DarkAries
Member
- Joined
- May 16, 2019
- Messages
- 230
First off all, I truly sorry if its off topic. I just really want to get this off from my chest.
So, way back then I bad the stupid idea, to teach others on discord. It was a big failure of course, and soon it all crumbled to nothing, but I found a young man there who was around the same age as me and had a pretty similar persinality to mine. We quickly become friends, and remained in contact.
He was also an SS but we spoke about literally everything with delight. Music, animes, books, martial arts, forest trips, damn, even our stupid humour was the same.
I dont want to get in big deeps of what topic we talked about, and what things we did together. Lets just say in four years we talked about weekly, and I felt to open up to someone, even just a little bit. If you remember the story about Friendship in the Ethics, it was like that. I would have been willing to risk my life for him, and he was willing to do the same. He was the only one I ever felt true friendship for.
A bit forward, I got dignosed with diabetes and nearly died. Half a year lter, he also got to hospital with his heart, but survived. In my happiness I felt that its fated, that we no matter what, will remain for the other, at least until old age. That its a friendship the Gods have made, and that every failure, every pain I had was to make me to that moment.
Another bit forward in the past. I was overwhelmed, hearthbroken, and felt like the reason for the bad things that are happenings. He was already ill at that time, but I didnt know that. Despite it, we planned to make to campaign for a few weeks at summer, meditate at the forest, giving each other gifts, teaching him some martial arts move I like. Honestly I feel my chest gets heavy as I write this. A months kater he told me he got diagnosed with cancer, and he really sorry, but we have to make that campaign later. I was sure he will make it.
He only got back a few months later, speaking that he got horribly chemo, so much injection that would make my insulin pins seem pleasurable, and he feel horrible. I sended him energy, and tried to spend those times happy. I have an old Thus spoke Zarathustra, which he always adored. I have some of my old notes written into it, so I keep it pretty personal. I even considered giving that book to him. He was too tired to read, so I read him up from it whichever chapter he was interested for. I read four or five chapter like that, before he disappeared again, likely got back to more treatment.
A few weeks, months later he completly disappeared. All social media, all phone number, email, everything. We live in different countries, so visiting wasnt an option. Im about 90 percent sure he died. He had no reason to leave me, and I doubt anyone could have faked a whole deadly diagnosis just to get incognito. I considered him dead. I asked Anubis to speak with him, since Anubis helped me before, to talk to my long dead grandfather. He told me its better to not to sk to speak with him, and everything will be fine and I accepted it.
He wasnt perfect, obviously, and likely those were his reasons to die. He could do healing works, more energy meditations, squares, get closer contact with the Gods, quit his addictions and bad habits, then he would have lived. Maybe. But it doesnt change the fact how I adored him, and how much I sorry I couldnt tell him that. Telling him how greatful I was fornhim for mking the hrd times endurable. For a time I was furious for him breaking his 'words' were in fact we just joked we will survive untill around age 90 and wont leave the other alone. I felt betrayed, or even abandoned, however illogical this sounds. Even if he reincarnate quickly or close to me, he left menin a time I would have needed him.
I... just miss him. Truly. Especially in these times, when emotional lowpoints are a lot more often. Feels like I lost a family member, or a brother(funnily, he had more common with me than my actual brother).
And as much as it bothers me to leave this open ended, I will. Life goes on, at least for me
So, way back then I bad the stupid idea, to teach others on discord. It was a big failure of course, and soon it all crumbled to nothing, but I found a young man there who was around the same age as me and had a pretty similar persinality to mine. We quickly become friends, and remained in contact.
He was also an SS but we spoke about literally everything with delight. Music, animes, books, martial arts, forest trips, damn, even our stupid humour was the same.
I dont want to get in big deeps of what topic we talked about, and what things we did together. Lets just say in four years we talked about weekly, and I felt to open up to someone, even just a little bit. If you remember the story about Friendship in the Ethics, it was like that. I would have been willing to risk my life for him, and he was willing to do the same. He was the only one I ever felt true friendship for.
A bit forward, I got dignosed with diabetes and nearly died. Half a year lter, he also got to hospital with his heart, but survived. In my happiness I felt that its fated, that we no matter what, will remain for the other, at least until old age. That its a friendship the Gods have made, and that every failure, every pain I had was to make me to that moment.
Another bit forward in the past. I was overwhelmed, hearthbroken, and felt like the reason for the bad things that are happenings. He was already ill at that time, but I didnt know that. Despite it, we planned to make to campaign for a few weeks at summer, meditate at the forest, giving each other gifts, teaching him some martial arts move I like. Honestly I feel my chest gets heavy as I write this. A months kater he told me he got diagnosed with cancer, and he really sorry, but we have to make that campaign later. I was sure he will make it.
He only got back a few months later, speaking that he got horribly chemo, so much injection that would make my insulin pins seem pleasurable, and he feel horrible. I sended him energy, and tried to spend those times happy. I have an old Thus spoke Zarathustra, which he always adored. I have some of my old notes written into it, so I keep it pretty personal. I even considered giving that book to him. He was too tired to read, so I read him up from it whichever chapter he was interested for. I read four or five chapter like that, before he disappeared again, likely got back to more treatment.
A few weeks, months later he completly disappeared. All social media, all phone number, email, everything. We live in different countries, so visiting wasnt an option. Im about 90 percent sure he died. He had no reason to leave me, and I doubt anyone could have faked a whole deadly diagnosis just to get incognito. I considered him dead. I asked Anubis to speak with him, since Anubis helped me before, to talk to my long dead grandfather. He told me its better to not to sk to speak with him, and everything will be fine and I accepted it.
He wasnt perfect, obviously, and likely those were his reasons to die. He could do healing works, more energy meditations, squares, get closer contact with the Gods, quit his addictions and bad habits, then he would have lived. Maybe. But it doesnt change the fact how I adored him, and how much I sorry I couldnt tell him that. Telling him how greatful I was fornhim for mking the hrd times endurable. For a time I was furious for him breaking his 'words' were in fact we just joked we will survive untill around age 90 and wont leave the other alone. I felt betrayed, or even abandoned, however illogical this sounds. Even if he reincarnate quickly or close to me, he left menin a time I would have needed him.
I... just miss him. Truly. Especially in these times, when emotional lowpoints are a lot more often. Feels like I lost a family member, or a brother(funnily, he had more common with me than my actual brother).
And as much as it bothers me to leave this open ended, I will. Life goes on, at least for me
