Undisciplined Meditation Methods. Reversing damage? Help?

[Ravenheart666]

Due to circumstances ,to my impulsive nature ,naive enthusiasm and overall youthful idealism, since I ever started being an SS and then doing it seriously for 6 years now , I never actually completed the 40 day training program. (I'll explain the contradiction)

I've experienced some major attacks from my family members and other people after exposing myself as a satanist some years ago. So because I had zero privacy and always walked on the edge of every situation I developed make shift meditations and workings( mostly runic ) to make up for all the lack of skill and be able somehow to do the RTRs.

I know I had done the fundation meditation basics but nothing actually further from that, and whenever I had to clean my aura and chakras I would do it with FIERY energy (because I didn't feel confident enough with simple visualization exercises) invoking the SOWILO rune and ANSUZ (vibrating them).

I would surround myself with those runes , clean myself as much as I could DAILY (NOT ONE DAY SKIPPED , EVER) and come to make up other workings using runes adding up a total of at least 8-9 workings per day and somewhere between 5 and 8 hours of daily meditaion. By this rate I should have become somewhat of a siddhi guy , but really, I can't really say so. My life is barely functional, I am feeling barely functional ( although I know I'm still able to apply my potential fully).

The main issue is that , now, after getting used to this kind of way, and knowing I should adopt a CORRECT meditation schedule, I feel like I'd be unable to start from zero and simply stop doing the usual.

I read the section on invoking the fire element and I see I have a colossal water backlash which manifests pretty ugly in my overall character and view of life. I became isolated, start doubting of ALL people in my life and surroundings.

Thing is I'm sure I became very sensitive to energies in general, but I'm unable to work with them externally, I'm trying my best to not interact with the outside world , that afraid I become, probably. This and the all the package of lack of control on my thoughts (lately I'm more capable though).
I am amazed I'm still able to write this , to behave somehow normally and also create stuff from time to time as an artist.

I really feel lost sometimes. I want to change. I wished I was really strong and not just an "energy freak", barely human. Satan Helped me a lot through all of this, i always have the sensation that He wants me to be calmer, happier. I need to reach out and make a promise to myself somehow ,and talk with somebody that is able to understand.

The kid that played with matches.. Yeah that's me .

I know this might make little to no sense but I had to vent. Any reply would be very appreciated , hell, even only for the sake of saying "hello!". Thank you, trully!

HAIL SATAN! Hail All the Gods Of Satan!

 

[MercuryWisdom]

Due to circumstances ,to my impulsive nature ,naive enthusiasm and overall youthful idealism, since I ever started being an SS and then doing it seriously for 6 years now , I never actually completed the 40 day training program. (I'll explain the contradiction)

I've experienced some major attacks from my family members and other people after exposing myself as a satanist some years ago. So because I had zero privacy and always walked on the edge of every situation I developed make shift meditations and workings( mostly runic ) to make up for all the lack of skill and be able somehow to do the RTRs.

I know I had done the fundation meditation basics but nothing actually further from that, and whenever I had to clean my aura and chakras I would do it with FIERY energy (because I didn't feel confident enough with simple visualization exercises) invoking the SOWILO rune and ANSUZ (vibrating them).

I would surround myself with those runes , clean myself as much as I could DAILY (NOT ONE DAY SKIPPED , EVER) and come to make up other workings using runes adding up a total of at least 8-9 workings per day and somewhere between 5 and 8 hours of daily meditaion. By this rate I should have become somewhat of a siddhi guy , but really, I can't really say so. My life is barely functional, I am feeling barely functional ( although I know I'm still able to apply my potential fully).

The main issue is that , now, after getting used to this kind of way, and knowing I should adopt a CORRECT meditation schedule, I feel like I'd be unable to start from zero and simply stop doing the usual.

I read the section on invoking the fire element and I see I have a colossal water backlash which manifests pretty ugly in my overall character and view of life. I became isolated, start doubting of ALL people in my life and surroundings.

Thing is I'm sure I became very sensitive to energies in general, but I'm unable to work with them externally, I'm trying my best to not interact with the outside world , that afraid I become, probably. This and the all the package of lack of control on my thoughts (lately I'm more capable though).
I am amazed I'm still able to write this , to behave somehow normally and also create stuff from time to time as an artist.

I really feel lost sometimes. I want to change. I wished I was really strong and not just an "energy freak", barely human. Satan Helped me a lot through all of this, i always have the sensation that He wants me to be calmer, happier. I need to reach out and make a promise to myself somehow ,and talk with somebody that is able to understand.

The kid that played with matches.. Yeah that's me .

I know this might make little to no sense but I had to vent. Any reply would be very appreciated , hell, even only for the sake of saying "hello!". Thank you, trully!

HAIL SATAN! Hail All the Gods Of Satan!

Hey, Ravenheart,
I know what you mean by lack of privacy. I experienced this same thing years ago when my mom found out I was an atheist.

It was the worst time of my life I was on patrol 24/7 she took my phone and wouldn't let me use it. Even when she eventually let me use it she would spy on me and read everything I got. Mudslime parents are the worst.

Anyway, since you now have some privacy I would suggest you do three meditations which are Void meditation, Aura cleaning and building an Aura of Protection. Doing Hatha yoga is also essential and will really increase your bioelectricity.

Do these for a couple of weeks or a month then add on them whenever you feel comfortable.

Also if you want to be more advanced try doing the 6 months meditation program along with the meditations I mentioned above.

The 40 day program serves as an introduction into meditation but it doesn't make you very advanced.

Wishing you best of luck!

Hail Satan!

 

[NinRick]

Hello Ravenheart666,
I hope you are doing betting now =)
It is important to socialise as we are.. well.. social beings. So maybe you should go out with your friends or Cousin etc.
If you want someone to talk to more casually, we can exchange emails. =)

If you are able to do normal meditations, you should do that.

If it makes you feel better, I never did the 40 days Meditation program as well. (I regret it, as if I did it, I would be way stronger now.. I only adapted Kundalini Yoga recently)

You should meditate each day on your chakras, clean your soul, doing AoP, and the breathing exercises..
If you are able to you should also do Hatha and Kundalini yoga.

Wait wait wait wait.. you said you have problems now, because you invoked the elements..
wait, I am invoking Akasha right now.. I want to do this every day.. is this bad? xD

Do you have enough privacy now?
My parents basically know that I am a Satanist, since I scream „HAIL SATAN!“ after each ritual. But then again they are pretty chill about religious believes, but just to be safe I won’t mention it to them, lol.

 

[Ravenheart666]

Due to circumstances ,to my impulsive nature ,naive enthusiasm and overall youthful idealism, since I ever started being an SS and then doing it seriously for 6 years now , I never actually completed the 40 day training program. (I'll explain the contradiction)

I've experienced some major attacks from my family members and other people after exposing myself as a satanist some years ago. So because I had zero privacy and always walked on the edge of every situation I developed make shift meditations and workings( mostly runic ) to make up for all the lack of skill and be able somehow to do the RTRs.

I know I had done the fundation meditation basics but nothing actually further from that, and whenever I had to clean my aura and chakras I would do it with FIERY energy (because I didn't feel confident enough with simple visualization exercises) invoking the SOWILO rune and ANSUZ (vibrating them).

I would surround myself with those runes , clean myself as much as I could DAILY (NOT ONE DAY SKIPPED , EVER) and come to make up other workings using runes adding up a total of at least 8-9 workings per day and somewhere between 5 and 8 hours of daily meditaion. By this rate I should have become somewhat of a siddhi guy , but really, I can't really say so. My life is barely functional, I am feeling barely functional ( although I know I'm still able to apply my potential fully).

The main issue is that , now, after getting used to this kind of way, and knowing I should adopt a CORRECT meditation schedule, I feel like I'd be unable to start from zero and simply stop doing the usual.

I read the section on invoking the fire element and I see I have a colossal water backlash which manifests pretty ugly in my overall character and view of life. I became isolated, start doubting of ALL people in my life and surroundings.

Thing is I'm sure I became very sensitive to energies in general, but I'm unable to work with them externally, I'm trying my best to not interact with the outside world , that afraid I become, probably. This and the all the package of lack of control on my thoughts (lately I'm more capable though).
I am amazed I'm still able to write this , to behave somehow normally and also create stuff from time to time as an artist.

I really feel lost sometimes. I want to change. I wished I was really strong and not just an "energy freak", barely human. Satan Helped me a lot through all of this, i always have the sensation that He wants me to be calmer, happier. I need to reach out and make a promise to myself somehow ,and talk with somebody that is able to understand.

The kid that played with matches.. Yeah that's me .

I know this might make little to no sense but I had to vent. Any reply would be very appreciated , hell, even only for the sake of saying "hello!". Thank you, trully!

HAIL SATAN! Hail All the Gods Of Satan!

Hey, Ravenheart,
I know what you mean by lack of privacy. I experienced this same thing years ago when my mom found out I was an atheist.

It was the worst time of my life I was on patrol 24/7 she took my phone and wouldn't let me use it. Even when she eventually let me use it she would spy on me and read everything I got. Mudslime parents are the worst.

Anyway, since you now have some privacy I would suggest you do three meditations which are Void meditation, Aura cleaning and building an Aura of Protection. Doing Hatha yoga is also essential and will really increase your bioelectricity.

Do these for a couple of weeks or a month then add on them whenever you feel comfortable.

Also if you want to be more advanced try doing the 6 months meditation program along with the meditations I mentioned above.

The 40 day program serves as an introduction into meditation but it doesn't make you very advanced.

Wishing you best of luck!

Hail Satan!

Thank you brother/sister! Much appreciated! I'll definitely start again with the hatha yoga exercises. Thanks for the advice!

 

[Sundara]

There’s a lot of stories like this where people don’t want to do the basics and think they need to go full force. I know a few Gollums.

This is going to take time, consistency, and patience to deal with this. Give yourself a year of a consistent and normal schedule.

I would personally try a consistent regime of Satanama meditation with visualization of all elements coming together in unity.

https://www.ancient-forums.com/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=44793&p=202013&hilit=4+element+meditation#p202013

I made this one and I used this or you can make your own but not singling out any elements. The vibration is more important. Another member used it and found it to be effective. It’s basic, not adding any additional elements, and is better called a nature meditation.

Then Qi Gong balancing poses, YouTube works. Shannon recommended standing like a tree pose for balancing once and I would also combine that with satanama vibrations.

Practice really willing and exhaling excess energy, affirm that it’s excess, and allow the Gods to take it. Build a relationship with the Gods for more personalized assistance.

Affirm daily that you’re reversing the excess elements you’ve breathed into your soul in a happy healthy way and returning to normal.

Do yoga. At the end of the day I personally treat all visualizations as imagination that corresponds to a part of the soul. Keep your priorities straight on self understanding and knowledge. How I get through things is I do not treat emotional issues or health issues as all a spiritual cause, even if it is spiritually caused there’s something there that allowed it to begin with. And this wouldn’t always be “just a stupid decision” but more deep than that. You could be feeling a really big disconnect with yourself and your emotions which in turn manifested as you doing this and making it worse, so working with understanding whatever other issues you could have can help. Working through things on a frontal and mental level assist in energy flow and balance. Try to stay grounded and work from the outside in if you must at the same time. Work through things as best as you can right now and read some good self-help or healing books.

Keep meditating and working on blockages. In a healthy way. Keep studying up on here. Start from square one and don’t be too rigid and flat about meditation, it’s a creative process and find what works for you. My mistake in the beginning was being on a regime that was standard on JoS but not for me, and my kundalini was activated before maturity. This wreaked some havoc as I did not really understand meditation much but was highly spiritually sensitive. I treated meditation like it was a school assignment. Study up on eastern perspectives on meditation too versus off brand western perspectives. Just perspectives, not their ways of meditation. They’re not Satanists.

The Gods lead the way and will assist if you are open to it whether you’re aware of it even or not and there is a route out of any mess with persistence. So long as you don’t give up on yourself and learn from mistakes.

 

[Ravenheart666]

Hello Ravenheart666,
I hope you are doing betting now =)
It is important to socialise as we are.. well.. social beings. So maybe you should go out with your friends or Cousin etc.
If you want someone to talk to more casually, we can exchange emails. =)

If you are able to do normal meditations, you should do that.

If it makes you feel better, I never did the 40 days Meditation program as well. (I regret it, as if I did it, I would be way stronger now.. I only adapted Kundalini Yoga recently)

You should meditate each day on your chakras, clean your soul, doing AoP, and the breathing exercises..
If you are able to you should also do Hatha and Kundalini yoga.

Wait wait wait wait.. you said you have problems now, because you invoked the elements..
wait, I am invoking Akasha right now.. I want to do this every day.. is this bad? xD

Do you have enough privacy now?
My parents basically know that I am a Satanist, since I scream „HAIL SATAN!“ after each ritual. But then again they are pretty chill about religious believes, but just to be safe I won’t mention it to them, lol.

I will gladly change e-mails with you brother! Just let me know a way to share the address.
In regards to the akasha I think is ok to do it as long as you're not under stress, at least not constantly. I have like this white Hades fire I use in combination with runic symbols, but I do it so intensely that I basically stop breathing which, probably, caused me some big problems. In other words: be sure You are in control and not your emotions.

 

[Ravenheart666]

There’s a lot of stories like this where people don’t want to do the basics and think they need to go full force. I know a few Gollums.

This is going to take time, consistency, and patience to deal with this. Give yourself a year of a consistent and normal schedule.

I would personally try a consistent regime of Satanama meditation with visualization of all elements coming together in unity.

https://www.ancient-forums.com/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=44793&p=202013&hilit=4+element+meditation#p202013

I made this one and I used this or you can make your own but not singling out any elements. The vibration is more important. Another member used it and found it to be effective. It’s basic, not adding any additional elements, and is better called a nature meditation.

Then Qi Gong balancing poses, YouTube works. Shannon recommended standing like a tree pose for balancing once and I would also combine that with satanama vibrations.

Practice really willing and exhaling excess energy, affirm that it’s excess, and allow the Gods to take it. Build a relationship with the Gods for more personalized assistance.

Affirm daily that you’re reversing the excess elements you’ve breathed into your soul in a happy healthy way and returning to normal.

Do yoga. At the end of the day I personally treat all visualizations as imagination that corresponds to a part of the soul. Keep your priorities straight on self understanding and knowledge. How I get through things is I do not treat emotional issues or health issues as all a spiritual cause, even if it is spiritually caused there’s something there that allowed it to begin with. And this wouldn’t always be “just a stupid decision” but more deep than that. You could be feeling a really big disconnect with yourself and your emotions which in turn manifested as you doing this and making it worse, so working with understanding whatever other issues you could have can help. Working through things on a frontal and mental level assist in energy flow and balance. Try to stay grounded and work from the outside in if you must at the same time. Work through things as best as you can right now and read some good self-help or healing books.

Keep meditating and working on blockages. In a healthy way. Keep studying up on here. Start from square one and don’t be too rigid and flat about meditation, it’s a creative process and find what works for you. My mistake in the beginning was being on a regime that was standard on JoS but not for me, and my kundalini was activated before maturity. This wreaked some havoc as I did not really understand meditation much but was highly spiritually sensitive. I treated meditation like it was a school assignment. Study up on eastern perspectives on meditation too versus off brand western perspectives. Just perspectives, not their ways of meditation. They’re not Satanists.

The Gods lead the way and will assist if you are open to it whether you’re aware of it even or not and there is a route out of any mess with persistence. So long as you don’t give up on yourself and learn from mistakes.

Your advices are very well stipulated and studied,I did not know however about the elemental visualisation method, thanks a lot! I already started looking into the Hindu "modulus", and also using the Satanama mantra whenever i feel too charged or in between workings.
However, if I was to start from square one , I'd rather take it in parallel to my current schedule (which I need to revise), like starting the session with the 40 Days program.
I really appreciate the effort, I'll not throw it away! Thanks again!

 

[NinRick]

Hello Ravenheart666,
I hope you are doing betting now =)
It is important to socialise as we are.. well.. social beings. So maybe you should go out with your friends or Cousin etc.
If you want someone to talk to more casually, we can exchange emails. =)

If you are able to do normal meditations, you should do that.

If it makes you feel better, I never did the 40 days Meditation program as well. (I regret it, as if I did it, I would be way stronger now.. I only adapted Kundalini Yoga recently)

You should meditate each day on your chakras, clean your soul, doing AoP, and the breathing exercises..
If you are able to you should also do Hatha and Kundalini yoga.

Wait wait wait wait.. you said you have problems now, because you invoked the elements..
wait, I am invoking Akasha right now.. I want to do this every day.. is this bad? xD

Do you have enough privacy now?
My parents basically know that I am a Satanist, since I scream „HAIL SATAN!“ after each ritual. But then again they are pretty chill about religious believes, but just to be safe I won’t mention it to them, lol.

I will gladly change e-mails with you brother! Just let me know a way to share the address.
In regards to the akasha I think is ok to do it as long as you're not under stress, at least not constantly. I have like this white Hades fire I use in combination with runic symbols, but I do it so intensely that I basically stop breathing which, probably, caused me some big problems. In other words: be sure You are in control and not your emotions.

My Mail is in my signature, feel free to send me a mail brother!

The thing is that I am full of earth and also I have 0 Water, so it makes it easy for me to block unwanted emotions.
But I am also quite ignorant of the Astral, it's like I feel something but don't pay attention to it.. quite hard to explain. I think most people here, esp those who are truly spiritual, have much water. You Probably as well, lol.
But I will reduce to invoke Akasha as well now, but I like how it feels tbh.

How do you use the runic symbols? Do you just visualize them? I think you can also vibrate them in your mind, as with Kundalini yoga, you also virbrate "Sat" "Nam" in you mind, and it feels intense.

 

[NinRick]

...

Btw when you send me a mail, confirm it here.

I get harassed my jews, lol.
By all means, it doesn't bother me at all, as I am not even reading their mails, I am just deleting them.
They just waste their time! ;D

 

[Ravenheart666]

Hello Ravenheart666,
I hope you are doing betting now =)
It is important to socialise as we are.. well.. social beings. So maybe you should go out with your friends or Cousin etc.
If you want someone to talk to more casually, we can exchange emails. =)

If you are able to do normal meditations, you should do that.

If it makes you feel better, I never did the 40 days Meditation program as well. (I regret it, as if I did it, I would be way stronger now.. I only adapted Kundalini Yoga recently)

You should meditate each day on your chakras, clean your soul, doing AoP, and the breathing exercises..
If you are able to you should also do Hatha and Kundalini yoga.

Wait wait wait wait.. you said you have problems now, because you invoked the elements..
wait, I am invoking Akasha right now.. I want to do this every day.. is this bad? xD

Do you have enough privacy now?
My parents basically know that I am a Satanist, since I scream „HAIL SATAN!“ after each ritual. But then again they are pretty chill about religious believes, but just to be safe I won’t mention it to them, lol.

I will gladly change e-mails with you brother! Just let me know a way to share the address.
In regards to the akasha I think is ok to do it as long as you're not under stress, at least not constantly. I have like this white Hades fire I use in combination with runic symbols, but I do it so intensely that I basically stop breathing which, probably, caused me some big problems. In other words: be sure You are in control and not your emotions.

My Mail is in my signature, feel free to send me a mail brother!

The thing is that I am full of earth and also I have 0 Water, so it makes it easy for me to block unwanted emotions.
But I am also quite ignorant of the Astral, it's like I feel something but don't pay attention to it.. quite hard to explain. I think most people here, esp those who are truly spiritual, have much water. You Probably as well, lol.
But I will reduce to invoke Akasha as well now, but I like how it feels tbh.

How do you use the runic symbols? Do you just visualize them? I think you can also vibrate them in your mind, as with Kundalini yoga, you also virbrate "Sat" "Nam" in you mind, and it feels intense.

Yes you're absolutely right I'm a very water guy with basically 0 earth LOL ))

You're actually pretty lucky to have more earthy energy , even if possibly is harder to put your energy in motion you have more momentum which is actually much more helpful than feeling every little highs and downs. I personally become paranoid every time my energy fluctuates in a way or another, It's never stable and is hard to be relaxed. That's why many times I overdo my aura sessions, just to be sure it doesn't fade away XD (strange logic I know).

If you keep a good aura cleaning regime (which it seems you do) I'm pretty sure you'll become an even greater SS one day pretty soon.

About my runic techniques, I think I exaggerated with runic reps to the point I'd close my eyes and see them on the eyelid (you know like after looking at a light source and closing your eyes to see it burnt in your visual field).

But on the other side I came to actually feel them , like physically with my body. I think I'm able to use some for enhancing physical abilities, like running and becoming stealthy or some endurance.

I'm also extremely lucky to have some forest patches in my vicinity and be able to spend time in them, sometimes too much time XD.

I think I will make a PDF with the various "physical" uses of runes that I came up with. Although I'm sure that It's more a personal thing than something that anybody can immediately apply. Who knows , maybe I just managed to trick my brain beyond "repair" and stop feeling body damage XD. In other words is very very experimental and maybe a bit risky.

An example is the heat I feel from SOWILO when I charge up and clean myself. Is almost unbearable. I like to form a pentacle around me ,either horizontally or vertically in or around my body and make reps of 8 Sowilo for each edge , several times- usually twice -so I get 80 reps, then I make another 20 in the middle- and closing with the affirmations. Pretty quick 100 Sowilo for an Aura of protection.

This apart.
Don't stop the akasha if it makes you feel good, like , if it's something that helps and you don't overdo , by all means, carry on. Trust your instinct!