Relationships #76930 Why does sexual past matter?

[AskSatanOperator]

I was dating this guy for several months, getting to know him, I realized more and more that he was really everything I ever looked for and wanted in a man.
He treated me like I always dreamed, he understood me perfectly, no one had ever succeeded in doing that.
It's like he checked off the whole list of characteristics I would want in a husband and father of my children.
Then one day, we talked about our past, and the fact that I'm not a virgin, and I had sex with several guys before him, from that day on he started to be more and more distant, until we broke up completely
he made me understand that as much as he fell in love with me, he couldn't get over it, and this thing was destroying him inside, so rather than pretend with me and himself, it was better to break up
I know for sure that he is a good guy, a gentleman, and he is very different from the boys of my generation, this will not make me change my mind about him, he is a truly special person.
but i wonder, having seen it in others, is it possible that someone's sexual past is so hard to accept when you want to start a serious relationship? he was not a superficial guy at all, and yet this was enough to make him distance himself from me, why does this happen? in an ideal world, a couple that is destined to love each other and stay together forever, should both be virgins?

 

[Symmachos-ZEUS/SHAITAN]

I was dating this guy for several months, getting to know him, I realized more and more that he was really everything I ever looked for and wanted in a man.
He treated me like I always dreamed, he understood me perfectly, no one had ever succeeded in doing that.
It's like he checked off the whole list of characteristics I would want in a husband and father of my children.
Then one day, we talked about our past, and the fact that I'm not a virgin, and I had sex with several guys before him, from that day on he started to be more and more distant, until we broke up completely
he made me understand that as much as he fell in love with me, he couldn't get over it, and this thing was destroying him inside, so rather than pretend with me and himself, it was better to break up
I know for sure that he is a good guy, a gentleman, and he is very different from the boys of my generation, this will not make me change my mind about him, he is a truly special person.
but i wonder, having seen it in others, is it possible that someone's sexual past is so hard to accept when you want to start a serious relationship? he was not a superficial guy at all, and yet this was enough to make him distance himself from me, why does this happen? in an ideal world, a couple that is destined to love each other and stay together forever, should both be virgins?

The problem is that people are used to counting and numbering as if sex were a dirty thing and had to be quantified to assess the integrity of a person's morals and worth. This is wrong of course, but it is society's view of sex. If you are wondering why there should be such a wrong thing as to drive two people apart for no good reason, there is no why. Unfair things happen in life, and people are victims of ignorant mentalities. It happens, it is useless to try to find a meaning. There is no meaning, it simply can happen. Make your boyfriend understand what your love is worth, and that your love is worth according to its quality, honesty and spontaneity and not according to the internal structure of your vagina or the bed memories in your head.

 

[WrathOfVishnu]

It is a fact that the more sexual partners a man or woman has the less likely they are to stay in a marriage, and the higher likelihood of divorce. Sex is one thing marriage is another and men and women are selective with whom they are going to marry. Some men see that a woman has had multiple sexual partners and immediately assume that it won't work out because of this. This can either be due to insecurity of not living up to the standards of their previous partners or can simply be due to being selective about their future wife.

 

[HPS Lydia]

Most people have unhealthy attitudes regarding sex. And most people believe lies. This is what happens in a society with no true spirituality and closed, blocked, dirty chakras, and no connection to our Gods.

We have to suffer for other people's stupidity.

Even here in these forums there are people who get triggered and push their opinion like it's fact. The OP wrote "several", and one reply is saying it's 20. In accordance to how HPS Maxine used to mod, she even wrote a post saying this ANGERS THE GODS when members start pushing anti-sex dogma, I deleted a reply above. If you don't like it, mind your own life and your own business. Piss off the Gods in your own time, not here.

Life Ethics - Sexual Ethics I

 

[Engineered Trasformation]

Then one day, we talked about our past, and the fact that I'm not a virgin, and I had sex with several guys before him, from that day on he started to be more and more distant, until we broke up completely

I am a man, so I can tell "my point of view".
As you described this guy, he seems sensitive and with a female side of the mind well developed, bringing him to be a gentleman or empathic, you name it, as you only know him.
This kind of people may be very Neptunian in a way, but Neptune brings also illusions, daydreaming, to high expectations.
At the end, this may come from insecurity. Dreaming about "being the first" may be a way he used to avoid any kind of confrontation with other men, in terms of sex.
So, as he learned he was not the first, he started being unconsciously scared and become introverted.

If you still manage to have a contact with him, and you have sex, I would suggest to let him feel as unique for you, you will need to talk to him, as if he is the best for you, and avoid comparisons with past partners. No man loves such comparisons. Would you like that to you?

Yes. Men have emotions.
It always makes me laugh how super-masculine men are seen as strong while in many cases, they just hide their emotions behind a fake wall, and may be drag down quite easily. Not all of them, but so many.

Good luck with your partner. Do not let him go if you wish, good men are so rare nowadays!

I just forgot - It's way best "being the last" rather then "being the first", with a partner. The last partner is the one giving you happiness, stability, a life and will grow with you until death, in most cases. The first partners are just experiences, in your life. You may let him know this, why not? Even if he will not be the last.... but... it may work.

 

[AFODO]

They are immature kids

 

[Karnonnos [TG]]

It is a fact that the more sexual partners a man or woman has the less likely they are to stay in a marriage, and the higher likelihood of divorce. Sex is one thing marriage is another and men and women are selective with whom they are going to marry. Some men see that a woman has had multiple sexual partners and immediately assume that it won't work out because of this. This can either be due to insecurity of not living up to the standards of their previous partners or can simply be due to being selective about their future wife.

These studies were pushed by Christian organizations with the design of proving only sex within marriage works and is holy in the eyes of God. When the findings were made into posts, they pretended the study itself reflected this.

If you look at the studies themselves, it deliberately omits the marriage partner one has sex with prior to marriage as counting as 'sex before marriage'. Shamelessly, even the study itself constantly uses the term 'premarital sex',, yet you have to squint to see the major category of the Tables says: 'Premarital sex (EXCLUDING FIRST SPOUSE)' and "One partner is subtracted for each respondent to ensure only partners other than eventual spouses are counted." (???)

So the study was designed to prove only sex within marriage is acceptable, yet their own study methodology does not count sex with the one marriage partner prior to marriage as sex or sinful fornication, which it is in Christianity. Then they subtracted one partner from each respondent and then pushed it as a fundamentalist Christian study for family groups.

The other issue is that none of these studies curiously went near the 'seven year itch' phase (Nemesis number) where most marriages that do fall apart actually fall apart. They all stopped around a year or two prior to that. So why they chose to do this, other than maybe lack of funding, is curious to me.

Even if we accepted this study is true, due to more partners, a 90 percent success rate at five years for only 1 sex partner/virgin went to 75 percent for those with more than eight. That's not 'great' in comparison clearly, but that doesn't signal the 75 percent are literally doomed. The 10 percent among the 1 partner/virgin group is NOT a small number either. That's one in ten divorces.

OP, the concept of just being a virgin forever to 'find someone' is most of the time not feasible or even desirable. You have to remember that Christians often get married very young (16-22) and that is why on paper they have 0 sexual partners. Groups outside of them often get married at age 28-32.

Some people engage in safeguarding and paranoia behaviors because they want to avoid promiscuity but a lot of the time this is like confusing the cart and the horse. Especially from a Zevist perspective.

If someone was not bombarded with all of society's stupidity and dirt, do you think they'd ruin future relationships on a whim? The man who is doing this is potentially missing out and causing problems for himself based on an assumption about you. The box-ticking approach to a partner that people obsessively pursue nowadays even after they get into a relationship is not based on mechanisms of how to MAKE a marriage work, it's about fleeing because certain things are not perfect and then using 'averages' to justify this.

 

[Vivek]

He has probably concocted a narrative in his mind and is now projecting this onto you as a result of his prior assumptions regarding sex (above replies are very informative on this topic).

Clearly there is an inherent compatibility between you two... if you can see yourself building a life together with this man, it would be senseless and tragic to let it die over something so frivolous.

 

[WrathOfVishnu]

These studies were pushed by Christian organizations with the design of proving only sex within marriage works and is holy in the eyes of God. When the findings were made into posts, they pretended the study itself reflected this.

If you look at the studies themselves, it deliberately omits the marriage partner one has sex with prior to marriage as counting as 'sex before marriage'. Shamelessly, even the study itself constantly uses the term 'premarital sex',, yet you have to squint to see the major category of the Tables says: 'Premarital sex (EXCLUDING FIRST SPOUSE)' and "One partner is subtracted for each respondent to ensure only partners other than eventual spouses are counted." (???)

So the study was designed to prove only sex within marriage is acceptable, yet their own study methodology does not count sex with the one marriage partner prior to marriage as sex or sinful fornication, which it is in Christianity. Then they subtracted one partner from each respondent and then pushed it as a fundamentalist Christian study for family groups.

The other issue is that none of these studies curiously went near the 'seven year itch' phase (Nemesis number) where most marriages that do fall apart actually fall apart. They all stopped around a year or two prior to that. So why they chose to do this, other than maybe lack of funding, is curious to me.

Even if we accepted this study is true, due to more partners, a 90 percent success rate at five years for only 1 sex partner/virgin went to 75 percent for those with more than eight. That's not 'great' in comparison clearly, but that doesn't signal the 75 percent are literally doomed. The 10 percent among the 1 partner/virgin group is NOT a small number either. That's one in ten divorces.

OP, the concept of just being a virgin forever to 'find someone' is most of the time not feasible or even desirable. You have to remember that Christians often get married very young (16-22) and that is why on paper they have 0 sexual partners. Groups outside of them often get married at age 28-32.

Some people engage in safeguarding and paranoia behaviors because they want to avoid promiscuity but a lot of the time this is like confusing the cart and the horse. Especially from a Zevist perspective.

If someone was not bombarded with all of society's stupidity and dirt, do you think they'd ruin future relationships on a whim? The man who is doing this is potentially missing out and causing problems for himself based on an assumption about you. The box-ticking approach to a partner that people obsessively pursue nowadays even after they get into a relationship is not based on mechanisms of how to MAKE a marriage work, it's about fleeing because certain things are not perfect and then using 'averages' to justify this.

Thanks for clearing things up, I did not mean to cause any confusion, I was not aware that this was a Christian study which certainly makes it less credible. I was just trying to explain to OP why a guy might leave because of these reasons. It is not my perspective, I have nothing against sex or sexuality personally but I know many guys who think this way.

 

[Ol argedco luciftias]

Whether or not everybody agrees or disagrees, and whether or not it is right, it is reality that the majority of people think that it is not a good for people to have many different sexual partners. The majority of people have a personality and karmic history that is meant to be monogamous. Regardless of whether or not everyone agrees or whether or not it is true, most people think of people who have had many different sexual partners as being lower quality as a potential spouse.

A man who is that sensitive as he is, it is probably his goal to have an absolutely perfect monogamous marriage. To have the most perfect marriage, he has to find the perfect partner. He needs to find a woman who has this same goal and intention. And having had many different sexual partners in the past for most people looks like a bad sign. It looks like either there is not the same kind of intention for a lifetime monogamous marriage with one person. Or it could also look like there is not a good enough selection process for choosing the right person if it took being with that many people and still never found a good enough partner for a lifetime marriage.

People need to have the same goals and intentions. If someone wants a perfect lifetime monogamous marriage, both people have to have this goal. If someone only cares about sex and wants to have sex with many different people, this looks to be an opposing personality trait that would not agree with the first one. It does not look like a good sign, if a lifetime monogamous marriage is the goal. These 2 examples are like opposite ends of the spectrum. Most people are somewhere in the middle. You can have whatever kind of goal or intention that you want, but if both people's intentions are not aligned in the same area of this spectrum, it is likely not going to work very well.

It is not to say that someone who has had multiple sexual partners is bad in any way. But for people who have strong monogamous intentions, when they see this it looks like a bad indication that there could likely be a higher chance for a failed marriage. An idea like if there were all those other failed relationships, why would he be having any better result?


Everyone is free to make their own choices and decisions. But nobody will have everyone in the world agreeing with each choice that you make.

 

[HPS Lydia]

@AristocraticDragon666 Don't tell women here to act like a whore. What people do in the privacy of their own bedroom (sex games, you mentioned) is their own choice, but it can be psychologically damaging for some women, especially young women, to be told to act like that.

This is the Temple of Zeus, not a porn site.

(Your reply was deleted for obvious reasons.)

 

[AristocraticDragon666]

@AristocraticDragon666 Don't tell women here to act like a whore. What people do in the privacy of their own bedroom (sex games, you mentioned) is their own choice, but it can be psychologically damaging for some women, especially young women, to be told to act like that.

This is the Temple of Zeus, not a porn site.

(Your reply was deleted for obvious reasons.)

Thank you for correcting me.

I will provide a correct answer to the question.

 

[General Yeager]

I was dating this guy for several months, getting to know him, I realized more and more that he was really everything I ever looked for and wanted in a man.
He treated me like I always dreamed, he understood me perfectly, no one had ever succeeded in doing that.
It's like he checked off the whole list of characteristics I would want in a husband and father of my children.
Then one day, we talked about our past, and the fact that I'm not a virgin, and I had sex with several guys before him, from that day on he started to be more and more distant, until we broke up completely
he made me understand that as much as he fell in love with me, he couldn't get over it, and this thing was destroying him inside, so rather than pretend with me and himself, it was better to break up
I know for sure that he is a good guy, a gentleman, and he is very different from the boys of my generation, this will not make me change my mind about him, he is a truly special person.
but i wonder, having seen it in others, is it possible that someone's sexual past is so hard to accept when you want to start a serious relationship? he was not a superficial guy at all, and yet this was enough to make him distance himself from me, why does this happen? in an ideal world, a couple that is destined to love each other and stay together forever, should both be virgins?

There seems to be an incompatibility in what you want vs what he wants. There's no point trying to change his mind. You could use magick to convince him if you have a strong mind and can be free of errant thoughts (doubts). But if you succeed in magickally getting him to commit and if its going to eat at you inside that it wasn't ethical to use magick ,then i suggest doing a Munka working and cutting off all bonds from him. There is someone compatible who will have the same experience as you and who will accept you. So you can screen for that earlier in the talking phase itself. Don't get with guys who haven't been with a lot of women because they might not be looking for whatever you are.

 

[AristocraticDragon666]

I was dating this guy for several months, getting to know him, I realized more and more that he was really everything I ever looked for and wanted in a man.
He treated me like I always dreamed, he understood me perfectly, no one had ever succeeded in doing that.
It's like he checked off the whole list of characteristics I would want in a husband and father of my children.
Then one day, we talked about our past, and the fact that I'm not a virgin, and I had sex with several guys before him, from that day on he started to be more and more distant, until we broke up completely
he made me understand that as much as he fell in love with me, he couldn't get over it, and this thing was destroying him inside, so rather than pretend with me and himself, it was better to break up
I know for sure that he is a good guy, a gentleman, and he is very different from the boys of my generation, this will not make me change my mind about him, he is a truly special person.
but i wonder, having seen it in others, is it possible that someone's sexual past is so hard to accept when you want to start a serious relationship? he was not a superficial guy at all, and yet this was enough to make him distance himself from me, why does this happen? in an ideal world, a couple that is destined to love each other and stay together forever, should both be virgins?

Not everything that was previously in your personal (love life) you need to be told, and some intimate secrets should be kept to yourself, especially if you plan to create a strong family and children with this person.

Most men don't like it when women share details of their personal intimate lives from what they had in the past, even if men tell women that this is not the case.

Any conflict with a loved one can be resolved.

If this person is really yours, he will not distance himself further from you when you have a serious conversation with him and ask him not to focus on the past, but to focus on the joint present and future.

A big problem in a relationship is the idealization of a partner, when one partner idealizes the other, it is very important to be able to look at other people soberly and see both the advantages and disadvantages of each other in order to improve relations with a partner, especially in the family it is important.