clean living and all said advice from HP and others.

I feel the same as when i was 23 years old spiraling out of control.

I will do it i know it and thanks for the faith in me HP and others who gave input

Gym is not that healthy

You mean to imply that it's unhealthy?

 

[Aquarius]

Has to be me making bad choices, instead of sticking to, well going back to the gym. Clean living and all said advice from HP and others.

I feel the same as when i was 23 years old spiraling out of control.

I will do it i know it and thanks for the faith in me HP and others who gave input

Gym is not that healthy

You mean to imply that it's unhealthy?

Yeah, weight lifting isnt the best for your joints, hatha yoga and calisthencis are the ultimate exercises in my opinion

 

[EnkiUK]

Weightlifting has been shown to add years to the lives of the elderly who do it keeps the mind strong, something I need to do x

 

[EnkiUK]

Well fellow SSrs a month since last update and Im still a c**t.

At least im consistent, lazy (no meditaions rtrs)

To be honest nothing good at all apart from still able to provide for my family.

Taking stuff i took 12 years ago (everyday, again consistently sh*te)

Moved into this house a year ago due it being bigger with a garden for my we girl, around same time a shrink said i was bipolar. Gave me BP medication.

Not blaming that for my situation but last year at least i would do a weekly ritual where i would meditate feel brilliant, also do HC 40 day n the 6month SS again feel good and noted everything down.(5years in a row)

1 ritual in 1 year no 40 day no 6month. Could this be medication? Obviously the main reason i would say is last 6month the nonsense im taking just now isnt going to help it a one way ticket to prison. But cant be a coincidence surley. They say Bipolar makes u more prone to substance missuse but i wasnt taking it for 12 stretch lol.

 

[Taol]

1 ritual in 1 year no 40 day no 6month. Could this be medication? Obviously the main reason i would say is last 6month the nonsense im taking just now isnt going to help it a one way ticket to prison. But cant be a coincidence surley. They say Bipolar makes u more prone to substance missuse but i wasnt taking it for 12 stretch lol.

*sigh* Honestly I dont even want to reply.

But look up what the ingredients of your "medication" is and if they are even known to be components in hallucenic substances.

From then on just follow the logical addiction line. My body doesn't respond anymore. My high isn't that high anymore oh I need stronger meds aka stronger drugs aka going from pot to meth/lsd/heroin (maybe a bit exaggerated).

Look, if you have trouble to even start doing it, then find why it motivates you and do it before you go on all the distracting stuff.
Perhaps just even make an affirmation and repeat that multiple times a day to begin with. Something simple.

And if you haven't looked yet, look at transits/your sr for this year.

You've been dedicated and been power meditating longer than me. If you are looking for a different answer, then you'll have to ask someone else, or maybe just ask yourself what you want your answer to be.
You can get through this, but we can not carry you there. You have to take the steps yourself.

 

[EnkiUK]

Much appreciated for your reply mate.

I know you all cant carry me through it, i have had great advive already from HP i save it in my phone and look at it to re jig my way of thinking.

Transits charts etc I will look at these, I should get on HPHC to see what it is.

As for that other stuff not as bad as heroin but in same class of addictiveness.

Thanks again I always look at replys and grateful for input i need to do it.

 

[alek]

Well fellow SSrs a month since last update and Im still a c**t.

At least im consistent, lazy (no meditaions rtrs)

To be honest nothing good at all apart from still able to provide for my family.

Taking stuff i took 12 years ago (everyday, again consistently sh*te)

Moved into this house a year ago due it being bigger with a garden for my we girl, around same time a shrink said i was bipolar. Gave me BP medication.

Not blaming that for my situation but last year at least i would do a weekly ritual where i would meditate feel brilliant, also do HC 40 day n the 6month SS again feel good and noted everything down.(5years in a row)

1 ritual in 1 year no 40 day no 6month. Could this be medication? Obviously the main reason i would say is last 6month the nonsense im taking just now isnt going to help it a one way ticket to prison. But cant be a coincidence surley. They say Bipolar makes u more prone to substance missuse but i wasnt taking it for 12 stretch lol.

I recently stopped with the drugs straight edge now I am really against it all now, like one day I woke up like wtf am I doing......how stupid. And thats where it stops for me, but I've done that before and went back to the same old thing. I know it is a given but I'm going to say it as a reminder you have to hate the drugs or whatever else your doing that is wrong... Life is about indulgence but you indulging in the wrong way. realize that please. You fell asleep at the wheel crashed your car and cost yourself a few thousand pounds. We almost lost you and your girls almost lost you too! Here is a good idea eh. Give the money to your wife to save for your kid everytime you want to use. or maybe some incense or occult materials something you will all enjoy, something that will truly better you that is not some total illusion of pleasure.

The rtr's/meditation are easy I catch myself stopping though too and making excuses not to. "Satanists don't think and waste time they have to take action" -HP I've lived by that ever since I started doing rtrs. You are sitting there thinking you want to do the meditations and fight then do it.
I wanted to point out being in a relationship living with a chick sidetracked me from my daily schedule,
I think it is you want to give all your attention to them of course because you love them but at the same time it is an like an excuse to not do work.
Cant read over gtg I hope I helped you helped me get away from drugs further, learning from your experience.

 

[alek]

*typo I apologize

 

[EnkiUK]

Alex

Thanks for that deep meaningfull and insightful reply brother.

Glad you are straight edged too, hope to join that club maybe too early but thats me two days off the bad stuff. Done 10 years straight edged before, so heres hoping this two days leads to another 10 year roll

I cant wait to get back into all the stuff i have missed ,Satanism, health, family, wealth all up there bro.

Respect

 

[Reckoned666]

Hey bro.

Imo first and foremost you have to get rid of medication. Whatever you're taking, it seems that it's bad for you.

You don't have to get doing it by your own will purely. There are Gods who can help with addictions. Also healing Magick or workings.

Then you'll be sober and will have a chance to look it everything differently. Your mind must be numbing from all the drugs / meds and so on.

What I know, is that God's will respond to you if you'll contact them. They won't leave their own to rot.

Power meditations, Final RTR, balanced diet, training will become your daily life.

Hopefully your relationship with wife and especially daughter are going in the right direction.

Much love, stay strong and consistent. X

 

[EnkiUK]

Thanks Reckoned666

Proud of you mate, i think im on a roll now that should be over the worst its a mental thing that stuff, nothing physical (so they say)

I know mate they wouldnt allow me to rot how im thinking ive jumped off at the right/best/ time.

I feel good alreday just want to get back to what i stated above.

This my new acc, keep forgetting the fn passwords make that a reason not to take drugs either kids :lol: :lol:

Hail Satan

 

[Stormblood]

Weightlifting has been shown to add years to the lives of the elderly who do it keeps the mind strong, something I need to do x

And fuck up your structural balance as well, which affects posture too. THat's the main problem with weightlifting as done in gyms, which is improper for everyone's biomechanical needs. It does the positive effects you provided because they turn it into a habit and focusing on an habit that doesn't completely fuck you up, has positive effects. But that's not the point here anyway. I feel like Reckoned stated everything you need to turn your life around, if you apply your mind to it.

 

[EnkiUK]

Update on Mein Struggles

Turned into a night owl go to bed at 8am sit up all night taking something stronger than caffeine.

I need to get to the gym, I have ordered supplements that will make me go by Monday, now if I don't go I will be a failure. That is something I'm not nor will ever be.

Im soldiering on every day guys i never give in although need to give in to something that may have a hold over me.

Ever since wife caught me cheating i have stayed out stayed up all night nearly every night for 4 months i have lost weight, although it actually nice to see muscle and viens popping instead of my buky roid look :lol: :lol:

All the best my friends

EnkiUK

 

[Timothytroks]

I think talking to your therapist about it is a really good thing to do. Depression is awful and Im sorry youre having to deal with that. I can understand that you are worried you might bipolar. Would it help to talk about what makes you think you might be bipolar?

 

[Centralforce666]

Reading this thread over again, and being able to relate to an earlier time in my life...

The supplements and the exercise may be helpful but sometimes one has to pull their head out of their ass and realise that they are driving the car, and despite the hold that things have and the loss of control that tha locum is always within reach..

The reach is but a few choices away, a few difficult but worthwhile decisions from becoming effective and changing the course of things.

Everyone is bipolar to some degree, we all experience highs and lows and we all have to regulate ourselves when up and motivate ourselves when down. Laziness and a placement of the locum of control outside yourself severely restricts your possibilities in recovery and standing above the growth death that so many people accept as inevitable.

 

[EnkiUK]

Im soldiering on troops, all good over here.

Feeling fresh and on top non stop.

Hope the same for all my friends

 

[EnkiUK]

Struggling guys. Got arrested lol bogus charge from 2017 :? :? :?

Got charged driving under influence . Whipped out car 4 police car shipped to Scotland for court :lol: :lol:

The f am i doing guys

Good news is driving charge from England dropped Due to the severity of the Scottish one, didnt even know anything about it

Satan got me bail i asked for his help in the cells.

Lost a full week there due to self medicating, that aside im living the dream :shock: :shock:

Thanks for putting up with me my SSrs n HPs

Respect