I have pretty sadistic fantasise I can’t control, I know they are bad to have but that just cannot leave my mind. Iv been meditating and it doesn’t seem to be helping much. It’s effecting my life negatively and making me an extremely confused and worried person. All advice is appreciated
To tact on what others have said have you checked jos-astro.com for your natal chart and studied
https://satanisgod.org/Astrology.html ? There are configurations that have morbid thoughts as well as daydreaming. So long as you understand why you're having them that is a great first step. Ask yourself do you really wish to kill?
I've had to mercy kill a mouse before and it was hard even though foolish young me thought OH THAT'D BE EASY because I've killed mice in fear/rage before over them being in my room. If I released them outside than they would have just literally came right back in doors or I would have given them to my neighbors so it was that or kill them. That was emotional though and when I had to mercy kill a helpless one whos back was broken from a trap I lost all my will. All I could think of was mourning for this helpless creature who I felt awful on behalf of. I went to end it's suffering and my hand froze in place. I had to drown it because I literally could not move to kill it other than for a cowardly way. The arrogance of youth is never to be underestimated and the truth is most who have ever lived are but children in a more 'grown'/haggard form.
Whatever your age is be honest in answering (to yourself never others because healthy exploration of emotions can get you locked up) "would you rage and kill if nothing like laws bound you?" If so why? Is it just meaningless anger and frustration? Than focus that on energy on israel burning and the hebrew letters dying if you keep up with an proper aura of protection and are not new but still not ready to do the FRTR. Say "Those who curse israel are blessed, those who bless israel are cursed" while thinking of it all going away forever. Thoughts = Witchpower and all Witchpower as power. Hence the fact power is in it's very name. Does it come from personal issues? Than work them out using those emotions as motivation.
Granted these words are not spoken lightly because this is not a light issue. The self is one of the hardest things we can learn to start understanding.
Our AMAZING Sanctified Noble High Priestess, the healer of healers, Lydia herself has written a topic ALL should read.
https://ancient-forums.com/threads/...body-for-men-too-don’t-disregard-this.292496/
We all must heal our wounds in this broken world and know that the Gods and this amazing Satanic family is there for you. Learn too listen to advice and see lessons everywhere.
For a bit I was starting to attack myself over how thankful I was and I mentally began abusing myself thinking "bullshit, this is to easy" and "YOUR SO FULL OF IT" as if I was faking but I only needed to feel my inner self to know such thoughts were a lie. One can never be to grateful and if me saying thank you a bunch pisses someone off that is a 'you' issue for them to deal with. Lacking the self-confidence to believe in ones self is such a hard thing because it will make you doubt any progress you make. I bring this up because a lack of self-confidence can make one feel as if they control nothing and because we have Father Satans glorious Spirit, and some of us even his blood, with us it means we feel rage over a lack of control. After all nothing pisses Freedom off like a lack of control and power.
Learn to control what you can and feel that yes you will make mistakes but ever think "YES ANOTHER CHANCE TO LEARN!" Not "FUCCKK WHY WHY WHY AGAIN WHY DID I DO THAT" because that is what the enemy has programmed us to do. It is Divine to learn and study from mistakes because to make mistakes is Human and we all must accept that Human is enough. What we should never accept is stagnation.
Maybe one day you will laugh over this or maybe you will learn that these feelings can drive and motivate you into filling a purpose. Either way, grow and learn and become so much more than full of self-pity and self-disgust.
