This is a lonely road

[Azorm]

I have walked all my life alone pretty much. I was trying to have friends and something more, constantly failing over and over again. I always was thinking - this is the day when I will give up. Lies. I would get up and keep walking. Getting ruined again and again... I'm not even sure why I'm like that, most of people would give up really early after they would notice that something is wrong, but not me. I tried to be better every day, to be a better person, to be a better Satanist, to make the Gods proud.

Since I dedicated before almost a decade I keep walking this lonely road, where I barely could feel anyone really close to me. I wasn't really alone, but it felt more like few alien bodies are near me sometimes with barely any connection to me. I open my mouths and try to "talk" or whatever that was supposed to be, and then they talk something back and we then just look at each other confused. Yeah, let's try talking so we can understand each other, in the end we just want to kill each other...

I feel like am invisible, like a really powerful spirit so when I walk into the room they all stare at something, but they have no idea what the fuck is going on. Then some of them try to communicate with this bizzare being but they see and hear just tiny parts of it. Then add the enemy and enemy curses and here we go. They all just want to harm me then or they are too scared to talk to me ever again. I wonder what would happen if I ever opened myself properly to them, like I always would say just 5% parts of my thoughts and even those would mostly dissapear somewhere and would get twisted in their mind.

Normies always just made me trouble. Then I was like, oh let's then try to be more social with SS. Trouble again. So, I'm assuming I must be alone most of the time again. Not sure at all how I'm supposed to be close to anybody or how to be part of anything. I have *b retrogrades, I keep being slow in revealing myself to the outer world so to say. Then add Saturn in *** house and here we go. Feels like most of my energy and my all is blocked behind some odd barriers, trapped inside of me. No way to express yourself properly and to have normal friends, no way to exist fully in material and for others (hard to find a proper job, hard to earn money or to gain any respect) , no way to enjoy anything at all or to make any succes in life until you are in your 30ies. I'm really pissed off at how I'm not allowed to what I'm supposed to be and to relax and just to be myself. No matter how much I'm trying I'm being misunderstood and trapped inside of myself and inside of my 4 walls. The moment I try something is the moment people will go on a witch hunt on me and some crazy stuff will happen, and I will be forced to be isolated and trapped again. It's so dangerous for a dedicated Satanist to just be what she/he is and to let others to see it even when they can show off themselves more properly than me. I mean, yeah always try to have friends if you can, but for some of us that is harder than for others.

Can we really be happy with the enemy around? Hardly. Enemy is the biggest reason why are you unhappy and alone. Then, you also need to understand you are making some mistakes there and there, shit happens. We need to free ourselves from the enemy too.

Looking at my natal chart I don't think anyways I can be part of this group or part of anything. I'm supposed to be nice and humble and to beat myself over and over again over every single shit, to constantly worry about others and to help them to the point I will be ruined always. That's not a nice life to live. I want to also sometimes get something in return and to be happy. What is happening to me is that I am constantly worried about everybody and everything and I'm being stubborn as fuck. I don't know when is the time to give up. I didn't wanted to be alone and I didn't wanted to stop being nice. Just help him, help her and then get smacked in the face hard as a return only to get them apologize to me later, to chase me for years asking me to forgive them. Oh the hell with that. Enough helping anybody anymore. I know some people telling me to help myself first, fine, actually, from now on I will just take care of myself. I want to hurt and kill everybody at this point.

Before 2 days something happened to me as a result of a cleaning and big chunk of dirt came from me and I felt relief. I felt free and I had no fears of being alone and being isolated and then it happened. My aura started being black and my chakras too. Suddenly it feels like I am most evil person in the universe. I hope this will not last for too long, not sure how to remove so much dirt from me at once, it might take time. This is most dangerous phase for me and for others since I carried this in me and decided to make some progress finally but it seems it will not be nice at all. I understand that enemy is ruining my all, and it will be hard now.

I realized also that I never could fit in anywhere and that most of my pain is a product of not being able to fit in anywhere. Having psychic gifts all my life never helped me. People like me usually can't have normal life anyways and barely can talk with others. Idk why I thought I can get away from some things. I am having some of my psychic gifts removed right now as I am writing this. I might ask the Gods to remove or block most of them for some time, until it's safer and until i don't find a way to use them somewhere where they will actually be needed. Tbh, I just want to be normal at this point. I'm not even sure do I want them. It's too troublesome. Gods were nice to me and gave me some of them and worked with me, but I don't think that's for me.

Anyways, idk what to do anymore. I need to clean this all from me and to calm down first but..usually whenever I go I am just a nuisance and a retard and it's a fact. This is not an attention whoring. I made too much drama already, I'm just going through something and I am thinking of having my acc deleted as I don't see myself being of any help to anyone. Most likely I am as good as the enemy now. I'm intended to be somewhere else I think. I will finally try to get a decent job and maybe to move to a nicer country. I guess I should be lonely a little bit more until we don't fix some things and until I don't find a way to fix some of my problems. Ofc, you all are free to call me a troll and deluded arrogant idiot, I don't think I can have anything nicer when trying to be near others anyways. Maybe one day I will be happy. It's time to see what can I do to make it happen. I will try Munka again to free my karma from some bullshit soon. No more forums for me nor any groups, that would be the best for us all in my opinion, it's too hard for me to be part of anything and I really need to add even more cleaning.

I know that there are many people similar to me and that it is rough often and that they are lonely, but I'm sure that later it will be okay..somehow..

Sorry for all the drama and trouble.

 

[Eric13]

Sounds like mindset troubles. You got to work towards more positive thinking. Also, clean frequently your aura and chakras. And if thoughts get dark, cover yourself in the ether element. The ‘black light’ color. This can reveal if these thoughts originate from you or are exacerbated by the enemy.

Munka, other workings, etc to remove hangups and blocks. You don’t have to be alone. That’s nihilistic thinking. Like this path means you must be alone. It’s not true.

 

[Azorm]

Sounds like mindset troubles. You got to work towards more positive thinking. Also, clean frequently your aura and chakras. And if thoughts get dark, cover yourself in the ether element. The ‘black light’ color. This can reveal if these thoughts originate from you or are exacerbated by the enemy.

Munka, other workings, etc to remove hangups and blocks. You don’t have to be alone. That’s nihilistic thinking. Like this path means you must be alone. It’s not true.

That is interesting what you mentioned. Before few days I started thinking I might have some issues with nihilism because I was hanging out with some similar people, I'm afraid it done something to me. I'm finding all that idea about nihilism absurd, but for some reason it seems my emotions and thoughts are severely fucked up and tend to follow nihilistic way of thoughts. Who would say that, I always made fun of those people lol.

Just in few days I think it should be better tho, I'm working on it.

Btw, I'm aware we shouldn't be alone, it's just that I personally can't see myself being too social right now... Many people struggle with similar issues, it's not that unusual at all.

Mind you tell me little bit more? If you have time. I would like to hear your opinion.

 

[Eric13]

Well maybe look into your astro transits as well. Could be why you’re feeling antisocial. Bad Saturn placements, possibly or other things. Sun square can be used to negate it and clean. As well Jupiter is well placed for quick squares to bring optimism to your life atm.

Otherwise, of course it’s common for us to feel estranged and alone from time to time, but the problem is it becomes a hole. People fall in and can’t get out. The mindset, they feel they deserve to be alone and it comes with the job. But no, instead, use it to move you forward. When utilized properly tumultuous times can give us our greatest strength. No one wants to be struggling and we have the means to get ourselves out of it. So use the spiritual tools we are shown and climb out of that hole. When you’re up here and can see the light of the sun, you’ll be better off. It takes time and patience, but everyday make progress.

As well, if you haven’t, remove yourself from toxic people. No matter what, we’re effected by those we’re around for better or worse. You have to put YOUR health first. Even if it’s hard, toxic ties must be severed.

 

[Poweredbythesun]

We are all part of the House of Satan, remember that.

No matter if you miss a day and have to restart, no matter if you feel you're alone, or can't connect with others. Keep carrying on and moving forward, this is a tough path and it is made so to weed out the weak and those who are not ready.

And on being lonely, if you don't have much close family it may be wise to make friends with people who have similar interests? Or perhaps your succubus or incubus if you have one?


It'll get better not too much further down the road, just look at how the Jews 'Empire' is crumbling. And from only 5~ years of RTRs done by tens (maybe hundreds) of thousands of people a day.

 

[Ignisalas]

I have walked all my life alone pretty much. I was trying to have friends and something more, constantly failing over and over again. I always was thinking - this is the day when I will give up. Lies. I would get up and keep walking. Getting ruined again and again... I'm not even sure why I'm like that, most of people would give up really early after they would notice that something is wrong, but not me. I tried to be better every day, to be a better person, to be a better Satanist, to make the Gods proud.

Since I dedicated before almost a decade I keep walking this lonely road, where I barely could feel anyone really close to me. I wasn't really alone, but it felt more like few alien bodies are near me sometimes with barely any connection to me. I open my mouths and try to "talk" or whatever that was supposed to be, and then they talk something back and we then just look at each other confused. Yeah, let's try talking so we can understand each other, in the end we just want to kill each other...

I feel like am invisible, like a really powerful spirit so when I walk into the room they all stare at something, but they have no idea what the fuck is going on. Then some of them try to communicate with this bizzare being but they see and hear just tiny parts of it. Then add the enemy and enemy curses and here we go. They all just want to harm me then or they are too scared to talk to me ever again. I wonder what would happen if I ever opened myself properly to them, like I always would say just 5% parts of my thoughts and even those would mostly dissapear somewhere and would get twisted in their mind.

Normies always just made me trouble. Then I was like, oh let's then try to be more social with SS. Trouble again. So, I'm assuming I must be alone most of the time again. Not sure at all how I'm supposed to be close to anybody or how to be part of anything. I have *b retrogrades, I keep being slow in revealing myself to the outer world so to say. Then add Saturn in *** house and here we go. Feels like most of my energy and my all is blocked behind some odd barriers, trapped inside of me. No way to express yourself properly and to have normal friends, no way to exist fully in material and for others (hard to find a proper job, hard to earn money or to gain any respect) , no way to enjoy anything at all or to make any succes in life until you are in your 30ies. I'm really pissed off at how I'm not allowed to what I'm supposed to be and to relax and just to be myself. No matter how much I'm trying I'm being misunderstood and trapped inside of myself and inside of my 4 walls. The moment I try something is the moment people will go on a witch hunt on me and some crazy stuff will happen, and I will be forced to be isolated and trapped again. It's so dangerous for a dedicated Satanist to just be what she/he is and to let others to see it even when they can show off themselves more properly than me. I mean, yeah always try to have friends if you can, but for some of us that is harder than for others.

Can we really be happy with the enemy around? Hardly. Enemy is the biggest reason why are you unhappy and alone. Then, you also need to understand you are making some mistakes there and there, shit happens. We need to free ourselves from the enemy too.

Looking at my natal chart I don't think anyways I can be part of this group or part of anything. I'm supposed to be nice and humble and to beat myself over and over again over every single shit, to constantly worry about others and to help them to the point I will be ruined always. That's not a nice life to live. I want to also sometimes get something in return and to be happy. What is happening to me is that I am constantly worried about everybody and everything and I'm being stubborn as fuck. I don't know when is the time to give up. I didn't wanted to be alone and I didn't wanted to stop being nice. Just help him, help her and then get smacked in the face hard as a return only to get them apologize to me later, to chase me for years asking me to forgive them. Oh the hell with that. Enough helping anybody anymore. I know some people telling me to help myself first, fine, actually, from now on I will just take care of myself. I want to hurt and kill everybody at this point.

Before 2 days something happened to me as a result of a cleaning and big chunk of dirt came from me and I felt relief. I felt free and I had no fears of being alone and being isolated and then it happened. My aura started being black and my chakras too. Suddenly it feels like I am most evil person in the universe. I hope this will not last for too long, not sure how to remove so much dirt from me at once, it might take time. This is most dangerous phase for me and for others since I carried this in me and decided to make some progress finally but it seems it will not be nice at all. I understand that enemy is ruining my all, and it will be hard now.

I realized also that I never could fit in anywhere and that most of my pain is a product of not being able to fit in anywhere. Having psychic gifts all my life never helped me. People like me usually can't have normal life anyways and barely can talk with others. Idk why I thought I can get away from some things. I am having some of my psychic gifts removed right now as I am writing this. I might ask the Gods to remove or block most of them for some time, until it's safer and until i don't find a way to use them somewhere where they will actually be needed. Tbh, I just want to be normal at this point. I'm not even sure do I want them. It's too troublesome. Gods were nice to me and gave me some of them and worked with me, but I don't think that's for me.

Anyways, idk what to do anymore. I need to clean this all from me and to calm down first but..usually whenever I go I am just a nuisance and a retard and it's a fact. This is not an attention whoring. I made too much drama already, I'm just going through something and I am thinking of having my acc deleted as I don't see myself being of any help to anyone. Most likely I am as good as the enemy now. I'm intended to be somewhere else I think. I will finally try to get a decent job and maybe to move to a nicer country. I guess I should be lonely a little bit more until we don't fix some things and until I don't find a way to fix some of my problems. Ofc, you all are free to call me a troll and deluded arrogant idiot, I don't think I can have anything nicer when trying to be near others anyways. Maybe one day I will be happy. It's time to see what can I do to make it happen. I will try Munka again to free my karma from some bullshit soon. No more forums for me nor any groups, that would be the best for us all in my opinion, it's too hard for me to be part of anything and I really need to add even more cleaning.

I know that there are many people similar to me and that it is rough often and that they are lonely, but I'm sure that later it will be okay..somehow..

Sorry for all the drama and trouble.

Yeah, other people have issues and problems. My major problem was that I could never seem to get anything right while on this path and I seem so damn selfish and things all the time. All I wanted was to be able to clearly see and speak to the gods and work with them, and then maybe i'll feel whole.

To see someone wanting to have their psychic gifts taken away is kinda offensive to people like me who cant focus and meditate properly and be able to open up and have those kind of gifts.
You always talked about your retrograde Saturn, well guess what? Ive seen 2 other people with Saturn in the same position as yours, and those people are billionaires. So I don't know why you always are so down and depressed and you keep talking about dirt on your aura or chakras. For someone like you it should be easy to deal with. And also your money issues should be nonexistent.
I wish I had a Saturn in the same position as yours, then I wouldn't have posted anything negative on the forums and I would be mostly happy in life.

I don't want to make this seem like a hateful reply because its not. I do care for other people and I cant stand to see another SS go through depression and things, because I know exactly what it feels like to feel alone and sad all the time.
Sometimes the sadness overshadows the good and makes a person feel evil on the inside and makes them into a cold person. You're probably feeling that right now, and trust me, that's happening to me right now as well, and its a big problem ive had over the years.
Its created a bad dilemma in me I guess you could say. I don't know if I should stay a good person and help other people or if I should just turn into a selfish and evil person and take everything I need and wanted from everyone.
For me, its mostly caused by poverty, and an absolute sad and chaotic life.
But im still trying to hold on to my faith in Satan and the Gods and stay a good and helpful person. Its rough on me though.
But here you are and your someone whos close to the gods and someone who can easily speak with them and ask them for help, but your talking about getting rid of your psychic gifts and things and its just wrong.

You left a reply to my other post on the forums and left some pretty harsh and nasty comments there, while I was also going through depression and rough times, and that really makes someone feel even worse.
I deleted my protonmail account because I didn't feel like talking to you anymore after that.
Maybe I should make a new account and try talking with you some more, maybe try and help you out of this depression, loneliness and confusion that sadly a lot of SS go through.
Im pushing all the bad feelings and stuff to the side this one time and trying to remain friends with you, but whether or not that happens, its your choice. I was never a bad person and I didn't deserve the bad comments. I was only going through harsh times like your going through right now.

 

[Azorm]

I have walked all my life alone pretty much. I was trying to have friends and something more, constantly failing over and over again. I always was thinking - this is the day when I will give up. Lies. I would get up and keep walking. Getting ruined again and again... I'm not even sure why I'm like that, most of people would give up really early after they would notice that something is wrong, but not me. I tried to be better every day, to be a better person, to be a better Satanist, to make the Gods proud.

Since I dedicated before almost a decade I keep walking this lonely road, where I barely could feel anyone really close to me. I wasn't really alone, but it felt more like few alien bodies are near me sometimes with barely any connection to me. I open my mouths and try to "talk" or whatever that was supposed to be, and then they talk something back and we then just look at each other confused. Yeah, let's try talking so we can understand each other, in the end we just want to kill each other...

I feel like am invisible, like a really powerful spirit so when I walk into the room they all stare at something, but they have no idea what the fuck is going on. Then some of them try to communicate with this bizzare being but they see and hear just tiny parts of it. Then add the enemy and enemy curses and here we go. They all just want to harm me then or they are too scared to talk to me ever again. I wonder what would happen if I ever opened myself properly to them, like I always would say just 5% parts of my thoughts and even those would mostly dissapear somewhere and would get twisted in their mind.

Normies always just made me trouble. Then I was like, oh let's then try to be more social with SS. Trouble again. So, I'm assuming I must be alone most of the time again. Not sure at all how I'm supposed to be close to anybody or how to be part of anything. I have *b retrogrades, I keep being slow in revealing myself to the outer world so to say. Then add Saturn in *** house and here we go. Feels like most of my energy and my all is blocked behind some odd barriers, trapped inside of me. No way to express yourself properly and to have normal friends, no way to exist fully in material and for others (hard to find a proper job, hard to earn money or to gain any respect) , no way to enjoy anything at all or to make any succes in life until you are in your 30ies. I'm really pissed off at how I'm not allowed to what I'm supposed to be and to relax and just to be myself. No matter how much I'm trying I'm being misunderstood and trapped inside of myself and inside of my 4 walls. The moment I try something is the moment people will go on a witch hunt on me and some crazy stuff will happen, and I will be forced to be isolated and trapped again. It's so dangerous for a dedicated Satanist to just be what she/he is and to let others to see it even when they can show off themselves more properly than me. I mean, yeah always try to have friends if you can, but for some of us that is harder than for others.

Can we really be happy with the enemy around? Hardly. Enemy is the biggest reason why are you unhappy and alone. Then, you also need to understand you are making some mistakes there and there, shit happens. We need to free ourselves from the enemy too.

Looking at my natal chart I don't think anyways I can be part of this group or part of anything. I'm supposed to be nice and humble and to beat myself over and over again over every single shit, to constantly worry about others and to help them to the point I will be ruined always. That's not a nice life to live. I want to also sometimes get something in return and to be happy. What is happening to me is that I am constantly worried about everybody and everything and I'm being stubborn as fuck. I don't know when is the time to give up. I didn't wanted to be alone and I didn't wanted to stop being nice. Just help him, help her and then get smacked in the face hard as a return only to get them apologize to me later, to chase me for years asking me to forgive them. Oh the hell with that. Enough helping anybody anymore. I know some people telling me to help myself first, fine, actually, from now on I will just take care of myself. I want to hurt and kill everybody at this point.

Before 2 days something happened to me as a result of a cleaning and big chunk of dirt came from me and I felt relief. I felt free and I had no fears of being alone and being isolated and then it happened. My aura started being black and my chakras too. Suddenly it feels like I am most evil person in the universe. I hope this will not last for too long, not sure how to remove so much dirt from me at once, it might take time. This is most dangerous phase for me and for others since I carried this in me and decided to make some progress finally but it seems it will not be nice at all. I understand that enemy is ruining my all, and it will be hard now.

I realized also that I never could fit in anywhere and that most of my pain is a product of not being able to fit in anywhere. Having psychic gifts all my life never helped me. People like me usually can't have normal life anyways and barely can talk with others. Idk why I thought I can get away from some things. I am having some of my psychic gifts removed right now as I am writing this. I might ask the Gods to remove or block most of them for some time, until it's safer and until i don't find a way to use them somewhere where they will actually be needed. Tbh, I just want to be normal at this point. I'm not even sure do I want them. It's too troublesome. Gods were nice to me and gave me some of them and worked with me, but I don't think that's for me.

Anyways, idk what to do anymore. I need to clean this all from me and to calm down first but..usually whenever I go I am just a nuisance and a retard and it's a fact. This is not an attention whoring. I made too much drama already, I'm just going through something and I am thinking of having my acc deleted as I don't see myself being of any help to anyone. Most likely I am as good as the enemy now. I'm intended to be somewhere else I think. I will finally try to get a decent job and maybe to move to a nicer country. I guess I should be lonely a little bit more until we don't fix some things and until I don't find a way to fix some of my problems. Ofc, you all are free to call me a troll and deluded arrogant idiot, I don't think I can have anything nicer when trying to be near others anyways. Maybe one day I will be happy. It's time to see what can I do to make it happen. I will try Munka again to free my karma from some bullshit soon. No more forums for me nor any groups, that would be the best for us all in my opinion, it's too hard for me to be part of anything and I really need to add even more cleaning.

I know that there are many people similar to me and that it is rough often and that they are lonely, but I'm sure that later it will be okay..somehow..

Sorry for all the drama and trouble.

Yeah, other people have issues and problems. My major problem was that I could never seem to get anything right while on this path and I seem so damn selfish and things all the time. All I wanted was to be able to clearly see and speak to the gods and work with them, and then maybe i'll feel whole.

To see someone wanting to have their psychic gifts taken away is kinda offensive to people like me who cant focus and meditate properly and be able to open up and have those kind of gifts.
You always talked about your retrograde Saturn, well guess what? Ive seen 2 other people with Saturn in the same position as yours, and those people are billionaires. So I don't know why you always are so down and depressed and you keep talking about dirt on your aura or chakras. For someone like you it should be easy to deal with. And also your money issues should be nonexistent.
I wish I had a Saturn in the same position as yours, then I wouldn't have posted anything negative on the forums and I would be mostly happy in life.

I don't want to make this seem like a hateful reply because its not. I do care for other people and I cant stand to see another SS go through depression and things, because I know exactly what it feels like to feel alone and sad all the time.
Sometimes the sadness overshadows the good and makes a person feel evil on the inside and makes them into a cold person. You're probably feeling that right now, and trust me, that's happening to me right now as well, and its a big problem ive had over the years.
Its created a bad dilemma in me I guess you could say. I don't know if I should stay a good person and help other people or if I should just turn into a selfish and evil person and take everything I need and wanted from everyone.
For me, its mostly caused by poverty, and an absolute sad and chaotic life.
But im still trying to hold on to my faith in Satan and the Gods and stay a good and helpful person. Its rough on me though.
But here you are and your someone whos close to the gods and someone who can easily speak with them and ask them for help, but your talking about getting rid of your psychic gifts and things and its just wrong.

You left a reply to my other post on the forums and left some pretty harsh and nasty comments there, while I was also going through depression and rough times, and that really makes someone feel even worse.
I deleted my protonmail account because I didn't feel like talking to you anymore after that.
Maybe I should make a new account and try talking with you some more, maybe try and help you out of this depression, loneliness and confusion that sadly a lot of SS go through.
Im pushing all the bad feelings and stuff to the side this one time and trying to remain friends with you, but whether or not that happens, its your choice. I was never a bad person and I didn't deserve the bad comments. I was only going through harsh times like your going through right now.

I was harsh because I just wanted you to stop quitting the meditations. It's simple. I can't stand your pain all the time, I'm really sensitive when I get close to somebody, i want them to at least keep trying, not to give up all the time.

I want my gifts to be taken away from me because for a human it's too dangerous to have any and will most likely destroy them and others as well. And then you must be super careful with others and you might get attacked and that all.

I will have money, but not now, I have retrogrades. That is something that must wait. Some other things too.

We can talk if you want to, but you need to understand that I hate to watch somebody destroying themselves and not even bothering to meditate at all. It can make me feel evil.

And please, don't reveal more of my planets here as enemy hates me enough already.

 

[Azorm]

Well maybe look into your astro transits as well. Could be why you’re feeling antisocial. Bad Saturn placements, possibly or other things. Sun square can be used to negate it and clean. As well Jupiter is well placed for quick squares to bring optimism to your life atm.

Otherwise, of course it’s common for us to feel estranged and alone from time to time, but the problem is it becomes a hole. People fall in and can’t get out. The mindset, they feel they deserve to be alone and it comes with the job. But no, instead, use it to move you forward. When utilized properly tumultuous times can give us our greatest strength. No one wants to be struggling and we have the means to get ourselves out of it. So use the spiritual tools we are shown and climb out of that hole. When you’re up here and can see the light of the sun, you’ll be better off. It takes time and patience, but everyday make progress.

As well, if you haven’t, remove yourself from toxic people. No matter what, we’re effected by those we’re around for better or worse. You have to put YOUR health first. Even if it’s hard, toxic ties must be severed.

Okay Eric, I will listen to you then. I just listen to my main GD usually not gonna lie, I tend to be really stubborn, so this is weird. I like something about you. I could listen to you for hours almost. I think you are right about some things, I will see what I can do... Thank you for your advices.

 

[Azorm]

We are all part of the House of Satan, remember that.

No matter if you miss a day and have to restart, no matter if you feel you're alone, or can't connect with others. Keep carrying on and moving forward, this is a tough path and it is made so to weed out the weak and those who are not ready.

And on being lonely, if you don't have much close family it may be wise to make friends with people who have similar interests? Or perhaps your succubus or incubus if you have one?


It'll get better not too much further down the road, just look at how the Jews 'Empire' is crumbling. And from only 5~ years of RTRs done by tens (maybe hundreds) of thousands of people a day.

I'm mostly afraid I will just keep hurting others and they will keep hurting me. Not sure anymore how to be part of anything but it should be better later. Umm I do have someone to be close with, but I'm really feeling bad lately about it all, like I should just walk away from everyone...
Oh well..Thank you for your reply, I will be okay

 

[darkmonkey666]

I have walked alone all my life pretty much even before I was into Satanism I never once had my friends I did anything with all my school years from school itself when I did try to do anything I did not enjoy it that much and when I tried I felt like I just could not relate to people. So you are not alone in this. It should motivate you to advance and do spiritual warfare. So many people are stuck living boring meaningless empty lives do you want to be part of that or do you want to only have a couple friends who understand you somewhat maybe and have more time for meditation. It takes kind of if you want to be happy finding joy in the little things of life. While everyone else is so unhappy and complaining about everything be glad in what you have and the simple things of life while everyone is struggling and stuck in a materialist strive for money and struggling to make ends meet you will know you can make ends meet and be happy. If you don't think like the Normies you never will have their problems I realized this when I came across a post on Reddit about the cost of living being so high there were people struggling to make ends meet and save and have much claiming they were making over 100k a year. One of us Satanists would be a millionaire by now if we made that kind of money. Look at the negativity a lot of the worlds problems are in their programming. If you want so much not to be alone that you don't discriminate in your friends you and anyone who does this will suffer for it. You should not and cannot be nice to everyone stand up for yourself. If you choose to think negatively even after being shown the truth 100 times you are at fault for your own suffering and no one has any sympathy for you anymore. We are the elites of the world the king's and queens of tommorow the prophets of the New World Order (that little line was placed into my head awhile ago I like it a lot) we are the change that the world desperately needs. Those who are successful in any system don't have the negative programming no matter what they believe or if they are on our side or the enemy side doesn't matter. It is literally impossible for anyone to have a good life and be successful with negative programming they will always suffer. In the end it's YOUR fault if you suffer. You think the enemy wasted time with negative thinking no they program it on everyone else and know the truth. So don't think negative and you won't suffer. You can also have friends who accept you. If not where you live then online somehow. There are not all bad people in the world but if you think bad about that you will only further attract people that won't let you be yourself. You told me awhile back you put up some kind of thing around you to turn people off from you at one point and also with your thinking on this both work against you there are other ways to deflect certain kinds of people from you but you are doing it with everyone. So if you want to fix this fix that and make it more specific I know you do NOT want any traumas and stuff neither do I but you got to try and tweak it so not everyone is turned off or you will keep having these problems. I remember that when we were talking on here back then you said something about that.

Just please be very careful when making friends remain detached don't connect to people until you know they are your friend don't let yourself get hurt be safe and do a working to attract an SS into your life if there is a real one offline near you that may work. I have been having luck way more so recently in how people have treated me cause I am changing my programming. I am also helping someone with the same problem as you right now I will show her what you said here this is very odd I think to be honest. I will try to have her contact you when she's ready idk( I want her to see the groups first though) soon I remember your email since there are others who have been through a lot of trauma like you and it might be nice to talk to someone who understands. Btw what you said on here is kind of her thinking a lot too due to similar problems.

I was thinking like this for awhile but notice I didn't have friends. It can be changed people are starting to be nicer to me and more social and allowing me to be myself more cause of the way I am programming it and still likeing me. It's the energy around you they either pick up on consciously or subconsciously that cause them to be like that I think not you as a person.

You told me about some of the stuff personally last summer so I am just giving advice based on what you said to me I hope you start to feel better.

 

[curio]

...

Did you really just get sent into a breakdown over people correcting you over a mistake in 1 post, cry it was a witch hunt and then threaten to disappear to guilt people into crawling back to you and beg you to stay?

This is alot of "oh woe is me" and making a spectacle and a martyr of yourself for someone who claims to not want drama, attention and trouble.

Maybe you're right, maybe taking a break would be good for you so you can sort yourself out. Maybe you can mature a bit.

 

[Azorm]

I will try to be positive again, tho I kinda needed this all to realize some of my problems. I'm feeling better already, I will change some things so it should be fine. I will take it easy now and slowly I should fix some things. When I feel that I can open up again and be social more again I will be, I'm sure that it will be okay later anyways. My new workings should help me a lot. Thank you for your replies.

 

[Azorm]

...

Did you really just get sent into a breakdown over people correcting you over a mistake in 1 post, cry it was a witch hunt and then threaten to disappear to guilt people into crawling back to you and beg you to stay?

This is alot of "oh woe is me" and making a spectacle and a martyr of yourself for someone who claims to not want drama, attention and trouble.

Maybe you're right, maybe taking a break would be good for you so you can sort yourself out. Maybe you can mature a bit.

Hmmm not really, the issue is how I have similar problems over and over again so I started thinking should I change something. I have no reason to leave because of one mistake dude, it's just how somethings is not okay. Well, I will take a break to figure out some stuff and to clean my karma. It will help. I don't see it as immature, I just see it as realizing you have a problem that needs to be fixed and worked on.

 

[Azorm]

...

Did you really just get sent into a breakdown over people correcting you over a mistake in 1 post, cry it was a witch hunt and then threaten to disappear to guilt people into crawling back to you and beg you to stay?

This is alot of "oh woe is me" and making a spectacle and a martyr of yourself for someone who claims to not want drama, attention and trouble.

Maybe you're right, maybe taking a break would be good for you so you can sort yourself out. Maybe you can mature a bit.

I guess you are one of those people who just come around randomly assuming they know everybody completely based on one or two of their posts. I have my own reasons, people have their own reasons for talking some things, you don't know me and most likely you don't know anybody else around here enough. I'm going through something now, I have a life and not everything is about forums. If you think it's okay to act like this every time you see someone talking something that you don't like fully then you also need to grow up. I will not be replying anymore here, do whatever you want and think whatever you think.

 

[Catalincata94]

Sounds like mindset troubles. You got to work towards more positive thinking. Also, clean frequently your aura and chakras. And if thoughts get dark, cover yourself in the ether element. The ‘black light’ color. This can reveal if these thoughts originate from you or are exacerbated by the enemy.

Munka, other workings, etc to remove hangups and blocks. You don’t have to be alone. That’s nihilistic thinking. Like this path means you must be alone. It’s not true.

What color is exactly the "black light" is it literally black? I searched this online sometime ago but got confused so an answer would be good.

 

[Eric13]

What color is exactly the "black light" is it literally black? I searched this online sometime ago but got confused so an answer would be good.

They’re called black lights, but it’s ultra violet. This is the color of the ether element. Which when shrouded in can clear one of invasive thoughts.

Here’s a picture.

 

[Shael]

What color is exactly the "black light" is it literally black? I searched this online sometime ago but got confused so an answer would be good.

It's basically violet. The term "blacklight" refers to devices that emit this type of light. It's not actually black.

It's something like this, but use only the actual violet parts for reference and not the black parts. For me it's a tiny bit less "pink" than in the picture, but you should get the general idea.

 

[Catalincata94]

Thanks alot!

 

[darkmonkey666]

...

Did you really just get sent into a breakdown over people correcting you over a mistake in 1 post, cry it was a witch hunt and then threaten to disappear to guilt people into crawling back to you and beg you to stay?

This is alot of "oh woe is me" and making a spectacle and a martyr of yourself for someone who claims to not want drama, attention and trouble.

Maybe you're right, maybe taking a break would be good for you so you can sort yourself out. Maybe you can mature a bit.

Really actual mature people are open to emotions and go through more than you might think they go through. Do you have the wisdom in your heart to understand that. You should try to be understanding and help others. Real compassion and empathy IS true spiritual maturity. Fuck the idea of maturity people teach in this world that is being a slave and having no fun. Real wisdom and maturity is to be understanding of others at peace with yourself and the world to have joy in the simplest things yet reach for the stars.

Do you have that yourself? Taking a break is death there is no break here we are in an all out spiritual war. We don't have time to think of senseless drama our time is to be spent living and enjoying life crying laughing being angry being happy experiencing all it means to be Human and advancing as far as we can. Who has time for petty drama. Respect that some people are going through more than you might think they are.

 

[Jack]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Soa3gO7tL-c

 

[Shael]

...

https://youtu.be/tvsRrRiOsxo

 

[Hps.mlimlal666]

Sometimes I wonder how much longer people just gonna sit there take this misery and just be miserable, just let their lives just go by like that? how much longer they will gonna take this pitty? Maxine wrote many times and feeling sorry for your self is an enemy tactic to control and manipulate, and hold you back...etc... Obviously, you are not doing your meditations, and most likely haven't done the right ones before. You will be surprised how your life can change if you just start doing it what you need to do, instead just sit there and complain, and let your life go by. You can start freeing yourself, clean your aura, do something daily. Go meet new people, try something new that might make you happy. I can't go a day without doing meditation, it affects me even if I lower them. Energies keep you going. You will feel much better with a clean aura.
Set your mind now, and at least give a try to accomplish something, you will never know unless you fully try. What can you lose? Meditations will only benefit you. You can program your aura with affirmations, start when the moon is not void, to attract what you want.
Your planets affecting you, you can also do meditations for this.
Sowilo rune plus affirmations: " In a positive way for me, I'm fully and permanently protected and shielded from all negative planetary transits and influences.

clean your aura, surae and visudhi, you can affirm visudhi several times on chakras, like 13x or more for example on the aura too.

You are not alone you have us and the Gods.

 

[Jack]

...

https://youtu.be/tvsRrRiOsxo

Tfs wrong with you. Do you have a problem with me ? I just remembered this songs lyrics by this posts name and you keep spamming this butthurt meme again and again. Are you stalking me ?

 

[Shael]

Tfs wrong with you. Do you have a problem with me ? I just remembered this songs lyrics by this posts name and you keep spamming this butthurt meme again and again. Are you stalking me ?

"Oh no someone responded to my passive-aggressive comment! Oy vey I am being harassed! Look at poor ol me, I was just posting a song and definitely not trying to subtly insult her! Why do they persecute me so?"

As the song says Jackie, you are butthurt. Your reply here is more than enough proof.

 

[Jack]

Tfs wrong with you. Do you have a problem with me ? I just remembered this songs lyrics by this posts name and you keep spamming this butthurt meme again and again. Are you stalking me ?

"Oh no someone responded to my passive-aggressive comment! Oy vey I am being harassed! Look at poor ol me, I was just posting a song and definitely not trying to subtly insult her! Why do they persecute me so?"

As the song says Jackie, you are butthurt. Your reply here is more than enough proof.

My reply is proof that I'm getting irritated by this childish behavior of yours. Theres nothing in the song that was insulting. IT'S A FUCKING ROCK SONG NOT A SAD SONG. I didn't even quote her or say anything I just posted the link to the song.

This girl didn't even say anything. Maybe she enjoyed the song . Maybe she hasn't even listened to it. Maybe she doesn't care.Maybe someone listened to the song. Maybe no one did.Maybe no one here gives a fuck.

Who knows. But you seem to think about this girl more than she herself thinks about her. You should consider your actions of being overtly defensive about someone when there is not a reason to be so and judge the implications for this behavior. Why are you being obsequiously passive aggressive whenever you feel she's being threatened by meanspeak when she is not.Why are you behaving this way when there is no reason to behave this way ? You should quit behaving this way. I think your a great guy and you don't have to behave this way.

 

[The Alchemist7 [JG]]

Set your mind now, and at least give a try to accomplish something, you will never know unless you fully try. What can you lose?

I don't think that is enough to just give it a try. If one really wants to improve his life they need to go serious and consistent about it. Let's say one starts a work with Munka for freeing the soul. If they go like Gear88 with just spelling the power word while walking in the room and thinking at completely different things, is not going to work. We can say that somehow she have it a try, but it will be useless because there is not motivation and true intention put in this work, as most depressed people have no motivation or intention to accomplish something. Definitely I don't try to "teach" you in any way because I am sure you are in way more knowledge than me in any spiritual matter, but just saying that if there is no consistent energy, intention and visualization put in a work, is not going to have much effect.

but I'm sure that later it will be okay..somehow..

No, they won't. Your negativity will attract negative things in your life. As Hps.mlimlal666 said, you have to set your mind now. You have to convince yourself that you deserve a better life, as Lydia instructed in her post in how to obliterate your Saturn
https://ancient-forums.com/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=92&p=331
If you do the freeing the soul work properly (with Munka for example), you will actually feel worse than you feel now, but this is part or the cleaning process as the work will clean all the negative dirt from your soul and it will push you to act and do something about it. In order to put energy, intention and visualization in your work to be effective, you have to do some unconscious mind programming to make you motivated and to give you a little boost. And then do as Hps.mlimlal666 said, once you clean and empower your soul, use runes or whatever to attract what you lacked in your life. Is not an easy road to go definitely, but just sitting there and complaining is as said above, miserable. Things won't go by themselves, unless you have an astrologic predisposition for this, which is unlikely because such major issues are engraved in the soul.

 

[Aldrick Strickland]

I have walked all my life alone pretty much. I was trying to have friends and something more, constantly failing over and over again. I always was thinking - this is the day when I will give up. Lies. I would get up and keep walking. Getting ruined again and again... I'm not even sure why I'm like that, most of people would give up really early after they would notice that something is wrong, but not me. I tried to be better every day, to be a better person, to be a better Satanist, to make the Gods proud.

Since I dedicated before almost a decade I keep walking this lonely road, where I barely could feel anyone really close to me. I wasn't really alone, but it felt more like few alien bodies are near me sometimes with barely any connection to me. I open my mouths and try to "talk" or whatever that was supposed to be, and then they talk something back and we then just look at each other confused. Yeah, let's try talking so we can understand each other, in the end we just want to kill each other...

I feel like am invisible, like a really powerful spirit so when I walk into the room they all stare at something, but they have no idea what the fuck is going on. Then some of them try to communicate with this bizzare being but they see and hear just tiny parts of it. Then add the enemy and enemy curses and here we go. They all just want to harm me then or they are too scared to talk to me ever again. I wonder what would happen if I ever opened myself properly to them, like I always would say just 5% parts of my thoughts and even those would mostly dissapear somewhere and would get twisted in their mind.

Normies always just made me trouble. Then I was like, oh let's then try to be more social with SS. Trouble again. So, I'm assuming I must be alone most of the time again. Not sure at all how I'm supposed to be close to anybody or how to be part of anything. I have *b retrogrades, I keep being slow in revealing myself to the outer world so to say. Then add Saturn in *** house and here we go. Feels like most of my energy and my all is blocked behind some odd barriers, trapped inside of me. No way to express yourself properly and to have normal friends, no way to exist fully in material and for others (hard to find a proper job, hard to earn money or to gain any respect) , no way to enjoy anything at all or to make any succes in life until you are in your 30ies. I'm really pissed off at how I'm not allowed to what I'm supposed to be and to relax and just to be myself. No matter how much I'm trying I'm being misunderstood and trapped inside of myself and inside of my 4 walls. The moment I try something is the moment people will go on a witch hunt on me and some crazy stuff will happen, and I will be forced to be isolated and trapped again. It's so dangerous for a dedicated Satanist to just be what she/he is and to let others to see it even when they can show off themselves more properly than me. I mean, yeah always try to have friends if you can, but for some of us that is harder than for others.

Can we really be happy with the enemy around? Hardly. Enemy is the biggest reason why are you unhappy and alone. Then, you also need to understand you are making some mistakes there and there, shit happens. We need to free ourselves from the enemy too.

Looking at my natal chart I don't think anyways I can be part of this group or part of anything. I'm supposed to be nice and humble and to beat myself over and over again over every single shit, to constantly worry about others and to help them to the point I will be ruined always. That's not a nice life to live. I want to also sometimes get something in return and to be happy. What is happening to me is that I am constantly worried about everybody and everything and I'm being stubborn as fuck. I don't know when is the time to give up. I didn't wanted to be alone and I didn't wanted to stop being nice. Just help him, help her and then get smacked in the face hard as a return only to get them apologize to me later, to chase me for years asking me to forgive them. Oh the hell with that. Enough helping anybody anymore. I know some people telling me to help myself first, fine, actually, from now on I will just take care of myself. I want to hurt and kill everybody at this point.

Before 2 days something happened to me as a result of a cleaning and big chunk of dirt came from me and I felt relief. I felt free and I had no fears of being alone and being isolated and then it happened. My aura started being black and my chakras too. Suddenly it feels like I am most evil person in the universe. I hope this will not last for too long, not sure how to remove so much dirt from me at once, it might take time. This is most dangerous phase for me and for others since I carried this in me and decided to make some progress finally but it seems it will not be nice at all. I understand that enemy is ruining my all, and it will be hard now.

I realized also that I never could fit in anywhere and that most of my pain is a product of not being able to fit in anywhere. Having psychic gifts all my life never helped me. People like me usually can't have normal life anyways and barely can talk with others. Idk why I thought I can get away from some things. I am having some of my psychic gifts removed right now as I am writing this. I might ask the Gods to remove or block most of them for some time, until it's safer and until i don't find a way to use them somewhere where they will actually be needed. Tbh, I just want to be normal at this point. I'm not even sure do I want them. It's too troublesome. Gods were nice to me and gave me some of them and worked with me, but I don't think that's for me.

Anyways, idk what to do anymore. I need to clean this all from me and to calm down first but..usually whenever I go I am just a nuisance and a retard and it's a fact. This is not an attention whoring. I made too much drama already, I'm just going through something and I am thinking of having my acc deleted as I don't see myself being of any help to anyone. Most likely I am as good as the enemy now. I'm intended to be somewhere else I think. I will finally try to get a decent job and maybe to move to a nicer country. I guess I should be lonely a little bit more until we don't fix some things and until I don't find a way to fix some of my problems. Ofc, you all are free to call me a troll and deluded arrogant idiot, I don't think I can have anything nicer when trying to be near others anyways. Maybe one day I will be happy. It's time to see what can I do to make it happen. I will try Munka again to free my karma from some bullshit soon. No more forums for me nor any groups, that would be the best for us all in my opinion, it's too hard for me to be part of anything and I really need to add even more cleaning.

I know that there are many people similar to me and that it is rough often and that they are lonely, but I'm sure that later it will be okay..somehow..

Sorry for all the drama and trouble.

Yeah, other people have issues and problems. My major problem was that I could never seem to get anything right while on this path and I seem so damn selfish and things all the time. All I wanted was to be able to clearly see and speak to the gods and work with them, and then maybe i'll feel whole.

To see someone wanting to have their psychic gifts taken away is kinda offensive to people like me who cant focus and meditate properly and be able to open up and have those kind of gifts.
You always talked about your retrograde Saturn, well guess what? Ive seen 2 other people with Saturn in the same position as yours, and those people are billionaires. So I don't know why you always are so down and depressed and you keep talking about dirt on your aura or chakras. For someone like you it should be easy to deal with. And also your money issues should be nonexistent.
I wish I had a Saturn in the same position as yours, then I wouldn't have posted anything negative on the forums and I would be mostly happy in life.

I don't want to make this seem like a hateful reply because its not. I do care for other people and I cant stand to see another SS go through depression and things, because I know exactly what it feels like to feel alone and sad all the time.
Sometimes the sadness overshadows the good and makes a person feel evil on the inside and makes them into a cold person. You're probably feeling that right now, and trust me, that's happening to me right now as well, and its a big problem ive had over the years.
Its created a bad dilemma in me I guess you could say. I don't know if I should stay a good person and help other people or if I should just turn into a selfish and evil person and take everything I need and wanted from everyone.
For me, its mostly caused by poverty, and an absolute sad and chaotic life.
But im still trying to hold on to my faith in Satan and the Gods and stay a good and helpful person. Its rough on me though.
But here you are and your someone whos close to the gods and someone who can easily speak with them and ask them for help, but your talking about getting rid of your psychic gifts and things and its just wrong.

You left a reply to my other post on the forums and left some pretty harsh and nasty comments there, while I was also going through depression and rough times, and that really makes someone feel even worse.
I deleted my protonmail account because I didn't feel like talking to you anymore after that.
Maybe I should make a new account and try talking with you some more, maybe try and help you out of this depression, loneliness and confusion that sadly a lot of SS go through.
Im pushing all the bad feelings and stuff to the side this one time and trying to remain friends with you, but whether or not that happens, its your choice. I was never a bad person and I didn't deserve the bad comments. I was only going through harsh times like your going through right now.

I was harsh because I just wanted you to stop quitting the meditations. It's simple. I can't stand your pain all the time, I'm really sensitive when I get close to somebody, i want them to at least keep trying, not to give up all the time.

I want my gifts to be taken away from me because for a human it's too dangerous to have any and will most likely destroy them and others as well. And then you must be super careful with others and you might get attacked and that all.

I will have money, but not now, I have retrogrades. That is something that must wait. Some other things too.

We can talk if you want to, but you need to understand that I hate to watch somebody destroying themselves and not even bothering to meditate at all. It can make me feel evil.

And please, don't reveal more of my planets here as enemy hates me enough already.

Im sorry youre having problems dear. Hope you feel better. Love your art work.

 

[Cartman1997]

This isn’t a easy path to take and You may feel lonely sometimes. But you’re never alone since you have your guardian with you. They are there to help you but in the end it’s you who has to take the main steps. It’s our job to to advance ourselves spiritually, physically, and materialistically.

 

[Paladin of Khepu]

Yeah, other people have issues and problems. My major problem was that I could never seem to get anything right while on this path and I seem so damn selfish and things all the time. All I wanted was to be able to clearly see and speak to the gods and work with them, and then maybe i'll feel whole.

To see someone wanting to have their psychic gifts taken away is kinda offensive to people like me who cant focus and meditate properly and be able to open up and have those kind of gifts.
You always talked about your retrograde Saturn, well guess what? Ive seen 2 other people with Saturn in the same position as yours, and those people are billionaires. So I don't know why you always are so down and depressed and you keep talking about dirt on your aura or chakras. For someone like you it should be easy to deal with. And also your money issues should be nonexistent.
I wish I had a Saturn in the same position as yours, then I wouldn't have posted anything negative on the forums and I would be mostly happy in life.

I don't want to make this seem like a hateful reply because its not. I do care for other people and I cant stand to see another SS go through depression and things, because I know exactly what it feels like to feel alone and sad all the time.
Sometimes the sadness overshadows the good and makes a person feel evil on the inside and makes them into a cold person. You're probably feeling that right now, and trust me, that's happening to me right now as well, and its a big problem ive had over the years.
Its created a bad dilemma in me I guess you could say. I don't know if I should stay a good person and help other people or if I should just turn into a selfish and evil person and take everything I need and wanted from everyone.
For me, its mostly caused by poverty, and an absolute sad and chaotic life.
But im still trying to hold on to my faith in Satan and the Gods and stay a good and helpful person. Its rough on me though.
But here you are and your someone whos close to the gods and someone who can easily speak with them and ask them for help, but your talking about getting rid of your psychic gifts and things and its just wrong.

You left a reply to my other post on the forums and left some pretty harsh and nasty comments there, while I was also going through depression and rough times, and that really makes someone feel even worse.
I deleted my protonmail account because I didn't feel like talking to you anymore after that.
Maybe I should make a new account and try talking with you some more, maybe try and help you out of this depression, loneliness and confusion that sadly a lot of SS go through.
Im pushing all the bad feelings and stuff to the side this one time and trying to remain friends with you, but whether or not that happens, its your choice. I was never a bad person and I didn't deserve the bad comments. I was only going through harsh times like your going through right now.

I was harsh because I just wanted you to stop quitting the meditations. It's simple. I can't stand your pain all the time, I'm really sensitive when I get close to somebody, i want them to at least keep trying, not to give up all the time.

I want my gifts to be taken away from me because for a human it's too dangerous to have any and will most likely destroy them and others as well. And then you must be super careful with others and you might get attacked and that all.

I will have money, but not now, I have retrogrades. That is something that must wait. Some other things too.

We can talk if you want to, but you need to understand that I hate to watch somebody destroying themselves and not even bothering to meditate at all. It can make me feel evil.

And please, don't reveal more of my planets here as enemy hates me enough already.

Im sorry youre having problems dear. Hope you feel better. Love your art work.

Aldrick were you talking about @Sun's spinning black sun avatar? Also Azorm, we all go through some shit that is either things from our external or internal world. Thing is, if you want to become better, you've got to work for it. Like any Spiritual Satanist can attest, nothing is given freely. We all work for it. Even being a Satanist you have to work for it. Sure you can say I'm a Satanist, but that's not enough. Clean your aura, protect it, cleanse your soul and keep going to change your current reality. Because as it stands, no one is going to do it for you. If you have questions, post it in the forums. Nothing wrong with that, unless you post something absolutely absurd, which I doubt you'll do.

 

[Sonfire]

Hi,after much thought,and falling terribly spiritually, I have no option.i only choose to advance as an SS member. I am deprogramming,cleaning Aura and chakras. I am only in beginner magick,and been dedicated since 2016. I can relate to other SS here, I was born under void moon,in leo,15 degrees.sun in 13 degrees leo,with Saturn retrograde. I am left handed,have skitzoeffective,ADHD,bipolar. I also always do the opposite when nervous or challenged,in attempt to be unconventional.since I see it all backwards,and SS is generally seen as opposite,etc, I always make mountains out of mole hills. I have a question,can I still be in this family after all my immature thoughts and such delayed me? If I am correct,this psychic warfare is no joke at all. I'm only wrong because I chose the easy way out in society,due to the system labeling me and being neglected emotionally as a child. When all points and outcomes considered,I was only wrong for not listening to that little voice.nuff said. I can't be summed up so easily,as my personality is very A.I. and I surprise many always. Please give me a green light to continue in this family,I must return all that I've been given.i feel so good here.as I am very trapped. Please let me continue I can't fail much more by now.i am going to work harder now than ever.

 

[SdD]

Is it possible to transfer the gifts presented to another?

 

[Aldrick Strickland]

I was harsh because I just wanted you to stop quitting the meditations. It's simple. I can't stand your pain all the time, I'm really sensitive when I get close to somebody, i want them to at least keep trying, not to give up all the time.

I want my gifts to be taken away from me because for a human it's too dangerous to have any and will most likely destroy them and others as well. And then you must be super careful with others and you might get attacked and that all.

I will have money, but not now, I have retrogrades. That is something that must wait. Some other things too.

We can talk if you want to, but you need to understand that I hate to watch somebody destroying themselves and not even bothering to meditate at all. It can make me feel evil.

And please, don't reveal more of my planets here as enemy hates me enough already.

Im sorry youre having problems dear. Hope you feel better. Love your art work.

Aldrick were you talking about @Sun's spinning black sun avatar? Also Azorm, we all go through some shit that is either things from our external or internal world. Thing is, if you want to become better, you've got to work for it. Like any Spiritual Satanist can attest, nothing is given freely. We all work for it. Even being a Satanist you have to work for it. Sure you can say I'm a Satanist, but that's not enough. Clean your aura, protect it, cleanse your soul and keep going to change your current reality. Because as it stands, no one is going to do it for you. If you have questions, post it in the forums. Nothing wrong with that, unless you post something absolutely absurd, which I doubt you'll do.

I like his spinny little black sun.

 

[Aldrick Strickland]

I have walked all my life alone pretty much. I was trying to have friends and something more, constantly failing over and over again. I always was thinking - this is the day when I will give up. Lies. I would get up and keep walking. Getting ruined again and again... I'm not even sure why I'm like that, most of people would give up really early after they would notice that something is wrong, but not me. I tried to be better every day, to be a better person, to be a better Satanist, to make the Gods proud.

Since I dedicated before almost a decade I keep walking this lonely road, where I barely could feel anyone really close to me. I wasn't really alone, but it felt more like few alien bodies are near me sometimes with barely any connection to me. I open my mouths and try to "talk" or whatever that was supposed to be, and then they talk something back and we then just look at each other confused. Yeah, let's try talking so we can understand each other, in the end we just want to kill each other...

I feel like am invisible, like a really powerful spirit so when I walk into the room they all stare at something, but they have no idea what the fuck is going on. Then some of them try to communicate with this bizzare being but they see and hear just tiny parts of it. Then add the enemy and enemy curses and here we go. They all just want to harm me then or they are too scared to talk to me ever again. I wonder what would happen if I ever opened myself properly to them, like I always would say just 5% parts of my thoughts and even those would mostly dissapear somewhere and would get twisted in their mind.

Normies always just made me trouble. Then I was like, oh let's then try to be more social with SS. Trouble again. So, I'm assuming I must be alone most of the time again. Not sure at all how I'm supposed to be close to anybody or how to be part of anything. I have *b retrogrades, I keep being slow in revealing myself to the outer world so to say. Then add Saturn in *** house and here we go. Feels like most of my energy and my all is blocked behind some odd barriers, trapped inside of me. No way to express yourself properly and to have normal friends, no way to exist fully in material and for others (hard to find a proper job, hard to earn money or to gain any respect) , no way to enjoy anything at all or to make any succes in life until you are in your 30ies. I'm really pissed off at how I'm not allowed to what I'm supposed to be and to relax and just to be myself. No matter how much I'm trying I'm being misunderstood and trapped inside of myself and inside of my 4 walls. The moment I try something is the moment people will go on a witch hunt on me and some crazy stuff will happen, and I will be forced to be isolated and trapped again. It's so dangerous for a dedicated Satanist to just be what she/he is and to let others to see it even when they can show off themselves more properly than me. I mean, yeah always try to have friends if you can, but for some of us that is harder than for others.

Can we really be happy with the enemy around? Hardly. Enemy is the biggest reason why are you unhappy and alone. Then, you also need to understand you are making some mistakes there and there, shit happens. We need to free ourselves from the enemy too.

Looking at my natal chart I don't think anyways I can be part of this group or part of anything. I'm supposed to be nice and humble and to beat myself over and over again over every single shit, to constantly worry about others and to help them to the point I will be ruined always. That's not a nice life to live. I want to also sometimes get something in return and to be happy. What is happening to me is that I am constantly worried about everybody and everything and I'm being stubborn as fuck. I don't know when is the time to give up. I didn't wanted to be alone and I didn't wanted to stop being nice. Just help him, help her and then get smacked in the face hard as a return only to get them apologize to me later, to chase me for years asking me to forgive them. Oh the hell with that. Enough helping anybody anymore. I know some people telling me to help myself first, fine, actually, from now on I will just take care of myself. I want to hurt and kill everybody at this point.

Before 2 days something happened to me as a result of a cleaning and big chunk of dirt came from me and I felt relief. I felt free and I had no fears of being alone and being isolated and then it happened. My aura started being black and my chakras too. Suddenly it feels like I am most evil person in the universe. I hope this will not last for too long, not sure how to remove so much dirt from me at once, it might take time. This is most dangerous phase for me and for others since I carried this in me and decided to make some progress finally but it seems it will not be nice at all. I understand that enemy is ruining my all, and it will be hard now.

I realized also that I never could fit in anywhere and that most of my pain is a product of not being able to fit in anywhere. Having psychic gifts all my life never helped me. People like me usually can't have normal life anyways and barely can talk with others. Idk why I thought I can get away from some things. I am having some of my psychic gifts removed right now as I am writing this. I might ask the Gods to remove or block most of them for some time, until it's safer and until i don't find a way to use them somewhere where they will actually be needed. Tbh, I just want to be normal at this point. I'm not even sure do I want them. It's too troublesome. Gods were nice to me and gave me some of them and worked with me, but I don't think that's for me.

Anyways, idk what to do anymore. I need to clean this all from me and to calm down first but..usually whenever I go I am just a nuisance and a retard and it's a fact. This is not an attention whoring. I made too much drama already, I'm just going through something and I am thinking of having my acc deleted as I don't see myself being of any help to anyone. Most likely I am as good as the enemy now. I'm intended to be somewhere else I think. I will finally try to get a decent job and maybe to move to a nicer country. I guess I should be lonely a little bit more until we don't fix some things and until I don't find a way to fix some of my problems. Ofc, you all are free to call me a troll and deluded arrogant idiot, I don't think I can have anything nicer when trying to be near others anyways. Maybe one day I will be happy. It's time to see what can I do to make it happen. I will try Munka again to free my karma from some bullshit soon. No more forums for me nor any groups, that would be the best for us all in my opinion, it's too hard for me to be part of anything and I really need to add even more cleaning.

I know that there are many people similar to me and that it is rough often and that they are lonely, but I'm sure that later it will be okay..somehow..

Sorry for all the drama and trouble.

Your family is here Azorm. There will always be those who walk over others feelings. We all struggle with feelings of lonliness. With having to struggle in this life.

We do not have the pagan Community we desire! Having to constantly hide, wether it be our Religion, Politics or Sexuality. While having to go some job.

But I can start with you and you can start with me and together we change this world! We can put an end to this nonsense!

Your art work is beyond Beautiful. You have a soul that yearns to show care for others. Yet you feel left alone. You are not alone Azorm. I am your friend. I will do what I can to show you that.

 

[Azorm]

...

Thank you Aldrick...

 

[Sunny]

Is it possible to transfer the gifts presented to another?

Spiritual abilities must be developed. You cannot implant a chakra as an organ. Theoretically, it would be possible if I implanted another brain. Psychic abilities are found in the brain. If you implanted another brain (developed) you would have psychic abilities or better, it would have the other brain that would not be you of course.

 

[Sunny]

...

Thank you Aldrick...

Organize your time and you have to remember that only if you develop your mind and soul will things go well. Don't delude yourself and don't waste time, take spirituality seriously and you will find your way.