I made a post a few days ago talking about my trauma my divorce, the terrible things that drove me away from satanism into xianity. The truth about me and I'm being fully honest is this. I've been drawn to satanism and Satan from Early age and I mean childhood I used to ask my very Christan parents, if Satan was good and told them maybe the Bible was wrong, and he was good all along, they would always laugh about it and tell me that's not true they got mad at me for asking those questions and I was read the Bible a lot to prove their point. I do love my parents. So I'm not trying to jab at them they don't know anything better than what they've been taught their entire lives. Moving past that, I was always drawn to the occult. When I first got my own computer at age 12 I was searching info about it. Eventually my searching led me to a Angel Fire website, I can't quite remember the name of the first website I looked at, but it had a lot of stuff and teachings from joy of Satan and referenced it a lot. But there was some things I didn't understand on the website so I decided to see joy of Satan for myself. I was always deeply afraid of my parents finding out so I always cleaned my history. I did the dedication at age 14 in March. It's written in my book. I was doing everything, all those meditations to be in Satan's army I was dedicated but emotional trauma I went through corrupted my mind and thoughts I became afraid of everything I used to do, thinking it was responsible for the pain I was going through I know that's wrong.. But at the time I wasn't myself. I had lot of xian beliefs and fears put in me by my parents and from the books my mom gave me to help me get through my pain. Those fears keep coming out as I try to get back in. I feel afraid like, what if I'm wrong, what if I'm right? Will I go to good hell or the bad xian hell? Am I doing the right thing by going back? I got out of my ex husbands abusive clutches and got my own home to live in. My mom says God blessed me and took me to my new home. I feel what if she's right and I lose all the good things I've got going for me if I go back or what if I'll have bad stuff happen again.. , listen, guys, I'm just a tortured soul currently torn in the middle, afraid of what might happen or what might not happen, I need some guidance I'm trying my best.. But it's really hard I'm really afraid I know that's weakness but it's truly coming from a deep place of pain.. I don't want to ever go through again. It's making this a hard challenge but I'm here I'm trying I talked to Satan he gave me this beautiful feeling but soon after I got afraid and had negative thoughts,
what should I do right now, medications hard when you're having this kind of doubt and worry. Satan is there I felt it but any time I get close negative thoughts pull me away what I need is a guide of what steps a person with my kind of emotional pain needs to go through to heal and to get back in to this. I want to let go and trust fully in this and in Satan I'm just trying to ditch these bad thoughts so I can. I need some positivity. Can you guys tell me good things that have happened to you and positive stories of how you've grown. The last person who replied to my last post gave me hope that I can be forgiven for what I did and move forward so now I am, but I'm being held back and I need to cut off what's holding me back
what should I do right now, medications hard when you're having this kind of doubt and worry. Satan is there I felt it but any time I get close negative thoughts pull me away what I need is a guide of what steps a person with my kind of emotional pain needs to go through to heal and to get back in to this. I want to let go and trust fully in this and in Satan I'm just trying to ditch these bad thoughts so I can. I need some positivity. Can you guys tell me good things that have happened to you and positive stories of how you've grown. The last person who replied to my last post gave me hope that I can be forgiven for what I did and move forward so now I am, but I'm being held back and I need to cut off what's holding me back