um.. is this a sign?

[Big Dipper]

so last night i tried to contact who i think is my guardian for the first time (i think she would be lerajie) and i couldn't tell if the answer i got was a yes or no, all i felt when i asked was a cold chill down my arms and neck (which is what i feel every time i feel energy, like when i do aura of protection; it's never warm for some reason), but i thought that was just me every time i would say her name as i would with any other demon, so i asked lord satan for a sign and today i had a ladybug crawl on me in my house and it wasnt until hours later that i would look ladybugs up in case of potential sign and lo and behold a group of ladybugs is called a loveliness. Lerijae is a demoness of love and pleasure... Sounds like a sign, but im always thinking things are coincindences.

 

[Username]

Follow your gut instinct.
Additionaly, you could try vibrating her name 30-40 times after which you should ask if she is your Guardian Demon. You should get some kind of energy response is what I have read.
I have read this from Ghost in the Machine's post.

https://ancient-forums.com/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=41191&p=182460&hilit=demon#p182460

 

[NinRick]

so last night i tried to contact who i think is my guardian for the first time (i think she would be lerajie) and i couldn't tell if the answer i got was a yes or no, all i felt when i asked was a cold chill down my arms and neck (which is what i feel every time i feel energy, like when i do aura of protection; it's never warm for some reason), but i thought that was just me every time i would say her name as i would with any other demon, so i asked lord satan for a sign and today i had a ladybug crawl on me in my house and it wasnt until hours later that i would look ladybugs up in case of potential sign and lo and behold a group of ladybugs is called a loveliness. Lerijae is a demoness of love and pleasure... Sounds like a sign, but im always thinking things are coincindences.

Our Gods choose means of communication which we understand. If your GS wants to tell you something you understand it. They know how to apply an answer that you will understand. They know you, what you think and they also know the future.

Satan and his Demons are all powerful.

 

[Satan_is_our_Father666]

Glad I read this, perhaps I can help you as my GD is Leraje.

Personally, I have observed (now that I know for sure who my Guardian is) that there are a LOT of similarities between the Spiritual Satanist and the Guardian Demon. Taking Leraje and myself for example, Her Element is my same dominant and favorite Element, she teaches two skills that I have abundantly displayed, I had multiple signs that indicate her tarot and other specific things in her description, and last but not the least, I have seen her exactly like She is described in the JoS website years before I would read the description.

From what I can tell you, then, your Guardian Demon will definitely have some skills that you other feel strongly attracted to, an Element you feel fascinated/obsessed/relaxed with, and specific things that you just seem to notice more than in any other Demon. Some Demons you KNOW they just can't be your Guardian as they may have skills and attributes that just don't reflect you, your skills or your personality at all, but others have a lot that you may just feel natural or familiar.
Make a like of all those that have this familiarity with what you are as a way to restrict the number to just a few and then look for more messages.. a sigil that may have a strong resonance with you, try meditating on them and see if they respond and if it's a positive vibe or something.
One of the things that seem rather accurate so far is that a SS will usually have a Demon belonging to the sex he/she is attracted to.. so if you're a straight male then your Demon will be a female, and so on.

Try also chanting their name if you're unsure. The first time I suspected Leraje was my Guardian I chanted her name and tried to establish a contact and I clearly felt something like 'an astral bridge' leading to her, but it was a bridge that required building, if that makes any sense.

In my opinion it does pay off to know your dominant Element and look for Demons that have the same as yours.

Hail Satan!

 

[Big Dipper]

Glad I read this, perhaps I can help you as my GD is Leraje.

Personally, I have observed (now that I know for sure who my Guardian is) that there are a LOT of similarities between the Spiritual Satanist and the Guardian Demon. Taking Leraje and myself for example, Her Element is my same dominant and favorite Element, she teaches two skills that I have abundantly displayed, I had multiple signs that indicate her tarot and other specific things in her description, and last but not the least, I have seen her exactly like She is described in the JoS website years before I would read the description.

From what I can tell you, then, your Guardian Demon will definitely have some skills that you other feel strongly attracted to, an Element you feel fascinated/obsessed/relaxed with, and specific things that you just seem to notice more than in any other Demon. Some Demons you KNOW they just can't be your Guardian as they may have skills and attributes that just don't reflect you, your skills or your personality at all, but others have a lot that you may just feel natural or familiar.
Make a like of all those that have this familiarity with what you are as a way to restrict the number to just a few and then look for more messages.. a sigil that may have a strong resonance with you, try meditating on them and see if they respond and if it's a positive vibe or something.
One of the things that seem rather accurate so far is that a SS will usually have a Demon belonging to the sex he/she is attracted to.. so if you're a straight male then your Demon will be a female, and so on.

Try also chanting their name if you're unsure. The first time I suspected Leraje was my Guardian I chanted her name and tried to establish a contact and I clearly felt something like 'an astral bridge' leading to her, but it was a bridge that required building, if that makes any sense.

In my opinion it does pay off to know your dominant Element and look for Demons that have the same as yours.

Hail Satan!

Do you talk to her, if so do you hear her and if you do how long did it take to get that open? I've vibrated her name 40 times once to ask her something and i screwed it up, but if i ever wanted to talk to her would this be the way for chit-chatting? If something were important I would think to do a ritual, but if i could chit chat with her through the 40x vibrating way that would be for non emergencies only that would be cool. Also thx for the black magic comment regarding the elements.

 

[Ghost in the Machine]

Glad I read this, perhaps I can help you as my GD is Leraje.

Personally, I have observed (now that I know for sure who my Guardian is) that there are a LOT of similarities between the Spiritual Satanist and the Guardian Demon. Taking Leraje and myself for example, Her Element is my same dominant and favorite Element, she teaches two skills that I have abundantly displayed, I had multiple signs that indicate her tarot and other specific things in her description, and last but not the least, I have seen her exactly like She is described in the JoS website years before I would read the description.

From what I can tell you, then, your Guardian Demon will definitely have some skills that you other feel strongly attracted to, an Element you feel fascinated/obsessed/relaxed with, and specific things that you just seem to notice more than in any other Demon. Some Demons you KNOW they just can't be your Guardian as they may have skills and attributes that just don't reflect you, your skills or your personality at all, but others have a lot that you may just feel natural or familiar.
Make a like of all those that have this familiarity with what you are as a way to restrict the number to just a few and then look for more messages.. a sigil that may have a strong resonance with you, try meditating on them and see if they respond and if it's a positive vibe or something.
One of the things that seem rather accurate so far is that a SS will usually have a Demon belonging to the sex he/she is attracted to.. so if you're a straight male then your Demon will be a female, and so on.

Try also chanting their name if you're unsure. The first time I suspected Leraje was my Guardian I chanted her name and tried to establish a contact and I clearly felt something like 'an astral bridge' leading to her, but it was a bridge that required building, if that makes any sense.

In my opinion it does pay off to know your dominant Element and look for Demons that have the same as yours.

Hail Satan!

Do you talk to her, if so do you hear her and if you do how long did it take to get that open? I've vibrated her name 40 times once to ask her something and i screwed it up, but if i ever wanted to talk to her would this be the way for chit-chatting? If something were important I would think to do a ritual, but if i could chit chat with her through the 40x vibrating way that would be for non emergencies only that would be cool. Also thx for the black magic comment regarding the elements.

Time and dedication toward answers is what will be able to help you find the truth. You need patience with things like this. Finding one's guardian demon is quite a big deal to many who usually want to find out as soon as possible, but it can take a few years to figure it out and you do need to make some effort towards such and actually instigate means to discovering who it is by looking through the list of demons, watching for common signs related to them and then clarifying and being able to perceive confirmations in the self among other matters.

It helps to advance a little spiritually in regards to your chakras and intuition in order to better sensitize and open up to experiencing energies and such. Your guardian demon will then be one you find yourself typically urged towards. You must be psychically developed in some way with upper chakras.

 

[Satan_is_our_Father666]

Do you talk to her, if so do you hear her and if you do how long did it take to get that open? I've vibrated her name 40 times once to ask her something and i screwed it up, but if i ever wanted to talk to her would this be the way for chit-chatting? If something were important I would think to do a ritual, but if i could chit chat with her through the 40x vibrating way that would be for non emergencies only that would be cool. Also thx for the black magic comment regarding the elements.

I'm not yet as psychic and open as some others who have summoned Demons and described them like they were a person who entered the room, so I'm one of those who (other than very rare times) have to discern messages from the Universe, looking at the world and so on. I tried using pendulums and got some decent answers but I often find they can be confusing.. like when I asked who my GD was and how many I had and it turned out I had three Guardians.. some Brothers/Sisters here said it's most likely impossible, two Guardians being a rarity already, so I dismissed that method for things of this importance. It DID point to three Demons I've known or summoned before, including my Guardian.

I think it's a good idea to chant a Demon's name to try and get them to respond and confirm if they're your Guardian or not.. the answer (if you're not that advanced spiritually, not psychic enough to just get this easily) may vary however. From what I see, I get far less signs from the Gods right now (in THIS particular phase of the war, so close to the end of it) so I know they're busy as well. They DO find the time to thank you if you do something for them, or give you a few 'more obvious signs' if you're lingering in one direction and need a little boost (like when I strongly suspected Leraje was my Guardian but wouldn't accept it because I was terrified of offending another Demon who might have been the real Guardian.. this is something I assume many go through) so She made some things happen knowing I would associate these with Her. Stubborn as I am I still managed to only accept this truth when another dear Brother here was contacted by Leraje and I had more proof than I needed. I remember feeling pure joy when he told me, as I realized She had been with me for so bloody long, patient and awesome...

I strongly encourage you to find your dominant Element, I think it's one of the most defining things when looking for your Guardian, or at least it really helped me in my situation. Skills you have, strong interests, something that defines 'you'. Look for Demons that share those traits.

In my opinion it would still help if you tried to summon a Demon, even if you're mistaken and they're not your Guardian, as you will eventually find less difficulty in reaching Them later, when you vibrate their name and want to work with them. Sometimes we can get strong attraction to a particular Demon and it's not our Guardian, this simply means you have skills to develop that they are great teachers at, or that you've known them before and chances are you'll meet them again. Haures isn't my second Guardian (as far as I know) but She's the first Demon I've ever seen AND spoke with in the same session, seeing and hearing and speaking with, no matter how brief (2-3 seconds at best) but it was something I thought I wasn't even capable of, only read from other people's experiences. I'm pretty sure I'll meet her again and find out what I'm supposed to work with together with her.

Another suggestion: if you feel you're distracting yourself by chanting a name or a Rune, try something shorter like a simple sound. I found it's easier to focus when I only vibrate the V-V-V-V-V from WUNJO, or the N, or a long TH sound (that makes the third eye tingle and feel pressure on it). Not having to give too much attention to a complete word/name you will be less distracted by your own effort.. at that point just "look and listen". In my experience it helps to follow the JoS' advice on "looking at the third eye" with your eyes closed... lighly and slightly, you don't have to look like the fucking Undertaker lol. This will put some more focus on your third eye, gently nudging it to work more actively and see whatever comes your way.

Hope that helps.

Hail Satan!

 

[Big Dipper]

I strongly encourage you to find your dominant Element, I think it's one of the most defining things when looking for your Guardian, or at least it really helped me in my situation. Skills you have, strong interests, something that defines 'you'. Look for Demons that share those traits.


Hail Satan!

Im pretty dead set on believing its lerajie. When it comes to natal astrology i have 5 air (6 if were counting dc). Plus, she has some things that she teaches of which im passionate about and when i asked for a sign the next day i got a ladybug on my hand in my basement out of nowhere and i dont know were it went. I looked up the term for a group of ladybug's and it's called a "loveliness" lol. Also when i was a kid there were plantains all over my front and back yards. Dont know how common they are though; I always thought they were just weeds, but apparently they have medicinal purposes. thanks

 

[Big Dipper]

It helps to advance a little spiritually in regards to your chakras and intuition in order to better sensitize and open up to experiencing energies and such. Your guardian demon will then be one you find yourself typically urged towards. You must be psychically developed in some way with upper chakras.

Okie dokie. I've just done the full chakra meditation along with opening them up. Im now trying to get all the beginner stuff done and move on to intermediate, but a deep trance is my wall. I've gone into 2 deep trances, both of which only being a second long and the second one being an accident. If i were to try again it would take me about half an hour to get into one, but ill be starting work soon and ill only have one day off a week and each week will be around ,if not over, 50 hours, so.. I'll still move on to intermediate if don't have time for trances.

 

[Satan_is_our_Father666]

Im pretty dead set on believing its lerajie. When it comes to natal astrology i have 5 air (6 if were counting dc). Plus, she has some things that she teaches of which im passionate about and when i asked for a sign the next day i got a ladybug on my hand in my basement out of nowhere and i dont know were it went. I looked up the term for a group of ladybug's and it's called a "loveliness" lol. Also when i was a kid there were plantains all over my front and back yards. Dont know how common they are though; I always thought they were just weeds, but apparently they have medicinal purposes. thanks

Pretty sure these are all good signs. I've had a sudden plantain growth in my backyard this year, or it looked like it (maybe a variety), but I believed that it was and it was a sign from Leraje, along with many other things I've seen happening around me.

Try summoning her to establish a first link if you haven't already, and then focus on her sigil. You could feel a confirmation, but even if you don't.. honestly, the signs speak pretty clear to me already. Don't wanna get your hopes up as I'm no medium master, but as an average Brother SS... go for it.

Hail Satan! Hail Leraje!

 

[Ghost in the Machine]

Im pretty dead set on believing its lerajie. When it comes to natal astrology i have 5 air (6 if were counting dc). Plus, she has some things that she teaches of which im passionate about and when i asked for a sign the next day i got a ladybug on my hand in my basement out of nowhere and i dont know were it went. I looked up the term for a group of ladybug's and it's called a "loveliness" lol. Also when i was a kid there were plantains all over my front and back yards. Dont know how common they are though; I always thought they were just weeds, but apparently they have medicinal purposes. thanks

Pretty sure these are all good signs. I've had a sudden plantain growth in my backyard this year, or it looked like it (maybe a variety), but I believed that it was and it was a sign from Leraje, along with many other things I've seen happening around me.

Try summoning her to establish a first link if you haven't already, and then focus on her sigil. You could feel a confirmation, but even if you don't.. honestly, the signs speak pretty clear to me already. Don't wanna get your hopes up as I'm no medium master, but as an average Brother SS... go for it.

Hail Satan! Hail Leraje!

Lerajie seems very connected with beauty and "loveliness", and perhaps you'll find this interesting SioF because if there's one thing I've been seeing a lot though, it's white flowers, or flowers in general. Upon connecting with calm greenery to try and relax last night I ended up in a garden with a demoness.

I felt so at peace and calmed. I began helping her tend to the garden and she began casually talking with me, she was just conversing with me for companionship and helping me relax and calm down after an incredibly rough night. I felt a familiar feminine energy and I asked her if she was Lerajie and got a chipper "Yup" in response, a kind of personality I'm familiar with from a prior interaction with her.

She further seemed to prove it was her by saying brief things I could make out like "Wind", and I was signed the merging of opposites in the love of a man and woman. I felt so incredibly at peace and relaxed in her company, like all the troubles I was dealing with earlier just vanished, everything was so calm and still, she is said to be very friendly to our kind and that she can bring peace, which she certainly did for me last night when I needed it. If you recall SioF, she said one time she would help me. I once again heard this from her last night, or at least the words "Help you" when she first showed up to me. This could've just been asserting peace and calmness in me or, as it seemed, what she was providing was in teaching me something most essential, more meaningful than anything I could've thought up in getting help from her, she of course knows what I needed most to learn how to do for myself which I'll refrain from sharing here for my own safety but it is a most important skill.

I tried looking upon her appearance and was able to see this lovely young woman with long black hair (I had forgotten at this point from her profile that she has long black hair so I almost doubted that it was her), her presence was so incredibly calming and peaceful. She was just keeping me at peace and whenever I felt my mind slipping in distress again from the earlier garbage I was dealing with, she would quickly distract me with something like remembering a favourite and calming song I like, or a scenario, or even a casual question like "Do you still write?" in companionship, responding to her that I hadn't written a story for fun in ages even though I was well aware she could know everything about me in a second, but it felt so peaceful and incredibly nice of her to converse with me in such a manner.

She is a very kind demoness, she knew everything I needed in that moment to feel at peace. I remember asking her how she had the time to spend so personally with me that night, I thought that she's usually busy like the other demons. She just gave a shrugging response of "Most of the time" with a casual slight smile. She seems to have some relation to matters of the heart chakra I suspected, she felt very representative at that time of harmony and balance, she was helping me keep stable in mind.

She is very nice and kind, I was surprised by the sheer compassion she shared towards me. You should feel very lucky to have her as your guardian SioF, she is very caring. Her presence and companionship in that garden was incredibly healing both emotionally and spiritually, I'm thankful for her friendship.

 

[Satan_is_our_Father666]

Thanks for sharing that, Brother. As much as I can say I'm still really disappointed in my abilities to meet/talk to the Gods, I'm truly glad you made this amazing friend.

What I think, and it's just a thought, is that She feels for you as Andras, who is your Guardian, is a very busy Demon, and you would gladly spend more time with Him. If She has more time than other Demons She tries to help you out instead. I haven't had the pleasure to know her as well as you have but I can tell She's very kind indeed, and She knows you're worthy.

You know? What you described, the garden itself.. it feels to me like you might have involuntarily created an astral temple. I've been thinking of this lately, ever since I read Lydia's post on her first decade as a SS. She mentioned a temple and even flowers leading inside it. It was by reading that post that I realized for the first time "creating an astral TEMPLE" means an actual TEMPLE, not an altar.
I'm saying this because I must have read that page a few dozen times in my life and I always, for some odd reason, visualized an altar, nothing else. Not a temple, nor flowers, nor a nice pyramid, nor cushions... nothing of the kind. It took me reading about someone else's temple to realize it meant literally a place. Whenever I finished reading that page I would just visualize an altar and the idea didn't see so great, as I would have preferred an actual place. How on Earth I re-wrote that meaning every time I read it, I do not now, but it does feel kind of analogous to when I realized how I might have, oddly, only actually read Leraje's description after years since being a SS, always too caught by other names, or Elements, or whatever else I mistakenly thought was good for me.

Now (last year) I became focused on Leraje and have never been more certain that a Demon would be my Guardian (until I met you and had the confirmation I longed for); until now I never really realized I might have built myself a beautiful, relaxing place for meeting with the Gods; and until now I never even understood how important it was to balance the upper and lower chakras with the heart, to the point of triggering telekinesis in a way I had never done.
I truly hope I'm going to heal the psychic channels that allow for spiritual communication soon, somehow.

One think I will also, finally and definitely do, is to formally ask Father Satan for a monogamous Succubus.
I've been really postponing this enough, there's no longer a point. My main worry has always been not being open enough, psychic enough, spiritual enough, with kickass astral eyes and ears......... even though I have met Leraje in 2003, met and spoke with Haures, met Astaroth (probably twice), and clearly saw and felt Father Satan. I was even contacted by Lilith.
I'd say I'm about done selling myself short on astral perception.

Yesterday, while I was at work, I was really thinking about the whole matter of getting a Succubus. I thought of the difference between a monogamous and poligamous one, thought about how does one 'choose' a monogamous Succubus that is felt as perfect, if one needs to 'date' many Succubi before being able to 'choose'..... but then I thought "I'm not stupid. I know Father Satan knows me better than I know myself. I should just ask Him to choose one for me that He knows I will be happy with."

I think that's really all there is to it. Trusting Father. Trusting our Gods. Maybe that's why my astral senses suck compared to those of many other SS, because for me (especially being strong in Air Element) it's a matter of observation and deduction, of thinking, of logically choosing to trust someone I see. I suppose that's why I haven't seen a single Demon for years when I had just Dedicated. The only one I really saw well, but for a second and I still remember it like it was yesterday night, was Leraje, way before I knew who She was. Perhaps She was telling me to believe in my skill. Suggesting I don't let myself down. Not for nothing it was the same night after I firstly asked Father for a Succubus friend to guide me, and I can see the confusion when I thought Leraje was my Succubus that same night. She was so, so beautiful.. that smile.. the kindest smile I've ever seen. I just got crying while I was writing that. It's like She IS Love.

I think there's a lot I need to learn from Her, and that I'm nowhere near ready to fully understand the importance of what She teaches.

Thanks for taking the time to write this, mate.

Hail Father Satan Forever!

 

[Ghost in the Machine]

----

I would say you are right, she has been there for me so far in his stead for who knows how long. In the past week or so whenever focusing on this demon or presence whom I originally would think was Andras at the time, I would oddly feel feminine energy which confused me. Turns out it may have been Lerajie this whole time, ever since I helped you discover that she was your guardian. I try to feel Andras a lot, but more often than not, as has been typical, I seldom feel him really 'there' and I don't think it's really a matter of being busy.

This isn't to say he's not my guardian, I still feel very strongly I'm meant to work with him, but I think Lerajie right now is helping me with matters more in her own office right now as she feels strongly to rule over matters of stability, the heart chakra, emotional balance and harmony, things needed for self-control and peace of mind in guiding me to progress and I am very thankful for it. I have things to overcome as is very apparent to me on a personal level for the longest time as I started gaining more and more spiritual power, and I think until I truly deal with them directly, which I have been working on thanks to her guidance and help, only then will Andras be able to then teach me what he knows and help me to be the man I'm meant to be as indicated by my chart. I look forward to that future, I strongly know deep down my desire to work with him.


And I know you think I'm advanced in regards to astral communication but all I can say is that perhaps just moreso than the average Satanist in regards to direct control and intent, but it is not that great yet. I try hard to make communications clear, I have to scrutinize what my imagination is making up and what is actually happening, but working with Lerajie like this has actually helped me better to figure out how to do it more effectively, like she's inadvertently showing me how to better communicate telepathically. She made me realize the importance of focusing within the self of perceiving through your own eyes, in the means that you are grounded and centred in your own soul as your castle, and instead of reading things outside of you, you centre yourself in the 'walls' like being grounded at your station and with focus on this stability and enabling of connection to the demon or individual, you better allow their words through and you have better clarity because this stability stifles the imagination to a logical standpoint, preventing it from drowning out the noise of the communication with your own noisy thoughts. It's very difficult to explain and describe what I mean, this explanation does not do it justice, it's quite particular.

I get more and more clear words in practicing and even for the first time in all my years, full sentences (more rarely) as the most part the words would fade out to obscurity before completed or I could only faintly and barely make out one word. Either Lerajie has a lot to do with nature or she was catering to my own loves and joys as I am a very nature-based and pagan soul, I absolutely adore gardens, plants, flowers, forests, leaves, I hadn't felt so calm, stable and at peace than when I was tending to that garden with her. It was beautiful there, a darkened dusk with the sun below the horizon, heavy clouds blanketing the sky (My love for overcast days).

I wanted to write more but I may get back to you on more details as I have spiritual works to do still and it is quite late. A quick mention though, I did see her more clearly this morning in appearance, she was smiling at me. Her hair is cut flat at the shoulders

Absolute most accurate image I found but her bangs were a bit longer and I didn't see any braids that I recall:

Definitely jet black in colour like a raven's feathers, and I saw she does have a golden head-dress of sorts like a flat tiara with beads or something along those lines (I completely forgot about the head-dress and such until I read her profile again later today which further confirmed to me it was definitely her I saw as well as the "shoulder-length" black hair description in her profile). Perhaps knowing better how she generally looks might help you connect with her more appropriately; her face definitely glows warmly too with a smooth and lovely complexion.

 

[Satan_is_our_Father666]

I'm thinking She's helping you with what you haven't yet figured out while focusing on Andras. Aside from the fact that, from what I read, He sounds like one of the busiest Gods we have, kind of like Thoth and other high ranking ones.. I have no doubt you're right about her helping you figure out how to better communicate and also helping you balance yourself. Perhaps I was meant to tell you about that telekinetic success I had thanks to the heart chakra balancing my male and female, as this is supposed to also make you better figure out how to focus on your energy. Maybe you're using a lot of female chakras in your intuition and insight, but you're only getting 'so far' because you purposely leave out the male chakras, assuming that because they project energy, that they can't help YOU absorb information better?

This would mean that, even though we know each chakra has its own specific functions, they always work better 'as a whole'. This is why we call them 'powers of the Soul', not 'powers of the throat/heart/sacral chakra' and so on.

(This reply strongly resonates with what I have learned.)

And I know you think I'm advanced in regards to astral communication but all I can say is that perhaps just moreso than the average Satanist in regards to direct control and intent, but it is not that great yet. I try hard to make communications clear, I have to scrutinize what my imagination is making up and what is actually happening, but working with Lerajie like this has actually helped me better to figure out how to do it more effectively, like she's inadvertently showing me how to better communicate telepathically. She made me realize the importance of focusing within the self of perceiving through your own eyes, in the means that you are grounded and centred in your own soul as your castle, and instead of reading things outside of you, you centre yourself in the 'walls' like being grounded at your station and with focus on this stability and enabling of connection to the demon or individual, you better allow their words through and you have better clarity because this stability stifles the imagination to a logical standpoint, preventing it from drowning out the noise of the communication with your own noisy thoughts. It's very difficult to explain and describe what I mean, this explanation does not do it justice, it's quite particular.

I think you couldn't explain this better. Was half sure you would doubt the clarity of your words before reading this end of this part, knowing I would understand it all the way you intended.
A couple years ago, as I have mentioned before a few times, I have been using an 'inward' technique for meditation that got me pretty solid and unexpected results. That is the same one that allowed me to overcome my fear of the sea depths, the 'linking' with the Titanic wreck, and leading me to the first controlled (although brief) deep trance.

You're absolutely right about not looking for a contact with the outside. The only way "up" is "within" here. Perhaps because we, as Humans who are creatures that descent directly from our Gods, have forgotten how everything about ourselves is still connected with the Gods, the wisdom, the powers, and all the matrix from which we ultimately come from, we tend to believe we don't hold the answers. 'Hold' being a word holding a peculiar meaning, as you compared the Soul to a castle.

Over the years, while I tried all kinds of meditations and exercises to feel energy, and desperately look for a contact with our Gods, I always failed to understand that the way to the Gods is not to 'exit' the body, look for things 'outside' or focus on the 'exterior'.
(Mind you, I DO still very often tend to make this mistake. I've been doing it so often it became the normal approach to meditation. I have to remind myself nearly every time how to change this and go inward instead.)

What worked best in the end was to realize the answers lie inside. That our very Soul holds them, that our very Soul IS the only tool we need to obtain access to knowledge, to the Gods. (I never really liked what is known as 'ceremonial' magick, always felt it was unneeded, a weaker form, and that it wouldn't be able to allow the same advantage as purely mental effort and using altered states of consciousness.)

As for Leraje helping you more than Andras right now, maybe we should consider the fact that we are not as 'complete' as it's needed in order to work with and learn from one only Demon/Demoness, making the presence of a secondary Demon a very useful 'support' in our own understanding of ourselves and evolution.
This would be analogous to how I felt Dantalian as somehow easier to link with, possibly because He helps with getting to altered states of consciousness, focusing, and perhaps because his 'hallucinations' are a good example of vision for me, as I am usually a very visual thinker and find it easier to discern details by starting with an image (that may lead to more information and senses being displayed).

So while Dantalian can help me focus and enter a better and faster trance state, Leraje is helping you (literally) boosting your self focus, and so communication, by showing you how you can balance yourself, reach great peace, meditate in a way you possibly hadn't considered.

Besides, this is a personal thought... I think it's really amazing that we're both learning so much. I want us to make Father Satan proud of our work, either in the war and on ourselves.

I get more and more clear words in practicing and even for the first time in all my years, full sentences (more rarely) as the most part the words would fade out to obscurity before completed or I could only faintly and barely make out one word. Either Lerajie has a lot to do with nature or she was catering to my own loves and joys as I am a very nature-based and pagan soul, I absolutely adore gardens, plants, flowers, forests, leaves, I hadn't felt so calm, stable and at peace than when I was tending to that garden with her. It was beautiful there, a darkened dusk with the sun below the horizon, heavy clouds blanketing the sky (My love for overcast days).

Sometimes, most of the time I think, I perceive you as generally ..how to say this... cold minded, calculating, one-side-minded..? I feel you're not letting your emotions out, you're constantly guarding them. And I do understand this is a very wise thing, especially with all the attacks we already went through and these days being even harder, but could it be that this is also distracting you from your own peace, and ability to enjoy it?

I'm picturing you in that garden with Leraje... I imagine how you were practically 'melting' your solid shell and adapting to this contact, the beautiful place, taking it all in. Maybe you're shielding yourself so much, all the time, that you're almost making yourself incapable of opening up to new emotion, information, words, contact with the Gods, and ultimately your own Soul?

I think that's why She's teaching you, and that this is what She's teaching you. She IS the Goddess of Love. Perhaps all you really need is to love yourself more, explore your Soul. You are safe in there, it's YOUR Soul, you can forge it and change it until it makes you happy and at peace.
Make your Soul into a garden, if you feel like. Don't think 'walls', think natural things. A huge forest, plants of all vibrant colors growing everywhere, natural caves, bubbling brooks to constantly balance your lack of Water Element, you name it.

Actually....

I just recently mentioned I never really understood the meaning of 'creating an astral temple', didn't I....

Would it be crazy to assume that the best temple you can create is your Soul?

I hope I gave you ideas, Brother. You're an amazing person, a great Satanist, you deserve all the help you can get from the Gods.

Regarding Leraje's appearance...

The hair looks pretty similar to what I saw back in 2003, the first time I saw her, only I don't remember a fringe and bangs (it was just a second so I may as well have missed them). The color, I'll never forget... it was the blackest black there is, much like a raven's beautiful feathers, but darker, soft.. just perfect.
I do remember her eyes being green as sparkling emeralds, I don't know how you saw them or if you paid particular attention. I just couldn't miss them, she smiled at me so gently it would warm me in a blizzard.

Can you remember her clothing? The first (and very, very brief second time, when She showed me her sigil) I saw her wearing something that looked like a bikini made of golden coins, like a golden chainmail so to speak. It was one of the things that strongly made me first believe She was my Guardian as the description in the JoS had me stop reading then and there and realize that was EXACTLY what I had seen.
She is truly beautiful in every sense of the word, I can only compare her to Astaroth, who has a different kind of beauty, fiercer, like a female Spartan warrior, blonde and incredibly powerful. They are indescribably spectacular. (I still wonder why I seem to have been visited by Astaroth twice... maybe it was simply to let me know my attempt at meditating differently and more 'inwardly', like I mentioned above, is a valid method.

Do write me whenever you have the time, Brother, it's always a pleasure to read of your experiences and learn more.

PS. Do we have a forum tutorial on how to include pictures here? I have just managed to learn how not to screw up the 'quoting' anymore, but that's as far as my expertise allows for the moment. I saw you used duckduck.go but have no clue how that works.

Hail Father Satan Forever! Hail Leraje!

 

[Big Dipper]

PS. Do we have a forum tutorial on how to include pictures here? I have just managed to learn how not to screw up the 'quoting' anymore, but that's as far as my expertise allows for the moment. I saw you used duckduck.go but have no clue how that works.

Hail Father Satan Forever! Hail Leraje!

By coin armor do you mean this?

When you talk about focusing on a demon you mean their sigil, right? If so, how does that help? Does that mean you'll eventually feel their energy? If so, if i did that i'd feel like they would fell like im staring at them.

Also, to insert a pic. you go up to the top of your quote where it says "Img" just under the subject title. when you do that it will insert "

 

[Satan_is_our_Father666]

If I managed to do this right.. I mean something that looked very close to this one

...minus the foot and wrist accessories. (If I finally managed to put the image right.. THANK YOU.)

When you talk about focusing on a demon you mean their sigil, right? If so, how does that help? Does that mean you'll eventually feel their energy? If so, if i did that i'd feel like they would fell like im staring at them.

When it comes to sigils, I like to think of them as analogous to 'phone numbers'. If you call someone by using a specific phone number, when someone picks up it's almost certain it'll be the person you wanted to talk to, isn't it? Sigils work pretty much the same in my experience (not THAT much experience, honestly, as I prefer to vibrate the name, or think of the name of the Demon.. I can visualize the sigil with eyes closed but, especially for more detailed and complicated ones, it can be a distraction from the actual communication).

And you shouldn't feel like you're staring at the Demon (I assume in a bothering way).. just don't keep it up for ages if you feel that you're getting no answer (if may be the Demon is busy at the moment, OR that you're not open enough to hear their answer), just thank them and try again another time.

Just some more advice on how to communicate better: if you read the last two posts (in this thread) from Ghost in the Machine and me you'll see a similar technique we both mentioned, something about "focusing inward/within". Because I already know you're very probably making the same mistake we all did in the beginning, I'm going to see if I can spare you from wasting useful time in figuring this out. Truth be told, I would like this to be mentioned in the JoS, and if not under a specific link for itself, just in the Satanic Void Meditation page, as I would have REALLY benefited from this had I read it when I got into meditation thanks to the JoS.

Hope that helps, and thanks for the 'how to add pictures' tutorial. Much appreciated.

Hail Satan!

 

[Ghost in the Machine]

----

----

Working with Lerajie has helped me realize a lot of problems with myself in the past few weeks than I ever saw before in the past 3 years of my further advancements when I really started getting into the seriously advanced stuff and having higher power. They were all buried under a coverlet of psychic noise and an aggressive disposition of a fiery war drive, I had never really settled down enough in true stability and balance to realize they were there and were the reason why I would get a whiplash of problems whenever I DID get balanced enough.

I won't clarify what the issues are specifically for my safety in not exposing vulnerabilities but she's made it incredibly clear to me that the flaws I've had for so long and the obstacles I've been dealing with are not some personality fault or a fault in my own actions or self in who I am, but there have been actual real strangling problems blocking and manifesting so many issues and she has revealed them to me and has been actually working with me very personally in helping me and teaching the steps on what to do and how to progress in getting rid of these issues and healing. Most importantly she reminds me to keep a calm and balanced mind.

Sometimes, most of the time I think, I perceive you as generally ..how to say this... cold minded, calculating, one-side-minded..? I feel you're not letting your emotions out, you're constantly guarding them. And I do understand this is a very wise thing, especially with all the attacks we already went through and these days being even harder, but could it be that this is also distracting you from your own peace, and ability to enjoy it?

I'm picturing you in that garden with Leraje... I imagine how you were practically 'melting' your solid shell and adapting to this contact, the beautiful place, taking it all in. Maybe you're shielding yourself so much, all the time, that you're almost making yourself incapable of opening up to new emotion, information, words, contact with the Gods, and ultimately your own Soul?

I won't specify too much but you're half right about the one-side-mindedness, but if you aren't aware yet I am Twin Souled, this goes in two lanes to extremes of either end of the two aspects in disharmony. Before Lerajie stepped in these would always counterweight one or the other in heavy contrast. Every time I would try to balance out or they'd stabilize, those blockages and problems I mentioned before would manifest like an earth quake, and I feel bad for Cobra because he's unfortunately had the brunt end of my venting and such with these in private, but I never knew what else to do in those moments, I was always blinded. I didn't know why my efforts to fix whatever this issue was weren't working, I tried indulging in things to balance out, I used all kinds of elements, I did more meditations, I did LESS meditations, I tried cleanings, I experimented with runes, I've had so many failed workings practically filling a trash can to the brim.

I always jokingly would pick on myself about the karmic associations with Chiron. The Wounded Healer. Able to help and heal everyone else to incredible degrees, knows practically everyone's problems and issues and knows the near perfect solutions and answers to all of them, and yet struggles to heal and help himself with the very same. Suffering so often with hardship after hardship and always learning from such to help others through them. The accuracy of this with me is, well,... painful in exactness. The problem with Chiron's story though, is that he hid away from the world, he shied from help and aid. He never realized that he couldn't heal himself because he needed someone else's help, someone else's guidance. Had he done that, he could've recovered. For the longest time this was also accurate with me until most recently in these past couple of weeks.

Yes I would seek help from the gods, but not in the way that I needed a personal guide like Lerajie. It was never to really heal myself either, it was always about just becoming stronger and more powerful to help others, or getting rid of something minor and insignificant, not knowing the deeper problems that were there. I don't remember who it was, but one member mentioned to me in just one post that I want to help others too much, I'm too in debt to service for everyone else's healing and advancement, and it was just one post, no other like it, but it honestly and admittedly stuck with me and I keep thinking about it. I was unaware of the deeper issues. Lydia's sermon regarding working personally with a demon was a convenience I knew I needed to heed, and it's not an easy road to suddenly let go of that hesitation when all your life you taught yourself you just needed to be more independent and only ever seek help to do this, and I didn't even know who could possibly help me as I didn't know what truly of or how.

Regardless I needed to realize I actually needed somebody to lean on for support in a safe haven so I could actually nurture my development properly in ridding myself of these issues first and foremost, and I can't be more appreciative that Lerajie is the goddess willing to do just that. I was constantly before trying to grow myself in an emotional environment of stress and worry after gaining so much psychic and spiritual power had caused extremes in certain areas over time, and was only tearing myself down and making problems worse. I remember the other day a brief moment of just thinking to myself while working at my job, pondering everything going on, and I noticed how I kept seeking comfort in sound mind to Lerajie's presence and energy even though I wasn't talking to her, I was just randomly 'speaking'/'thinking' out loud. I had a moment of thinking I needed to stop doing that and to cut off how I was putting my attention like that and to just focus on myself under control so my thoughts weren't just being sent off to her constantly, but I heard a very quick and assertive "Stay" respond in my mind and I hesitantly but ultimately refrained. I realized later that probably trying to make effort in doing that would've severed a healthy connection to her or made me focus more on myself in that same level of grounded stability that would've made those blockages and issues surface again.

Usually I would seldom go a night without an exhaustive spiritual problem I would unintentionally bring upon myself, especially when going to bed, but I've actually for the first time had no such issues for a few days since I became aware of working with Lerajie. Last night getting ready to try and wind down for the night, I heard a faint female voice say "Stay away from him", and it was quickly brought to attention that my soul needed more light. I didn't know why and was confused until a few seconds later I felt something malevolent faintly trying to get at me, a bad vibe on the other side of myself basically and noticed invasive and negative thoughts were starting to trickle through. I also actually for the first time ever even predicted in the moment that if I didn't do something I was going to have another scene of emotional debilitation later on in the night, it was as if I literally saw it ahead of me in the course of time like an object or scenery outside of my person and if I didn't do something, I was headed towards it.

I quickly heeded and started empowering my soul and solar chakra with white light and sun energy, brightening myself as much as possible. I didn't realize until I started doing this how emotionally 'down' and dreadful I felt in that my soul was apparently lacking in positive light and power and was dimmed (Lack of light also means negative energy has an easier time getting through because there isn't a strong enough contrast to repel it as an opposite force). After I did this substantially, I felt uplifted and safe again, that feeling of feeling down too and emotionally under the weather was also gone, I felt happier. That never happened to me before in predicting one of those moments, but I was amazed I was able to see and then prevent that, and no, no such negative events ever occurred. I felt happier and able to enjoy my night and slept soundly. It was so strange to be able to do such without an immediate downward spiral of personal disaster and it was actual progress I felt for once in something incredibly real.

Before I had never known what the problems with me were and thought I was just the one to blame and that I was just being stupid all the time in having so little control or what have you, but lately more and more I'm able to attain better peace with both sides of myself combined working with Lerajie, and she's showed me that this self-blame was not the case. The other day in my progressive sessions with her in fixing the issues, I was able to face and do something with my focus and attention that I never could before, something that used to really set me off, I think she might have purposefully brought my attention to it just so I could realize that I am making progress and that what she's teaching me is working. I was so happy and amazed. She keeps teaching me the importance of a positive mind, and now that I think about it, there was a very odd particular day I recall a month back or so where I kept getting 'invasive' thoughts about positive things that made me happy. It was happening left and right quite rapidly in the span of just 5 minutes, recalling playing childhood games that I adored, recalling happy memories of comfort, all the movies I love that incite positive feelings of comfort and safety, the nights where I would relax listening to good music in positivity, the weather I like, the forest, fond memories of tending to my astral temple on a 'sunny' day, tidying up the temple's flower arrangements, enjoying a strawberry cake in peaceful solitude one night in one of the towers. (I should really start spending more time in that temple, it's very grand and expansive in detail, I put a lot of work into it, or at least visit it when I need peace of mind again. If you want to know more about astral temples let me know and on what particular things, I've made more than one in this life time.)

I remember thinking back then for a brief moment if it was some kind of enemy attack, because it was happening out of no where without my control or consent, it was just passive memories and things entering my head. I realize now that it meant something and wasn't just for me to enjoy. It was legit like a rolling shutter sifting through all of things that made me happy and at peace of mind, and they did make me feel very calm and peaceful, very positive, I was actually being shown all of the things that made me happy because I was being told to think about such positive things in times of distress. I mean I knew about thinking positively but I always thought and tried in believing this was just simply to tell myself to say positive, to try and ignore bad thoughts, to affirm just positive words in my head, but I was being directed and signed in how you actually do this. Actually create the emotional and mental environment of comfort and peace, visualize and recall something associated with happiness and positivity,

Lerajie has even guided me to actually distract myself, legit go out of my way to do whatever I can to snap out of connecting to or focusing on something negative. Listening to happy music, quickly throwing on a movie, watching something cute, busying myself with a positive task, anything positive. And I believe in theory by encouraging and using whatever is necessary to enforce the act of snapping out of bad thoughts actually facilitates the ability to do this more easily without such tools over time but while I need them, I need them. I keep being shown more and more that I need to stop trying to do things 'cold turkey' with no tools or support or aid, if I can't do it alone yet or without training wheels then I can't do it alone yet and without training wheels. I keep going back to the idea of children, even in my own posts, you can't force them to do something the 'grown ups' (Gods) can do without first gently nurturing them into building up to it. Children need those training wheels, that safe haven, that support, that guidance, they need the tools like calculators, rulers, toy blocks and legos to help them understand numbers and learn math for instance because that additional aid and tools is what helps build them up. If you try to make them do it without those blocks, calculator or tools of support, they struggle to understand, they don't get it, they don't have anything even remotely relative to base their understanding off of in the first place, so they end up stuck or pressured and stressed.

I always felt ashamed and embarrassed of not being able to do certain things and means of control with myself, I would always tell myself in berating that I have so much power now, I've come so incredibly far, I can manifest a wad of cash for myself in a single day, I can fix and cure genetic disorders of my own body, I healed a chronically damaged spine for crying out loud with biokinesis in 2 months, I can legit figure out and know about so many things, I can manipulate electronics, I can read peoples minds, I can manifest the elements, I can literally explain the quantum astral sciences of spirituality and the soul to people on the forum to the letter among many other things as if I'm some encyclopedia and yet I could hardly know the first thing about how to stop the problems I deal with myself. I'm able to actually do real physical magic at this point, I would tell myself I'm supposed to be able to have full control over every aspect, I'm supposed to be this great and fantastic sorcerer by now and oh I've tried and yet the hardest most difficult thing I've ever had to deal with is myself in so many ways. I would feel embarrassed and ashamed to have to rely on such aid and tools to help myself, always trying to force myself to do things without such 'cold turkey' because I figure I'm supposed to be advanced enough to do so, I'm supposed to be independent of that stuff by now... but Lerajie made me realize the truth.

I was just regressing myself and debilitating real progress. I was just feeding a bad environment of self-image in who I'm supposed to be, always worried I'm not making Satan or Andras proud, concerned about upsetting the gods, afraid of falling or doing something wrong on this path. They are very real beings and we are their very real students and family. I realize now if I need it to be easy, I need it to be easy, I'm not going to nurture development by making things hard and difficult for myself. My whole routine has changed severely in the past month, everything is new and different and completely out of familiar territory, but much more lax and easier territory that I can tend to these matters more effectively.

Anyways that was my spiel.

As for what I saw of Lerajie, I only saw her face up from the shoulders, but if it's of any consolation, when I first tried to visualize and see her appearance I know exactly what you mean by 'coin' dress/skirt, that was what it looked like to me relatively speaking.


A quick note also before I forget, 'Astaroth' prefers to be called Astarte, I believe Astaroth was some enemy corrupted name and personally I don't like the vibe of it myself. Just a casual correction going forward, that's all.


I'll also give a quick run down of the forum type tools since you've been struggling with that for a while.

Placing an image: Copy the url of any image found online, or you can save it and upload it later on a website (I use postimages.org as it doesn't cause your posted images to suddenly go missing later) and then copy the link from there and paste it between the

and you're image will show up visibly in your post.

If you want to make a url link that says something like "source" for instance, you're going to click the URL button and where it says is where you're going to put the li... like 'source' and then cap it off with the ''


and then you'll get your result

Hopefully I explained that well enough, could be simpler. Hope it helps regardless.

 

[Big Dipper]

Regardless I needed to realize I actually needed somebody to lean on for support in a safe haven so I could actually nurture my development properly in ridding myself of these issues first and foremost, and I can't be more appreciative that Lerajie is the goddess willing to do just that.

I've been a satanist for 3 years now and have wasted those 3 years. I was VERY against contacting the gods since I never would understand how busy they are, Plus i wanted no help from anyone, since I passionately hate the feeling of owing someone. It wasn't until a few weeks ago that I was so desperate for help that I contacted lord satan. Ever since then i've felt more like a satanist and I've even been doing more now than I had in 3 years. I even tried to contact lerijae by vibrating her name 40 times and I got nervous and fucked it up. Basically what i did was call her, her probably picking up, and me hanging up lol. I still cringe about doing that. But then, after that I contacted lord satan again asking for a sign of gd and i got one the next day. I'm still so confused on how to get help from the gods, though. I know you can call them by vibrating 40x and a summoning ritual. The thing that confuses me is their sigil. People talk about focusing on their sigil, but what does that do? I know you can contact them that way, but is there some sort of way their energy seeps through it and you envelope yourself in it? I guess i dont understand the meaning of "meditating on the sigil".

 

[Satan_is_our_Father666]

Pretty chatty today, Brother.. I feel bad as I have to be super brief this time, I just finished today's offensive but wanted to reply to you before getting to meditation.

Let's see...

Reading of your experience with Leraje and how you have finally managed to calm yourself down, finding peace to the point getting so good at discerning messages, seeing, 'being' in this place, garden, your astral temple etc, has made me realize this is a problem I have yet to deal with. Calming myself down..

Today, after the initial FRTR (and after reading your reply) I decided I should have dedicated some time to simply try and void myself as best as I could. Void meditation is for me, as I'm sure I said before, probably the hardest thing, whereas others find it easily accomplishable. I try to calm my mind, to focus on silence, to focus on sounds, to focus on Runes and mantras, to focus on sigils, on the image of the Gods I have seen... in the end I can only hold that something up for a fraction of second, and get incredibly mad at myself for feeling such an incompetent idiot.
I decided this is intolerable and unforgivable, that I must absolutely calm my mind to the point of entering a good enough trance, I won't settle for 'decent' anymore, and to HOLD it there for at least half a minute before my concentration falters. This may be hard, or maybe it's easy to some, but I must accomplish at least this, or I feel a lot of what I do, RTRs and warfare aside, is getting me nowhere 'higher'. I don't want that.

Today, I noticed these 'moments' in which, somehow, mostly by trying to focus on a single something, a thought of a place seemed to work best, I would become instantly aware of this silence. This is really hard to explain... I became aware that there was a constant 'hum' within me only because it would momentarily stop for less than a second, and I felt myself... almost locked to the outside, as if my total attention would turn inward, into an abyss that I don't know I own. This is the most specific I can be. This 'noise' would shut up and I would realize there's another state, that I can trigger it at will, but that it's so very hard to get it triggered.

I'm going to work on this after I send this message, hopefully it's not too late as I felt yawns coming up during the rituals as well... fucking sleep.


You mentioned you're Twin Souled, and I'm afraid I have no idea what that means. Some of the problems you have faced, those that seem to stick with you the most, I could observe in myself. I doubt we have too many similitudes but your generic situation sounds somehow familiar to me. Maybe I can understand more about myself as well, who knows. It's always a pleasure to read of your experiences, though. I definitely learned more from you since I joined this forum than from anybody else, except only HP Maxine as she created the most useful website on the entire internet.


The whole "being great at helping other but not knowing how to help yourself"... this strongly resonates with who I am. Truth be told, what I feel I gave others whom I have helped is just the breadcrumbs of much more intricate information, but their perceiving of this as something they wouldn't have reached by themselves certainly has a good amount of satisfaction coming with it. There's that part in 'Alice in Wonderland' that says.. "But that’s just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."
This is why, whenever I can (and I half suspect you do exactly the same as me here), I prefer to write longer posts and make examples and come up with a different angle to analyze a problem. As I type it down and think about it, chances are I'll think of something that can aid me as well. And often, after I clicked submit, I fail to use that advice or hint, forgetting about it until I read it again and wondering why I haven't used such a good idea for myself. Stupid as, really.


Oh, about that... pre-emptive feeling before an attack.. I did that once (two years ago, under constant stress and very much attacked often). This was during what was one of the best voluntary trances I've got myself into.. somehow I managed to follow a vibration and entered this state.. like what I would assume a good hypnotic state is, not that deep but deep enough to feel an mental attack like it was physical.
What happened was that I became immediately aware of entities leeching me. I could literally feel their 'probes' or 'tendrils' brushing against my brain, almost trying to grasp it, or form a grip.. needless to say, I was frightened like I hadn't been in forever, or maybe never before.. more like. I felt powerless for what seemed like minutes, and then I remembered I should have used 'Fire'.. astral Fire obviously. So I created a small conflagration, enveloping these motherfuckers and my paralyzing fear quickly turned into a joy that was almost sadistic. They had it coming, and I realized I could easily scare them off. After a couple minutes, I tried that meditation again, successfully slowing my brain activity (that was the only day I managed such a feat with so little effort) and I felt, probably much like you did, this 'impending' attack. (Remember when you were worried about me getting too close to my infested ex, and I said I was ready for that? This is the event I was talking about.) Unlike what another would have done, however, I decided to let it happen. Crazy, perhaps, but I was sure I could withstand it this time.
So I sat comfortably, almost pretending I didn't know, and when I felt the familiar brushing of 'tendrils' on my brain, I raised that astral Fire to envelop my whole body, not much further than at skin level. I felt the damn things trying their best to connect to my brain again.. failing miserably. They were completely incapable of going forward, even with the advantage of not being flooded with a wave of astral Fire. It reminded me a lot of how an arrogant tall bully would hold a small child's toy above their head and raise the toy when the child's hands were about to grasp it. Same thing here. They couldn't touch me.

Later on, I read of how it's a good method to use Satanic Blue Fire as an excellent deterrent for astral parasites, but I never had that ominous feeling of being directly under attack again. This, due to my immense stupidity, was all my fault as that same year I almost drifted away from Spiritual Satanism.. WHILE I was actually (by following very wrong instructions) trying to get any closer to Satan. It was a bad time.. a lot had happened and a lot of bad things kept happening, so I must have attracted by myself a psychopath that was, in short, very very toxic. After I got rid of that I still attracted my ex, but I was able to keep her at bay and ultimately get rid of her too.

Yes, my relationship choices sucked a lot.

In your case, however, you did very well to stick with Leraje. This time is constellated with attacks and tricks and distractions. We should be careful now like never before, I wouldn't let anything like this happen again (pretty sure I could stand it though, I was at my historical shittiest back then.. now I feel almost the opposite, positive, strong, confident in myself).

I quickly heeded and started empowering my soul and solar chakra with white light and sun energy, brightening myself as much as possible. I didn't realize until I started doing this how emotionally 'down' and dreadful I felt in that my soul was apparently lacking in positive light and power and was dimmed (Lack of light also means negative energy has an easier time getting through because there isn't a strong enough contrast to repel it as an opposite force). After I did this substantially, I felt uplifted and safe again, that feeling of feeling down too and emotionally under the weather was also gone, I felt happier. That never happened to me before in predicting one of those moments, but I was amazed I was able to see and then prevent that, and no, no such negative events ever occurred.

That feels so very much like the experience explained just above. The 'Fire' I used was more similar to your energy (whitest and sun like), instead of the Blue one for defense I read about. Still worked perfectly fine.

If you want to know more about astral temples let me know and on what particular things, I've made more than one in this life time.

I would be delighted to hear all about it actually. I've been really interested in this since I read Lydia's 'Decade' post where she describes her astral temple, and I realized I somehow, for some odd reason, had always read 'temple' but thought of an altar instead... A temple makes a lot more sense. Plus, this feels like some pretty solid Magick if I think of it in Elemental terms. A while ago I realized a beautiful aspect of Elemental Magick (Fire was the case, and I'm sure it would work well for this): that Elemental Magick "stacks", meaning... (I'll give you a stupid example as I mentioned this in my reply to Brother Apprentice) you start by sending enough Fire Element to a victim to raise their overall temperature by 1 Celsius degree. Then a second Fire, and +1 Celsius. Then again, then again, then again... this Fire stacks and from one tiny ember it becomes strong like a small bonfire. The victim will perhaps feel nothing at first, but give it a few times and the effect should be visible enough, at least by their behavior.
Same principle I think would apply well enough with an astral temple. The more it is visited and re-confirmed in its shape, color, substance, location, architecture, etc., the more the astral temple's energy 'thickens' and exists at a stronger frequency, proving more useful.
I wouldn't really know how yet, as I never made one, but I have a good feeling this could turn out very useful. And after today and getting that 'absent noise/hum' feeling while thinking mostly of a place and mentally moving through it, I have excellent expectations. Feel free to take your time with this explanation of course, I'm eager to learn all about it.

I always felt ashamed and embarrassed of not being able to do certain things and means of control with myself, I would always tell myself in berating that I have so much power now, I've come so incredibly far, I can manifest a wad of cash for myself in a single day, I can fix and cure genetic disorders of my own body, I healed a chronically damaged spine for crying out loud with biokinesis in 2 months, I can legit figure out and know about so many things, I can manipulate electronics, I can read peoples minds, I can manifest the elements, I can literally explain the quantum astral sciences of spirituality and the soul to people on the forum to the letter among many other things as if I'm some encyclopedia and yet I could hardly know the first thing about how to stop the problems I deal with myself. I'm able to actually do real physical magic at this point, I would tell myself I'm supposed to be able to have full control over every aspect, I'm supposed to be this great and fantastic sorcerer by now and oh I've tried and yet the hardest most difficult thing I've ever had to deal with is myself in so many ways. I would feel embarrassed and ashamed to have to rely on such aid and tools to help myself, always trying to force myself to do things without such 'cold turkey' because I figure I'm supposed to be advanced enough to do so, I'm supposed to be independent of that stuff by now... but Lerajie made me realize the truth.

You sound really advanced, Brother, and it's certainly good that you can already do so much for yourself, but you shouldn't feel ashamed that you need 'training wheels'. It's possible that you have just pushed yourself over a higher ledge before you felt truly comfortable with your current set of skills and level, I assume because you felt you were ready for more.. and perhaps you are, but in your effort to try more advanced things you probably decided your current training at the previous 'level was already more than satisfactory, so you pushed forward. Your distress with your current situation may, in fact, just prove that.. so there's literally no reason for feeling the slightest shame about taking a couple steps back in order to understand completely the things you have missed on your way here.
You can still return to your next steps as soon as you feel no reason to remain at the level you righteously took up again, when you feel confident that you're lacking no preparation at all. And with skills like those you have mentioned and who knows what else you can do (needless to say, I'll just remind you not to disclose them here.. like I foolishly did as soon as I joined the forum and someone asked) I have no doubt you'll soon enough be way readier than you have considered yourself in the past. Your growth doesn't cease to surprise me, honestly.

As for what I saw of Lerajie, I only saw her face up from the shoulders, but if it's of any consolation, when I first tried to visualize and see her appearance I know exactly what you mean by 'coin' dress/skirt, that was what it looked like to me relatively speaking.

Glad you confirmed this. I always feel a little 'improper' when I mention her wearing something that looked to me like a bikini (indeed made of golden coins/chainmail).. it did surprise me the first time actually. I should really try to get to see her again. Time is really not so much these days between work, the house and the offensives. I barely make time for Yoga and meditations.

And thank you for letting me know about Astarte. I like that name better too. I was thanking the Gods after a FRTR and when I reached Astaroth something felt wrong, like I was saying it wrong.. when I corrected it to Astarte it felt sweeter, gentler, like she would appreciate it.

And you're a lifesaver.... I just recently figured out (thanks to Big Dipper) how to insert images. The whole 'source' link stuff.. I'll eventually give it a try too, but perhaps Void meditation is easier.

Always a pleasure to read from you. Looking forward to know about the astral temples. Think I really, really need one now.

Hail Father Satan Forever!