sublimesatanist
Active member
I'm sorry everyone for asking the same thing just about every new person asks, not to mention the fact that I'm not really new.
I'm 31 and I've been going through a lot this past year. I've done a lot of meditation on and off, yet the only thing I end up doing is cleaning, protection, RTRs and (sometime) working on opening chakras.
I feel at a point now where I'm quite frustrated with myself for letting myself sort-of go because of potentially incurable health problems to the gut. This was due to an emergency surgery during my birth.
That being said, I've got my X-ray and a meeting with a doctor soon. I've been working on myself a lot lately. I stopped going to the bar completely which has been very hard because I have friends there who I like to sing karaoke with. The reason for me has been due to cannabis and a constant falling back into things that are harmful to me.
I'd like to transform myself as much as I can and make sure I stay on that path. I can't tell you guys how challenging depression can be and how it affects our subconscious and (by extent) our actions. There is a part of me that wishes to be dead and to be free from all the pain and unfairness in this world. It becomes very hard to have a positive mind when your someone like me; a person who cannot stop thinking and contemplating all things and who seeks to understand the root of all those things.
I tend to be overly-analytical and black and white about literally all things in my life and I often cannot accept 'grey' areas or things in-between. I feel that this mindset combined with my depression has a compounding affect. It like if one thing goes wrong, all things tend to go to chaos.
Anyway... whatever you've got (maybe some good runes or a rosary, anything) would be so much appreciated. I get major anxiety looking through the meditations page and trying to figure out what's best for me at any given time, hence why I tend to focus on energy-breathing and opening chakras.
I'm 31 and I've been going through a lot this past year. I've done a lot of meditation on and off, yet the only thing I end up doing is cleaning, protection, RTRs and (sometime) working on opening chakras.
I feel at a point now where I'm quite frustrated with myself for letting myself sort-of go because of potentially incurable health problems to the gut. This was due to an emergency surgery during my birth.
That being said, I've got my X-ray and a meeting with a doctor soon. I've been working on myself a lot lately. I stopped going to the bar completely which has been very hard because I have friends there who I like to sing karaoke with. The reason for me has been due to cannabis and a constant falling back into things that are harmful to me.
I'd like to transform myself as much as I can and make sure I stay on that path. I can't tell you guys how challenging depression can be and how it affects our subconscious and (by extent) our actions. There is a part of me that wishes to be dead and to be free from all the pain and unfairness in this world. It becomes very hard to have a positive mind when your someone like me; a person who cannot stop thinking and contemplating all things and who seeks to understand the root of all those things.
I tend to be overly-analytical and black and white about literally all things in my life and I often cannot accept 'grey' areas or things in-between. I feel that this mindset combined with my depression has a compounding affect. It like if one thing goes wrong, all things tend to go to chaos.
Anyway... whatever you've got (maybe some good runes or a rosary, anything) would be so much appreciated. I get major anxiety looking through the meditations page and trying to figure out what's best for me at any given time, hence why I tend to focus on energy-breathing and opening chakras.