Greetings my brothers and sister
Well, I'll start by telling you the story in a shorter version.
About 3 to 4 yeras ago, I've started talking with a girl because I've been asked by one of my good friends. That girl was his girlfriend,so naturally I wasn't intrested in her, but frankly I was intrested in her older sister(same age as me) for a couple of years(8 more exactly, and not interested... more like a being mesmerized by her, a crush). So because of him I ve started talking with his girlfriend, hoping to get some advices from her. Things didn't go as planned. After a few weeks my friend broke up with her, and she found me as an''elder brother''(or something similar). In the meantime while talking with her, I've started in a way or other to like spending time with her. In 3 months, when she was at school, she started talking to other mans. I didn't really care too much at that time. She asked me about a gypsie, what my opinion was about him and all. Giving a great description of both his personallity and my hate towards his race, she didn't understood what I ve told her, so she started dating him. In a short amount of time, while she didn't talk to me, she broke up him... OFCOURSE IT'S NORMAL, a gentile and a gypsie? This is something that shouldn't be tried, it's against the laws of nature so it won't last long. That gypsie (so that I make clear, I'm talking about those jewish beings from Romania) made a few of his female friends harass that girl. So when I ve heard of it, I've stopped those females(another note, saying female instead of woman is the way I say ''non-gentiles womans). That girl started talking with me again, and somehow, I ve falled in love(losing my interest towards her sister). After a period of time, in December, she again asked me about a gypsie, as with the first one she didn't listen to me, so this was it. In 2 weeks another break up, in that time again the same old story where she didn't talk to me. I've pointed out it, about those gypsies. Well all's when it ends well, right?. Until friday 13, in february, I've started wanting her, more and more, and because of that, I've started getting involved in the occult(this isn't the sole reason, because I've always thought about the existence of gods, of magic, and had a good opinion of them, same going for demons, not that I've had too much of knowledge, but I couldn't perceive them as evil, even though having a xian orthodox background back then). So I've started reading, and reading ,and reading, tried various small exercises, as breathing exercices, some vampyric exercises, and the list goes on,somehow I've found the JOS, there was a pdf in an apk titled the'' evil bible''. I felt a somewhat familiar feeling,pleasing feeling or how can I describe it? Something that would give one a nostalgic feeling, full of warmth or something similar. So reading it I've found the link, found out the exercises being easy to do, not like any before, and not being absurd as many others. I could keep going at it for way more, but that's not the story right now. She was the cataclyst, the primary factor that led me here faster than expected. So on friday 13, I myself was deeply in love with her(as usual, one sided love), at that day when I've heard she doesn't want to talk to me anymore I had a mental breakdown, gotted some nice , very nice depression, and in the third day after it I've got a very nice vice, started smoking. With this my depression was gone, and many other things besides it. She stopped talking with me because she got herself another boyfriend, a white skinned gypsie... wow how nice... ok... in 2 weeks she again started talking, got me so angry, but at the same time somehow way too happy. But for my own good in another 2 weeks I've stopped talking to her. Until the summer, when again we've started talking, at the time she broke up with the gypsie, and was again single, no problem, in a few days, she got another boyfriend... this time was an aryan guy(... 22 years... while she had 15, and I was around 17).... another mental breakdown for me... another win for her... this time I was like''F*ck depression, f*ck that bitch'', so I've started talking with her sister, improved my relation with her, and all, till the autumn, when that girl(the little sister) started talking with someone on fb and somehow ended up thinking it was me. So then on full rage she started talking sh*t about me to my friends, her sisters(both the younger, which i had almost no connection with, and the older which I again started loving), so all 3 of them stopped talking with me. But me being just as sick minded, I've made all my friends come to me, instead of remaining there where I wouldn't go, where those 3 were. That's the story. We still didn't make up(doesn't really matter).
And here is where the problem lies. About 2-3 years as of now while we didn't talk, I didn't think much about them, nor cried for them or anything, didn't really care anymore. But for the past few months this year(about from february or march), my mind started reminding me of her existence(the girl in the story ,not her sisters). I have days when I think about repairing the relationship between us, or to do a love spell towards her.
So now I want to ask. What should I do? And what does this mean?(me thinking about her) If it means something at all
Well, I'll start by telling you the story in a shorter version.
About 3 to 4 yeras ago, I've started talking with a girl because I've been asked by one of my good friends. That girl was his girlfriend,so naturally I wasn't intrested in her, but frankly I was intrested in her older sister(same age as me) for a couple of years(8 more exactly, and not interested... more like a being mesmerized by her, a crush). So because of him I ve started talking with his girlfriend, hoping to get some advices from her. Things didn't go as planned. After a few weeks my friend broke up with her, and she found me as an''elder brother''(or something similar). In the meantime while talking with her, I've started in a way or other to like spending time with her. In 3 months, when she was at school, she started talking to other mans. I didn't really care too much at that time. She asked me about a gypsie, what my opinion was about him and all. Giving a great description of both his personallity and my hate towards his race, she didn't understood what I ve told her, so she started dating him. In a short amount of time, while she didn't talk to me, she broke up him... OFCOURSE IT'S NORMAL, a gentile and a gypsie? This is something that shouldn't be tried, it's against the laws of nature so it won't last long. That gypsie (so that I make clear, I'm talking about those jewish beings from Romania) made a few of his female friends harass that girl. So when I ve heard of it, I've stopped those females(another note, saying female instead of woman is the way I say ''non-gentiles womans). That girl started talking with me again, and somehow, I ve falled in love(losing my interest towards her sister). After a period of time, in December, she again asked me about a gypsie, as with the first one she didn't listen to me, so this was it. In 2 weeks another break up, in that time again the same old story where she didn't talk to me. I've pointed out it, about those gypsies. Well all's when it ends well, right?. Until friday 13, in february, I've started wanting her, more and more, and because of that, I've started getting involved in the occult(this isn't the sole reason, because I've always thought about the existence of gods, of magic, and had a good opinion of them, same going for demons, not that I've had too much of knowledge, but I couldn't perceive them as evil, even though having a xian orthodox background back then). So I've started reading, and reading ,and reading, tried various small exercises, as breathing exercices, some vampyric exercises, and the list goes on,somehow I've found the JOS, there was a pdf in an apk titled the'' evil bible''. I felt a somewhat familiar feeling,pleasing feeling or how can I describe it? Something that would give one a nostalgic feeling, full of warmth or something similar. So reading it I've found the link, found out the exercises being easy to do, not like any before, and not being absurd as many others. I could keep going at it for way more, but that's not the story right now. She was the cataclyst, the primary factor that led me here faster than expected. So on friday 13, I myself was deeply in love with her(as usual, one sided love), at that day when I've heard she doesn't want to talk to me anymore I had a mental breakdown, gotted some nice , very nice depression, and in the third day after it I've got a very nice vice, started smoking. With this my depression was gone, and many other things besides it. She stopped talking with me because she got herself another boyfriend, a white skinned gypsie... wow how nice... ok... in 2 weeks she again started talking, got me so angry, but at the same time somehow way too happy. But for my own good in another 2 weeks I've stopped talking to her. Until the summer, when again we've started talking, at the time she broke up with the gypsie, and was again single, no problem, in a few days, she got another boyfriend... this time was an aryan guy(... 22 years... while she had 15, and I was around 17).... another mental breakdown for me... another win for her... this time I was like''F*ck depression, f*ck that bitch'', so I've started talking with her sister, improved my relation with her, and all, till the autumn, when that girl(the little sister) started talking with someone on fb and somehow ended up thinking it was me. So then on full rage she started talking sh*t about me to my friends, her sisters(both the younger, which i had almost no connection with, and the older which I again started loving), so all 3 of them stopped talking with me. But me being just as sick minded, I've made all my friends come to me, instead of remaining there where I wouldn't go, where those 3 were. That's the story. We still didn't make up(doesn't really matter).
And here is where the problem lies. About 2-3 years as of now while we didn't talk, I didn't think much about them, nor cried for them or anything, didn't really care anymore. But for the past few months this year(about from february or march), my mind started reminding me of her existence(the girl in the story ,not her sisters). I have days when I think about repairing the relationship between us, or to do a love spell towards her.
So now I want to ask. What should I do? And what does this mean?(me thinking about her) If it means something at all