Sexuality #75664 Perverted attraction shame

[AskSatanOperator]

In my life, there have been many cases of when older man would sexually groom me or touch me. It started off from a very young age of 5. I had been at a park and a guy would jerk off while staring right at me. I discovered porn at 7, and then got sexually molested by my friends dad at 9. I don't have a dad either, so all these experiences with older man had taught my mind one perverted thought; to be attracted to such behavior.

This may be a way of coping, I do not know. I have also developed hypersextuality do thos all these events. The thing is, it hasn't stopped. A few months ago a 18 year old was grooming and saying he wanted to have kids with me online (I'm a minor). Because of all this, as a way to cope, I began to be attracted to such behavior. I both fear, and want it. Its so disgusting and perverted that I am too scared to talk to my family or a therapist about it. Any advice or redirection to properly care would be greatly appreciated. Im still a teen, and don't want this coping to go into adulthood. Thank you..

 

[Engineered Trasformation]

The fact that you do remember those facts, that are horrible and should never happen, is a sign you have a strong mind and you have been able to partially cope with that.
I express my sorrow for what happened to you. It may also come from previous lives. Many people do not even remember their abuses until late in life.
As you have trained since 5 years old to being abused (that is indeed what happened to you, physical and mental abuse) your mind took this as the standard behavior. I started overcoming those thought at the age of 20, and it took years, but I did not have any memory of the abuses at the time.

You have a bold courage by posting this here, I congratulate for your value.

Always remember what happened to you is NOT nor will ever be your fault. You were a kid, unable to defend, so all the guilt and shame is on account of the offender. NEVER the victim is responsible for such abuse, even if abusers will try to convince that it was you willing this. This is what they imbedded in your mind: that the problem is in you, because you look for abusers yourself. NOTHING CAN BE FURTHER FROM REALITY, NO HUMAN BEING HAS INNATE WILL TO BE SEXUALLY GROOMED BY AN ADULT SIMPLY BECAUSE SEX IS NOT PART OF CHILDHOOD. ADULTS OFFENDER DID THAT, ENSLAVING YOUR MIND.
ALL OF THIS CAN BE HEALED AND CORRECTED.

First of all, if you are a minor and you live with safe and trusted caregivers who did NOT abuse you, and the people who abused you are still around, you should report what happened to your caregivers (if trusted) or to the authorities. Facts are quite recent for you so you still have a chance to enact justice! If those pedophiles are still around you,m take all the measures you can to distance from them immediately. They can ruin entire lives and they are criminal offenders!. PUT YOURSELF IN A SAFE PLACE AND SITUATION ASAP!
I know this may be challenging. I know the sense of shame, guilt and low self worth that goes with all this. But there are good people around who can support you.

Don't be scared. If you don't take action, you may regret this later in life.
What is scary to you is fear of not being accepted, and believed. You may fear people will blame that on you. I know how it works.

If I ever had any change when I was a teen to remember and take action, I would have lived a much much better life. This happened late in life for me.
Please do not leave me with the thought that you will not take action NOW to prevent your life to sink. Don't waste your opportunity, don't waste yourself.

I assume you are Spiritual Satanist or at least interested in this. If you dedicated, ask guidance to your Guardian Demon and if possible for you, ask GD to find a good therapist to help you. You are young and you have all your life in front of you! You can still live a decent life and leave all that shit back. Don't neglect this as if you don't correct what is misleaded in your unconscious, your life may steer to dangerous and low-level directions.
If you are SS this would not happen, if you listen to the Gods guiding you. The Gods preserve us from ruin and bad life, as much as possible. If you wrote this post here it is a good sign you are consciously willing to recover, that is good!

This is the practical part.
If you meditate,
- Use MUNKA for repeated 40 or 90 days sessions, to reprogram your mind and break free from unwanted thoughts and pulses. This works, slowly with time.
- Detach your offenders with the Freeing your Soul meditation by cutting spiritual links to them-
- Clean and empower your chakras daily, and performe the Deep Cleaning meditation (FRTR + Visuddhi) from HPs Lydia that you find here on the forum.

 

[Engineered Trasformation]

I forgot.
Abusers are very skilled to find already abused kids as a target. They know how to recognize them, and I learned this too. I see those kids sometimes and I am sad for them.
So if you have been a target, this may come from previous lifes as well, but also because they can spot you. It is not your fault here.

 

[nema]

In my life, there have been many cases of when older man would sexually groom me or touch me. It started off from a very young age of 5. I had been at a park and a guy would jerk off while staring right at me. I discovered porn at 7, and then got sexually molested by my friends dad at 9. I don't have a dad either, so all these experiences with older man had taught my mind one perverted thought; to be attracted to such behavior.

This may be a way of coping, I do not know. I have also developed hypersextuality do thos all these events. The thing is, it hasn't stopped. A few months ago a 18 year old was grooming and saying he wanted to have kids with me online (I'm a minor). Because of all this, as a way to cope, I began to be attracted to such behavior. I both fear, and want it. Its so disgusting and perverted that I am too scared to talk to my family or a therapist about it. Any advice or redirection to properly care would be greatly appreciated. Im still a teen, and don't want this coping to go into adulthood. Thank you..

I've been touched as a child as well and that really fucked me up sexually. Honestly i don't think you are a pervert, you like older men because you didn't have a father .. be careful in finding a decente man and not a loser! I know when you feel abandoned you can become easily manipulated through very basic attentions..

 

[ᥫ᭡. Echos ৻ꪆ]

In my life, there have been many cases of when older man would sexually groom me or touch me. It started off from a very young age of 5. I had been at a park and a guy would jerk off while staring right at me. I discovered porn at 7, and then got sexually molested by my friends dad at 9. I don't have a dad either, so all these experiences with older man had taught my mind one perverted thought; to be attracted to such behavior.

This may be a way of coping, I do not know. I have also developed hypersextuality do thos all these events. The thing is, it hasn't stopped. A few months ago a 18 year old was grooming and saying he wanted to have kids with me online (I'm a minor). Because of all this, as a way to cope, I began to be attracted to such behavior. I both fear, and want it. Its so disgusting and perverted that I am too scared to talk to my family or a therapist about it. Any advice or redirection to properly care would be greatly appreciated. Im still a teen, and don't want this coping to go into adulthood. Thank you..

I've also had similar experiences as a child and yes, it can affect you a lot.

But such experiences do not define you.

You need to focus on meditating and advancing in order to heal yourself.

It's unfortunate, but you shouldn't be ashamed by something caused through such unfortunate and traumatic experience.

That doesn't mean you should settle either with the issues it has caused. You need to break away from it and heal yourself to move forward and enjoy a healthy sexuality.

 

[Engineered Trasformation]

I've also had similar experiences as a child and yes, it can affect you a lot.

Perhaps I am too concerned with that as a survivor, but I noticed an increase of people posting here for help with similar problems.
Also I noticed in the news an increase of crimes, that I interpret like an increase of people speaking out for abuses suffered.
My opinion is, something is happening on a larger scale on the astral plane while the jews loose power. In my view, all started in 2017 when the hollywood pedo scandal exploded - including male victims - that the jews managed to bury as quick as possible, playing the victim and then no trace.

Im still a teen, and don't want this coping to go into adulthood. Thank you..

In view of what I say, remember always, you are NOT alone in yoiur fight, here and in the material world. Many people are fighting against sexual abuse, that at the end is a jewish monstrosity it is in the bible, koran and in their secret rituals where they abuse and kill kids for magick. They are responsible, not you.

 

[ᥫ᭡. Echos ৻ꪆ]

Perhaps I am too concerned with that as a survivor, but I noticed an increase of people posting here for help with similar problems.
Also I noticed in the news an increase of crimes, that I interpret like an increase of people speaking out for abuses suffered.
My opinion is, something is happening on a larger scale on the astral plane while the jews loose power. In my view, all started in 2017 when the hollywood pedo scandal exploded - including male victims - that the jews managed to bury as quick as possible, playing the victim and then no trace.


In view of what I say, remember always, you are NOT alone in yoiur fight, here and in the material world. Many people are fighting against sexual abuse, that at the end is a jewish monstrosity it is in the bible, koran and in their secret rituals where they abuse and kill kids for magick. They are responsible, not you.

Unfortunately we are at incredible levels of degeneracy.

It's not something new - I've had several men that I should have been able to trust (close to family, people in our community) who tried to sexually assault me and took advantage of my innocence when I was a child.

It's nothing new. It's just that these days there are more chances for it to become known.

Think of it the way things were before the Roman Empire fell because of the christians. We'll still go through some suffering before we reach better times.

But at least things are changing, even if it's for the worse at first.

 

[Lightning_Puma]

I have too experienced unfortunate events with both my so called "family" and ex partner, as well as adults online.
It's unfortunate that this world has come to this. You're not alone in this.

The best course of action would be to get away from the bad environment you are in. Hopefully your caregiver is good and loving. Perhaps a small trip with just the two of you away from the bad memories and trauma would help you heal and realize that what you've experienced and are experiencing is not okay and this is your step to heal further.

What Engineered Trasformation said is worth paying attention to.

In the mean time, stay safe, stay healthy, stay protected.

If you can find a safe spot to do this to as well - Practice going into a trance until you get there and then reprogram your mind to no longer find these revolting things attractive, and that you are healing and safe.

Please take care!